by neetha Napew
“Hawk!” He had to bellow to be heard over the roar of the wind and the launch’s stabilizers. “We’re going back to the ship! Come out of there!”
The hataali emerged, his scarred face drawn and his black eyes rather wild. “Leave me!” he shouted back. “I don’t belong with you!”
So he was feeling sorry for himself. I left Dhreen and joined Reever. “Hawk, you get on this shuttle right this minute!” I shrieked.
“Cherijo.” His dark eyes filled with tears. “I can’t! I might become like they are!”
“Not a chance! We won’t make you eat worms and go to church!”
He only shook his head and started to move back in the cave.
Reever grabbed Ilona’s pulse rifle and pointed it at Hawk’s head. “Board the launch or I will shoot you!”
The wind made his long dark hair whip across his eyes, while a ghost of a smile appeared on Hawk’s scarred face. “You wouldn’t do that!”
“I have a patient dying in here! If he doesn’t, I will!”
I didn’t blink as Reever activated the weapon. “Please, Hawk. Let’s go home.”
“I am home! Look at my home! Look at it!” He pointed down at the city. Then he turned away, his wings drooping.
What had I done, letting him come here?
Reever aimed the rifle. Behind me, Dhreen’s breathing got worse. Ilona sat beside him, rocking and chanting prayers in Navajo. Alunthri was slumped over in a harness, trying in vain to wipe the drying blood from its pelt. Xonea couldn’t leave the helm.
I put all my faith in my instincts, leaned over and kissed Duncan. “Don’t be mad at me for this.”
He swiped at me as I jumped out into thin air. “Cherijo, no!”
“Hawk!”
Plummeting down the side of a mountain is about as much fun as being burned, I soon discovered. Wind tore at my tunic and face as I dropped, and the ground started rushing up toward me at an alarming rate.
I tried to look up, but I couldn’t see him. “Hawk! Remember I can’t fly!”
I couldn’t take my eyes off the rapidly approaching ground after that. A few hundred yards before something very unpleasant happened, I felt two heavy sets of talons latch on to my shoulders and yank me up into the air.
I flung my head back to see Hawk soaring up toward the launch. “What took you so long?”
“I had to lift Duncan first.”
“Oh.” I swallowed. It was one thing for me to try to commit suicide, knowing my immune system would repair the damage, whatever it was. But Duncan was only human, and still, he’d jumped out after me.
He really loved me. And would probably never speak to me again.
“Your husband has that rifle in his arms again,” Hawk said as he reached down and pulled me out of his talons and up into his arms. His body jerked as his wings worked against the air. “He looks as if he intends to use it.”
“He won’t,” I assured him. Until I saw the look on said husband’s face as we approached the launch. “Not on you, anyway.”
CHAPTER TWELVE
Too Much
Duncan settled for completely ignoring me for the entire jaunt back to the ship. As soon as Xonea shut the engines down in launch bay, he opened the hull doors and walked out without a single glance my way.
Which was fine. Jumping out of the shuttle had seemed like the logical thing to do at the time, and even if Hawk hadn’t caught me, I wouldn’t have died on impact. I would have been really, really uncomfortable for a few days or weeks or however long it took my immune system to heal the damage, but it had been essentially a safe bet either way.
I wondered if using that argument would work as a defense, or if I’d find Reever packing his bags when I returned to our quarters.
Unfortunately, my marriage problems had to wait. As soon as we disembarked, I rushed Dhreen to Medical. After a quick cleansing to remove the dead worms from my skin and hair, I spent the next several hours working to restabilize the Oenrallian’s condition. His weakened respiratory system had not responded well to the high humidity on Taerca, but his liver was stable and functioning.
Savetka hovered across the exam table from me until she caught my eye. “Healer, there is something you should know.”
I infused Dhreen with antibiotics to combat the pneumonia forming in his lung/heart. “What?”
“Pilot Dhreen’s body absorbed one of the Lok-Teel.” She indicated the area above his liver. “At least, I think it did.”
I scanned the site, but found no evidence of any foreign substances. “Did you see the mold enter his body?”
