Looking at the small purse Hannah was carrying that night laid out in front of me caused me to lose it. I slammed my fist down on the table startling everyone in the room and rose to my feet.
“Why the fuck didn’t you go in there the second you saw the truck!? How the hell could you all just sit back knowing there was a good chance he was in there and do nothing?! Hannah may not have much longer to live, that’s saying that she is still alive, and you all decided to do surveillance allowing him to leave out the back exit! You have got to be kidding me…”
Before I could continue on with my rant I felt hands on my shoulders and turned to find Xavier standing there.
“Not here, Jason...They can lock your ass up faster than you can count to three. Let’s go outside.” He spoke firmly.
“That would probably be a good idea,” Detective Cooper chimed in.
“A good idea?! Hannah’s out there, somewhere, fighting for her life and you think it’s a good idea for me to go outside because I’m pissed off at the lack of good police work we are dealing with!!”
Trying to pull from Xavier’s hold I felt more hands on me as I saw Elliot on my other side.
“Come on, son, we are all emotionally torn to shreds over this and you getting arrested will not help anything. Let Xavier and Abby take you home, I’ll call you later.”
“I’m fine…” I spat as I pulled from Xavier’s grasp and headed out the conference door, letting it slam loudly behind me.
Before I knew it I found myself outside the police station bumming a cigarette off a stranger. Luckily he had one, after having him light it I slowly inhaled the smoke into my lungs.
“What the hell are you doing?! You haven’t smoked in a year, Jason…” Abby’s voice came from behind me.
“Abby, I can’t take it anymore, I’m about to lose my damn mind if we don’t find her. I can—can’t even begin to think about the stuff that piece of shit has done to her. He better pray to god she is alive when we find them or I will kill him myself.”
“Yes, we will.” She almost whispered as Xavier pulled up to the curb.
Putting the remainder of the cigarette out, we walked to the car together.
Chapter 20
Hannah
I wasn’t sure how long I had been sitting there, frozen in the spot Matthew had left me in. My tears were all cried out and my head felt like a fog had consumed it. My body felt as if it was going to give up at any moment and honestly I couldn’t muster up enough emotion to care. But I knew when Matthew came back he was going to be the evil version of himself that I was terrified of.
I remembered the knife I had thrown under the mattress when I had managed to escape. Tears pricked at my eyes because I knew now that I had a way out, I had something that I could protect myself with, but I also knew that I would have to hurt Matthew to do so. My heart was torn in two. Do I save myself and hurt Matthew or do I risk him hurting me in hopes that someone will find me? I pulled the knife from under the mattress and slid it into the back of my pants before I laid back onto the mattress and closed my eyes. The silence was peaceful for once as I found myself falling away from the insane world I currently lived in.
∙∞∙
“You can’t just run away with him Hannah! Are you insane? He isn’t like us…” Megan quietly scolded me during our Algebra class.
“I’m not running away with him!!! Matthew and I are best friends…We love each other and his parents are going to take him away from me, Megan! He is more like us than you know, just because he is a little different doesn’t make him a monster.” I angrily whispered back at her.
“Hannah and Megan, am I going to have to separate the two of you?” Mrs. Cunningham asked.
“No ma’am,” We responded in unison as I shot Megan a death glare.
∙∞∙
The sound of a vehicle ramming into the side of the warehouse jarred me awake.
“What the hell…” I groggily said as I sat up on the mattress.
The darkness in the warehouse made it hard to see as the warehouse door swung open and the truck headlights showed a staggering Matthew coming through the door.
“Where the FUCK are you, Hannah?!!!” he yelled angrily.
Not only was he pissed off but he was drunk on top of it. Fear consumed me because I had never been around a drunk and angry Matthew. Usually I only dealt with the angry side of him.
The spotlight blinded me as he flipped it on while making his way over to the cage.
“There you are…Are you ignoring me, Hannah?! Ignoring me isn’t a good thing to do.”
“I—I’m not ignoring you, Matthew.”
“Ahhh… She speaks!”
He began fumbling with the cage door as he dropped the keys. He bent down to pick them up, cursing repeatedly as he dropped them a couple more times before he secured them in his grasp. He forced the key into the padlock and I heard it click as he swung the cage door open.
I felt like a deer in the headlights. My body was shaking violently from nerves as I slid a hand around to the knife stuck in the back of my pants. Pushing back slowly until I was flush with the wall, I tried to slow my breathing. If I was going to defend myself, being a shaky mess wasn’t going to help me any.
The smell of whiskey became stronger as he made his way closer to me. I forced my eyes shut as I felt his breath blowing into my face. I knew we were now face-to-face.
“Matthew…Please…” I whispered.
Grabbing a hold of my arms he jerked me to my feet and I lost my grip on the knife in the back of my pants. Thankfully, it stayed there. Matthew shook me like I was a rag doll before he slammed my back against the cage. His hand came across my face with such force I instantly felt blood pool in my mouth. Tears were falling silently down my face as I shook uncontrollably in his grasp.
“You really should have loved me, Hannah…It would have saved us both a lot of hurt and disappointment.” He spoke with so much hate.
