by Ariel Tachna
Caine shook his head vehemently. He appreciated Macklin’s diligence in checking with him, but Caine wanted to stop thinking and let go. He wanted Macklin to carry through on the promise of their earlier encounters and take him out of himself and into release. “J-j-j-just f-fuck me already,” Caine gasped out.
Macklin shook his head. “No fucking, but I’ll make love to you.”
The words charmed Caine despite his hurry. Macklin might still be struggling with their relationship, but he wasn’t putting it on the same plane as the anonymous encounters in his past. “J-just d-d-do it!”
“Greedy little bottom,” Macklin teased. “You’re still too tense. Come for me, and I’ll give you what you want.”
Caine bit back a shout of frustration. He didn’t want to come without Macklin. Grabbing Macklin’s wrist, he pulled the other man’s fingers free. “N-now!”
Macklin looked like he would keep arguing, but after a moment, he put on a condom and moved between Caine’s legs. “Do you want to turn over?”
Hands and knees with his ass in the air had been Caine’s fantasy, but staring up at Macklin now, he realized this was even better. He shook his head and reached for Macklin, guiding him into place. Macklin moved willingly, pressing against Caine’s entrance until his muscle gave and the tip popped through. Caine bit his lip at the intrusion. Macklin’s fingers had stretched him, but this was different. Immediately Macklin froze, leaning forward to lick Caine’s nipples. “Let me know when it stops hurting.”
It didn’t actually hurt so much as it stung, but Caine appreciated the moment to catch his breath. Even more than that, he appreciated the obvious concern behind Macklin’s offer. Caine didn’t know how Macklin treated a casual fuck, but he was getting the hang of how to treat a lover.
The dual stimulation to his nipples and his prostate were enough to keep Caine from giving Macklin permission to move in words, but he tilted his hips so Macklin’s cock slid deeper into him. The foreman took that as permission, surging even deeper until he was fully sheathed in Caine’s body. “You feel too good,” Macklin murmured in Caine’s ear. “I’m going to come too fast.”
Caine simply bucked his hips harder, urging Macklin to move. He’d proven the night before that even if he came first, he wouldn’t leave Caine hanging, and that was good enough for Caine now. Burying one hand in Macklin’s shaggy hair, he pulled his lover down for a kiss. The other hand dug into Macklin’s ass, for leverage and encouragement both.
That silent permission given, Macklin stopped holding back, driving into Caine with all the force and fury Caine had imagined. Caine planted his feet on the mattress and met Macklin thrust for thrust, reveling in the clash of bodies as they strove for mutual pleasure. Macklin worked a hand between them, closing his fist around Caine’s cock and shunting along its length in time with their movements. Caine threw his head back, a choked cry escaping as his orgasm blindsided him. Macklin pounded into him a few more times, extending Caine’s release, and then Macklin was shuddering against him, his hips stuttering as he collapsed on top of Caine.
Caine stroked Macklin’s hair and back as their breathing returned to normal. Eventually he felt able to speak again. “You didn’t learn to make love like that fucking in an alley.”
Macklin shrugged. “No, but I’ve had a lot of years alone in this bed to dream of what it might be like to have a lover, of what I’d want someone to do to me and what I’d want to do in return. I tried a few of them, and you seemed to like them, so I tried a few more.”
Caine leaned up and kissed Macklin tenderly. “Try as many as you like. I won’t complain.”
“You’ll tell me if you don’t like something, though, right?”
“Of course,” Caine promised. “And you’ll let me try a few things out on you too.”
“I’ll try,” Macklin agreed.
Caine figured that was the best he was going to get at this point, so he wriggled out from under Macklin and snuggled against him. Macklin rolled away for a moment to toss the condom, but he kept one hand on Caine’s hip as he did, making it clear he wasn’t really pulling away. “I guess I should clean us up.”
“Use your dirty boxers,” Caine said. “I don’t want you to move now. We can clean up in the morning.”
