by Ariel Tachna
“I’m not doing anything interesting,” Sam said with a puzzled laugh. “Watching someone else sort papers is about as exciting as watching paint dry.”
“Maybe, but watching you make sense of all those papers has potential,” Jeremy said with an exaggerated leer. “I told you the thought of you being all competent got me hot and bothered.”
Sam flushed all the way to the roots of his hair. His receding hair. “You didn’t say anything of the sort yesterday. You said I was interesting.”
“Interesting and attractive,” Jeremy said. “And I also said the fact that you could make sense out of all the business stuff when I couldn’t was seriously impressive. When I said it, I didn’t realize you were gay, so I left off the turn-on part. I didn’t want to freak you out, but now that I know I have a chance, I’m going to mention it every time I can.”
“Please don’t make fun of me,” Sam said, unable to hold Jeremy’s gaze.
“I’m not making fun of you,” Jeremy said as he came into the room and sat down on the floor next to Sam. “I wouldn’t do that.”
No, Sam had to admit to himself, Jeremy was a lot of things, but the schoolyard bully was not one of them. He wouldn’t make fun of someone else for being smart instead of athletic. “Sorry, old habits.”
“We’re going to work on that,” Jeremy said. “So, explain to me what you’re doing and tell me how I can help.”
Sam considered the piles of paper he’d already sorted through. The classifications made sense to him, but they wouldn’t to Jeremy, not if he was really as clueless where business was concerned as he claimed to be. “Open the next drawer,” he said. “You can start sorting things by date. Anything over ten years old in one pile. Anything three to ten years old in another pile, and anything more recent than that in a third pile. The older stuff is, the less likely I am to need to look at it immediately. Unless it looks like an insurance policy. Then I need to see it no matter how old it is.”
“I can do that,” Jeremy said. He opened the next drawer and got to work.
Sam expected his presence to be a distraction, with all the talk of attraction and everything, but Jeremy settled in quietly, only occasionally interrupting Sam’s sorting to ask a question or make an observation. It turned out to be a far more peaceful morning than he could have anticipated.
The sound of his stomach growling drew both their attention to the clock.
“Look at that,” Jeremy said. “Lunchtime already. Can we take a break, boss, or are you going to make me work through lunch with nothing to fill my poor empty belly?”
Sam laughed at that, since it was his own empty belly making noise. “Let’s go. We’ve gotten more done than I could have by myself. We’ve earned a break.”
Jeremy bounced to his feet with the ease of a man in full control of his body. Sam envied the grace of his movements, but didn’t try to imitate them. He’d make a fool of himself if he did. He braced his arm on the nearby chair when Jeremy reached down and offered his hand. Sam took it and let Jeremy pull him to his feet, ignoring the shiver of desire at how big Jeremy’s hand felt in his and how easily Jeremy did it. He was wearing long sleeves again today, but Sam had gotten a glimpse of the arms underneath the shirt yesterday. He’d never known he had an arm fetish until now, but that glimpse of skin had done things to his insides.
The canteen was pretty much deserted when they walked in, not that Sam had expected otherwise. Even at the height of summer, most of the jackaroos took sandwiches with them for lunch rather than returning to the canteen. With all but the year-rounders gone now, that seemed to hold even more true. A plate of sandwiches sat on the counter under plastic wrap, so Sam and Jeremy grabbed plates and helped themselves. “So what’s on the agenda for this afternoon?”
“I’d planned on working in the office all day,” Sam said, “but if you have something else you need to do, I understand. I can work by myself. It’s not a problem.”
“That’s not what I said or what I meant,” Jeremy said. “You mentioned moving into the bunkhouse. I thought I’d give you a hand with your things if you wanted, and I promised to show you how a station runs.”
“I probably ought to check with Caine before I move into the bunkhouse,” Sam said. “I mean, I know the rooms are empty, but there’s a difference between staying in Neil’s spare room and living in the bunkhouse.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really,” Sam said. “If I’m in Neil’s spare room, I’m dependent on his generosity. In the bunkhouse, I’m dependent on Caine’s generosity.”
