by Naomi Niles
“How so?”
“Just always wanting to try new things,” I said with a shrug. “Wanting to challenge myself. Not wanting to repeat myself or coast on my past success. I’ve always been the sort of woman who gets tired of doing the same old things very quickly.”
Darren smiled and slid his hands around my waist. “Well,” he said in a low voice, “I hope you don’t get tired of me.”
“Never,” I whispered and tilted my head to receive his kiss.
He kissed me passionately, first on the lips and then all along the side of my neck. Although I was tense and hesitant at first, my resolve melted away in an instant. I could sense how close we were to the edge, and as he nibbled at my collarbone, I caught a glimpse of the food cooling on the kitchen counter. We’re really going to do this. We’re going to have sex before we’ve even had breakfast.
It was an alarming thought, not least because of how much I wanted it and how ashamed of myself I felt for wanting it.
He slid his hands under my shirt and around my tummy, slowly advancing upward. Shutting my eyes, I could feel him groping his way toward my white bra with the padded cups that he had so carefully unhooked the week before. He might have gotten it all the way off again if we hadn’t been suddenly interrupted by the buzzing of my phone on the table.
We waited, thinking it would stop after a minute or two, but it kept going.
“You want me to put it on silent?” he asked in a tone of irritation.
“Wait, it could be my dad calling.” I broke away and ran to pick it up. It was Margo.
“Hey, Margo, what’s up?”
The level of urgency in her voice was jolting. “Penny, hey. I need you to listen carefully. Your dad’s been in an accident.”
“An accident? What do you mean? He hasn’t left the house.” It was hard to conceal the panicky tone in my voice.
“I came in about an hour ago and found him in the kitchen, passed out. He had fallen and hit the back of his head on the edge of the dishwasher. I brought him to Medical City downtown, where he’s currently resting.”
I forced myself to ask the question, “How bad is it?”
“I don’t know where you are right now,” said Margo, “but the sooner you can get here, the better.” She hung up.
I re-buttoned the top button of my flannel shirt and turned to face Darren, who looked grave and disappointed. “I’m sorry I can’t stay for breakfast. There’s been a medical emergency.”
“Do you need me to drive you somewhere?”
“It’s kind of you to offer, but I think I can handle it. I’ll see you later.” Without once looking him in the eyes, I grabbed my purse off the back of the chair, and left the house.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Darren
I woke up the next morning with Penny and her dad on my mind. I had tried calling her a couple times the night before, but she hadn’t answered. I texted her once more before I left for work.
Hey, are you alright? I just wanted to let you know I miss you and am thinking about you. Text me when you get a chance just to let me know how things are going.
As I brushed my teeth and made breakfast, I listened for the chime of the phone. Part of me wanted to rush over to the hospital and find her. But if she hadn’t texted back yet, it was likely she didn’t want to be found. There wasn’t much I could do to help her, and I felt frustrated. It didn’t help that this morning was the bluest and most beautiful in memory, or that the sun went on shining serenely as though nothing was wrong.
Dickie didn’t seem to notice my agitation. When I reached the garage, he emerged beaming from the Mustang. “I took it out early this morning, and I can confirm that the speed has increased significantly. As fast as it was before, it’s going to be even faster now, but you need to be especially careful navigating sharp turns.”
He went on like this for a while, and I nodded along as though I was paying attention. A few weeks ago, I would have thrilled to the news that our car was the fastest on the road and could easily outrun any other vehicle. Now, though, all I could think about was Penny.
A feeling of dread continued to gnaw at me. The lack of response on Penny’s end signaled like nothing else could have done that her dad was in trouble. I wanted to know how he was doing. More than that, I wanted to know how she was handling it. Finally, when I didn’t think I could stand to wait in ignorance any longer, I decided to run by Car Quest. If anyone knew what was going on with them, it would be Nic.
Grabbing my keys off the counter, I said to Dickie, “I’ll be back in a bit.”
“Where are you headed?”
“Don’t worry about it.” I stalked out of the garage toward my car.
The uneasy feeling intensified as I pulled into the parking lot and saw that Penny’s car was gone. The store was empty but for Nic, who stood at the front counter leafing through a yellowed car manual. Behind her, a radio was reporting scenes of devastation from the hurricane in the Gulf.
She glanced up when she saw me, looking faintly annoyed.
“Penny’s not here right now. Try coming back tomorrow.”
“I didn’t think she would be.” I paused at the counter and set down my car keys. “Any idea how she’s doing?”
Nic slapped her hands down on the table, palms up. “I don’t know what to tell you. I know she was on her way to the hospital last night when she texted me. I haven’t heard from her since, and if you haven’t, either, then she’s probably busy or doesn’t want to be bothered.”
Seeing the beleaguered look on my face, her tone softened a little. “I’m sorry. I wish I could be of more help. Last I heard, her father was over at Medical City. He had collapsed in the kitchen, and the nurse came in and found him. There’s no telling what might have happened if she hadn’t found him.”
“Well, I guess we can all be grateful that it’s not as bad as it could have been.”
“Yeah.”
