Courtly Love

  It seemed only minutes later that a hand on her shoulder was shaking her from her rest.

  "M'lady? Lady Serena?" Serena's eyes flew open and she stared at the white face above her. "Lady Serena, Sir Cyril told me to wake you."

  The young serving girl was so obviously afraid Serena would take offense at being disturbed that she smiled reassuringly. " Tis all right, you need not fear. What is it Sir Cyril desires?"

  "There is an armed force beyond the drawbridge demanding Sir Cyril allow them entrance."

  Serena leaped from the bed and ran to the battlements, belting a heavy chamber robe around her waist as she went. Heart pounding, she found Cyril peering over the battlement and hurried to his side. No one knew her whereabouts save the men who had accompanied her, unless Henry ...

  "What standard do they wear, Sir Cyril, can you see?" Serena also leaned over the battlement to inspect the armed gathering below.

  "Nay, m'lady, they have declared themselves to be from Camden. The one who leads them calls himself Edward." Cyril withdrew from the edge and turned to his mistress. "Shall I allow them to enter, Lady Serena?"

  Her initial despair had lessened with the knowledge that Gyles was not present in this force, and Serena trembled in relief. For the first time Serena realized it had begun to sleet and sharp gusts of wind bit through her robe and whipped her hair around her face and shoulders. Serena's hands and feet stung from the cold.

  "Lower the drawbridge, Sir Cyril. They are my husband's men and I will not have them freeze for lack of shelter. Do what you can for their mounts and their own quarters—they may have to sleep in the stables this night, but 'tis better than naught. I will have a light repast prepared for them before they retire."

  Serena disappeared into the castle, leaving Cyril to deliver the necessary commands. In her chamber while she hurriedly donned a gown, Serena could hear the tramping of armored feet in the hall below. Serena paused in the midst of tying a bow—Why hadn't Gyles come himself? I should be glad he has stayed away, Serena told herself fiercely. But the thought of being delegated to Edward's care still rankled her pride. Aware she was postponing the inevitable, Serena hurriedly finished dressing and ran to the great hall.

  Edward stood by the fire, conversing with Cyril; both looked up when Serena entered.

  "I bid you welcome, Sir Edward." Serena extended her hand and smiled as Edward bent over it. " Tis a fearsome night to be abroad, Sir Edward, so I can only guess that your errand is most urgent."

  " 'Twas not my doing that drove us through this weather . . ." Edward began, then subsided when he glanced over Serena's head. "M'lady, I should explain, I am not—"

  But Serena had already turned toward the source of Edward's hesitation and her eyes widened in shock.

  "Will you not bid me welcome as well, m'lady?" Gyles moved forward to take Serena's cold hand and raise it to his equally cold lips.

  "You!" Serena whispered. "Why . .."

  A crushing grip on her fingers cautioned Serena to silence. "My men have traveled far these past days, m'lady. Is there wine and perhaps some meat that they may ease their hunger?"

  Serena twisted from Gyles's grasp and motioned to one of the housecarls. In a short time the tables were loaded with platters and flagons and Gyles's men fell upon them ravenously. Gyles eyed the scene with satisfaction before turning to Serena.

  "I assume your chamber is warm. I will have a bath and take my meal there. And you shall wait upon me." Gyles stretched his hands toward the fire.

  "I will not!" Serena's eyes sparkled in indignation.

  "You will do as I say, Serena." Gyles was adamant. "Show me to your chamber then bring me meat and wine."

  Serena started to protest, then thought better of it. With a slight nod, Serena led the way up a winding set of stairs to her chamber. Inside she issued instructions to her maid, and the young girl hurried to do her bidding. Serena swung the kettle of hot water from the fire and poured it into the tub. The maid returned with three housecarls also bearing water, which was emptied into the tub as well. When the door closed behind them, Gyles lowered himself onto the bed.

  "Since my squire is below, you shall have to act in his stead and remove my armor."