“How do you figure that?” Jeremy asked. “Unless things are a whole lot different here, Caine owns Neil’s house too. Neil gets to use it as part of his employment package, but it’s still station property. If he decided to leave, he wouldn’t get any value from the house, just whatever belongings of his he’d moved into it.”
“Oh,” Sam said. “I guess I hadn’t thought about it that way.”
“That’s what you get for taking up with the son of a grazier,” Jeremy said with a grin. “I might not have a head for business, but I picked up a few details here and there over the years.”
“So you’re saying I should stick with you?” Sam asked, feeling daring for flirting with Jeremy.
“Definitely,” Jeremy replied, his grin widening. “I won’t steer you wrong.”
“I’d still feel better if we asked Caine before I moved,” Sam said. “Even if it makes no functional difference, it feels different to me.”
“Did he say where he was going to be today?” Jeremy asked.
“He said something about checking the drover’s huts for storm damage,” Sam replied.
“Uh-huh,” Jeremy joked. “Let me guess. Macklin went with him.”
“What’s wrong with that?”
“Nothing’s wrong with it,” Jeremy replied. “It’s a very responsible thing for them to do after a storm like the one last night. It speaks well of their concern for their property and their employees.”
“Then why are you snickering?”
“Because the drover’s huts are probably the only place on the station besides their bedroom where they’d have any privacy,” Jeremy said. “I’m sure it’s just coincidental that Macklin decided to go with Caine today.”
Sam felt himself flush again, something he seemed to do with alarming regularity around Jeremy. “You don’t really think they rode out today just for that, do you?”
“No,” Jeremy replied. “I’m sure they will come back with a complete list of repairs that need to be made after the storm last night. I’m just also willing to bet either one of them could do the same job faster alone than they’ll do together.”
“You’re terrible,” Sam said. “They’re our bosses. We shouldn’t gossip about them like that.”
“There’s nothing malicious in it,” Jeremy assured him. “I think it’s pretty awesome, actually. Two years ago, if you’d told me it could happen in my backyard, I would have laughed at the outlandishness of the thought, and now I’m talking about it like it’s the most normal thing in the world.”
“Lang Downs is a pretty special place.”
“Lang Downs is a miracle,” Jeremy amended. “A bloody miracle, and if you don’t believe that, ask Chris how he ended up here. Hell, ask Macklin how he ended up here. Or Kami. Or Patrick. I’d bet most of the year-rounders have a story to tell about how this place changed their lives. I never knew what drove Michael Lang, but even as a young child, I knew things were different here when I came to visit. That’s even more the case now.”
“Because Caine and Macklin are together?”
“Because they’re open about being together,” Jeremy said. “I always wondered about Mr. Lang and his foreman, but it wasn’t something anyone talked about. Caine and Macklin aren’t hiding. They might not walk around holding hands or kissing or anything like that where people can see them, but you can’t live on this station and have any doubts about their relationship. And that’s special.�
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“Always?” Sam asked. “When did you start thinking about being gay?”
“When I was a teenager,” Jeremy said. “The other boys on the station all wanted to sneak around the jillaroos’ bunkhouse to try to catch a glimpse of the girls naked. I tagged along because it was what was expected, but I far preferred hanging out with the jackaroos. Most of them didn’t think twice about walking around their bunkhouse half undressed or more. I wasn’t a little kid, and I had all the same equipment they did, so what was there to worry about?”
“Shame on you,” Sam scolded, but he couldn’t stop the smile at the thought of an adolescent Jeremy spying on the jackaroos in plain sight. “They had no clue, did they?”
“Of course not,” Jeremy said. “I was always careful to leave before I gave anything away. It sure made for some good fantasy material, though.”
“Remind me not to take a shower while you’re in the bunkhouse,” Sam teased.
“I wouldn’t do that now,” Jeremy promised. “I had no sense of boundaries when I was fourteen. I have a little better sense of propriety at thirty-four. I have the courtesy to wait until I’m invited these days.”