My mind kicked into overdrive as I slammed my forehead hard against his. He dropped me to the ground, cursing as he grabbed his forehead. I crawled away as fast as I could and pushed myself up to my feet. Reaching around my back I pulled the knife from my pants and stood with it out in front of me. Matthew straightened up and turned towards me as blood slightly trickled down from the side of his eye. Noticing the knife in my hand he began to laugh wickedly.
“Silly girl…You really think you can hurt me! I’m not that young boy anymore and I’m a hell of a lot stronger than some little girl like you…” He spat as he lunged forward.
I swung the knife towards him, feeling the blade cut across his body as I forced my eyes shut. The impact of his body hit me so hard we both tumbled to the ground as the air left my lungs.
“FUCK!!! YOU CUT ME, YOU LITTLE BITCH!!” Matthew growled as he touched the long cut across his chest.
The room was spinning around me as Matthew forced me to roll onto my back. Placing his body on top of mine, he held his weight up with his arms as he continued to yell and curse at me. With his face only a few inches from mine, I could no longer control the sobs that loudly ripped from my chest. I reached around for the knife but couldn’t feel it anywhere on either side of me. Moving so that both of my hands were bound by one of his Matthew leaned to the side as he pulled something to him.
“Looking for this?” he waved the knife around in front of my face.
My eyes felt like they were about to pop out of my head at the sight of the knife so close to my face. Running the blade lightly across my cheek he began to loosen his hold on my hands. I wasn’t sure if he realized what he was doing or not but I knew I was going to have a small window to get out from under him.
As soon as he moved the blade away from my face I head butted him again. This time it didn’t have the same affect. Matthew began laughing even more wickedly as the room around me began to spin even more. I was pretty sure that last attempt at a head butt caused myself more pain than I had intended.
“W
hen are you going to learn, little girl, that I am a lot stronger than you are…” Matthew whispered in my ear.
I felt the blood from his shirt start to run down my side so I knew he was hurt pretty badly. My only choice now was to try and knee him somewhere that would cause mass amounts of pain. Blocking out what he was saying in my ear I slowly began to count to three in my mind.
1… 2… 3…
I put all the energy I had left into forcing my knee up and against any part of him that I could come into contact with. Matthew let out a loud Oomph as he rolled off of me. Realizing I had been holding my breath, I found myself gasping for air as I rolled away from him. Getting up to a standing position was harder than it should have been but my body had been battered and bruised. Running for the cage door, I felt Matthew grab my leg and I knew I had no chance of escaping as long as he was conscious, although the thought of hurting him caused my chest to ache. With one forceful tug of his arm Matthew pulled my legs out from under me, causing me to smack my hands and chest against the floor. I shrieked at the pain now shooting through my wrist as he continued to pull me to him.
“Matthew…Please…You’re hurting me…Please…” I begged breathlessly through my tears.
“SHUT UP!!! SHUT! UP!” he yelled as he flipped me over onto my back and covered my body with his again.
“You really need to stop running from me, Hannah…You are only delaying the inevitable”
“Matthew…Please…I know the boy I loved is in there somewhere…Come back to me…Please…Come back to me…” the tears poured out as I gasped for air in between them.
I closed my eyes when I felt the cold metal blade of the knife touch my neck. This is it, this is my last chance to try and bring my Matthew back to me. He was going to kill me if I didn’t and right now I had nothing to lose by trying. Forcing my eyes open I stared right into his. If he was going to kill me, he was going to have to do it while looking me in the eyes. The tears continued to pour down my cheeks as Matthew stopped the blade in its tracks. Pain flashed across his face causing me to glance down at his chest where I had cut him. It was bad, really bad. I hadn’t noticed the amount of blood he and I were both covered in until now. The cut was obviously deep. Blood continued to seep out from the rip in his shirt and onto my already soaked clothes. I knew I had to do something fast if I wanted to get out of here and also save him.
“Matthew, you are really hurt. Let me go so I can get you some help.” I spoke with as much sincerity as I could muster up while looking back into his eyes.
I didn’t give him much time to respond as I placed one of my hands onto his cut chest causing him to let out a low growl.
“You’re in pain; you don’t have to do this. I can get you some help, Matthew, and we can go back to our old selves. We can be together again and no one will be allowed to take you from me this time. Please…Please, let me go so I can get you some help!” I spoke in almost a whisper.
My heart didn’t seem like it could break anymore than it already had, but I was wrong. Matthew began to cry as he clenched the knife harder in his hand until his knuckles were white. Shaking his head back and forth he quietly started saying “No” over and over. This was typical behavior when he was bouncing back and forth between manic Matthew and loving Matthew, so I knew I was slowly breaking through to him.
“It will be all right, Matty…We can do this…Just let me go and I will find the nearest place to get help. You know I’ve always cared about you and I’m not about to stop caring now.”
The look on his face caused my heart to ache. He was lost within himself as he fought to be the person I knew, the Matthew I grew up with and loved. Leaning back on his heels he gave me enough room to slightly sit up as he clenched his free hand to his chest. Slowly I reached for the knife in his other hand as his eyes went wide.