  Her lips set in a grim line, Serena moved to the bed and started unbuckling the leather straps of the breast-plate. The metal was freezing to her touch and Serena involuntarily pitied Gyles for the long hours he had spent inside the cold armor. Even when covered by a warm cloak, armor offered little protection against the winter elements; while the knight within was sheltered from the harsh wind, the metal unfortunately assumed the temperature of the weather, which meant that if a man was away from a source of heat for too long a time he could easily fall victim to frostbite and chilblains. More than one knight had stripped off his gauntlets to find his fingers red and so painfully swollen that movement was nearly impossible.

  Gyles thrust his arms over his head so Serena could pull off his mail shirt. As Gyles lowered his arms Serena glanced at his hand, then reached out and brought it upward for closer inspection. The flesh was fiery red with a slight puffiness, and Serena turned Gyles's hand over to examine his palm.

  "Are your feet as bad?" Serena asked when Gyles pulled his hand away.

  "I've hardly had the opportunity to examine them," Gyles replied sarcastically. "A saddle is not the place to—"

  "All right!" Serena snapped out "You didn't have to spend the day ahorse because of me."

  Gyles stepped out of the remainder of his clothing and sank into the waiting tub. A blush colored her cheeks as Serena hurriedly set towels to warm by the fire and laid Gyles's armor aside.

  "I have an oil that will help." Serena indicated Gyles's hands.

  "I've survived worse," Gyles flexed his fingers. "Do not trouble yourself. But I would like some wine."

  Serena filled a goblet and handed it to Gyles.

  There was a knock on the door, and a servant entered with a tray of meat and cheese. Serena took the platter and set it beside Gyles before retreating to a chair. Gyles rose from the tub to wrap himself in a towel and stand before the fire. He bit into a chunk of meat and swallowed it before looking at Serena.

  "Now, wife, I have driven twelve of my men and their best horses for three days and as many nights 'til they are close to dropping where they stand. I have wasted an additional week at court when I should have been gathering my forces at Camden to ride to the northern border. The weather has been abominable and your man kept me waiting 'til he could wake you." Gyles slammed his goblet down with a force that sent the wine splatter-ing over the rim. "Now you will tell me exactly what you hoped to prove by this insanity!"

  Serena lowered her eyes to her lap. "My servants are not accustomed to your rages. Twould be a kindness to me if you would not shout."

  "Your servants! Must I remind you that these lands became mine upon our marriage?" Gyles paced irritably in front of the fire. "Have you any idea of the embarrassment your silly disappearance caused me? Questions were asked for which I had no answers, Serena."

  "I will give the oil for your hands to one of the servants." Serena left her chair and crossed the room. "You may have this chamber if you wish or I can have another prepared for you. Which do you desire?"

  "I desire that you sit down and listen to me!" Gyles reached Serena in a few effortless strides and returned her to a chair. "My men and I will remain for two days, at which time you will return with us to Camden. You will remain at Camden and not leave unless I give you permission."

  "Like Lady Elspeth?" Serena asked softly. Gyles's face registered shock and Serena smiled. "That is what her husband did to her several years ago, Catherine told me. But her husband had a reason—Elspeth had foresaken her vows. Do you accuse me of that?"

  Gyles collapsed into a chair, one hand going behind his neck to massage the tensed muscles. "You know I do not. And you know also why I am here."

  "Oh, yes," Serena laughed harshly. "You have come to reclaim a ... a missing piece
of property!"

  "No property, my wife!" Gyles shouted. "You ran from me because you believe I was unfaithful to you."

  "Are you going to tell me that you have remained faithful?" Serena's eyebrows raised. Gyles's eyes dropped from Serena's penetrating gaze. "No, I can see that even you cannot bring yourself to perjure your soul with such a lie."

  Gyles leaned forward to clasp Serena's hands, but she withdrew from his slightest touch. "Do you wish me to confess? Very well. I laid with Elspeth but not out of love or desire. I was angry with you, myself . . . Elspeth is a reflection of myself, of all that I am, all that is evil and malignant within me. In truth, Serena, I myself am not certain why I laid with her. I took her out of hate, revenge . . . put any name to it you will, but try to understand, Serena. Elspeth ..."