Sam flushed again, this time at the thought of someday working up the courage to invite Jeremy to join him in the showers. Maybe in a few months, when living on the station had gotten rid of some of the flab on his body. The thought of seeing Jeremy, though, had quite the appeal. They were more or less of a height, although Jeremy was maybe an inch taller, but the similarities pretty much ended there. Jeremy was built. That was the only word for it. Not like a bodybuilder, but like hard work and a lifetime in the outback. His shoulders were broad, and if the rest of his arms corresponded with the glimpse Sam had gotten of his forearms, they would be solid. The clothes Jeremy wore around the station weren’t designed to show off his physique, but they fit well enough to give a hint of equally toned muscles everywhere else. Sam’s imagination didn’t have any trouble filling in the rest.
“Did I scare you off?” Jeremy asked.
“What? No, just remembering something,” Sam said quickly. Too quickly, if the slow smile that spread over Jeremy’s face was any indication.
“So what about you?” Jeremy asked. “When did you figure it out?”
“I think I probably always knew,” Sam admitted, “but I only stopped pretending, even to myself, about a year ago. I married Alison to appease my father. Neil came by his homophobia honestly. I liked her, she liked me, it seemed like the best I was going to get, and it even worked for a while. Not great, but not terrible either. Then I lost my job and couldn’t find another one, and she lost patience with me. Everything went to hell, and I figured I didn’t have anything else to lose, so I went to a gay bar and let someone pick me up. It was a shit thing to do, but it proved what I’d always tried to deny.”
Jeremy just nodded, an inscrutable look on his face.
“Well, now that I’ve totally killed the mood,” Sam joked, trying to lighten the pall that had settled over their conversation, “I suppose I should get back to work.”
“No,” Jeremy said, “you should come outside with me for a couple of hours. Chris isn’t using Titan today, so it’s time for your first riding lesson.”
“I’ve got work to do,” Sam protested. “Those files won’t sort themselves.”
“No, but I helped you sort all morning,” Jeremy reminded him, “and I’ll help again later if you want. You need some fresh air. You’ll work better later for taking a break now.”
Sam wasn’t sure he bought that logic, but the idea of spending a few hours outside with Jeremy, even making a fool of himself, as he was sure he would, was far more appealing than going back to sorting old records. “Okay. Let’s go see what you can teach me.”
Nine
JEREMY LED Sam out to the paddock where the horses stayed when they weren’t being ridden. “Have you ever ridden a horse before?”
Sam shook his head. “Never really had a chance. It wasn’t something that came up in my line of work.”
Jeremy chuckled. “No, I can see that, although some people ride for pleasure too.”
“Neil was always the athletic one, not me.”
Jeremy ducked between the fence posts and walked over to the bay gelding Jesse had suggested when Jeremy asked about a good horse for a beginning rider. Jeremy had ignored Jesse’s smirk at the question. “Come on, Titan,” he said, grabbing the horse’s halter. “Come meet Sam.”
Titan followed Jeremy docilely to the edge of the fence. “Say hi, Sam.”
Sam held out his hand tentatively. Titan snuffled at it, lipping Sam’s palm eagerly. “He wants a treat,” Jeremy explained. “He’s apparently a favorite with the jackaroos because everyone’s always bringing him apples and carrots and things.”
“You should have told me. I would have gotten something from the canteen.”
“Here,” Jeremy said, offering Sam the apple he’d snagged on their way out. “He’ll appreciate it more than I would. Keep your hand flat. Let him take it from your palm.”
Sam did as Jeremy said, put the apple in the palm of his hand, and extended it to Titan again. Titan snatched it, biting it in two with one chomp of his huge teeth.
“That’s bloody scary,” Sam said.
“Nah, he’s not a biter. I asked,” Jeremy reassured him. “He’s just a glutton.”
“So what now?” Sam asked.
“Now we saddle up and let you get used to seeing the world from a different angle,” Jeremy said. “I’ll grab the tack. You stay here and get better acquainted. He’ll be your mount, so you’ll want to get to know him.”
