by Ariel Tachna
He drove the rest of the way to the station with only his music for company. He couldn’t help the sense of relief at being able to choose the tracks and turn it up as loud as he wanted instead of having to cater to Ilene’s preferences.
When he pulled onto the station proper, he smiled as Carley, Jason’s mother, stepped out of the bunkhouse, her arms full of linens. He rolled the window down and leaned out. “Do you need a hand?”
“How many years have I been doing this, boyo?” Carley teased back. “I think I can handle a load of dirty sheets.”
“Toss them in the boot,” Seth insisted as he pulled the lever to open it. “You can tell me all the gossip on the way to your house.”
She rolled her eyes at him but did as he said and climbed in the passenger seat a moment later.
“What’s new on the station?” he asked.
Carley’s smile faded. “Devlin Taylor had an accident. Jeremy and Sam have gone to Canberra. I don’t know much more than that, but Sam looked pretty shaken when he drove out of here, so I’m afraid it’s bad.”
Seth’s stomach clenched at the thought of anyone having to rush to the side of an injured brother. If they’d taken him to Canberra and not to the closer, if smaller, hospital in Yass, it was serious. “That explains why they didn’t wave when I passed them on the way in.”
“Now you tell me why your boot is so full. Chris said you were coming for a visit.”
“I was,” Seth said. “And then I realized I wanted to come home. I’m hoping Caine and Macklin could use another set of hands around here.”
“If they say no, I’ll set them straight,” Carley said, her expression as fierce as Seth had ever seen it. “Patrick isn’t a young man anymore, no matter what he thinks. His hands bother him more than he’ll admit. His pride won’t let him ask Caine and Macklin for help, but he won’t say no to you hanging around the tractor shed and doing the heavier work.”
“You should have called me sooner,” Seth exclaimed. “I would have come right away.”
“Patrick would never have forgiven me. You had a life in Sydney—a job, a girlfriend. He wouldn’t take you away from that. He’s always thought of you as his son too. He wanted you to be happy, and if Sydney was where that could happen, then he wouldn’t interfere.”
“It doesn’t matter now,” Seth said. “I’m home for as long as Caine and Macklin will have me. Whether I work in the tractor shed or ride out with one of the crews, I’m here to stay.”
“What about your girlfriend? Irene, was it?”
“Ilene,” Seth said with a moue of disgust as he parked the car in front of Carley and Patrick’s house—Jason’s house, his traitorous mind supplied. “She wasn’t interested in moving back here with me, and I wasn’t interested in keeping things going enough to stay. She took over the lease on my apartment. I put the few things I wanted to keep but couldn’t get in the car in storage until I have a place for them. Everything else, I left for her. Most of it wasn’t worth fighting over anyway.”
“Oh, love, I’m sorry.” Carley pulled him into a gentle hug.
Seth let himself cling. After his mother died when he was fourteen, Carley had come closest to filling that role in his life. He wouldn’t have asked for her mothering—at twenty-six he didn’t need to be coddled like a child—but enough of the neglected child remained inside him that he would never turn it away. Ilene wasn’t much of a loss, he’d come to realize, but his poor judgment in choosing her and then in waiting so long to break up with her still stung.
“I’m just glad to be home,” Seth said eventually.
“Come inside. I’ll make you a cup of tea and we can talk while I get the laundry started. Chris had planned to stay close to home today so he’d be here when you arrived, but he rode out to take Jeremy’s place after we heard about Taylor. He knew you’d understand.”
Seth did understand. He’d have done the same thing if the situation had been reversed, but he still felt his brother’s absence. He didn’t want to sit in Chris and Jesse’s living room with nothing to do until the jackaroos came back in for dinner. “As long as you let me help.”
“Fine, you can carry the sheets in, but once they’re in the wash, there’s really nothing to do but wait.”
