by Lisa Bilbrey
Elle sucked a deep breath in. They wanted to lock her up again. Only this times, she knew she’d never make it out.
“But I don’t know that I agree,” Jo continued.
“Why not?” Samuel asked.
Jo sighed, leaned back, and crossed her legs at the knees. “Because I look at you, the way you’re holding on to each other, and see two people who need time and love and support, and you’re not going to get all that by being locked away again. I do have my concerns, which I’d be happy to discuss with you during a session, but I don’t see either of you as a danger.”
“And if you’re wrong?” Elle wondered.
Jo stood. “I’m not.”
Leaving Elle and Samuel sitting on the floor, Jo and Dr. Avery walked out of the room, locking the door behind them. So much for them not being a danger, Elle thought as she curled her body around her knees.
—FA—
Elle wasn’t sure how long she and Samuel had been sitting on the floor when the door to their examination room opened again. This time Callum and Lydia entered with Dr. Avery.
“The bed is much more comfortable than the floor,” Dr. Avery said, gesturing to the bed. When neither moved, he sighed and added, “Sit on the bed and let me do an examination, and I’ll get you out of here.”
Samuel shifted his attention to Elle, who barely moved her head up and down. “Fine, but I didn’t let her get hurt. I took care of her.”
“I know you did. This is just a . . . a formality, really.”
Together, they stood and walked to the bed, sitting on top. Dr. Avery settled on the stool and reached for Elle’s right foot, pausing when she pulled away.
“I’m not going to hurt you,” he said, softly. “I just want to check your feet since you don’t have on any shoes.”
“They were hurting me, so I threw them away.”
“Can I have a look?” he asked, reaching for her right foot again.
Elle nodded, feeling her shoulders tense when his fingers touched her bare skin. He pulled her foot up, propping it on his knee.
“I can see where your shoes were rubbing against your skin. You’ve got some blisters. Let me clean them, okay?”
Elle nodded.
“I’ll be right back. I’m just going to make up a saline solution.”
Dr. Avery carefully lowered her foot off his knee before standing and leaving the room, leaving Elle and Samuel with Callum and Lydia.
The tension was palatable. It was the first time in six years that Elle felt uncomfortable being in the same room as Lydia. Even after Trixie shot her, Lydia had always been a comfort.
“Your leg hurts,” Callum said, drawing everyone’s attention to him. He, however, was looking at Elle’s thigh, where she had been subconsciously rubbing the sore muscle.
“Not really,” she whispered, pulling her hand away.
“Whatever you say,” he quipped. “Sadie’s fine, by the way. She and Derek are at home with the girls. Thought it might be better if they didn’t come with us.” He shifted his eyes to Samuel. “Not that you care.”
“I do care,” Samuel said, dryly. “I’m glad she’s okay.”
“You’re glad,” Callum scoffed and shook his head. “Did you sleep with Elle, Dad?”
“What?” Samuel asked.
“Did you have sex with my wife while you were being held by Trixie and Leo?” Callum asked.
“No!” Samuel cringed.
Elle didn’t take it personally.
“Don’t lie to us,” Lydia cried, placing her hand on her chest. “Did they make you have sex? Was it one of the things they forced you to do?”
“You’re ridiculous.” Elle snorted. “If you’re just here to accuse us of stupid shit, you might as well leave.”
“Stupid shit?” Callum laughed sardonically. “Stupid is taking off like a lunatic and running around downtown San Francisco for ten fucking hours, Elle! That’s stupid.”
Elle shrugged her shoulders.
“Did you sleep with him, Elle?”
“God, are you serious?” she asked. “No, Cal, and the fact that you think I would, forced or not, tells me exactly what you think of me.”
The door opened and Dr. Avery stopped in the doorway. “Do you need a few more minutes?”
“No,” Elle said, while Callum and Lydia said, “Yes.”
“No,” Elle repeated. “They can wait outside if they don’t like it.”
Without a word, Callum and Lydia left.
