by Ariel Tachna
Jason flushed. Was he that transparent to everyone but Seth? “If that’s as much patience as you have with me having mates besides you, then yeah, we’re through.” He grabbed his untouched plate and tossed it in the bin of dirty dishes. He needed to be anywhere other than here. He didn’t know what Seth had overheard, but even if Seth hadn’t heard it directly, plenty of other people had. Word would get back to him, Seth would come find him, and when he did, Jason would have to tell Seth the truth. He only hoped it didn’t cost him Seth’s friendship. He could deal with losing Cooper. He had genuinely liked the man and the sex had been good, but he hadn’t been in love with him. He could deal with Seth not loving him back. He’d always known that was hopeless anyway. But if Seth decided they couldn’t be friends? Yeah, Jason couldn’t deal with that.
He paused to take stock of where he was. Without his conscious volition, his feet had taken him back to the tractor shed. And didn’t that say everything that could be said about his state of mind? Even when he was running from Seth, he ended up going to their hangout spot for solace.
He let himself inside, leaving the door open in invitation. Maybe Seth wouldn’t follow him right away, but if he did, he’d know where Jason was and know he was welcome.
Jason snorted. This was Seth’s domain, not his. If anyone should question his welcome here, it was him, not Seth. God, he was so fucking pathetic.
SETH STARED mutely as Jason tossed his plate and stormed out of the bunkhouse. He looked down at his own plate, trying to collect his racing thoughts, and then back at the door to the canteen. A foot connected with his beneath the table. He looked up at Thorne, sitting across from him.
“I don’t know you as well as some of the year-rounders do, but take a little advice from someone old enough to be your father. I don’t know what you two have been waiting for, but he just handed you the perfect opening. You won’t get a better chance than now.”
“He didn’t say he loved me,” Seth replied automatically.
“He also didn’t deny it,” Thorne said. “You’re the only one on this station who hasn’t figured it out yet. If you feel the same way—and I think you do—you owe it to both of you to say something.”
Seth thought he might be sick. If Thorne was right, he and Jason had wasted so much time. None of it was Jason’s fault, of course. The blame lay squarely on Seth’s shoulders. Jason didn’t even know Seth was bi. Jason wouldn’t say anything because he wouldn’t want to mess up their friendship by crushing on a straight man. Seth got that part perfectly. No, he’d have to own up to everything he’d never said and hope Jason loved him enough not to hate him for his silence.
Dusk had well and truly arrived when Seth stepped outside the canteen. He looked up and down the valley for some indication of where Jason might have gone, but he’d delayed long enough talking with Thorne that Jason wasn’t in sight. That narrowed down his options somewhat, because Jason could only have gone so far in that time. If Seth had to guess, Jason had gone to one of three places: his room in the bunkhouse, his parents’ back veranda, or the tractor shed. At the bunkhouse, he could shut his door, but that wouldn’t stop people from knocking. The seasonal hands would be less likely to seek Jason out at Patrick and Carley’s house—assuming any of them went looking—but at some point his parents would come home and he’d have to talk to them. If he wanted to be alone with no interruptions, the tractor shed was his best bet. Of course if he was hoping to avoid Seth, it would be the last place he went simply because it would be the first place Seth would look.
“Bloody hell, it’s hard when you know someone this well,” he muttered as he started toward the tractor shed. Maybe Jason didn’t want to avoid Seth. Maybe he’d gone there so they’d have somewhere private to talk. Maybe—fuck, he was a fool for even thinking it, but Thorne had planted the idea in his head—Jason was even hoping Seth would follow him so they could be done with secrets for good.
The door to the tractor shed was ajar when Seth distinctly remembered closing it, but the lights were off. Seth pushed it open wider, not that visibility was any better outside than inside. “Jason?”
“Yeah?”
“You okay, mate?” Jason didn’t sound okay. He didn’t sound okay at all, but Seth was feeling his way here, and the last thing he wanted was to push if Jason just wanted to be left alone. Although he’d left the door open….
