Strange New Feet

by Shannon Esposito

  “I missed it then. He wanted to make sure I’d miss it and I did. I didn’t get to tell them.” She is too tired to feel bitter and her head is fuzzy but what she does feel is a heaviness, a loss of hope. Funny how losing something can add weight.

  The officer pulls a chair by the bedside and takes out a notebook. “I know this is difficult for you, Miss Raine, but I need you to tell me as much as you remember about the incident. What did he want you to miss?”

  “I was supposed to meet with the President’s Council of Bioethics about Olivia Barnes. He wanted to keep me from talking to them, from defending her. He thinks she should be dead.”

  “Did he…assault you in any way other than hitting you over the head?”

  “No.” Then she remembers the knock, the black mask, the thud of the kidnapper falling to the floor. She turns away, stares past the monitors, out the window. The sky is blue, cloudless. She now has a question for the officer, a question she doesn’t really want an answer to.

  “Do you remember a second man entering the room?”

  The man that saved her? Yes, she remembers him. The man who has intruded into her life like…like what? Go on, say it. Like a guardian angel, only more like the angel of death. Violent people only respond to violence, that’s what he would say. Lots of people agree. Lots of people subscribe to the biblical belief of an eye for an eye.

  A life for a life.

  But, that wasn’t really how she felt, was it? No, she was relieved to see him again. Beyond relieved, she was happy.

  “Miss Raine?”

  “I’m sorry,” she turns her head slowly back to him, trying not to disturb the grenade of pain rolling around her brain. “I must have lost consciousness. There was another man?”

  He looks disappointed, his shoulders slump and he looks older suddenly. “Yep, actually the man who probably saved your life. A real knight in shining armor. What we can’t figure though is how he knew you were in trouble, why he was wearing a mask, why he dialed 911 and then didn’t stick around…unless he figured he would be in some kind of trouble himself.”

  She had to know…had to know exactly how much trouble he was in. “The kidnapper…is he…dead? Did this man kill him?”

  The officer shrugged. “Nope. He’ll be fit as a fiddle to stand trial in a few weeks.”

  He didn’t kill him then? She was sure he wanted to. This was a gift to her. She would have to thank him…if she ever saw him again.

  “So, you can’t think of anyone that might have known where you were? Might have known you were in trouble?”

  “No, sir.”

  A nurse moves into the room. “Well, well, sleeping beauty is up,” she is smiling a crooked smile. The officer moves out of her way as she checks the monitors and pats Safia’s leg. “Can you tell me your name?”

  “Safia Raine.”

  “Do you know what today is?”

  “Wednesday.”

  “Good enough. We did a CT scan when you came in. Looks like you just have a nasty bump and cut on your scalp that required some stitches but you should able to go home tomorrow. Are you feeling any pain?”

  “No, not much.”

  “Well, I’m going to leave you to rest,” the officer interrupts, laying a card on the table beside her. “You give me a call if you remember anything or need anything else.”

  “Thank you.”

  The nurse pours some water from the pitcher and hands it to Safia with two large pills. “These’ll help you get some rest.”

  The next time Safia wakes, the blinds have been closed and the room is filled with shadows. She closes her eyes again. Just to sink back into the darkness and not think is all she wants, but she has a visitor. A male voice pulls her reluctantly from sleep.

  “Miss Raine?”

  She opens her eyes and focuses on the man sitting in the chair by her bedside. He’s an older gentleman, his starched dress shirt unbuttoned at the top, his red paisley tie hanging undone as if he’s been waiting for a long time. He’s smiling gently at her, waiting for a response. She can’t shake the heaviness from her body or make her mouth move. A flicker of recognition catches in her mind.

  “Oh,” she manages, and then with effort, she gets her thick tongue and dry throat to form his name. “Dr. Zottenburg?”

  “Yes,” he leans forward and takes her hand for a gentle shake. “It’s nice to meet you. I wasn’t sure I’d get the honor.”

  She is trying to process what this means and getting frustrated with the slowness of her thoughts. He seems to sense her struggle and takes over the conversation.