“You’ll have to get up early if you stay,” Macklin warned. “You have to be back at your house before anyone else is up.”
Caine suppressed a sigh. “I know,” he said simply. “I’d rather wake up early than spend the night alone.”
“I’ll set the alarm.”
Caine grimaced when he saw Macklin had set the alarm for four thirty. That was so early Caine almost got up and left, but while he would accept Macklin’s need for discretion for a time, he wouldn’t accept not sharing a bed with his lover. He’d keep trying to convince Macklin to relax his restrictions, and in the meantime, he’d abide by Macklin’s desires. It really was better than sleeping alone.
CAINE GRUMBLED to himself all the way home the next morning in the predawn chill. He had slept poorly, the comfort of Macklin’s arms warring with the awareness he would have to wake up in a matter of hours, and so he had jarred himself awake every half an hour or so to check the clock so he wouldn’t overstay his welcome. He’d make Macklin sleep in his house tonight so Macklin would have to be the one to get up and leave, not Caine.
Opening the door quietly, Caine slipped through the dark room toward the stairs.
“It’s a little early for a walk.”
Startled, Caine spun around, searching for the owner of the voice. “K-kami, you scared me.”
“If you’d turned on a light instead of skulking around in the dark like a Galah, you would have seen me.” Kami switched on the light as he spoke. Caine blinked a couple of times as his eyes adjusted.
“I c-c-couldn’t sleep. I went for a w-walk.”
Kami pursed his lips and crossed his arms over his broad chest, making Caine feel like a student called before the principal.
Caine looked away guiltily. “I fell asleep at Macklin’s house. We were talking and I must have dozed off. I didn’t want anyone to get the wrong idea, so I came home when I woke up.”
“Seeing you sneaking in at four thirty is far more likely to give people ideas than you walking out of his house at a reasonable hour like you didn’t have anything to hide,” Kami pointed out, “but I don’t believe that’s the truth either.”
“Why is this your business?” Caine asked.
“Because Macklin’s my friend. If you’re just messing around, you need to stop now,” Kami ordered. “Having the men find out you were fucking around with him would ruin him.”
“And if I’m not just f-fucking around?” Caine asked. “If I want history to repeat itself too?”
“Then you need to start acting like you’re proud of him and your relationship,” Kami advised. “The men respect strength. If you’re strong enough to stand up for yourself and for him, they’ll shrug and move on. If you act like you have something to be ashamed of, they’ll never let you live it down and you’ll both be laughingstocks.”
“He’s the one who’s afraid to stand up for us,” Caine said softly. “Not me.”
“Because he knows what could happen,” Kami insisted, “but you’re different. You’re the boss. They don’t have to like you, but they can’t drive you off. If you’re strong enough to win their respect, Macklin’s position won’t ever be in doubt, but if they can’t respect you, how can they respect him when he’s with you?”
“How do I do that?” Caine asked.
“You be yourself,” Kami said. “All of yourself. You’ve got your uncle’s strength or you wouldn’t have lasted more than a few weeks out here. The men have begun to see that. They don’t call you blow-in anymore. Now it’s time to let them see the rest of you. That doesn’t mean you have to make any big scene. Macklin would skewer us both if you did, but you can’t act like you’re ashamed of him. No more hiding, Caine, because if they find out without it bei
ng on your terms, you’ll have a much harder time winning them back over.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” Caine said. “I have to talk to Macklin first, though. I can’t do anything without at least warning him what I intend to do.”
“That’s fine,” Kami said, “but the longer you wait, the harder it will be. Now get upstairs and get cleaned up. I have breakfast to make.”
“Thank you, Kami,” Caine said, hugging the other man impulsively. “I won’t let you or Macklin or Uncle Michael down.”
“I don’t think you will at that,” Kami agreed, patting Caine’s back before sending him toward the stairs with a gentle shove.