“No, but it disappeared while it was cleaning his torso. The critical care unit was sealed, and there was no place for it to go, so I assumed it entered him somehow.”
“Okay.” I rescanned Dhreen’s liver, and found it had doubled in size. I was tempted to take him in for exploratory surgery, but with the condition of his lung/heart I’d be pushing my luck. “Set up to insert another chest tube.”
Once Savetka had everything prepared, I injected Dhreen with a local, then reopened the drain site and inserted the tube. Almost immediately, the putty-colored pseudopod of the Lok-Teel appeared, filling the tube and oozing out onto Dhreen’s stomach.
I looked at the nurse, who was wide-eyed. “Found your missing mold.”
Another scan showed Dhreen’s liver had shrunk again, but was still functioning normally. I had Savetka run a full series of blood and tissue scans while I helped Squilyp finish examining and treating the remainder of the sojourn team for minor injuries.
Squilyp listened as I described the absorption of the Lok-teel, and agreed more tests would be needed before we could assume the busy little mold had actually gone inside Dhreen’s body and healed his liver. He didn’t seem happy about it, though, and I found out why when he ordered me into his office.
“I ought to relieve you of duty for a week,” the Omorr said. “Jumping out of a launch in midair. Have you lost whatever is left of your senses?”
“Hard to say. I haven’t exactly relocated them yet.”
“Don’t you make jokes about this, Doctor. You know exactly what kind of damage a fall like that would have done to you!”
I sat down in the uncomfortable chair. After two days on Taercal, it felt like a cloud. “I would have healed.”
“Indeed.” Squilyp dropped some charts on his desk and stood behind it. His expression and tone reminded me a little of Tonetka Torin, our former Senior Healer. She’d yelled similar things at me, many times. “You take your gifts for granted.”
“Squilyp, you’ve seen third-degree burns disappear from my skin. It wouldn’t have hurt me.”
“Even if your immune system can heal the physical damage, what if you had sustained a head injury? Can your creator’s genetic engineering cope with the neural results of massive brain damage?”
There was more to the brain than neural tissue. It was entirely possible I could become an immortal vegetable, under the right circumstances. I’d never considered that before. “All right, so it was a little stupid.”
“It was a consummately idiotic thing to do.”
“I wasn’t abandoning him on that god-awful world. You weren’t down there; you didn’t see what those people are like.” And the worms. And the mold. And their crazy religion. “I can’t imagine what Hawk is going through, after meeting those demented freaks. He didn’t belong on Terra, and now”-I sighed-“now he’s got nothing left to call his own, except us.”
“We will provide counseling, if necessary, to see him through this.” My boss pulled a data pad out and read the screen. “He hasn’t reported for his follow-up exam. Schedule it for the morning.”
I’d already signaled Hawk’s quarters, but he hadn’t answered. “Can we give him a few days?”
“I’m not inclined to do anything for you but find my own stick and beat you with it.” He rubbed a membrane over his gildrells. “What has Duncan to say about this?”
“I don’t know.”
I’d also signaled his duty station, but his console had been programmed to block incoming relays. “He’s not talking to me.”
The Omorr nodded. “A sensible man.”
“Yeah, maybe he should beat me with a stick, too.”
“I’ll suggest that the next time I see him. Now, go home.”
My husband and daughter had gotten home before me. Marel was happy to see me when I came in, but a still-silent Duncan only handed her off to me and left. My daughter didn’t enjoy her bubble bath as much with only her mother in attendance.
Her little face grew serious as I dried her off and got her into her night tunic. “Daddy mad ad you, Mama.”
“I know he is.” We’d never fought in front of Marel before, and all Duncan was doing was giving me the stone-face treatment, but she wasn’t stupid. “I did a silly thing, trying to help Uncle Hawk. Daddy didn’t like what I did.”
“Tell Daddy sorry you noddy,” was my daughter’s suggestion. “He give you dime-owd.”