  "I do not want to hear about you and Elspeth!" Serena cried as she jumped from her chair. "I do not care ... bed whomever you desire, but stay away from me!"

  "Serena!" Gyles implored, his hand outstretched in supplication. "Elspeth is Alan's mother."

  "I know!" Serena cried, her eyes filling with tears. "Do you think me such a fool? Did you think I could see both you and Elspeth and not recognize the blending of both your features in Alan? I have known since the first time I saw you together."

  "Why did you not tell me?" Gyles's hands caught Serena's shoulders.

  Serena jerked away, blue eyes flashing. "What would you have had me say? 'Gyles, I know your secret? If you wish to bed Elspeth again you have my blessing?' You speak of your embarrassment, your pain. What of mine? My humiliation? Elspeth and all your fine Norman ladies whispering when they thought I did not hear. Why did you not come to me, husband? Why did you not open your heart to me as I opened mine to you? Did you think me a stone that I would go wherever you kicked me?" Serena's breasts heaved in anger. "I loved you, Gyles! I would have died for you had you asked it! You have said that you detest women, well, allow me to share my feelings with you for the last time, dear, sweet, loving husband mine. To my mind, men are vermin, they are selfish, rutting, disgusting beasts whose very presence turns my stomach—you above all!"

  Before Gyles could control his reaction, he saw his hand snake out and with sick horror watched Serena's head reel from the impact of his blow. Her face averted, Serena covered her stinging cheek as a humorless, almost hysterical laughter bubbled over her lips.

  "Oh—what a perfect Norman you are, husband mine!" Serena gasped when she could finally speak. "What happens next—rape? But I had forgotten, there can be no rape between husband and wife, can there? Holy vows were spoken over us, so you may do with me whatever you wish. Rape only happens when a Saxon stupidly defies the advances of a Norman prince!"

  Gyles went rigid first with shock then anger and the torrent of Serena's words abruptly halted when she realized what she had said. Had that been the reason for Serena's battered appearance—no fall, but a brutal attack by one of his countrymen? Gyles reached out to touch Serena's cheek but she danced away, anger flashing brilliantly in her eyes.

  "No!" Serena stepped behind the chair Gyles had vacated. "Come no closer, I want no more tender Norman caresses. I have had more than my share of Norman honor and love."

  Gyles threw the chair out of his path with careless ease. "Henry did that to you? That sniveling little whelp dared lay a hand upon you? I will kill him! I'll tear the heart from his body while he still lives!"

  " Twas not Henry!" Serena cried. " Twas your glorious crown prince, William. And you will do nothing —you cannot, he will one day be your king so you dare not lay hands upon him. William will continue to do as he wishes, whether it be humiliating his lords or attacking helpless women. So speak not to me of what you will do to avenge my honor for all that you say will never come to pass."

  "He took you?" Gyles roared, oblivious to all Serena had said. "He laid with you against your will?"

  "What do you care, Gyles, you can always go back to Elspeth. So go to her, lay with her, get another child upon her—stay with your whore and be damned to you both!"

  "Answer me!" Gyles's scar gleamed wickedly in the firelight

  Serena's chin tilted defiantly and she lowered her voice. "I will not answer your questions, now or ever. You forswore your right to question my behavior when you took your ease with Elspeth. And it would seem I never had the right to take you to task for anything."

  "I have explained . . ." Gyles shook his head wearily. He could explain the night through and he knew Serena still would not forgive his deed. He had erected a wall between them that Gyles doubted he could ever bring down. There was no love in Serena's eyes as she steadily returned his gaze and Gyles felt something unborn die within him. Serena had once told him she had only duties and obligations, well that was all that was left to Gyles now, and he girded himself against the outburst he knew would come after his next words. "My men will bide here until the weather clears; when that happens we will return to Camden, yourself included. On the morrow you will begin making what preparations there are."

  Serena stared at Gyles, astounded, and her fingers meshed together until the knuckles whitened.

  "I will not accompany you—I refuse to go back to Camden!" Serena said fiercely. "There is nothing for me there."

  "You are my wife!" How familiar that sounded— how often in the past Gyles had thrown that fact at her when Serena dared defy him. "You will do as I say!"