Caine climbed the stairs and walked into his bedroom, his thoughts racing as he pulled off yesterday’s clothes and found something to put on after his shower. He’d known Kami was sympathetic, but he hadn’t considered going to the man for advice. Now he wished he’d thought to ask sooner, not that it had really been an issue before now. He walked into the bathroom and turned the water on hot. He needed a plan because he had no real idea how to do what Kami suggested.
The first step, he supposed, would be to let people know he was gay. Coming out had been anticlimactic as a teenager. He had two older cousins, one on each side of his family, who were gay, married now in Massachusetts and Maine, but even before they got married, Caine had their example and his family’s acceptance of them to assure him of his own. They had given him the sex talk his parents hadn’t known how to give, they’d given him his first box of condoms, and they’d helped him download his first gay porn. In college, he’d joined the Gay Straight Alliance right away, and when he moved to Philadelphia, he’d spent most of his time in the Gayborhood even before he lived there. He wouldn’t get the same reaction here.
It didn’t matter. The men respected strength, both Kami and Macklin had said repeatedly. Fine. He would be strong and face down their reactions, whatever they were. Maybe he’d lose a few men in the process, but they’d deal with that if it happened. The important thing was not to falter where they could see him. He had to be the strong, confident man he’d never known how to be.
He thought about Macklin, lying in bed, too edgy to make love to him this morning because of the time. He didn’t want his life to go that way. He wanted to wake up with his lover, his partner, and make love if they felt like it, or snuggle back beneath the covers and simply hold each other if they didn’t feel like making love. He wanted a life with Macklin, and if having that life meant tapping reserves he hadn’t known he had before coming to the outback, then that’s what he’d do.
Now he just had to figure out how to come out without making it a bigger deal than it needed to be.
Eighteen
MACKLIN WASN’T in the canteen when Caine came in for breakfast, but some of the other jackaroos were already heading out, so Caine figured Macklin had come and gone and was already busy somewhere around the station. Caine would see him or not as the day went on. Caine hoped to catch a glimpse of him, maybe even time for a kiss or two, but if not, they would have their evening beer, not that they drank a beer very often these days.
Caine was grateful for his new long underwear when he headed out to the barn. He didn’t see Macklin, but a glance in the stalls revealed a definite need for attention. “He told me I’d be shoveling shit,” Caine said with a chuckle as he grabbed a pitchfork and the manure cart.
He’d finished three stalls and was starting the fourth when he heard the barn door open. He poked his head out to see who was there. “Hey, Neil.”
“I heard a rumor when I was down at Taylor Peak yesterday picking up hay.”
Caine sucked in a deep breath, but he remembered what Kami had said and refused to back down or let his nerves show. “Rumors are nasty things.”
“Taylor says you’re a poof.”
“Not the word I’d choose to describe it,” Caine said, surprised when the words came out without a stutter. “But if you’re asking if I’m gay, then yes.”
Neil’s face twisted with disgust. “Fucking pillow biters,” he spat. “Go back to Sydney or to America where you belong.”
“What does me being gay have to do with me being here?” Caine demanded, leaning the pitchfork against the wall and coming out of the stall. He hoped it wouldn’t get physical, but he wasn’t going to let Neil’s comments pass either. The men respected strength, Kami had said. Caine would show them strength. “I either do my job or I don’t, no matter who I fantasize about when I’m alone.”
“There’s no place for sissy-arsed poofters in the outback,” Neil insisted.
“Why not?” Caine demanded. “I might not know everything, but I’m pulling my weight around here now. You weren’t complaining when I helped with the breeding or when I gave you a break from the cold.”
“I didn’t know what you were then,” Neil retorted.
“I’m the same man now that I was before you knew,” Caine pointed out. “The only thing that’s changed is your perspective, not who I am or how I’m going to act.”
“It better not change how you act,” Neil said, advancing on Caine. “If you try anything, I’ll put you flat on your arse.”
Caine looked Neil over from head to foot. The man wasn’t unattractive, other than his attitude, but he wasn’t Macklin. “You don’t have to worry about that,” he said with forced nonchalance. “You’re not my type.”
