by Naomi Niles
“Sonny,” I said, flagging down one of the officers.
“Sam, there you are.” Before he could say another word a woman jumped in between us. Her dress was singed on one side, her face was covered in black ash, and there was a definitive heat coming off her body.
“Ma’am, you need to see one of the-”
“No, no… My daughter,” she screamed, cutting me off. “Please, my daughter’s inside… You need to get her out now!”
She was bordering on hysterical, but I could still make out her words. I looked towards the austere brick building. It was one of the older ones in town, three stories high and poorly ventilated. Those were the buildings that inevitably had shorts and electrical problems. It was always the poor who got the short end of the stick.
“Calm down, ma’am,” I said, grabbing her by the shoulders. “Which floor is your daughter on?”
“The first,” she gasped. “The first… Please… She’s only four years old.”
“What’s her name?”
“Jenny… It’s Jenny… Please-”
“Don’t worry, ma’am,” I said to her in my calmest voice. “I’m going to get her out. Stay here.”
Without missing a beat, I charged into the burning building. I kept my head down and my eyes open, despite the black fog choking me.
I had developed a tolerance for heat in all my years of training and turned my mind off against the heat. I could still feel it, that oppressive black anger that cooked my skin, but I would not let it have power over me. My suit would protect me. I placed my goggles over my eyes and kept going.
And then I saw her.
She was cowering underneath the staircase, trying to move her toes as far away from the heat as she could. She was fighting a losing battle – fire was a cruel villain and would never let up. She was a tiny girl; her face was obliterated by black ash, and she was coughing and crying at the same time. I could see that she was losing the fight even as I rushed to her side.
“Jenny,” I said, wondering if she could even hear me. “Jenny, come with me.”
She reached for me, and I grabbed her immediately, cocooning her in the circle of my arms, hoping that my suit would protect her, too. I would need to move fast. The fire was spreading at a terrific rate.
As her tiny body shuddered against mine, I felt something I had never felt before in all my years as a fireman: I felt scared. That fear was not for myself or for the situation I found myself in. That fear was for the child in my arms.
I was scared because I wanted her to be okay. I was scared because I wanted her to be safe. And, I was scared because she was just like Renni, and the thought of anything happening to Renni was suddenly unbearable in my head.
Only once we were out in the clear light of day, did I allow myself to breathe. Immediately the EMTs surrounded us and someone lifted Jenny from my arms. A part of me tried to cling to her, but then she was gone. I watched helplessly, as she was given oxygen and her vitals were checked.
“Jenny!”
I turned to see the child’s mother rush to her side with tears streaming down her face. There was fear in her eyes, mixed with the terrifying dredge of hope. And all I could think about was Renni.
Was this what it felt like to be a parent? I wondered. It was a mix of intense, mind-numbing fear and incredible love. How did Mia do it? I wondered. But the more important question here was…how could I do it?
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Mia
Usually I woke up with a head full of thoughts. That first five minutes after I woke up was crucial because it was where I planned my day. I would go through the list of things I needed to do for Renni and then the list of things I needed to do for work. I would co-ordinate and schedule in my head until I didn’t have a spare minute left in the day.
And because of this neurotic little ritual of mine, I usually ended up stressed before I even got out of bed.
But today was different. Today I woke up feeling light and happy, and I figured I’d take advantage of that feeling. I ran through the list of things I needed to get done at work. They were all negligible things that could be put off for a day or two.
Feeling slightly like a teenager playing hooky, I decided to call in sick. After that was done, I went into the bathroom and took a nice long shower. Then I put on my most comfortable pair of jeans and a soft white t-shirt that I had owned since college. I combed out my hair and headed for the kitchen, feeling young and spritely all of a sudden.
I suspected my attitude had something to do with Sam and the way things were going between us, but I didn’t spend too much time thinking about the reason for my mood. It felt smarter to just enjoy it.
“Mommy?” Renni’s voice called from her room.
“I’m in the kitchen, angel,” I called back.
A moment later, she stepped out of her room, rubbing her eyes with both hands. “Mommy,” she said, with a big yawn. “Can you help me get ready for school?”
I smiled. “Come over here for a second,” I said.
She walked over to me in her little white pyjamas with the pink bunny rabbits all over it. The legs and arms of the pyjamas were too long for her, but I knew she would grow into them before the year was out. She was growing up so fast that sometimes I missed the changes. I vowed to slow down a little from now on and really look at her.
“What is it, Mommy?” Renni prompted when I didn’t say anything.
“Well… I didn’t feel like going in to work today,” I admitted. “And I was wondering if you felt the same way about school?”
Her eyes lit up instantly. “Yes!” she practically yelled, as she made a little jump for joy. “I do feel that way about school.”
“Excellent,” I said. “Then today feels like the perfect day to play hooky, don’t you think?”
“I do, I do,” she nodded vigorously.
I laughed at her enthusiasm. “Alright then, we should start this day off right with a grand breakfast. What do you think?”