  “We were all shocked when we were told you’d been attacked at the hotel, and also very glad to hear that you were going to be okay. People are really getting crazy over this whole issue, so we’d like to make a decision as soon as possible. We didn’t feel it was right, however, to do that without hearing what you came all this way to say. Do you feel up to talking?”

  Safia wants to shake her head vehemently, wants to jump up and hug this man that has given her hope again, but she is afraid to move her head too much, so she just says, “yes.”

  “Good,” he leans forward, pours her a cup of water and hands it to her. “Just take your time. I’d like to hear what kind of relationship you’ve developed with Olivia since the passing of her mother, any insights into her behavior that might be relevant…anything really that would help us with this impossible decision.”

  Safia takes a deep drink and clears her throat. She starts at the beginning, at their first meeting and mentions all the things that might be relevant to her case: Olivia’s drawings, friendships, fears, love of tomatoes. After she finishes up recounting all the details she can remember, she just wants to cry.

  “She’s become like a daughter to me. I promised her mother I’d protect her and…” she looks Dr. Zottenburg in the eye, “look what I’ve done to her. Handed her over to be a lab rat.” She presses her lips together in an effort to crush an escaping moan. “She’s just a scared little girl; a very traumatized, very freaked out child who hasn’t spoken a word since her mother was killed. Well, that’s not true. She spoke to me after they sterilized her. She said ‘I love you’ and that, doctor, is what I came here to tell you.” She pauses, takes another sip and clears the soreness from her throat. She realizes she’s talking slower than she normally does, but in this case it’s not a bad thing.“I’ve heard all the arguments for and against her being human. I’ve had to answer this question for myself and honestly, I couldn’t say for sure what that answer was until that moment. Until I heard and felt her love me. That’s what we humans do, isn’t it? This emotion of love that binds us…don’t we claim this unknowable force as the one knowable thing we recognize about each other? That we can love. I mean, animals bond, show affection for each other and sometimes us, but can they feel love and can they know consciously they’re feeling it and then express that feeling with language? Well, she can and does. She walks among us humans, Doctor, not just physically, but spiritually with love just like we do. Love is all that matters, right? You have to grant her the right to love us and not from within the boundaries of a glass cage.” She is tearing up now as she feels Olivia’s presence with her here, sees her eyes in front of her, shining like they used to shine with the curiosity and fearlessness of every other child she’s ever known. “She is no different than any other human child, Dr. Zottenburg, not where it counts.”

  Dr. Zottenburg stares at her thoughtfully for a long time. He shifts in his seat, reaches over and plucks a tissue from the nightstand and offers it to her. His mouth is still bent in a small smile, but his eyes are burning intensely. She can almost see his thoughts pooling, congealing and then dissolving to make way for a new thought. She didn’t envy him this decision.

  Finally, he leans back and laces his fingers together on his lap. He is sad, his shoulders have fallen. “Miss Raine, if the whole world ran on compassion such as yours, it would be a blissful place to be,” he sighs heavily. “I believe y
ou on the point that this child can feel love. It’s another unanswerable question you propose. Do we alone love? If so, I would say that your argument is sound and she should be declared human. It’s a good point. I’m not sure how the others will feel about this argument, but…” he laughs softly, “I can see a heated debate over the point in the near future.”

  They let the silence rest in the room, each lost in thought. Finally, Safia speaks.

  “Who would’ve thought it would be so hard to define what it is to be human, huh, doctor?”

  “Yes, who would’ve thought.”

  “Doctor?”

  “Yes?”

  “You once said that you didn’t think it would be possible to allow her total human rights, total freedom, right?”

  “That’s correct.”

  “They’ve done so much testing on her. They haven’t found anything, except a much better immune system than we have. Do you still think she could be dangerous?”

  He leans forward and takes her hand. The gesture makes her want to cry because she knows what it means. He still is not convinced.

  “I just don’t know. No one does…and that is the whole point.”