“I don’t know,” Jason said. “I just broke up rather publicly with the bloke I’d been seeing, and he chose to do it by saying some things I didn’t really want shared. How am I supposed to be doing?”
Seth made his way to the back of the tractor shed by habit rather than by sight. He and Jason had to talk, but maybe it would be easier to bare his soul if they couldn’t see each other. He found the pile of hay bales and sat with his back against it, close to where he thought Jason’s legs would be but not touching him.
“I don’t know. At least Ilene and I broke up in private, although she hurled an awful lot of the same accusations at me,” Seth said into the darkness.
“You could at least tell her how wrong she was,” Jason replied.
Seth shook his head before realizing Jason couldn’t see him. “She wasn’t wrong.”
“What the hell, Seth?” Jason said. “You’re not gay. Every person you’ve ever gone out with has been female.”
“I’m not gay,” Seth agreed. “I like women. I just happen to like men too. Well, one man anyway, except he deserves so much better than a bloody mess like me. And then he went away to school and so did I, and when I came back—”
“Stop,” Jason interrupted. “Just fucking stop. Say it or don’t, but don’t dance around it.”
Seth closed his eyes and mustered all his courage. This was it. Jason would either accept it or he’d lose the only good thing in his life. “I’ve been in love with you since we were both too young and stupid to know what that word meant. But you left, so I did too. And whenever I came back, you were with one bloke or another, so I figured you didn’t feel the same. And then I came home—because you were coming home, by the way—but by the time I got here, you were already involved with Cooper. You were entitled. Just because I’ve always been too wrapped up in you to do more than look at another bloke doesn’t mean you have to feel the same. But now it’s over with Cooper, and it seemed like maybe you felt the same. Everyone else thinks you do, anyway, so I followed you, hoping maybe they were right.”
He heard Jason moving, but he didn’t have time to brace himself before Jason straddled his thighs, pinning him to the hay. “You really mean it?”
“I….” Fuck that. In for a penny, in for a pound. “Yes, I really mean it.”
“Thank God.”
Before Seth could wonder what would happen next, Jason kissed him. He’d imagined this moment more times than he could count—sweet and shy, suave and sophisticated, even hot and heavy on occasion—but he’d never believed it would actually happen. He’d never hoped one day he’d end up sitting on the floor of the tractor shed with Jason in his lap, kissing him. Oh, fuck, Jason was kissing him.
His brain, already on autopilot, short-circuited as the reality of Jason’s weight on his legs and Jason’s lips against his settled in. Jason was kissing him. He reached blindly for Jason, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and holding on for dear life. Jason’s stubble caught against his lips, making him intensely aware of not having shaved that morning. Would it bother Jason? Ilene had hated it when he didn’t shave. He didn’t seem bothered, but—
“Stop thinking so hard and kiss me back,” Jason said, so close Seth could feel his breath against his mouth. “Or I’m going to start thinking you don’t want me after all.”
“I want you,” Seth assured him, sliding his hands from Jason’s shoulders to his neck so he could pull Jason back in. His aim was a little off in the darkness, but Jason moved to meet him, and this time Seth poured everything he had into the kiss—all the years of dreaming and hoping and wanting, all the jealousy every tim
e he heard Jason talk about another man or watched Cooper touch him in all the ways Seth was never allowed, but most of all, all the joy at finally—finally—having Jason for himself.
JASON NEARLY wept with relief when Seth finally kissed him back. He’d been so sure he would never get this chance, and then Seth said he loved him, but he hadn’t reacted when Jason kissed him, and then—
He forced his brain to stop. If he had to guess, Seth had probably had this same problem. They’d wasted so much time.
No more, though. Seth loved him. He wouldn’t have to dream anymore. He could simply reach out and touch. He broke the kiss on a gasp, lack of air or the sheer joy of finally kissing Seth leaving him light-headed. He kept his forehead against Seth’s, though. He didn’t want Seth to think he was pulling away.
Seth’s hands dropped from Jason’s shoulders to his hips. Jason smiled and settled more fully on Seth’s lap. “Is that what you wanted?”