“I will, sweetheart.” I held her close. My conscience kicked me even harder than before as the feelings of love and protectiveness welled up in me. I owed my life to Reever, a couple of times over. I owed it to Marel to be a good mother. Not something I could do if I was hooked up to life support with a drool-bib tucked around my neck. “Don’t be upset. Daddy will forgive me, in a few years.”
“I not ‘sed.” She patted my face like she was the indulgent parent. “You good mama.”
“I’m working on it, baby.”
Alunthri came to see me later that evening, after it had been discharged from Medical. Its miserable, pink-rimmed eyes met mine. “Cherijo, I know it’s late, but may I come in?”
“Sure.” I stepped aside from the open panel. “If you’re looking for Reever, I guess he’s either walking around the ship or working out in one of the environomes.” Or punching out a wall somewhere where the dented alloy wouldn’t be noticeable.
“No, I wish to speak with you.” It sat down, and refused my offer of a drink. So I sat down across from it. “I’ve been thinking about that native. You know, the one they...” It coughed, then struggled to regain its rocky composure. “Was there something I should have done?”
“Believe me, Alunthri, there was nothing you could have done. I don’t understand why, but that man’s whole purpose in life was to sacrifice himself. He thought you were his god, and he did what he was trained to do.”
“Perhaps it is as you say.” It made a small, wistful sound. “I still find it very hard to accept, knowing even indirectly, I was responsible for his death.” It blinked a few times. “I have never harmed anyone.”
“You didn’t harm anyone. You tried to stop them.”
“I should have been able to prevent it. They believed me their god-why couldn’t I prevent it?” Alunthri studied one of its paws. “I spent hours in the cleanser, trying to get the blood out of my fur. I- I think I can still see it.”
“Oh, no, Alunthri. No.”
It held the paw up for my inspection, new tears making dark streaks in its silvery facial fur. “Can you? Can you see it?”
My heart constricted as I got up and went over to the sofa, and sat down beside my friend. Carefully, I took its paw between my hands. “There’s no blood on you, pal. I promise.”
Alunthri curled up against me, making that low, wretched sound all felines do when frightened or lonely. “I am so sorry this happened, Cherijo.”
My eyes stung, too. “It’s okay. Everything will be okay.” I stroked my hand over the Chakacat’s back and murmured to it, until it fell asleep. I eased up and found a blanket to cover my friend with, then turned out most of the optic emitters and sat in the dark, waiting for Reever to come home.
Sometime in the middle of the night, I woke up to find my husband holding me against him with one arm, his hand stroking my hair. We were on our sleeping platform, so I surmised he must have come home and carried me there.
“Hey.” I propped myself up on one elbow and smothered a yawn. “Can’t sleep?”
“No.”
“Want to hear how sorry I am about today?”
“No.”
“Okay.” I tentatively touched his bare chest. He slept naked, something I thoroughly enjoyed. Maybe there was another, better way to show him how much I loved him. “I guess anything more than sleeping together is out of the-“
His mouth landed on mine, not hard enough to bruise, but with the lightest of touches, just enough to shut me up and make me forget what I was going to say. He rolled over with me until I was on my back and his long body covered me.
He entered my mind a moment before his legs parted mine.
Waenara. His hands found the edge of my tunic, and pulled it slowly up over my head. The air in our quarters felt cool against my skin, almost as good as his touch. You feel so good under my hands.
I smiled against his neck as I stroked my fingers from his waist to his shoulders. So do you.
His long hair trailed across my face as he moved his mouth along the line of my jaw and down my throat. I can feel your desire. I can see it. He lifted his head, long enough to kiss me again, opening my mouth, gliding his tongue against mine. I can taste it. He left my lips tingling and moved lower.
Intense need knotted inside me as I wriggled under him and tried to close the little gaps between our skins. I could feel his erection nestled almost exactly where I needed him, and lifted my hips from the mattress to urge him in. Duncan...
He used the flat of his tongue on my breasts, stopping some of the ache. You like this.
I’d like more. I cradled him with my thighs, but he kept holding back. It seemed like forever since the last time I’d felt him inside me. I dug my fingernails into his shoulders. Don’t tease me.
