“For good.” She squeezed her eyes shut before leaning down to grab the handle of the suitcase. “I’m sorry. I was invited to dance for the Chicago ballet. I leave tonight.”
“Wait! What?” I rushed forward, but she held up her hand to stop me. “Mia, what about us? What about me?” I sucked back the tears as my throat tightened.
“I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” Her eyes welled up and tears slowly spilled over as she opened the door to our apartment and stepped outside into the cold blustery fall day. “I didn’t want it to happen like this,” she cried as I stood there and watched her race down the steps to the street level.
“Wait!” I called when my feet finally caught up with my brain, and I began to chase after her. “Wait!” When I skidded to a stop I saw the yellow cab pulling away from the curb taking my heart with it. I knew I’d never be the same. I knew no one could ever fill the void that Mia would leave behind. I knew I could try, but she’d always be there. I’d compare every woman I met for the rest of my life to her.
“Please?” She reached out and touched my forearm. “Can we go outside?”
“Won’t your date be upset?” I snickered. Mia was always so worried about what other people thought. It took me the longest time to get her to let me kiss her in public. We’d been each other’s firsts and learned as we grew up. I’d never kissed or touched another woman until after she left me.
“He’s just a friend,” she whispered as she glanced around, quickly making sure we hadn’t garnered an audience. “Please?”
I sucked in a deep breath and closed my eyes willing my body not to react to her. She still looked so innocent. Her copper hair was in long flowing waves down her back. Her creamy white skin the perfect contrast to the deep green dress she was wearing. She still had her tiny ballerina figure, and she carried herself with such poise. I couldn’t believe she was drinking wine tonight, but the glass in her hand said otherwise. When we’d been together, all she ever talked about was dancing. She’d always put it first, and I gave up a lot of the college experience because of it. “Fine,” I huffed as I turned and strode toward the glass double doors that led out to the balcony. I was being a dick, but I just didn’t care. I didn’t feel like I owed her anything, and after the way she just walked out of my life, I was not going to go easy on her. “So talk,” I waved my arm in the air as I leaned back on the railing to the balcony and sipped my drink.
“I’m sorry,” she sighed as she shook her head.
“So you’ve said…many times. What’s changed?” I rolled my eyes at her.
“Why do you have to be such an asshole?” She began pacing in front of me.
“You walked away Mia!” I bellowed. “What did you expect?” I tipped my head back and stared at the night sky. “Fuck!” I hissed.
“I didn’t have a choice.” Her voice was timid, and I noticed that she’d moved to stand right beside me. “I had to go. They needed me the next day. Do you have any idea how hard it is to make it in this industry? There are tons of dancers. We all want the same thing, to be the principal in a big company. Most of us don’t get out of the chorus. It was my dream. I had to jump when they asked me to.” Her voice was rising with each sentence, and when I opened my eyes to stare at her, I could tell she was fighting to hold back tears.
“So what now? Why are you here?” I lifted my arms out to the side and shrugged.
“I’m in the NYC Ballet now. I live here.” She glanced away and the words were barely audible.
“So what? You just thought you’d come find me, and I’d what? Take you back? Did you really think after all this time that you could just waltz in here and things would be like they used to?” I growled as I watched my words hit their mark.
“I hoped we could at least be friends,” she murmured.
“I don’t have female friends,” I smirked. “I don’t even have girlfriends,” I chuckled as I crossed my arms over my chest. I watched Mia’s face redden as she began putting the pieces together. “Did you really come here tonight thinking that you could just pick up where we left off?” I snickered.
“No!” she gasped. “Hughes, Langstaff, and Roe are huge donors.” She flipped her hand in the air as her tone went all business like. “When Henry called and asked that two company members be present, my boss told me under no uncertain terms that Garett and I were expected to attend. I didn’t even know you still worked there until I saw you tonight.” She blushed as she turned away from me. That was the Mia I knew. She was always trying to hide the way she felt.
“Well, I do.” I rolled my eyes. Mia blinked a few times, but before she could say anything else, the door behind us breezed open, and the sound of heels clicking on the ground could be heard coming toward us.