Seth moaned and Jason echoed him as the movement brought their bodies into greater contact.
“I’ll never say no to anything that keeps you close,” Seth said.
Jason grinned, high on the euphoria of finally having Seth in his arms. “Just say the word and we can be as close as you want.”
“I want that,” Seth said, “but….”
“But what?”
“I’ve had sex before, but never with another bloke. I don’t exactly know what I’m doing here.”
If that wasn’t the biggest turn-on ever, Jason didn’t know what could top it. “You’re doing just fine from where I’m sitting,” Jason said. “I don’t imagine it’s all that different from sex with a woman. Just do to me what you like done to you. We’ve got the same parts. It’s a pretty good guess the same things will appeal, and if they don’t, we’ll figure out what does as we go along.”
“When I’m with a woman, there’s never any question of who’s….”
“Pitching and catching?” Jason suggested.
“Yeah, that.”
Jason smiled. “Good thing I like it both ways, then. We’ll figure it out. The hard part is over.”
“And what part was that?” Seth asked as he rocked his hips. “Because I’m feeling some pretty hard parts right now.”
“You love me,” Jason said. “I never figured I stood a chance, so I never let myself want it. Bloody lot of good it did me. We’re here now, together. The rest is just pieces and parts.” He ran his hands over Seth’s chest, listening for a reaction since he couldn’t see anything. Night had fallen completely in the time they’d been talking and kissing. Seth arched into his hands, so Jason kept exploring. They’d spent enough time sleeping in each other’s rooms as teens for him to have some idea of Seth’s body, but that had been years ago. Once they went away to school, those sleepovers stopped. The body beneath his hands now didn’t belong to a teenager. Seth had filled out, no longer as skinny as he’d once been. Jason wanted to see as well as touch, but that would have to wait. He wasn’t about to suggest they stop, even if moving meant light and a more comfortable setting. Or condoms and lube, for that matter.
His whole body trembled at the thought of Seth fucking him. He’d come apart at the seams the minute Seth touched him, the way he felt right now. The thought of fucking Seth… no, he wasn’t going there even in his mind. That could wait until Seth was more comfortable. And if he never got that comfortable, Jason could live with that too. As long as Seth loved him.
Seth’s hands on his chest startled him, but he arched into the touch immediately. Seth moved hesitantly, like he wasn’t quite sure what to do with Jason now that he had him. That was ridiculous. Jason leaned back a bit and stripped his shirt off. There, that would give Seth something to explore.
“Jase,” Seth groaned.
Jason grinned as he moved forward to kiss Seth again. He’d never get tired of Seth’s mouth. Although he hoped Seth would eventually want to put it elsewhere too.
Seth returned the kiss a lot more aggressively this time, like he’d finally gotten over the shock of everything. Jason parted his lips, offering his mouth for Seth’s taking. Seth took him up on it immediately, holding Jason’s head in place with a firm hand to his neck as he claimed Jason’s mouth with his tongue. Damn, he could kiss when he set his mind to it.
Jason twined his tongue around Seth’s, giving back as good as he got. His body hummed with need, every nerve firing at the slightest contact. Seth kept one hand on Jason’s neck, holding him into the kiss—like Jason was going anywhere—but he let the other wander over Jason’s bare torso. Every touch went straight to Jason’s cock, and he moaned into the kiss. Much more of this and he’d embarrass himself.
Voices outside the tractor shed shattered the stillness. Seth tensed beneath Jason’s hands, so Jason broke the kiss and rocked back on his heels. “Maybe this isn’t the best place to be doing this.”
Seth chuckled. “Like we’ll have much privacy anywhere on the station.” His voice was gratifyingly husky to Jason’s ears. “Everyone knows everyone else’s business. I don’t know how Macklin kept being gay a secret for as long as he did.”
“By not getting involved with anyone on the station,” Jason replied. He reached blindly for his shirt, hoping he hadn’t tossed it too far away in his haste. He found it by touch and checked to make sure it was right side out before he pulled it back on. His stomach rumbled unhappily as he stood up and offered Seth a hand.