Seth grabbed the pile of sheets from the boot and followed Carley into the house. He’d spent almost as much time in this kitchen as he had in Chris and Jesse’s when he was younger. He and Jason had done their schoolwork together at the table for most of three years. If he’d pretended to have more trouble with math than he really did, it just gave Jason time to catch up with him so they finished their HSCs at the same time. Of course, then Jason had to go and spoil things by going away to vet school.
Seth had applied to the engineering program the morning after Jason got his acceptance letter. And now, seven years later, he had finally come home.
He carried the sheets into the laundry room and put them in the washing machine.
Carley got it started and herded him back into the kitchen. “Sit,” she ordered as she began filling the electric teakettle. “Tell me what happened.”
Seth shrugged. He couldn’t exactly tell Carley he’d come home because Jason had. He wasn’t worried about Carley’s reaction to him being bi—she’d never batted an eyelash at any of the gay couples on the station—but she might have something to say about him having designs on her son. And even if she didn’t, Jason wouldn’t appreciate his mother knowing before he did. “We wanted different things out of life. And I realized a couple of weeks ago that I didn’t love her enough to give in on everything when she didn’t care enough to try to compromise on even the most basic things.”
“It sounds like you’re better off without her.” Carley set the tea chest in front of him along with a mug. “You’re not going to meet a lot of girls out here, though. We only have three jillaroos this summer. It seems like we have fewer every year.”
“What do you expect? Most of them are looking for a husband as much as they are a job. They think Lang Downs is full of nothing but gay men. Not the best hunting grounds.”
Carley snickered. “So ten men constitutes ‘full of’ these days? We have a larger crew than that.”
Seth paused for a moment to count. Caine, Macklin, Chris, Jesse, Sam, Jeremy, Thorne, Ian… that was eight, but Carley said ten. “Do we have a new couple on the station since I was home last?”
“Just because they’re gay doesn’t mean they’re with someone or planning on staying,” Carley chided. “We’ve had gay jackaroos who only stayed a season or two. You know that.”
She was right, of course, but Seth never counted them because they came and went with the seasons and often without making any lasting impact on the station or its inhabitants. Seth had always viewed the seasonal jackaroos as a sea of featureless faces unless they showed a particular interest in mechanics.
It wasn’t like it mattered anyway. Seth had never managed to be with another man because his heart was too tied up in Jason to go beyond appreciating a handsome face or a nice arse if he saw one. He wasn’t going chasing after a gay jackaroo just because he was single now.
“At the moment, I’ve sworn off girls. After dealing with Ilene for three years, I’m done for a while. It’ll be nice just to be home with no pressure or anything.” And it would be nice to see Jason again, but that would have to wait until dinner.
“It’s good to have you home,” Carley said as she poured the hot water into the mug. “I’ve missed having my boys around. Caine will put you to work just like he did Jason, but I still expect you to come over for Sunday dinner, even if you eat in the canteen the rest of the time.”
“Yes, Mum.” He’d intended to tease her, but the joy on her face made him promise silently to call her that more often. His own mother had barely deserved the title, but Carley had been a pillar of support and had faith in him almost from the moment he’d arrived on the station.
“What’s Caine working on now?” Seth asked to change the s
ubject. “He’s always got one project or another going.”
“He’s been researching solar panels and windmills,” Carley replied. “He wants to get electricity in the drover’s huts. A fire is fine for most things, but actually having electricity in the huts would be useful if the weather is especially cold or wet. Hypothermia is dangerous.”
“I’ll talk to him at dinner,” Seth said. “Electrical engineering isn’t my specialty, but I know enough about it to help out. I’m always happy to poke around in engines, but if I can use my fancy degree, it’ll be worth the effort I put into getting it.”
“I never did understand why you decided to go for the degree when you already knew almost as much about engines as Patrick did and could have learnt the rest from him.”
Seth flushed. “Chris wanted me to have choices, and it seemed like a good idea at the time.”
“And now?”
“Now it gives me a set of skills to offer Lang Downs I wouldn’t have had otherwise,” Seth said. “That makes it worth it.”