“There you are,” her voice was sugary sweet and held a warning.
I stiffened, but decided that using her as a weapon against Mia would be worth what I was going to deal with later. I needed Mia to hurt like I’d hurt. I needed her to stay away from me, and I needed to remember that she was the one that walked away… not me. “Hey,” I smirked as I turned and pulled Christina into my side. She giggled as she placed her hand on my chest. Mia’s eyes flared as she watched us. “This is Mia Callahan.” I motioned beside me without looking. I was being an ass, but I didn’t care at the moment.
“Are you ready to go?” Chrissi cooed as her hand began to slide down my chest and toy with my belt buckle.
“Sure thing,” I grinned before turning back to face Mia. “Gotta go—” I lifted a shoulder. “Duty calls.” I turned with my arm around Chrissi and began making my way to the door.
“Daddy left ages ago,” she whispered in my ear. “Let’s go to your place.”
“Ty?” Mia called from behind us. There was a hurt sound in her voice, but I didn’t turn around. “You’re better than this,” her voice trembled.
“This is me,” I tossed over my shoulder.
“No it’s not,” she mumbled.
“That right there proves that you know nothing about me anymore,” I called as I shoved the door open. I began moving Chrissi as fast as I could toward the hallway that housed the bathrooms. I was not taking her home that much I knew. I still had to take Jessi home, and Chrissi and I could make use of the facilities here.
“This is the last time this is happening,” I growled as I pushed us through the bathroom door.
“Sure it is,” Chrissi giggled before moaning as I squeezed her breast.
I was so fucked. Chrissi was like a drug I couldn’t escape. I thought I could, but the minute Mia challenged me I ran right back. Chrissi was a sure thing, and that’s exactly what I needed right then. I needed to bury the pain that Mia always caused. I needed to remember what she’d done to me so I never let her back in. I couldn’t go through that again. I just couldn’t.
“MORNING, SUNSHINE,” GARRETT, my partner, smiled as he handed me a chai tea. I was sitting on the floor of the studio attempting to tie my shoes. I’d stayed up way too late the night before obsessing over Tyler Cook. I knew I shouldn’t let him get to me, but I couldn’t help it. I don’t know why I’d thought things would be different. After the way I’d left him, I must have been crazy to think that he’d want to be friends. We hadn’t been ‘just friends’ since we were little kids, and he’d saved me from Michael Clark on the playground at school.
Tyler was half Mike’s size, but he’d still beat him up just for me. When he’d handed me my lunch back, we’d become friends for life. I didn’t understand it back then, but Tyler was the best friend I’d ever have. After all the pain I’d put him through, I was crazy to think we’d ever be anything more than each other’s past. Tyler made it perfectly clear at the charity ball that he still hated me.
“Thanks,” I mumbled as I reached for the cup in Garett’s hand. “I needed this.” I sipped the hot liquid, letting it warm me from the inside. I needed it to kick me into high gear. We had been practicing for The Nutcracker for weeks now, and opening night was coming fa
ster than either of us was prepared for. I had hoped when I talked to Ty that I could convince him to come, but it didn’t look like I was going to need those boxed seat tickets that I’d begged for after all.
“You better suck it up,” Garett warned. “Joe is on a war path today. We need to be stretching.”
“Yeah, yeah,” I groaned as I set the cup down and reached for my other shoe.
“New shoes?” Garrett’s head tipped to the side as he examined the toe of my pointe shoe. “You know you’re crazy to break those in on a day like today. We have a grueling schedule, and you’re going to regret this.”
“I know what I’m doing,” I grumbled. Yeah, so I decided to wear the new shoes I bought today. My old ones were on their last leg, and I wanted to have these ready for opening night. I would be soaking my feet tonight, and I might have a few bloody toes, but it was the price you paid in this industry. “I’ll be fine.” I glared up at him.
“Don’t get pissed at me.” He held up his hands as he started to back away from me. “Just because the suit made you mad the other night is no reason to take this out on me.”