“Guess they didn’t like it,” she murmured under her breath.
Dr. Avery didn’t say anything as he pulled on a pair of latex gloves and began cleaning the dirt and filth off Elle’s feet. Elle struggled to keep her tears from falling, though they had nothing to do with the blisters on her feet. No, she wept silently because Callum thought she would sleep with his father.
Twenty-Three
Elle sat curled up in a lounger next to the pool, a pair of dark sunglasses covering her eyes as she watched the girls splashing around with Callum and Derek.
“Do you want some lemonade?” Sadie asked, sitting on the lounger next to her. She had a glass pitcher in one hand and two empty glasses dangling in the other. “Freshly squeezed.”
“No, thanks.” Elle shifted on the chair, pulling her knees up in front of her. “I think I’ll go inside for a while.”
“Oh, come on, Elle. Stay,” she pleaded, placing the pitcher and glasses on the deck table. “The guys are going to start up the grill soon. The girls have been talking about our cookout all day. Said they can’t wait to eat their weight in hamburgers and hotdogs.”
Tears filled Elle’s eyes as she shook her head and stood up. “Sorry.”
Elle managed to keep them from falling as she hurried into the house, leaving the sliding door open. For a moment, she had the urge to run out the front door and never look back — an urge that nearly overwhelmed her. But she didn’t. She couldn’t.
Instead, she bypassed the living room and headed upstairs to her bedroom. Crawling onto the bed, she hugged a pillow against her chest, the sound of the girls’ laughter creeping in through the open windows.
Elle needed someone who understood, someone she could feel safe with again. She had just reached for the phone when someone cleared their throat, drawing her attention to the open door where Derek was leaning.
“Who are you calling?”
“Nobody,” she said, pulling her arm back.
“Samuel needs time, Elle.” Derek crossed his arms in front of his chest. “And so do you.”
She rolled her eyes. “You don’t know what I need.”
“You don’t need him right now.”
Elle shook her head.
“You can talk to me,” Derek pressed. “Or Callum or Sadie.”
“Yeah, sure I can,” she scoffed, sitting up with the pillow covering her lap. “As long as I don’t talk about Samuel, right?”
Derek sighed.
“That’s what I thought,” she said. “You have no idea what we went though.”
“Because you won’t tell us,” he argued.
“You don’t need to know!” she snarled, scrambling off the bed and pushing past him, rushing downstairs. Derek was right behind her, slamming his hand on the front door before her fingers could touch the handle. “Move.”
“I’m not letting you run again.” He wrapped his other arm around her waist, pulling her away from the door. “We’re in this for the long run, Elle. Remember? We don’t quit on each other.”
“That was before,” she whispered, finding herself leaning against him.
“Nothing’s changed, beautiful.”
Scoffing, she pushed him away. “Everything’s changed. Every fucking thing. And why? Because I was a fucking whore, who wanted it all.”
“No, no, you’re wrong!” Derek insisted, reaching for Elle, who flinched. The anguish that filled his face crushed Elle. “I would never hurt you, Elle. Never.”
“I . . . I know,” she whispered.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry,” he said, slowly stretching his hands toward her again. This time, she allowed him to draw her into his embrace. “Come back outside. The girls need to see that you’re trying.”
Elle’s eyes closed and she nodded. “Okay.”
Even though Elle wasn’t comfortable outside, she kept her hand in Derek’s as he lead her through the kitchen and back outside. Flora and Willow were wrapped in towels and seated on the same lounger while giggling and eating strawberries. When they saw her come out of the house, their giggling stopped, which Elle hated. She loved the sound of them laughing.
“I hope you saved some strawberries for me and Mommy,” Derek said, nudging Elle forward.
“Y. . . yeah.” Elle’s voice trembled and tears filled her eyes once again. “I love strawberries, so . . .”
“Of course we saved you some,” Sadie said, who soaking wet, stood and walked over to the patio table. She placed a handful of berries on a plate and held it out to Elle. “Plump and juicy — just the way you like them.”
