by Lana Davison
I only have memories left to hold, a constant reminder of what I wished was, and would never be. I knew that all I could do was slowly pull myself together. There’s no escape from my memories. Leo had changed me and nothing was like it used to be.
At school Emily was like some kind of personal emotional warrior protector, if there is such a thing, relentlessly making sure no one questioned me about why I was no longer boarding, why I was no longer with Leo, and where Leo was. She always provided me with a shoulder to cry on. Like me, Emily said she hadn’t seen Leo’s departure coming and was surprised that he had no intention of coming back.
I get so tired crying, thinking about the way we were and wondering aimlessly why he hadn’t returned, why I wasn’t good enough for him.
As the term came to a close, I decided I had spent too much time dwelling on the past. I was over it, I was over myself, over wishing Leo would come back, when that was not going to happen. I wanted to feel better again – I wanted to feel like me.
Chapter Twenty-Two
The new school year commenced. A full year had passed since I had met Leo. I thought briefly about the way I felt the day I caught sight of him, the way he made me feel, like a child on Christmas day. I got something I so desperately wanted but I never thought would come to me in my lifetime. Something inside had awakened but that very part had now died. I had survived my departure from my parents before Leo and I would survive again.
Sara and Stuart let me board again and I resumed my previous place as Emily’s roommate. Everything will be good this year, my final year of secondary school before university.
My form teacher for the year was Mrs Clever who gave me a class timetable and a study plan to fill in. I was going to have to study double time this year I suppose and, without Leo as a distraction, this was very possible. My science scores showed I might have a career in the sciences, but as to what, I don’t know. I still had time before I decided on a career path.
I collected my bag and walked to the science lab alone. I wondered who would be my lab partner this year, remembering again, that Leo was my lab partner last year, until he left and I had no partner given our class was now an odd number, but no matter, I was happy to work hard on my own. I opened the door and took my place at the same table I used last year, second from the front. Henry walked in and took up a chair next to me. He placed his satchel bag on the bench and got out his pens and notebook, then looked over to me.
“Hi,” Henry smiled.
“Hi,” I said twirling my pen around in my mouth.
“Do you want to be lab partners?”
“Sure.” I shrugged.
“If we’re lab partners this year, let’s pick up where we left off. Let’s be the way we were,” Henry said.
“You’ve always been a good friend, Henry. I’d like that.”
“Well I just want to say something to you about that creep Leo. I know you might not want to hear this, but Leo was a professional liar, he told you everything you wanted to hear. I knew he was like that, I watched him with you, and you fell for the trap. No one could tell you because you were under his…,” he looked for his words, “…spell.”
I put my hand up in front of his face, “I don’t want to hear it, I’m over it. This is a new year. The past is the past and I want to leave it there, thank you very much.”
“OK. Sorry to bring it up, I know there are still some hard feelings.”
“No, there are no feelings whatsoever.” Who was I trying to kid?
“Well I won’t forgive that guy in a hurry. He walked in here and took you from me and rubbed it in my face.”
“I really don’t want to talk about it,” I reiterated.
“I suppose the guy can’t defend himself,” Henry huffed.
“I don’t care. I really don’t care.”
*****
Time at school went quickly, I threw myself into my studies, especially leading up the latter half of the school year. I spent a lot of my free time revising, setting myself mock tests and reading over my notes, writing new notes, covering all angles of the subjects I was learning. It kept my mind focused and challenged.
To my surprise, I found a very good friend in Henry. He dropped any discussion about Leo and we almost resumed from where we had left off, aside from the going out part, at least at first.
As my final school year came to a close I realised how boring my year had been. All work and no play, but I intended to change all that. I wanted to change my life, and I knew university would open a lot of new doors for me.
I had started to select my choice of university, like all my peers. Everyone began to talk about the end of year graduation, with many of my friends getting involved. I didn’t join the Graduation Committee, I wasn’t looking forward to going alone, and it reminded me of who I wanted to go with. The less involved I was, the better. Emily kept telling me to get over Leo, that he wasn’t worth it. Even after all this time, she knew I still pined for him. For some reason I couldn’t turn my back on what happened because my heart kept telling me it was the real thing. I was tired of even thinking about him, because every time I did, I would conduct my own debate in my head on whether or not we were the real deal.
As graduation came closer, I became aware that I would be going alone until Henry changed that.
“Are you going to the graduation dance with anyone?” Henry asked me in science class.
“No.” I frowned.
“Would you like to go with me?”
I turned and looked at Henry straight in the eye. “Wow! I wasn’t expecting you to ask me that, you know, especially after… Well you know, all those issues last year.”
“Na, I’m not holding a grudge, you know me.”
“Yeah, I know you.” I smiled.
“We’re good friends, right?”
“Yep, we’re good friends.” I grinned like a Cheshire cat.