Two
JASON PATTED his horse’s neck and whistled for Polly to come in. They’d spent the entire day moving the mob from one paddock to another, and Jason was tired, dirty, and ready to go home. He’d feel that way no matter what, but Seth was supposed to arrive today. Jason didn’t know how long he’d be staying—besides not long enough—so it grated to lose even a minute of the time they could be spending together because he was out in the paddocks. If he were here visiting too, it wouldn’t matter as much—he could tell Caine or Macklin he didn’t want to ride out today. But he wasn’t a kid or a guest anymore. He’d come home to work and that meant going where Macklin or Neil assigned him. They hadn’t needed his skills as a vet near home this morning, so he’d ridden out as a jackaroo instead, like he’d always said he would do.
“That’s the last one, mates,” Ian called as he closed the gate behind him. “Time to head in. Jason, we can make sure Polly makes it back if you want to ride on ahead.”
“Are you sure?” Jason asked. He’d had Polly since she was a puppy, and she’d ridden draped across the saddle in front of him plenty of times, but he wasn’t riding Titan today. He didn’t know how this horse would react if Polly suddenly jumped up in the saddle.
“Go on,” Ian said. “Your mind’s been back at the station all day. Might as well get your body there as quickly as possible too. Maybe then you’ll stop with the long face.”
“I haven’t been that bad, have I?” he asked Thorne.
“You really have, lad,” Thorne said. “You sure you’re not setting yourself up for disappointment?”
“My best friend has come home for a visit,” Jason said. “How could that possibly be disappointing?”
Thorne’s expression said Jason wasn’t deluding anyone, but Seth was straight. Jason had always known that. He even accepted it. Seth couldn’t choose to be gay any more than Jason could choose to be straight. It didn’t stop Jason from loving him, though. He didn’t suppose anything ever would. He’d accepted that too. He hadn’t managed to make things work with Riley in Adelaide during vet school, but he blamed that on them wanting different things in life. Jason wanted to go home. Riley wanted to buy into a small-animal clinic in a city somewhere. Jason hoped things would be different now that he was back on the station. Cooper wasn’t Seth, but he was a career jackaroo who valued life in the outback. That gave them more in common than Jason had ever had with anyone else.
Except Seth, but Seth wasn’t gay. He had that girlfriend in Sydney. Never mind that she was awful for him. She was a complete harpy, always screeching at him for one thing or another. Jason had heard her enough times when he and Seth were chatting on Skype. In person, she’d been even worse. Jason hoped she was a good lay. Seth deserved to get something positive out of their relationship.
Thorne guided his horse a little closer to Jason’s. “I’m not trying to run your life for you, but if you’ll take a bit of advice from someone who’s been around the block a couple of times, try to tone down your enthusiasm for Seth’s visit a little if you really want to keep Cooper’s interest. A man could start to question where he stood in his lover’s life if his lover paid more attention to another man than he did to him.”
“Seth’ll be here for a few days, a week at the most,” Jason said, “and even if he stayed longer, he’d never be interested in me. I don’t have the right equipment. But he is my best friend. I’m not going to pass up a chance to spend time with him while he’s here. He’ll leave and I’ll give Cooper my undivided attention again.”
Thorne looked skeptical, but Jason ignored him and spurred his horse toward the station. If he only had a few days with Seth, he wanted to make the most of it.
Even at a fast canter, it took half an hour to get back to the station. Seth’s car wasn’t in front of Chris and Jesse’s house, but then neither was Chris and Jesse’s car, so that could just mean Seth had parked behind the tractor shed in the gravel area they used as a car park. He stripped the tack off his horse and rubbed him down quickly before turning him out into a paddock to graze. He considered the bunkhouse for a moment, but the shower block was probably already full. It would be faster to go to his parents’ house and use their shower. Then he could go looking for Seth.