“Pancakes and muffins?” Renni asked coyly.
“Why not?” I said. “And how about some scrambled eggs on toast. With fruit, too.”
“Yea,” Renni looked delighted.
“Okay then, let’s get started.”
I was about to turn to the stove when the doorbell rang. Frowning, I looked down the narrow hall where our door was. “Hmm… Were you expecting anyone?” I asked my daughter. “Any appointments I don’t know about?”
She laughed. “I don’t have appointments, Mommy,” she said. “I’ll go see who it is.”
I heard her head down the hall, and then her voice rose in excitement. “Sam!”
“Sam?” I said to myself.
I peeked into the hallway to see Renni grabbing Sam around the waist. He laughed and hugged her back before picking her up and walking inside. He hugged her close as his eyes met mine, and I knew instantly that something was up with him.
“Sam?” I said with a small smile.
“I hope I’m not intruding,” he said as he set Renni down.
“I’m glad you’re here,” she said. “We can play today.”
“Today?” he repeated, looking at me in confusion. “Isn’t it a school day?”
“Mommy and I are playing hooky,” she informed him excitedly. “You should play hooky with us. Please, please… It’ll be so much fun!”
Sam laughed. “Well you make a compelling case, Renni.” Then he looked towards me as though asking for permission before he gave her a yes. I smiled and nodded and then Sam turned to her. “I would love to play hooky with you guys!”
“Yes!” she screamed, making another little jump for joy.
“Well, you just let me know what you want to do today and I’m all yours,” Sam told her.
“Anything I want?” she asked, and I knew she was leading him into a trap.
“Yup,” Sam nodded. “You can make a list.”
I smiled as she clapped her hands together. “Okay.”
“
Sweetheart, why don’t you go and get some clothes on-”
“And make my list?” Renni reminded me.
“Of course,” I nodded. “That, too.”
As Renni headed towards her room in a hurry, I focused my attention on Sam. He was starting after her with a strange look in his eyes. It was hard to place, but it looked distinctly familiar to me.
“Hi,” I said, reaching out and taking his hand.
When his eyes met mine, they looked serious and somber.
“What’s got you down?” I asked gently.
“I… Well…”
“Sit down and talk to me,” I encouraged.
We sat down together at the kitchen table, but Sam refused to let go of my hand. “There was a fire last night,” he began.
I looked over him urgently. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” he rushed to assure me. “Don’t worry about me. But…it was a pretty big fire and there was a little girl stuck inside the building.”
“No!” I said horrified, my thoughts immediately flew to Renni. “Is she…”
“She’s fine,” Sam said quickly. “I managed to get her out in time.”
“Wow,” I breathed. “Sam, that’s great news. But why do you look so…haunted?”
His hazel eyes were soft and thoughtful. “I’ve done this a thousand times before, Mia,” he told me. “I’ve pulled dozens of people, children included, from burning buildings and vehicles and everything in between. It’s never fazed me before. I’ve always had a clear head and a straight way forward. But yesterday was different.”
“Why was it different?”
“Because I kept thinking of that little girl, but I kept seeing Renni, instead.”
I gave him a soft smile and squeezed his hand.
“I don’t know,” Sam continued. “It was like… I’ve never really been scared before, you know. But yesterday, I couldn’t get the fear out of my head. I just kept thinking that if I didn’t save her, then…”
“Hey,” I said, bringing his eyes up to meet my own. “It’s normal to feel that way, Sam. I feel that way all the time. Even when she’s safe and happy and right in front of me, sometimes I get scared. It’s how parents usually feel about their kids.”
Right on the heels of that sentence, I realized what I had seen and what this must mean to Sam. It was significant because he had been a single man with no responsibilities. And now, he was starting to see Renni through paternal eyes. And then it hit me. That look in his eyes was familiar because I had seen it in Clint’s eyes.
The thought choked me up and I felt moisture prick at the corners of my eyes. Was it possible that Sam could really think of Renni that way? He was so young, four years younger than I was. Could he really want the responsibility of taking on a woman with a child?
“Mia?”
“Yes?” I said, blinking back my tears.
“I really care about you,” he said emphatically.
“I know,” I said, with a smile.
“And, I really care about Renni, too,” he said. “Which is why…after yesterday… I just wanted to see you both. Is that silly?”
“Of course not,” I said. “It’s beautiful. I love that you’re here. And, I love how much you care about Renni. I couldn’t have done this if I didn’t feel a connection there between the two of you.”
At that moment, Renni came rushing out of her room in blue jeans, a pink t-shirt, and a piece of paper in hand. She presented it to Sam and me as though it were a prize. It took only once glance to know that Renni had packed the day full of activities. I smiled and turned to Sam with raised eyebrows.
“You might need another day off after today,” I said teasingly.
Sam stared at the list and started reading it out one by one. “The zoo, the aquarium, the park with the pink swings, the big wheel downtown, the candy shop with the purple unicorns, the place with the yellow boots…”
He looked up at me in confusion.