“You didn’t eat,” Seth said.
“No, I didn’t get a chance,” Jason said. “Although I’ll take kissing you over eating any day.”
“You don’t have to choose,” Seth replied. “This isn’t an either-or proposition. Let’s go see if Kami has anything left. Then we can find someplace actually private and pick up where we left off.”
“I like the sound of that.”
They walked out of the tractor shed, pausing long enough for Seth to secure the door. Jason started to reach for Seth’s hand as they walked toward the canteen, but despite Seth’s comment about the lack of privacy on the station, he didn’t know if Seth was ready to tell everyone else. Seth answered that by twining his fingers in Jason’s.
“Okay?”
“Absolutely,” Jason said.
He really should have expected the canteen to still be full of the year-rounders. He and Seth had made enough of a spectacle of themselves that everyone would want to know they’d worked things out. It didn’t stop his cheeks from burning at the round of applause or the teasing catcalls when he and Seth walked in together. Seth’s cheeks were as red as Jason’s felt, but he didn’t let go of Jason’s hand, and that made any amount of embarrassment worth it.
“About bloody time,” Chris said when the noise died down. “I was starting to think you two would never get your act together.”
Macklin clapped them on the shoulders, making Jason jump. “Year-rounder or seasonal jackaroo, the same rules apply. I don’t care what you do on your own time, but when it’s my time, I expect the work to be done.” He squeezed a little tighter. “I also expect you to make each other happy.”
“We’ll do our jobs like always,” Seth said.
“Probably better because we won’t be distracted,” Jason said with a laugh.
Caine joined them with a smirk on his face for Macklin. “I’ll talk to Sam and Jeremy this week, but if they’re still planning on the move to Taylor Peak being permanent, there will be an empty house for you when you’re ready for it. And my record is still perfect.”
Jason felt Seth tense next to him. “Give us a few days to get used to the idea, yeah?”
“When you’re ready,” Caine repeated.
Jason could have moved in there tonight, but he wouldn’t pressure Seth into anything he wasn’t ready for. They had time. They would figure it out.
Twelve
JEREMY STARED down at the numbers Sam had set in front of him in disbelief. Every station had a bad season now and then. The weather didn’t cooperate, they had fewer lambs born, the
price of feed went up, a bad storm wiped out part of the mob or damaged property…. It was part of being a grazier, and Jeremy had grown up listening to his parents save up in the good years so they’d have what they needed to tide them through the lean ones. It wasn’t that Devlin had gone through a bad year, or even a couple of bad years. The problem was the cushion—specifically the lack of one. If Sam’s calculations were correct—and Jeremy had no doubt Sam had double- and triple-checked them before bringing them to Jeremy—the station was so far in debt Jeremy ran the risk of losing it to the bank if he couldn’t come up with a significant chunk of money by the end of the season.
“We’d have to sell off almost the whole mob to come up with that kind of money,” Jeremy said, looking up at Sam.
“And if we do that, we won’t have anything to earn money next season,” Sam finished for him. “I don’t know what Devlin intended to do, but he’s left you one hell of a mess.”
“Any suggestions?” Jeremy asked.
“You could throw yourself on the bank’s mercy,” Sam said. “We can put together a plan of how we’re going to pay off what Devlin owed over a couple of years, but there’s no guarantee they’ll accept it, and even if they do, we’re going to end up hurting because of it, because the only way I can see us coming up with that kind of cash even over a couple of years is to sell off stock. We could build the mob back up eventually, but it’s not going to be easy.”
“Can I just sell the place and go back to Lang Downs where we belong?” Jeremy asked. He hated it here. Hated the looks he got from most of the jackaroos. Hated the way everyone seemed to be comparing him to Devlin—and how he always came out looking worse. Three people on the entire station believed in him—Sam, Walker, and Charlie. And some days, Jeremy wasn’t even sure about Walker. “I’m a crew boss, Sam. That’s all I’ve ever wanted to be. I’m not cut out to be a grazier.”