  Chapter 30

  It’s ten o’clock in the morning when her flight makes a hard landing in North Carolina. She tries to call Dr. Brennan, to see if they’ve moved Olivia yet but there is no answer. She’ll just have to go there and find out. She goes home first, quickly washes up, removes the bandage from her head so she won’t frighten Olivia if she’s still there, changes and grabs her hospital ID. She should take the time to return the frantic calls from her mother and sister, but she doesn’t want to spend anymore time away from Olivia. This attack has made her realize just how far-reaching people’s hatred of Olivia really is, how vulnerable she is, how far people will go. Maybe this is the best thing for her, moving her where no one can get to her. Safia also realizes how vulnerable she is, too. As much as she wants to, she can’t protect Olivia. She can’t even protect herself.

  She practically runs through the hospital and down the quarantine hall. It has the feel of being deserted. Her chest is heaving with the effort to breathe normally when she reaches the window and falls against it. The nurse turns abruptly, apparently startled by the noise. Safia feels relief wash over her, her legs begin to shake with the adrenaline. Olivia is still there, laying motionless on the cot. She waves to the nurse, rushes to scrub in, wiggles into the safe suite and motions to the nurse that she’s ready.

  The nurse leaves her alone with Olivia for the first time.

  “Olivia,” she whispers, falling to her knees beside the cot. She strokes a lanky arm and smiles as Olivia turns her head from the wall and finds Safia’s eyes within the plastic hood. “Hi, baby. I’m back. How are you today?”

  She watches Olivia’s chest rise and fall in a deep sigh. Lying there in a thin cotton gown, without a sheet over her, Safia can see just how bony she has become. She is disappearing, becoming less human by being treated that way. She wants nothing more than to hear this little girl’s voice again, but she is met with only a small attempt at a smile.

  “It’s going to be soon, Olivia. Soon, you will be coming home, okay?” What was she doing? Making promises she didn’t know if she could keep? She was getting desperate, weaving fantasies into hope and trying to make both of them believe it. Even though she knew what she was doing, she couldn’t stop herself. “I talked to Dr. Zottenburg, he’s one of the doctors that is deciding when you can go home. He’s a very nice man, a very reasonable man.” She stops as Olivia reaches up and rests spidery fingers on her arm.

  “It’s okay. I’m going to die.”

  This startles Safia so much that she nearly falls backward. She begins to tremble. Something inside her is shaken to the core. This is not the statement of a fourteen year old girl, there is an assurance—a concrete wisdom in her words, as if they were whispered in her ear from truth itself.They turn Safia cold. Has the nurse been talking to her? Has anyone else been in here? Has someone threatened her or told her they’d be taking her away?

  “No, Olivia. You’re not going to die. Not anytime soon.” She tries to smile, but Olivia is staring right through her now as if she doesn’t even see her.

  “It’s okay. I miss my mommy.”

  Safia moves closer to Olivia, stroking her head and face, trying to hold on to her by some proxy of closeness, though she feels her slipping away like sand through her fingers. There are hollow shadows under her eyes, haunting reminders of the sorrow, the isolation, the pain this child has endured. She doesn’t have the heart to tell her about being moved.

  “You don’t give up on me, Olivia,” she can’t stop the tears now and she doesn’t care. “You hear me. I’m not letting you give up. You stay with me. Just a little longer and there will be no more tests, no more walls. We’ll go far away from here. We’ll take a vacation, okay? Just me and you. Where do you want to go? Is there a place you’ve always wanted to see?”

  Olivia adjusts her focus and finds Safia’s eyes again. This time she does smile and it is fearless. “Heaven,” she whispers.

  *******

  Friday brings freezing rain and heavy October winds. The skies stay dark throughout the day, matching Safia’s mood.

  “Hey,” Rita finds her in the hallway. “Giorgio’s in town. Want to have lunch with us?”