“The suit?” I lifted a brow as I slowly stood and stretched my ankles.
“The guy that you kept staring at on the dance floor. The one you followed outside?” His eyes held an ‘I got you’ look as he waited for me to concede. “I saw the two of you arguing. Who was he?”
“Someone I used to know,” I muttered as I picked up the cup and lifted it to my mouth again. I began walking around the room, stretching my feet and attempting to finish the tea when the door burst open, and my understudy along with our director came in.
“You two ready?” Joe sighed as he moved across the room. “I don’t have all day to go over this. I’ve got a rehearsal to run, but you two seem to need the extra attention lately.”
“Yes, sir.” I nodded as I placed my now empty cup in the trashcan. I walked over to where Garrett was waiting and got into position. There was a lift that we’d been stumbling on during the last rehearsal, and Joe was determined that we were going to master it before we added the rest of the cast.
“You haven’t stretched enough,” Garrett grumbled as he placed his hands on my hips. He was directly behind me, waiting to place me up on his shoulder.
“I’m fine,” I snapped. I was tired of people telling me what I needed or wanted lately. All I wanted was to make a decision on my own. For as long as I’d been a principal dancer, I’d had someone telling me what to do, how to eat, what to wear, how to act when I was in public. I was sick of it, and Garrett knew this. He’d never tried to put me in my place. We used each other as support. I guess my run in with Ty had affected me more than I wanted to admit.
“I’m not the enemy here,” he murmured as he waited for the music to start.
“Sorry,” I sighed. “I’m fine. Let’s just get this over with. I’m tired, and I think I might be catching something.”
“Better not let Joe hear that. He’ll replace you in a second. You know he doesn’t care who he steamrolls over. The show must gone on,” he laughed as we started to move as one.
I couldn’t tell you how many times we went over our piece. By the time Joe was satisfied, it was well past lunch, and Garrett and I were both dripping with sweat. I’d discarded the sweatshirt I’d been wearing and the leg warmers followed not long after that. Garrett was bare-chested, which wasn’t anything new. “If you two think you can work on this by yourselves, I’m going to go next door and check on Alice’s progress with the sugarplum fairies,” Joe sighed as he ambled toward the door. Garrett nodded as I limped over to where my water bottle was sitting next to the mirror.
“Sure thing, boss,” Garrett called as the door clicked shut. “Rethinking the shoes?” He chuckled as he watched my face contort in pain.
“Better now than later.” I rolled my eyes. “This isn’t new to me. I can handle it. Stop treating me like a beginner.” I slammed my hands on my hips as I stared at him.
“There she is!” He grinned. “I’ve been waiting for you to show up. Let’s get to work.” He motioned me over to where he was waiting. Garrett swooped me into the air, nailing the lift, and as I stretched out my arms, I couldn’t help but smile. We had it. Now just to prove we could do this over and over again without one of us falling out of it.
“Again,” I huffed when he lowered me. Garrett swooped in, lifting me effortlessly over his head. “Again!” I demanded when he set me down.
“I think we got it, princess,” Garrett teased after we went through the motions for the tenth time. “You been dieting?” He gripped the back of his neck as he appraised me. Weight was something that ballerinas always worried about. An extra pound meant not getting a part that you so desperately wanted. An extra inch in the waist or hips meant a costume not fitting like it should. I couldn’t tell you the last time I ate breakfast or had anything with sugar or carbs. I watched everything that went into my mouth. The single glass of wine I’d consumed at the charity ball was the first ever and had been weighing on my mind every day since. I was constantly worrying about every little thing. Garrett had never complained, but I had been trying to lose a few pounds lately. I wanted the lifts to be easier. I guess I just hadn’t thought he would notice.
“A little,” I shrugged as I stood there staring up at him. He towered over me, making me look like a small child next to him. Of course, my rigorous training kept me little. I’d always been on the petite side, and worked very diligently to stay that way.
“A little?” he scoffed. “I can feel all your ribs. You need to eat a burger or something. You’re not going overboard, are you?” His eyes softened as he watched me. Garrett knew that Joe was constantly on me to be perfect. He knew that there was a line of girls waiting to take my place. He’d always been supportive, and I wasn’t sure why he was beginning to question me now.