A silence fell in which I wondered whether I should say more, or thank her and walk away.
“I’m sure we’ll hear from her soon,” said Nic. “She’ll want us to know how she’s doing. She’s not the type to just leave us guessing.” Judging from the tone in her voice, it sounded like she was trying to convince herself.
I made a quick series of mental calculations. Nic and I had never been close, but this could be a chance to fix that. “I think I might swing by the hospital after work. You wanna come with?”
Nic shook her head. “Look, I’d love to go over there. But one thing you learn about Penny is that when she doesn’t want to be bothered, she lets you know. Right now, she’s making it pretty clear that she wants to be left alone.”
“Yeah, I get that,” I said, more waspishly than I intended. “I just wish there was something I could do. I hate having to sit here with my hands tied, not knowing whether she’s okay.”
Nic reached over the counter and laid a reassuring hand on my arm. Her touch was surprisingly gentle. “Look, I know you’re scared and frustrated. I’m her best friend, and I’ve been dealing with this for a long time. When she’s worried or upset, she has a way of hiding. But she always comes out again after a day or two. It won’t be long before you see her again, I’m sure of it.”
“Thanks.” I drew a deep breath. Although Nic could be mean and irritating, it was hard not to appreciate her show of support. I felt grateful for it in spite of myself. “Call me if you need anything?”
“Of course.” She hesitated for a moment as though wanting to say something else. “Hey, I hope I didn’t embarrass you the other day.”
“Embarrass me? How?”
It was the first time I had ever seen Nic betray a hint of shyness. “When I jumped into the lake.”
She didn’t spell out what she meant, but she didn’t have to. “You were fine,” I said. “Seriously, don’t worry about it. You took off into the water after about a second, so I didn’t see much.”
Nic nodded, her cheeks burning scarlet. “Well, we ca
n’t all be as cute as Penny,” she said quietly and returned to her book.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Penny
I awoke with a start in the middle of the night. It was early Monday morning, about three or four in the morning. I had fallen asleep in a chair next to my dad’s bed, and now I was too stiff to move. As I turned around and reached for my phone on the windowsill next to the geraniums, I felt a sharp pain in my neck and sides. The overhead lights shone brightly and hurt my eyes.
But I was awake now, and there was no getting back to sleep no matter how hard I tried. Instead, I would probably sit there for the next three or four hours shifting uncomfortably and feeling irritable. I was too tired to drive home. I didn’t want to risk falling asleep at the wheel and swerving off the road or, God forbid, running into someone.
At least Dad seemed to be sleeping soundly; he had only awoken once since my arrival at the hospital the day before, and then only for a few hours. We had talked for a bit, and I had read to him from Anne of Green Gables until he nodded off.
I scanned back through my recent texts wondering if maybe I had missed a text from Darren. There were none. He hadn’t texted or called since I had left his house. He seemed irritated when I told him my dad was in the hospital, as if making out should have taken precedence over a medical emergency. Sorry, my dad’s cancer isn’t convenient for you, I imagined myself saying. Maybe find another girlfriend who would wait until after sex to go visit her ailing parent.
In the back of my mind, I think I knew I was just being cranky and irritable. Darren wasn’t really that selfish… was he? In any case, I would almost certainly feel better after I had gotten a couple more hours’ sleep. Things had a way of looking better in the light of morning.
***
When I awoke at around 8:00am, I had a text from Darren. He said he hadn’t heard from me in a while and wanted to know how I was doing. I was still debating whether I should text him back or what I would say when Dad stirred and turned toward me.
“Hey, pumpkin,” he said sleepily. “You doing okay?”
I didn’t want him to worry about me, so I told a half-truth. “I’ll be fine. What I really want to know is how you’re doing.”
Dad scoffed and waved a hand in the air dismissively as if the question itself was ridiculous. “Don’t worry about your old man. Like I said, I’m not in my twenties anymore, and you can’t expect me to be in peak physical condition. As long as I’ve got you and the nurses here to look after me, I’ll be fine.”
His tone wasn’t exactly reassuring. I had the distinct impression that he was underplaying the amount of pain he was in so that I wouldn’t worry. For a moment, my irritation at Darren faded away into nothing as I came over and took his hand.
He smiled with a contented air as I stroked the back of his head. “I never did ask you yesterday how you and the boy are doing.”
“We’ll be fine in a bit. Every relationship has troubles when it starts out, right? Didn’t you and Mom used to quarrel when you were first dating?”
“We did—mostly over money. I remember about a month into our marriage she went out and bought a three-hundred dollar mattress as a surprise gift for us. She thought I would be pleased, but I yelled at her because I didn’t think we could afford it. We barely had that much money in savings. I told her if we were going to buy a mattress, it ought to be second-hand from a thrift store or garage sale. She said that was a white trash way of thinking and she wasn’t going to sleep on a mattress that somebody else had already slept on. Of course, I got offended because I thought she was insulting my family—she had always had more money than me, a fact which caused me no end of embarrassment.”
“Yeah,” I said softly, continuing to stroke his hair. As a girl, these stories had often bored me, but lately, I could listen for hours without interruption.