  “Can’t, I have a patient to see,” she lies. She has noticed a distinct lack of work tossed her way lately. It’s made her wonder if the doctors are trying to give her a break or if they’re just avoiding her like crazy is contagious. It’s driving her nuts, not knowing when they’re going to take Olivia. Not knowing when she’ll go down to visit her and the room will be empty. So, she roams the hallways in between visits to Olivia anyway, because she doesn’t want to go home and leave Olivia, and she doesn’t want to stop moving.

  “Dinner tomorrow night?” Rita asks, after a long pause. She’s ripe with concern. Safia tries to give her a reassuring smile.

  “Maybe.”

  “I will hunt you down if you don’t call me.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” she manages a small laugh. Rita squeezes her shoulder and leaves her to haunt the hallways.

  Chapter 31

  It is almost noon on Monday. Safia is hiding in the bathroom stall, trying to steady her trembling insides.

  There is a light knock on the door. “Safia? Are you in there?” It’s Rita.

  “Yes,” she presses a wad of toilet paper against the hot tears running down her face. “I’ll be out in a minute.”

  “Oh, Safia,” Rita’s own voice is pained. “Open up.”

  Safia slowly slides the lock open and watches as Rita’s face appears in the stall doorway.

  “Hi.”

  Safia waves, a burst of emotion coming out as laughter, “Hi.”

  “You can do this,” Rita says, offering her hand. “You’ve done everything you could do, Safia.”

  Safia nods and takes her hand. “I don’t know if it was enough.”

  Rita gives her shoulders a squeeze, trying to give her strength with a stern smile. “Well, it’s time to find out.”

  They are all there—the original team set up to deal with Olivia’s situation—in the conference room, trying to make small talk and swallow cold coffee. There is palpable energy, nervous excitement in the air. The Council has announced it has made a decision and has called a press conference.

  Safia notices everyone is asking her questions, being overly friendly, trying to keep her mind off of the real reason they are all there. No one is mentioning Olivia. She is the pink elephant in the room. She is the human-chimp child everyone would like to forget exists.

  Safia has just finished answering Caden and Candice Meeks’ questions about the attack in Washington and they are both cringing and wide-eyed.

  “So, you don’t know who broke in and saved you?” Dr. Brennan, the chief of staff asks. Safia shakes her head and glances at Rita. Rita winks at her and Safia raises a
n eyebrow back at her.

  “How very knight-in-shining-armorish,” Leigh Ann sighs. “A real life superhero.”

  “Probably some kind of criminal,” Caden offers evenly. “Why else would he not stick around for the kudos due him?”

  “Maybe he was late for an appointment,” Candice smirks.

  Dr. Ackers turns up the volume on the flat screen and everyone quiets down.

  “Here we go,” he says to no one in particular as Dr. Zottenburg takes the podium in front of all the reporters.

  Rita takes Safia’s hand and squeezes it tight. Safia takes a deep breath in and blows it out slowly. This is it, she thinks and then feels her heart begin to race. This is really it.

  “Good afternoon,” Dr. Zottenburg begins, nodding to the crowd before him. “My name is Dr. Zottenburg and I’ve been given the distinct honor of announcing the decision of the President’s Council on Bioethics regarding the status of the human-bonobo chimera, Miss Olivia Barnes. As you all can imagine, this has been a most difficult decision…and one we felt needed to be made quickly for the safety of all involved.” He grips the podium and leans forward a bit.

  “The question we were faced with answering was not an easy one. What truly makes us human? What truly separates us from the other great apes? We have taken every possible angle of humanity into account.Is it our culture, our consciousness, our genetics? I mean, let’s face it; we have assigned ourselves, alone, the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. We afford no other form of life on this planet those rights.

  “So, where does a creature that is only part human fall in those rights? Does she only have the right to life and not freedom? Some freedom but not all freedoms? Does she have a right to enjoy her life? Or do our rights to protect our own lives against an unknown biological threat trump her right to freedom? Should she be protected under the 13th amendment?

  “One of the points that was brought up to me was the fact that she can love.”

  Safia feels every part of her body react to this, every muscle tense, every sense sharpen, her stomach contracts, her heart pumps in her ears.