“Thanks,” Elle murmured. She walked over and sat in the lounger next to Flora and Willow, who were watching her with wide eyes. “Was the water nice?”
“Yeah,” Flora said, softly. “Daddy kept throwing us, though. I got water up my nose.”
“Me too,” Willow added, biting her lip the same way Elle did when she was nervous.
Trying her best to smile, though her eyes were filled with tears, Elle said, “I bet it was fun, though, right?”
Flora and Willow nodded.
“But the funniest,” Willow said, her eyes sparkling, “was when Mommy told them to stop and they pulled her into the pool! She wasn’t very happy, but we laughed and laughed.”
“That’s right,” Sadie teased. “But I got my revenge, didn’t I?”
Flora and Willow laughed before Flora explained. “She dunked Daddy under the water!”
“She did?” Elle gasped, her eyes widening as she looked at Callum, who was standing next to the grill with Derek. “Do you think he let her? Mommy’s kind of small.”
“Hey!” Sadie exclaimed, but Flora and Willow both screamed, “Yes!”
“I figured as much.”
Elle plucked a strawberry off her plate and took a small bite off the tip. While Sadie complained about the girls not thinking she was strong enough to take Callum on, Elle tried to keep the panic at bay. This was just a normal afternoon with her family, right?
—FA—
Elle managed to keep it together until after Callum and Derek literally carried the girls upstairs and put them to bed. After eating two hotdogs and half a burger each, they swam again for a couple hours before eventually snuggling against each other in one of the loungers. Less than two minutes later, they were both fast asleep.
Elle envied their energy, their spirit. There was a time when she was that carefree and full of life. Back before it was beaten out of her again and again.
“Can I offer you something a little stronger?” Sadie asked, drawing Elle’s attention to the backdoor where she stood with a bottle of wine and four glasses in her hands. “It’s your favorite.”
“Probably shouldn’t mix alcohol with my antibiotics,” Elle said, softly.
“Good point.” Sadie placed the bottle on the table and walked over to Elle, sitting on the bottom of her lounger. “Ugh, I’m exhausted.”
“Been a long day,” Elle murmured.
“Whose turn is it to clean up?” Derek asked as he and Callum walked out of the house, each of them holding a beer in one hand. “I did it last time. Just saying.”
“I will,” Elle said.
She started to stand, but Sadie reached out and pushed her back onto the lounger. “Not until after we talk.”
Elle should have suspected as much. They’d been trying too hard all day to pretend everything was okay, that she hadn’t had a major breakdown the day before. Elle wasn’t surprised. Hurt, but not surprised. She’d made her decision and now she’d have to live with it.
Callum’s eyes met Elle’s, and he turned away. He hadn’t said a word to her last night after they left the hospital. Nor had Derek and Sadie, who had been asleep in the girls’ room. Their impromptu backyard cookout made perfect sense now.
“Look,” Sadie started, “we get it, okay? You weren’t ready to go back to work. We should have known better than to let you go.”
“Let me?” Elle raised an eyebrow as Derek and Callum joined them. “You let me go back to work?”
“So maybe ‘let’ is not the right word,” she clarified. “I’m just saying that we should have known you weren’t ready.”
“Because I’m so fucked up, right?” Elle snorted.
“You said it, not us,” Callum muttered, drawing everyone’s attention to him.
“Oh, look, he can speak to me,” Elle quipped. “I was starting to wonder.”
Callum shook his head, but didn’t offer any type of reply.
“That’s it?” Elle asked. “Just make a snarky comment and then ignore me?”
“What do you want me to say? Hmm? I don’t fucking know what to do here.” Callum threw his hands up to the back of his neck as he started pacing. “More than anything, Elle, I want to believe that you didn’t sleep with him, but how can I?”
“How can you?” she asked. “You honestly think I would do that? That I would . . . have sex with your father like that? Is that what you think of me?”