  "No!" Serena whirled to face the fire so that Gyles would not see the tears that filled her eyes. "The only way I shall ever return to Camden is if you drag me there. Will you do that? The brave Norman conquering the defenseless Saxon—how like William Rufus you are. Am I to remain secluded in my chamber while you welcome your harlots in your bed?"

  Gyles motioned impatiently. "After all I have experienced at a woman's hands, you need not fear I will take a mistress. I prefer celibacy to the subtle form of torture you women practice. But make no mistake, Serena, you will return to Camden if I have to tie you across my saddle!"

  "I will run away again!" Serena warned.

  "Then I will be forced to set a guard upon you," Gyles retaliated, his patience exhausted.

  Serena turned to face him and Gyles was shaken by the pain and grim determisation that showed in her eyes. "My soul will be free even while you keep my body prisoner."

  The words fell so quietly that it was some time before their full impact penetrated Gyles's brain. "You would not!" Gyles managed to force the horrified whisper past his dry lips.

  Serena eyed him steadily. "I will not return to Camden of my own free will. I will not bide there for the rest of my life. The choice, dear husband, is entirely yours."

  "Alan will come home this summer." Gyles floundered desperately.

  "Then he can place flowers on my grave. You are reconciled with Elspeth, let her give him the love that should have been his from birth. There is nothing left of me, Gyles. All that you said you would do, you have done. Are you pleased? All the hate you have nourished for women because of a moment's weakness by your mother has borne its fruit. I am destroyed. Does that please you? You have had your revenge upon my kind— you have torn me to bits and I can no longer repair the damage you have wrought." Serena's eyes dropped to the floor and she glided to the door. "You may have this chamber during your stay here. I do not wish to speak privately with you again, so do not seek me in my chamber unless you are prepared to use force to make me listen to your words, for that is the only way you will stay me. I will send a girl with the ointment for your hands and feet—use it or not, as you please."

  * * *

  Gyles rose late the next morning, gratified to discover the painful swelling and redness had all but disappeared from his extremities. Certain that Serena's anger had cooled during the night and he could easily reason with her, Gyles dressed hurriedly and upon leaving his chamber stopped one of the housecarls to inquire the location of Serena's chamber.

  "M'lady is in the great hall." The man looked shocked by Gyles's inquiry. "She has
been tending your men the night through, m'lord."

  Gyles found his wife kneeling before one of his knights, her hands gently kneading the salve into the man's obviously chilblained feet. The knight made to rise when he saw his lord approach, but Gyles waved him back.

  "The storm has lifted, Lord Gyles." The young man shifted nervously, embarrassed that Gyles had found his wife engaged in such a menial task. "We can be away for Camden whenever it pleases you."

  Gyles nodded, his eyes following Serena as she rose, rinsed her hands at the washstand, and moved through the hall to take her seat at the table. Gyles took his place beside Serena, openly watching as Serena picked listlessly at her food and obviously relishing her discomfort.

  "I have decided," Gyles said at last when Serena pushed her trencher away, "that I do not wish you to return to Camden. But you cannot remain here," Gyles added when he saw the hopeful light in her eyes. "I will deliver you into your father's care. You told me he is ill and desires to see you. I will allow you to stay at Broughton 'til your father wishes to return you to my care or you yourself want to return. Make your preparations, Serena, you have one hour."

  PART THREE

  The Letters

  CHAPTER 13

  My most gracious husband, Lord Gyles of Camden,

  I am honoring my vow; the promise that you extracted from me before your departure to write once every fortnight and thereafter in reply to your letters will be fulfilled.

  My father is the same, he has no strength to rise from his pallet but lies abed throughout the day. I read to him often, but he enjoys listening to the gentle strains of the lute far more. Aurelia's presence seems to disturb him greatly, so I restrict her visits as much as possible. Yet when he tries to speak of her, he falters, so I know not whether my actions please him or not.

  My father knows not of our estrangement and I must ask you not to enlighten him. He will go to his grave anon and I wish his last days to be as carefree as is possible.