“Anyway, we argued for a bit, and then I stormed out into the rain. I came back a few hours later carrying a new headboard for the bed. While out driving, I had done some thinking and decided I liked the mattress after all.”
“How did Mom react?”
“She was pleased, of course. We spent the rest of the night putting the bed together, then sat down with ice cream and watched Night Court. Looking back on it, I can’t believe we ever fought over something as silly as a mattress. If I had known how things were going to end, I might not have let my anger get the best of me so often. I would do anything to have her back now, recklessly spending our money on things we don’t need and can’t really afford.”
“You did need a mattress, though,” I reminded him. “And not a cheap, second-rate mattress, but a quality mattress that would last you twenty years or more.” Seeing the glint of pride in his eyes, I added, “Sorry, did I sound just like Mom just then?”
“You did,” he said, nuzzling my hand. “But it’s okay.”
I sat down and read to him from the last few chapters of Anne of Green Gables, and had just reached the part where Gilbert gives up his teaching position, when the door opened, and Doctor Rendell came into the room.
“How are you both doing?” he asked, brisk and quietly cheerful. Walking over to the nightstand by the bed, he picked up a box of tissues in both hands. Something in his manner made me uneasy, and I began to feel a sense of dread in my belly without knowing why.
“I’ve been better, but I’ll get over it,” I said. “Dad?”
“About as good as can be expected. What’s the prognosis?”
“Well, that’s actually what I came to talk to you about,” he said in a grave tone. Instantly my mouth dried, my stomach disappearing. He had something to tell us. We weren’t going to like it, and we couldn’t avoid it.
Spreading his arms wide in a gesture of welcoming, Doctor Rendell said, “I’m afraid I have some very serious news…”
But I only heard about half of the conversation that followed, as Rendell explained that the cancer had progressed and that there wasn’t much more we could do except to make Dad “comfortable,” as he put it. As if we were just finding the right chair for him to sit in, rather than making preparations for his imminent death.
Dad nodded amiably, and only a faint trickle of tears formed at the corners of his eyes. “Yeah, that all sounds good. Yes, of course.” He took my hand and squeezed it. “I think we would both like that.” From the tone of his voice, you’d have thought they were just having a friendly chat.
It was like being in the path of a tornado, standing motionless and glass-eyed as you watched it barreling toward you in slow motion. I asked myself again and again, as I had been asking myself for months, whether this could have been avoided. But no, this wasn’t that kind of cancer. There was no change in his lifestyle or diet that could have prevented it. It was an accident of nature, titanic and unavoidable.
With a dazed feeling, I walked out into the hall and called Darren. The phone rang four times before going to his voicemail. Frustrated, I tried calling him again with the same result.
This wasn’t the response I had wanted. I was tired and scared, and nothing in my life was going right. And I just wanted to hear a reassuring voice on the other end of the phone telling me I would pull through this. Even though I knew I wouldn’t. Even though my dad was facing the worst crisis of his life and there was no hope of survival.
“Please, pick up the phone!” I whispered in desperation, near tears, as the phone went to voicemail for the third time. I seldom cursed, but I felt a strong desire to curse at that moment.
There was an empty chair at the end of the hallway. I walked toward it and sank down, burying my head in my hands, numb with shock. I kept trying to find a way to make it be okay, but there were none. Maybe the prognosis was mistaken. Maybe Dad was stronger than they thought. Maybe he’d prove them all wrong.
But I couldn’t bring myself to believe it. Fear—fear of the unknown—twisted my insides into knots, making me want to vomit.
Dad was texting me, wanting to know where I had gone, but I coul
dn’t go back just yet. There would be some hard conversations ahead, and I wasn’t ready to have them. Doctor Rendell had given him a few days at best, and then what? He was dying, and all the medical specialists and cancer surgeons in the world couldn’t stop it.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Darren
Five days passed, and I still hadn’t heard from Penny. I was supposed to be getting ready for the big race on Saturday, but lately, she was my sole concern.
On Wednesday night, I went out for drinks with Nic. Penny had texted her the day before saying she’d be out of contact for a few days, but not saying why. Nic was beginning to worry about her.
“Normally she doesn’t withdraw for this long,” she told me over a pint of Blue Moon at The Old Monk. She was wearing a black lace top and a pair of faded white khakis. “I always give her two or three days before I start to get worried, but this is beyond anything she’s done before. I think something may be really wrong.”
“Do you think maybe her dad died?”
She shook her head. “No, she would’ve told me that.”
I didn’t like the implication that she would have kept it from me, but I held my peace. “We ought to try calling up to the hospital to see if he’s still there.”
“I might do that tomorrow,” Nic said. “I figured I’d give her at least another day before I start asking around. Penny’s a hard person to care for, you know? Easy in some ways and hard in others.”
“In what ways?”
“If you know her well, I’d say it’s fairly simple. She has habits and rituals and routines that she uses to make sense of her life. As long as you know what those are and don’t try to disrupt them, I think you’ll be fine. The trick is getting close enough to learn what her routines are.”