“Give me the knife, Matthew. I’m not going to hurt you, but I need you to give me the knife.” I spoke slowly as my tears stopped.
“I can’t…” he sobbed, “He won’t allow me…You need to run, Hannah! You need to run! I’m barely holding him back!” the terror in his voice was unbearable.
“Matthew…You have to give me the knife…” pulling slightly on the handle hoping for him to release it, I could feel my heart hammering in my chest.
“DON’T! You have to stop—I can’t hold him back much longer!! Run, Hannah—Run away NOW!!” he was sobbing as he spoke through gritted teeth.
“I can’t…” I whispered as my tears started back up.
A few moments passed as we stared back at one another.
“I’m sorry…” Matthew said with such pain as he turned the knife in our hands and forced the blade deep into his chest.
“NOOOOOO!!!!!!!” I cried out while dropping my hands from the knife to catch Matthew’s falling body.
My whole body was shaking with shock as I rested his head in my lap.
“Stay with me, Matthew…Please—stay with me…Why—why did you do this?!” I cried hysterically.
“Han…it…was the only way…not to hurt you...I can’t…hurt you…I love you…” Matthew spoke as the blood pooled in his mouth with each breath he took.
“Please don’t leave me….I’m gonna get you help…”
Matthew laced his fingers through mine as the blood trickled out the sides of his mouth.
“Stay with me please…I want the last thing I see…to be you, Hannah. I have always…loved you…You were…the only light…in such a dark…world that I’ve…lived in…Hannah…” he was coughing up blood as he spoke.
The violent sobs that left me were uncontrollable as I softly rubbed my hand through Matthew’s hair. Our time was fleeting and there was nothing I could do but watch the first boy that I loved die right in front of my eyes, from his—our own hands.
“Don’t …cry…beautiful…I never meant…to hurt you…I just…wanted you…to love me…again…”
“Shhh…I do love you, Matthew…I am so sorry…Please don’t leave me…Please…”
Matthew’s coughing became hectic as the life left his eyes.
“OH GOD!! OH GOD NO!!! MATTHEW—PLEASE…MATTHEW…”
I buried my face in the crook of his neck as the pain flowed through my tears.
∙∞∙
I wasn’t sure how long I sat there cradling Matthew’s lifeless body as I mourned his loss. Blame was hard to face. I blamed myself for never contacting him after his parents took him away, I blamed my father for not giving me the letters Matthew spoke of, and I blamed his parents for taking him out of my life and locking him away in some institution. He never deserved any of that, let alone the life he was dealt since birth. Matthew didn’t kidnap me in hopes of torturing me or hurting me on purpose, he took me because he missed me and sadly that was the only way he thought he could have me. Now I sit here, covered in his blood, holding his lifeless body, and wishing I could change the past. Wiping my face with the back of my cleaner hand I moved his head off my lap and gently placed it on the floor. Kissing his forehead I whispered “Rest easy now, Matthew” and rose to my feet.
Silence filled me as I rummaged through the warehouse looking for a cell phone, keys to the vehicle outside, or even shoes to walk in. But I found nothing of the sort. So in my bare feet I took off walking towards the lonely dark road of freedom. The breeze from the night air had me holding onto myself to try and keep a little bit warmer. The thin material of my torn cotton pants and shirt wasn’t holding much of my body heat in.
My feet were aching as I continued to walk down the deserted street with no sign of life anywhere around. The Hannah that I used to be was long gone and left in her place was this hollow shell of a person. A low roar caught my attention as I stepped off the side of the road. Turning around I noticed headlights gradually getting closer. Panic begin to set in thinking the person may not see me standing on the side of the road so I dashed out into the center of the lane. Standing lifeless, I faced the oncoming car as the headlights became so bright I couldn’t
see a thing. I threw my hand up to block my eyes as the screeching of the car’s brakes wailed into the silent night air. I simply stood there, not caring if the vehicle ran over me or not at this point. My emotions were all over the place. One minute I was afraid the car wouldn’t see me and now the option of being struck down by the vehicle didn’t seem so bad. I guess I now knew what Matthew dealt with daily in his own mind. An unfamiliar female’s voice brought me back to reality.
“OH MY GOODNESS, ARE YOU OKAY?! What are you doing walking down this road at night!?” she cried out as she took in the looks of my clothing. My voice failed me as I stood there emotionally lost. “Are you hurt!? Here, let me grab a blanket from the back of my van.” The lady took off running towards the passenger’s side of her van and soon returned with a blanket that she wrapped around my shoulders. “We need to get you to a hospital…” she stated as she slowly guided me to her minivan and helped me get in the passenger’s side. She ran back around to the driver’s side, climbed into the seat and turned towards me. She gasped loudly as I stared at her. “You’re the missing girl…You’re Hannah Davis…I’d know your face anywhere. Oh darling, everyone has been looking for you—I have to call the police!” she rambled on in shock. Exhaustion soon caught up with me and the last thing I saw was us speeding down the dark road towards the bright lights of the city.
Moments of Reckoning Page 12