“What is your type?” Neil demanded. “Prissy nancy boys? Some flaming shirt lifter?”
“What’s going on here?”
Macklin’s voice broke through Neil’s tirade. Caine was tempted to tell Neil that was his type, a shaggy, sexy foreman who’d made love to Caine like no one else ever had, but he didn’t think Macklin would appreciate being outed that way. “Neil and I were just talking.”
“We weren’t bloody talking,” Neil said. “You say things like that, you’ll have everyone thinking I’m a poof like you.”
“If that isn’t the most ignorant thing I’ve ever heard,” Caine said with a shake of his head. “Get back to work, Neil. The sheep won’t feed themselves.”
“And remember who you’re talking about before you go spouting off,” Macklin said, his voice hard. “That’s the boss you’re talking about. If he decides to fire you because you’re an ignorant bigot with not enough sense to keep your opinions about him to yourself, you’ll have no one but yourself to blame.”
“You knew about this?” Neil spat.
Macklin shrugged. “He’s not exactly hiding it. He mentioned it the day we met.”
“And you didn’t think to tell the rest of us?” Neil demanded.
“What business is it of yours?” Caine interrupted, drawing their attention back to him. “I already said you aren’t my type, so it’s not like I came on to you when you didn’t want me to, and even if you were my type, I’m certainly not going to come on to you now. If I make a bad decision, it’s because I’m still learning my way around here, not because I’m gay, and if I make a good one, it’s because Macklin’s taught me well, not because I’m gay. The only person who has any reason to care is the person I’m interested in, and since that isn’t you, I don’t see where this is coming from.”
“Bloody poofter,” Neil said, storming out and leaving Caine and Macklin alone.
“He didn’t hurt you, did he?”
“He said some n-nasty things,” Caine said, cursing silently at the return of his stutter, but he didn’t have to be strong with Macklin. “That’s all.”
“I told you it could be rough if the men found out.”
“T-taylor told him,” Caine said with a shrug. “I’m not going to deny who I am, Macklin. I chose to come out when I was fourteen, and I’m not going back in the closet for anyone. I’ll be discreet, but I won’t deny who I am.”
“He’s going to tell the others, and every time you turn around, someone will make a comment,” Macklin warned. “They’ll make your life hell.”
“They can t-try,” Caine said with a shrug
. “I d-didn’t stutter once the entire t-time I was talking with Neil. Not once. I couldn’t have done that before I came here. I might have said all the same things, but it would’ve been broken up. They can say whatever they like. I’m stronger than that now.”
“For how long?” Macklin asked seriously. “How long before you decide it’s easier not to have to listen to them? How long before you leave?”
“Are we back to this?” Caine asked incredulously. “After last night you can ask me that question?”
“Keep your voice down,” Macklin said, his voice a sharp hiss.
“I thought you were g-going to g-give us a chance,” Caine said.
“You saw how Neil reacted,” Macklin said. “Do you really want to live with that?”
“I’m going to live with it one way or another,” Caine replied. “It would be worth living with if you were there with me.”
“If we’re lucky, most of the men will stay out of loyalty to me and Michael,” Macklin said. “If we aren’t lucky, they’ll leave. We can’t risk damaging that loyalty.”
“Fuck that,” Caine said. “You’re scared. Macklin Armstrong, unshakable rock of a foreman, is scared that people will look at him differently if they know he’s gay.”
“I know they will,” Macklin repeated. “You saw Neil’s face. You heard what he said.”
“He’s one man,” Caine said. “One prejudiced man. That doesn’t mean everyone else will have the same reaction, and even if they do, that’s their problem, not ours. Not unless we let it be.”
“It’s our problem if the station goes under because they leave.”
“It all comes back to the station, doesn’t it?” Caine said.
“It’s all I have,” Macklin protested.
“No, it’s not all you have,” Caine replied. “You have me. Or you could if you’d stop fighting me at every turn.”