I wondered if Henry still harboured some feelings for me. Hugh, Emily’s boyfriend, said Henry had always held a candle for me, that his feelings for me before had never gone away. On one hand he had nothing to lose asking me out, but on the other we were going to different universities, so any relationship would probably be unlikely to last.
“We could… you know… go out again, if you wanted.” Henry said trying to sound nonchalant.
“Um… sure I suppose we could, but well, I don’t know. I just feel like I would be letting…” Leo down I wanted to say.
“Letting down who?”
“No one,” I dismissed my thought.
“So what do you think?”
“I don’t want to use you, that’s all. Someone did that to me and I know how it feels.”
“You mean Leo?”
I nodded.
“Use me, I don’t care. I want to help you get over him.”
Could he though? Could anyone take Leo’s place? Could leaving here and going to uni help? Why was I still holding onto my memories, like they meant something? I needed a quick fix of hope, something… anything because I couldn’t go on like this for much longer.
“Listen, Holly, regardless of your past you will always have a future, one with me, if you want to.”
“After everything?” I asked astounded by all this.
“After everything. I don’t blame you. Like I said that guy was well versed in how to get the girls.”
Henry had said this to me before, but I somehow didn’t want to believe it.
“I know guys like him, and girls like those type of guys because they seem dangerous.”
“But it wasn’t like that.”
“You might not see it like that, but that guy was dangerous.”
“I didn’t see Leo like that.”
“He told you everything you wanted to hear, right? Did he say all the right things to you?”
“Yes, but it wasn’t like that.”
“Well I’m sorry, Holly, but you are being foolish if you think it was more.”
“I don’t want to tal
k about Leo anymore, I’m tired of it.”
“So come to the dance with me?”
“I would love that.”
“And go out with me, enjoy your last few weeks as a senior. Let’s have fun, let’s show the world that you are over that creep, Leo.”
I liked the sound of that, showing the world that I was over Leo. Actions speak louder than words. Surely if I went out with Henry, I would be showing everyone that I was over Leo, and that would be my first real step to recovery.
“OK.” I grinned. “Let’s do it, let’s go to the dance and let’s go out.” I did want to enjoy the last few weeks of school and with all my friends in relationships I would feel like less of an outsider than I felt now.
Henry leaned over to me sitting beside him on the desk and took my hand and kissed it. “Is that a good start?”
I looked at my hand, where he had just kissed it. I felt odd, but I went with it believing this was my road to self-healing.
“Do you want to do this?” Henry frowned as if disappointed in my reaction.
I was always one to wear my heart on my sleeve. If I wanted this to work, I had better get better at hiding some of my emotions, at least until I felt comfortable. “Yes. I just thought it was strange because it’s been so long since…. You know, since we’ve been together.”
He nodded, my answer was good enough. “I know what you mean,” he said kissing my hand again, as if to show me I ought to get used to his affections.
I smiled and decided to change the subject, “So, are you looking forward to the dance?”
“I am now. I didn’t know how you would react to my invitation to be perfectly honest. But if you don’t ask, you don’t know. Do you have a dress? I could match my suit and cummerbund?”
“I’ve got a long silk green dress, no straps and goes down to the floor.”
“Sounds stunning. I bet you look amazing in it.”
“I hope.”
“Why hope, you will, Holly,” he said dismissing my comment as if absurd.
I smiled. “I bet you look great in your suit.”
“Let me make the arrangements for collection. I’ll get a Limo or a horse and carriage. Let’s make an entrance.”
“OK whatever you think.” I sounded kind of excited by his idea. “The horse and carriage might be a good idea if you can guarantee the weather. Let’s face it, in this country you can never guarantee that the weather will be good.”
“You’re absolutely right. But the carriage can provide shelter.”
“But no warmth, if we need it.”
“True…Leave it with me, I’ll sort it.”
I smiled at his genuine effort to make the night amazing. Henry was one hell of a guy, and I should feel lucky.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Avalon
Leo lay in bed wondering how he had let things get so out of hand. He looked at the ceiling thinking about Holly, another day, another night alone. He had been unable to return to Earth for eighteen months, believing if he waited for Avalon’s Royal League and his own parent’s authority to do so, then he might actually get what he wanted. Now he was sick of waiting. There was always an excuse as to why they could not make a decision at any given particular time. He’d been taught from a young age, that patience is a virtue, one that was important for someone who would one day be the King of Avalon. He turned to lie on his side thinking about how lonely he felt without Holly. He wondered if she would ever forgive him for leaving and not returning. He closed his eyes and smiled at the thought of having her in his arms again, remembering how she had felt in that space before. He wanted to get back to her; he had no more patience left.
Leo had only one thing on his mind; he was going to return to Earth to see the girl he loved. Ready for confrontation, he showered, changed and joined his parents in the smallest dining room situated within the palace. This room was the smallest, yet still large.