His touch changed as he took me by the wrists and pulled me up until we were both sitting up, with me straddling his lap. He held me suspended by the arms, his hands bruising. Do you still want more?
Occasionally, we got a little rough with each other, but not like this. Thanks, but I think I’ll take a rain check. I tried to free myself, but he wasn’t letting go. At the same time, I realized that although we were linked, I couldn’t feel a single emotion coming from him. Duncan?
If you love me, you’ll say you want more.
I didn’t like being manhandled, but I was no coward. Okay. More.
He reached under the pillow and pulled out something that he held against my neck. It was cold, thin, and sharp. Don’t worry. He pressed it in, and warm blood flowed down my neck. You’ll heal. You always heal.
Marel appeared by the side of the sleeping platform. “Daddy?”
I jerked my head back, and fought to free my hands. No, Duncan, don’t! The blade in his hand glinted as he lifted it over my head. Stop it! Afraid he wouldn’t, I looked at my daughter. Marel, get out of here!
She smiled at me. “Everybody afraid of Mama bud Daddy.”
Reever. I looked wildly up at him. Don’t do this in front of our baby.
Why not? You won’t die. You’ll never die. So I can keep killing you-he stabbed me in the chest-and killing you-he yanked the knife out-over and over and over and-
“Cherijo.”
I screamed and threw my hands up over my face.
“Cherijo.”
No blade. No blood. Only Duncan, fully dressed, standing over me. Not stabbing me. Shaking me.
Waking me.
He smoothed some hair out of my eyes. “You were having a bad dream.”
My hands shook uncontrollably as I reached up for him. A moment later I lay safe in his arms, pressed to his heart as I wept. I cried so hard I couldn’t catch my breath. I cried for what I’d done to him that day, and all the other stupid mistakes I’d ever made since falling in love with him.
In between sobs, I tried to tell him how sorry I was.
Time passed, I don’t know how much. He didn’t complain, didn’t try to push me aside or tell me to shut up. He held on to me until I’d sobbed
myself out, then reached for something. A soft cloth touched my face, drying my tears, wiping my nose.
“Better?”
“Let me wash my face and mop up a little more.” I eased out of his arms and stumbled over to the lavatory. When I emerged, cleaned up but still shaky, he sat waiting in the same spot. “I’m sorry about what I did today. I didn’t think of you, or Marel. It was stupid and reckless.”
He held out a hand. “Come here.”
I went to him. In the dim light from the bedside emitter, his face seemed full of shadows. The kind I’d thought I’d banished.
“You’re really mad at me, aren’t you?” I ducked my head. “I don’t blame you. I deserve it.”
“I was walking on level ten, and I felt a terrible fear. Your fear, from your nightmare. I came as quickly as I could. When I entered our chamber, I heard you begging me not to kill you.” His fingers tightened on my waist. “I would never harm you, wife. No matter how angry I become.”
“I know.” I moved my shoulders. “It just seemed so real.”
“Lie down with me.”
No dream could equal the real thing. At first we touched each other with tentative, gentle caresses, helping each other out of our garments, soothing each other’s still-frazzled nerves. Heat bloomed on my skin wherever Duncan’s fingers traveled. A mist of sweat sprang up when his mouth followed.
When I worked my fingers into his shaggy mane and tugged, he lifted his head. For some reason, I had to say the words. “Don’t tease me.”
He moved up over me, gathering me up against him as he lodged his hips between my thighs. I lifted up, caressing the smooth head of his penis while aligning myself to him. His fingers laced through mine at the same moment he sank into me.
His mouth touched mine, his tongue mimicking the gentle thrust below.
“You’re going to make me cry again,” I murmured against his lips.
“Yes.” He lifted his head, looking down at where our bodies lay joined. His voice went low and deep as he added, “But not the way you think.”
He rolled to his side, taking me with him. With our faces only an inch apart, he cupped my backside, and began to move inside me. He used slow, steady movements as I pushed back, trying to reach that place he’d taken me so often. As he watched me, he cupped my breasts in his hands and stroked them with the same, unhurried deliberation.