He paused and looked down at her. “You allowed him to push Sadie against the wall and left with him with no regard to the rest of us.”
Elle sighed, laying her head on her knees. “I was scared.”
“We know,” Derek said, reaching out and grabbing Callum’s hand, pulling him back down onto the lounger. “We understand —”
“You don’t, though,” Elle whimpered. “You say you understand, but you don’t, and I hope you never do. I’m scared all the time. I can still feel . . .” Elle shook her head, unable to get the words out. “Samuel fought for me. He needs me, and I need him.”
“You should need us more,” Callum said, quietly. “But you don’t. You need him more than us, and I don’t like it.”
“It’s not more,” Elle disagreed. “It’s different, but not more. You don’t . . . When we were locked away, he was there. We could forget what we’d just suffered through, even if it was just for a minute.” Elle paused, the images flashing through her head a constant reminder. “But you’d rather sit there and call me a whore. Maybe you’re right, though. Maybe I am one. I mean, I fucked you the night we met, didn’t I?”
Elle pushed Sadie’s hand off her leg and stood up, wincing at the soreness in her thigh.
“Woah there, beautiful,” Derek said, reaching for her. Elle, however, stepped away from him. “You wonder why we’re concerned about you and Samuel. You keep pushing us away.”
“How? Because I don’t like being coddled? Or because I . . . I’m terrified that if you touch me, you’ll realize that you shouldn’t still want me.”
“Still want you?” Sadie frowned and stood up. “You think we don’t want you because Leo and Trixie hurt you?”
Elle nodded. “They ruined me. They called me a whore and treated me like one, too.”
Callum stood, his face crinkled in confusion. “You really think we don’t want you now? That somehow, after eight years together, fighting day after day to prove that our love is as normal as everyone else’s, that we’d just . . . just stop wanting to touch you? To love you?”
Elle shrugged her shoulders.
Callum stepped over the lounger between them, bringing his hands up to her face in a move that had Elle gasping. “You listen to me, Elle Davis. Never, not once, have we ever regretted falling in love with you. Through holding you together after your parents hurt you, after dealing with almost losing the Alvarez Park, from encouraging you to give Helina and James another chance, to almost losing you when Trixie tried to kill you, we never stop loving yo
u, and we never will. You’re our lover, our everything. But we need to be your everything, and right now, we’re not.”
“You are,” she cried, covering his hands with hers.
“Then let us help you heal,” he whispered, leaning his forehead against hers. “And let my father have the time he needs to heal.”
Elle’s eyes closed as she slipped out of Callum’s embrace. “You’re asking me to give up on him. After everything he did for me, you’re asking me to quit on him. I can’t do that. I’m sorry, but I can’t.”
And turning, Elle left Callum, Derek, and Sadie standing in the backyard. How could they ask her to give up on the one man who risked his life to save her soul?
Twenty-Four
Elle sat on the couch, watching as Callum, Derek, and Sadie hurried to get the girls’ stuff ready so they could take them to school before heading into the office. As much as it hurt, Elle had to concede that she wasn’t ready to go back to work. So instead, she worked from home. Derek, Sadie, and Callum, who had stepped up to help take care of the day to day responsibilities of the office, brought her work that she could do from the comfort of her own home.
“We’d better get going,” Sadie said, opening the front door. “Girls, get yourselves buckled in. We’ll be right there.”
Flora and Willow rushed out of the house without looking back at Elle. She leaned her head against the back of the couch, wishing she could be the mother they deserved.
“We might be late,” Derek said, drawing Elle’s attention to him. “May be closer to six before we’re home.”
“If you need us, though, just call, okay?” Sadie said, placing her hand on Derek’s chest. “One of us can be here in ten minutes.”
“I’m sure I’ll manage on my own.” The words left her mouth effortlessly. She even managed to smile—one that almost felt natural. “Don’t worry about me.”
“All we do is worry, Elle,” Callum murmured, tilting his head back and looking her in the eyes. “I love you.”