Leo burst into the room and announced, “You have kept me here way too long. I am returning to Earth with or without Royal League consent.” Leo placed himself in the middle of the ten seated table, sitting directly opposite his parents on the other side. “I have waited for an answer for more than a year and you keep telling me that it’s difficult to get every member of the Royal League together to vote at the same time. Father I have been very patient. Every day I wait for an answer I am losing time with the person I want to be with. Now it doesn’t matter to me either way what their answer is. I’ve made my own mind up, I don’t need anyone’s consent; I’m going to Earth to be with my chosen one. The one I choose, not the one you choose.”
“And how do you propose to get to Earth?”
“I’ll get there, don’t worry about me. We have several boats, I know speed boats and I know how to sail.”
“Yes, but you don’t know where the vortex is.”
“I’ll find a way to get back if it’s the last thing I ever do. And I’ve lost my appetite,” he said standing up to leave.
“You must get an answer, Maurice.” His mother turned to his father.
“Fine, I will gather the Royal League tomorrow night and get an answer,” his father promised.
“It doesn’t matter either way.” Leo shrugged.
“Stop that, of course you care and it does matter.”
“I’ve had enough of your fun and games at my expense. Holly might never want to see me again, and if that’s the case I will never forgive you.”
“Son, it’s not the end of the world.”
“Not for you.”
His father got up from his seat. He had had enough of his son’s nonsense, “Does she know where you are from?”
“She, you mean Holly?”
“Yes, Holly. Does Holly know where you are from and who you are? Does she know you are destined to be the King of Avalon?”
“No, because I’m not allowed to tell anyone. You said as much when you agreed to let me go to Earth. I respected your rules, but I wanted to tell her and I will when I find her again.”
“You can’t expect to have a real relationship with someone when she doesn’t even know who you are. Your relationship was based on lies, she will want nothing to do with you when she realises the truth. She won’t be able to believe a word you say because your relationship was based on lies.”
“She will understand.” Leo was convinced that they could survive anything.
“You lied to her about who you are because you were afraid if she knew the truth she wouldn’t want you.”
“No, Holly isn’t like that at all, I know her, you don’t. You won’t even give her the time of day.”
“Because she is from Earth. She wouldn’t understand our rules here on Avalon, she would think those with abilities are strange; our worlds are too different. Imagine what she would think of you when she finds out you have an ability, two for that matter. Bringing her here is like taking a fish out of its natural habitat.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do. I have years of experience.”
“You might have years of experience, but you don’t know her. You have never met her, you have never had someone from Earth living on Avalon, so you can’t answer that.”
“You are defiant, Leo. You won’t give up.”
“No I won’t and you wouldn’t either if it were mum on Earth.”
“Leo, son, you have to give up this idea of returning to Earth. You have responsibilities on Avalon. Tell you what, if I get an answer from the Royal League tonight, will you accept the decision.”
“Pardon? Are you saying you can get an answer tonight? And all along I have been waiting painstakingly for an answer and now you tell me when push comes to shove, you can get an answer immediately?”
“Well I can pull some strings.” His father shrugged.
“I don’t think you understand how important this girl is to me, you never did and you never will. I asked you for an answer a year ago, and you kept telling me you are on it, that the members of the Roya
l League are considering my request. You said some members didn’t turn up. You always have an excuse. Even on my eighteenth birthday I asked you to let me go to Earth, but you wouldn’t let me, you told me to be patient, I have lost all my patience, especially in light of what you just said.”
“Well we thought you would get over her. They say time heals.”
“Perhaps when you have lost someone that might be true. But when that someone is living and very much feels the same as I do and you can’t be with them, it is worse. Of course you would not understand that having known your chosen one all your life.”
“But you have a chosen one.”
“Technically, only because you say so. Only because you are convinced that she’s the one, but she’s not the one. If she was, I would not have wanted Holly. I wouldn’t have been attracted to her at all, and she is all I think about day and night.”
Leo’s father and mother looked at each other. “You are a peculiar person, do you know that?” his mother said. “You have two abilities instead of one and don’t feel anything for your chosen one. Nothing adds up with you. It’s all wrong.”
“Not everything goes as planned.”
“What are we to do with you?”
“I will summon all the Royal League immediately, and give you their decision this evening or, at the latest, tomorrow morning.” his father finished.
“Thank you. At last we are getting somewhere,” Leo said, not that the decision would make any difference to his decision to return to Earth anyway. Leo had been brought up to believe that if he didn’t like something, he should change it. He had been taught a leader should be confident in his decisions and see them through – and he had decided to find a way back to the person who gave him a reason to be alive. Without her, life wasn’t the same; it would never be the same.
“Right, well I’ll leave you both to it,” Leo said exiting the room. He shut the door behind him and rested his head on the door for a moment. He heard his parents talking.