Seth wouldn’t notice if he was freshly showered or still sweaty and dusty from the day, but Jason would know. Maybe Seth wouldn’t ever care for Jason the way Jason cared for him, but Jason would keep making the effort. If that made him a fool, so be it.
He dashed up the steps of his parents’ house and stopped to take off his boots on the veranda. He might not live there anymore, but his mother was no less strict because of it.
“Hi, Mum,” he called as he stepped inside. “Can I borrow your shower?”
“You may, but come in and say hello to Seth first. He’s been keeping me company this afternoon.”
Jason froze. Seth was sitting in his mother’s kitchen instead of at Chris and Jesse’s or in the canteen or wherever else he could have been. Jason wasn’t ready for this. He took a deep breath and reminded himself Seth was his best friend. Nothing else mattered.
He detoured toward the kitchen, working up a smile, but the moment he saw Seth, his nerves disappeared. Seth looked as wonderful as always, tawny blond hair tousled like he’d had the window open while he was driving (or like someone had been running their fingers through it, but that image was too unsettling to dwell on, even if they were Seth’s fingers) and green eyes sparkling with laughter. He’d always thought Seth’s eyes were his best feature. Alight like they were now, they grabbed Jason’s attention and captivated him.
“Welcome home,” Jason said, crossing the kitchen to give Seth a hug. “How long are you home for?”
Seth rose to meet Jason’s hug so that the quick clasp turned into a full-body embrace. Jason prayed his cock wouldn’t act up.
“I’m back for good,” Seth said when he pulled away. “I got tired of Sydney.”
Jason studied Seth’s face, looking for any sign of doubt or hesitation, but he found none. Whatever had finally pushed Seth to come home, he was fully committed to it.
“Then welcome home for real. We’re glad you’re here.” He swallowed hard. “I’m glad you’re here.”
“Yeah, your mum said your dad’s hands are getting arthritic. I’ll take as much off him as he’ll let me. And maybe I’ll be able to get some of Caine’s projects going too.”
That wasn’t why Jason was glad Seth was home, but he’d let Seth believe it. “Just don’t mention Dad’s hands where he can hear you. He’s still in complete denial about how bad they are.”
“I won’t,” Seth said. “I haven’t actually seen Caine and Macklin to let them know I’m here for more than a visit. I should probably do that now that everyone’s coming back in from the paddocks. I’ll see you at dinner?”
“Of course,” Jason said. “After years of cafeteria cooking at uni, Kami’s cooking tastes even better than it did growing up.
You’ve been getting home-cooked meals at least.”
“Such as they were. Ilene couldn’t cook any better than I can.”
“Speaking of her….” Jason left the question unspoken.
“She chose to stay in Sydney,” Seth said. “I won’t tell you exactly what she said, but she made it perfectly clear she had no interest in moving to a sheep station.”
That was a relief. Jason would have put up with her for the pleasure of having Seth home, but not having to deal with her—not having her in Seth’s life anymore—was even better.
“I’m sorry.” It was a lie, but it was the proper thing to say.
“I’m not,” Seth admitted. “We weren’t right for each other. It just took me this long to realize it.”
He gave Jason another quick hug, then gave a longer one to Carley. “I’ll see you both at dinner.”
When Seth left, Jason slumped into the chair Seth had been sitting in. “I am so fucked.”
“Language, young man,” his mother scolded. He flinched. He hadn’t meant to say that out loud.
“Sorry, Mum. I’m used to living in the bunkhouse.”
“That’s no excuse for bad language. So why do you think that? You were so excited about his visit.”
Jason debated how much to tell his mother, but he’d never been good at lying to her. On the other hand, if he said anything, she’d try to meddle. He loved his mother, but she’d never been good about staying out of his business. He pushed out of the chair and headed toward the door. He’d use the shower at the bunkhouse. He couldn’t face his mother and her questions right now. “It’s nothing. I’m going to get cleaned up for dinner. I’ll talk to you later.”