“I’m fine,” I groaned. “Just added an extra mile to my run and cut my evening calorie intake in half.” I rolled my eyes. “Now, come on. We need to finish the rest of this dance.” I tossed the towel I’d been using to wipe the sweat off my forehead before getting back into position.
“Just promise me you’re being safe about this,” he stared down at me as I glared up at him. “I’m serious, Mia. Not getting enough of the right things can make your bones brittle. I don’t plan to drop you, but I also don’t want to worry about you breaking if I did.”
“I’m fine.” I pursed my lips. “Let’s go.”
WHEN REHEARSAL FINALLY ended, it was late. Garrett and I had practiced into the evening hours alone before we moved into the auditorium to practice with the rest of the cast. Things were going well, and Joe seemed happy. I should have known that things wouldn’t stay that way though. Just before getting ready to leave, I came down out of a relevé wrong and twisted my ankle. It was just a twinge, but I knew I’d be feeling it if I didn’t get it iced and soon.
I quickly packed my things, pulled on my sweats over my dance attire, and made my way outside. I had a small apartment just a few blocks down the street, and had walked to the studio that morning.
When I entered my dark loft, I sighed in relief. My ankle was throbbing at this point, and my toes were on fire. It had been a long time since I’d pushed myself this hard, but the idea of convincing Tyler to come on opening night fueled me. I wasn’t sure what I could say or do to get him there, but I wanted to try. I wasn’t even sure where he lived now. Based on the expensive suit he was wearing, I knew he couldn’t still live in the tiny place we’d shared.
I moved around my loft with ease as I turned on a few lights and made my way into the bathroom. As hungry as I was, I knew I needed a soak in the tub first. Every muscle in my body hurt, some more than others, and my feet needed some serious TLC. I slowly stripped out of my sweats, leaving a trail as I pushed open the tiny door that hid my bathroom. I turned the knob on the tub to let the water begin to heat before stripping out of my leotard and tights. When I got to where the tights covered m
y feet, I sucked in a painful breath. I was used to my toes bleeding on a long day, but that combined with the new shoes had caused it to be worse than normal. My tights were practically glued to my toes with dried blood. I cringed as I sat on the closed toilet seat and picked at the offending objects, trying to get them off me. By the time I’d freed myself, the tub was nearly full. I slowly stood, careful not to put too much weight on my ankle, and I lowered myself into the warm water.
It felt heavenly as I sank in up to my neck. I’d pinned my hair on top of my head before climbing in, and as I leaned back and closed my eyes, I all but drifted off to sleep. I couldn’t remember ever feeling this tired except maybe when I’d auditioned for Julliard.
“I’m never going to be good enough for this,” I whined as I fell out of a turn I’d been doing since I was eight. Tyler had been staying after school and giving me support as I practiced for the audition that I was hoping to land next month. I’d sent in an application to Julliard six months ago when I’d finally decided that that was where I wanted to go to school. Tyler had been so excited. He’d been accepted to NYU, and we’d already started making plans for our big move.
“You’re going to be great,” he grinned as he turned down the music I had playing in the background. “They’d be crazy not to take you.”
“Everybody that’s there is going to be great,” I muttered as I scowled at him.
“But everybody isn’t you,” he smirked.
I rolled my eyes at him as I positioned myself and attempted the turn again. My body moved effortlessly through the air as the world spun by me in a blur. Thoughts of not being good enough settling right in the forefront of my mind. “I don’t know, Ty. Maybe I’m not good enough.”
“What?” He stood and ambled over to me, stopping in front of me, and placing his hands on my shoulders. “You are good enough. You’re more than good enough, and you’re going to show all of us that you were born for this. Do you hear me… you were made for this Mia. You make it look effortless. You move around on stage like you own the place. You’re so graceful. You remind me of a bird, delicate but strong at the same time.”
Beyond the Cherry Trees: The Cook Brothers Series Page 3