Jeremy left Sam with Titan while he went through the shearing sheds to the tack room. He grabbed everything he needed and went back outside in time to see Titan head-butt Sam, knocking him back several steps. Sam laughed and scratched beneath Titan’s forelock. The sound hit Jeremy like a ton of bricks. It was relaxed and carefree, the happiest sound Jeremy had heard from Sam since they’d started talking. Even the few times Sam had laughed the day before hadn’t been as easy. Jeremy resolved to hear more of that sound, whether by making sure Sam spent plenty of time with Titan or by learning how to elicit it himself. Sam hadn’t answered him yesterday when he’d asked who had given Sam such an inferiority complex, but the man laughing with Titan now wasn’t thinking about negative self-image or anything other than the sheer enjoyment of a cool fall day and a big lug of a horse who loved anyone who brought him treats. This was the man Jeremy wanted to get to know.
Now he regretted sending Arrow with Chris and Jesse that morning. He wondered if his dog would have the same effect on Sam as Titan had. If so, Jeremy wasn’t letting Arrow out of Sam’s sight.
“Looks like you’re making friends,” Jeremy said, setting the saddle down on the top rail of the fence. As soon as Sam realized he was there, Jeremy could see the walls go back up behind Sam’s eyes. He cursed inwardly, but he couldn’t very well teach Sam to ride from a distance.
“He’s very friendly,” Sam said.
“That he is,” Jeremy agreed. He climbed through the fence again and grabbed a hard brush. “Give me just a minute to brush him down so he won’t have anything to rub sores under the saddle and then we can tack him up and get started.”
“He doesn’t look dirty,” Sam said.
“No, but he spends his days outside, so there’s always dust and dirt on his coat. It’s always better to be careful. Think about how you’d feel if you had something in your shoe and then had to walk around that way for hours.”
“Yeah, that wouldn’t be pleasant.”
“Which is why we always brush the horses before we tack them up,” Jeremy said. He finished up and grabbed a hoof pick to check Titan’s shoes. When those were clean too, he took the saddle pad and laid it across Titan’s back. “Hand me the saddle.”
Sam lifted the heavy stock saddle off the fence rail and handed it to Jeremy. He hefted it onto Titan’s back and cinched the girth. Titan let o
ut a huff and shook his mane.
“I’m not sure he likes that,” Sam said.
“Probably not,” Jeremy agreed, “but he’d like it even less if the saddle wasn’t secure and kept slipping around on his back.” He slipped Titan’s bridle over his ears and handed the reins to Sam. “Always walk on his left side with your right hand on the reins under his chin. From what everyone said, Titan’s not likely to try anything or be bothered by you standing on his other side, but you might as well develop good habits now for when you move on to other horses.”
“You seem pretty sure I’m going to move on to other horses,” Sam observed.
“You work on a sheep station,” Jeremy replied. “You’ll pick up enough that you’ll be riding other horses before long. It’s just the nature of the situation.”
“If you say so,” Sam said. They led Titan to an empty paddock.
“Okay, up you go,” Jeremy said, helping Sam mount. “How do the stirrups feel?”
Sam shifted around in the saddle a bit. Once he was settled, Jeremy checked the length of the stirrups and made sure his feet were positioned properly. He felt Sam start in surprise when Jeremy ran his hand up Sam’s calf the first time, but Jeremy didn’t let that deter him. He really did need to make sure Sam was settled correctly so he didn’t fall and get hurt, but he wasn’t above taking the excuse to touch Sam either.
“Okay, keep your heels down,” Jeremy said. “If you were to fall, you don’t want your foot to get stuck in the stirrup. That’s a good way to get dragged.”
“Maybe this isn’t such a good idea,” Sam said.
“It’s a perfectly good idea,” Jeremy insisted. “If you do what I tell you and pay attention to your form, you won’t get hurt. It just takes practice and paying attention.”
“If you’re sure,” Sam said.
“I’m sure,” Jeremy said, patting Titan on the rump. “Tap his sides a bit with your heels to get him walking.”