I laughed. “Renni doesn’t always know the names of places.”
“Mommy knows,” she said happily.
“I do,” I nodded. “But, sweetheart, you’ve got a lot of activities on this list… I don’t know if we’ll be able to do them all.”
“Sam said we could,” Renni said, turning to him.
Sam stared at the paper a moment longer and then he turned to me. “We can do this.”
“We can?” I asked.
“Definitely,” he nodded. “It’s just a matter of hustling.”
I laughed. “Do we have time for breakfast?”
“There’s always time for breakfast, Mommy,” Renni said, shaking her head at me.
“I stand corrected,” I laughed as I got to my feet and started cracking eggs into a bowl.
“This will go quicker if we both help, right, Renni?” Sam asked.
“Uh-huh,” she nodded, grabbing a chair and pulling it towards the counter where everything was laid out.
We spent a happy half hour putting together a breakfast with far too many options. It was clear that Sam and Renni had a sort of magical synergy together. They just blended well, as though they had known each other for years. I could see the bond between them cement itself in familiarity and domesticity, and my heart ached a little.
I had always imagined this exact scene, but there had been another man standing in Sam’s place. It was unfortunate, it was sad and it was tragic, but there was no way around that. Life was cruel and sometimes things changed drastically. I was just thankful that Renni wouldn’t miss out on certain things because of it.
I stood back for a moment and watched the two of them together. Then, on a whim, I went to my room and got out my camera. I hadn’t used it in awhile and the battery was dangerously low, but there was enough juice left for one or two pictures. I snuck back into the kitchen and aimed my lens at the two of them.
I took three pictures of them before the battery died, but it was enough. I didn’t know if we would always be like this. I didn’t know if Sam would always be around. But I wanted those three pictures, anyway.
It was about more than just the moment. It was about more than just Sam. It was about hope.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Sam
It seemed even fire fighting hadn’t prepared me for the vigors of having a five year old. Renni was non-stop and seemed to have an endless reserve of energy. Just when I thought she was winding down, something else caught her eye and hurricane Renni would drag along Mia and me. And despite the fact that I was struggling to keep up, I was having a blast!
After a morning running around the museum and then the zoo, we found ourselves in the cooling comfort of the aquarium. Renni ran along ahead of us, while Mia followed behind hand in hand.
It was a new experience for me and I realized how much I had missed out on by staying away from committed relationships. There was something to the connection there. Casual flings were all about sex, but relationships were all about feelings. And, I was starting to realize how intense those feelings could be.
“You know there are more activities on her list right?” Mia reminded me.
I laughed. “How do you do this on a daily basis?”
“I don’t,” she replied. “I curb her in. But every once in awhile, I let her do exactly what she wants.”
“Forget me, you’re the real fire fighter.”
“Most mothers are,” she nodded. “We’re all juggling a hundred things at the same time…half of us without partners.”
I nodded. “Can I ask you…about Renni’s father?”
I wasn’t sure Mia wanted to talk about him, but I felt like it needed to be spoken about. I was spending a lot of time with his daughter, and I felt a strange type of kinship with him.
“His name was Clint,” Mia said without hesitation. “He was my college boyfriend.”
“You met him as a freshman?”
“Yes,” she nodded. “He was a junior at the time, and we clicked right away.”
“
Tell me about how you met him,” I said.
“You want to know?” she asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Actually, I do,” I nodded. “He was your husband, and he is the father of your child. He will always be an important part of your life, and I want to make sure I know him, too…for Renni.”
She smiled at me as though she were touched by my words. Her eyes were far away for a moment, as though they were collecting memories to share with me. I let her take her time.
“We were at a party, Vanessa and I,” Mia started. “It was probably the fifth party we’d hit in two days, and I was over it. I just wanted to sleep, to be honest. So while Vanessa was hooking up with a frat boy, I bowed out and headed back to my dorm. It was such a lovely night that I decided to just walk around a little bit. That’s when I ran into Clint.
“He had this long board thing and was running it down one of the hills by the dorms. He was sledding in summer, and I couldn’t help but watch him.”
“He was alone?” I asked.
“Completely alone,” she nodded. “And having a blast. I was the one who approached him and asked if I could have a go. We spent an hour sliding down the hills in front of Rennington Dormitory. Which is where Renni got her name.”
“Rennington,” I repeated.
“We scrapped the last couple of letters and went with Renni,” Mia nodded. “After the place where we met. We figured it worked for a girl or a boy.”
I smiled. “What happened after?”
“We starting dating,” she replied. “In fact, we always considered that night to be our first official date. He walked me to my dorm afterwards and kissed me goodnight. It didn’t feel like we’d only just met.”
“That’s a nice story,” I said. “It’s ironic, really…”
“What it?”
“How much I like him,” I admitted. “I guess the ironic part is that if he were here, I probably wouldn’t like him very much at all.”