by Mia Hoddell
“Breathe, Blake,” she whispers. I hadn’t even realised I’ve stopped and her raspy tone does nothing to help me begin again. When I release the air from my lungs, it comes out ragged, and it takes me a minute to recover. I try and think of anything but Neve sitting on my lap or her hips moving across me as she fidgets. The movements are distracting, and with every tiny shuffle, my thoughts hurtle back to everything I want to do to her.
“So … which, um … what do you want to do?” It’s a struggle to form a coherent sentence and by the sexy grin on her kissable lips, it’s obvious she’s doing this on purpose.
“I haven’t seen your family in ages, but I don’t want to put them out. Are you sure it’ll be okay?”
I look up at the ceiling and scoff, my hands moving to her waist. Skirting under the hem of her shirt, my cold fingertips make her flinch closer towards me again. Soon she becomes used to the feeling of my fingers running over the sensitive skin I find there, drawing small lines.
“What? They’re your family and Christmas is a family time,” she asks, confusion marring her face.
“What did I just tell you? You can choose your family and mine love you, Stripes. They’ll be even more pleased when they hear our news, too. Dad’s been going on at me for too long. You’re welcome any time; you should know that by now. Mum will make enough food to feed an army whether you’re there or not so it is no problem.”
“Okay, if you’re sure it will be fine. I’d like to see them again. It’s been years since they moved away.” I had expected an argument so her words shock me. To cover it, I wrap my arms around her shoulders, embracing her in a crushing hug. When I start to rock from side to side, not worrying about how my body is reacting to the movement, Neve lets out a giggle.
“I love that sound,” I murmur against her ear. My voice has deepened, becoming more gravelly, and it causes a shiver to run down Neve’s spine when I nip her earlobe.
“Why?” I’m glad to hear I’m not the only one affected by our actions. The breathy squeak sends a bolt of desire through me, making it hard to concentrate.
“Because you’re happy. I love it when you’re happy, and I love it even more when I’m the one to bring it out of you.”
She lowers her eyes, letting her arms fall from my neck. My heart misses a beat and apprehension dampens my mood. A chilling unease snakes its way through my veins as my mind struggles to grasp at what I’ve said to cause the shift in her attitude. I don’t know what to say or do because I have no idea what the problem is.
“I’m sorry. I’ve been really grumpy the last month or so, haven’t I?” she says around a sigh and my heart returns to a normal speed.
Thank God it wasn’t something I said.
“You’ve had a right to be, there’s no need to apologise.”
She looks up and meets my eyes again. There’s nothing but affection in them. “It’s true what I said earlier. I really don’t deserve you.”
I snort a laugh. “Don’t be an idiot, you deserve everything, Stripes. I’m nothing special.”
“Yeah you are. You’re the only one who’s stood by me and been there through everything. It may not look like it, and I may not show it, but I don’t know what I’d be like if I didn’t have you. You make me happy.”
Her words warm my heart, pride and elation making it swell. I hold her against me so her cheek is resting on my shoulder, her face nuzzling my neck. “I’m glad. All I want is for you to be happy.”
Tilting my head so it rests on top of hers, we sit in silence. For once we are both content, and for Neve that’s a big step, especially after what she went through today.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Neve
From: Neve Colvin
To: Neve Colvin
So, you’ve probably heard what happened at the wedding by now …
I don’t know how long it took for you to notice I was missing, but that’s the least of my worries. The stunt you pulled was unacceptable. You humiliated me in front of everyone, let alone Kevin.
Why did you think I would need someone?
I am capable of finding my own dates and you are not going to mess with mine and Blake’s relationship.
For once I am happy.
That’s the main reason I’m writing this email. I want you to know that everyone’s words had little effect on me—not that you care as you probably saw nothing wrong with them in the first place. It clarified the idea in my mind that I really want nothing to do with them ever again.
The weird thing is that I thought this decision would torment me or I would feel guilty and end up running back to you, but I don’t. In fact, all that’s going through my mind right now is it’s a major relief.
I hate for it to have come to this, but Blake makes me happy and I’m choosing to only associate with those who can make me smile.
I don’t want to be sad anymore.
There’s little point in telling you to never pull the same trick in the future as I won’t be around to see it.
I hope you can find happiness somewhere in your life and realise that compromising yourself for others isn’t worth it. Maybe then you’d wake up and realise what you lost and what you did to cause it.
Wrapped up in the email I’m typing, Blake startles me when he speaks. “Stripes, it’s five in the morning. What are you doing?” His voice is thick with sleep, coming out as a deep growl.
He didn’t need to tell me the time. I was already aware of it since I can see the clock on my laptop screen that looks as bright as a lighthouse shining out in the dark room. The white screen of my composed email makes it even brighter, illuminating his confused and tired face as he squints at me.
“I had to send an email.” The last thing I need is to explain what I’m doing so early, but I can’t be bothered to flat-out lie.
“Why do you need to send an email at this time?”
“It was playing on my mind. I couldn’t get back to sleep without getting it off my chest.” My fingers stroke the keys, itching to get back to typing.
“Do you think you could turn the brightness down a little? I need to sleep if I’m driving home later.”
I click a few keys and whisper, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”
Blake’s already half asleep again. He’s rolled over so his back is to me and his breathing is levelling, returning to his dreams. In fact, I haven’t even given thought to the fact we will be on the road most of the day. Christmas Eve has snuck up on me. I’d put the holiday to the back of my mind for as long as possible, but we’re meant to be at his parents’ house by this evening. Deciding to follow Blake’s tactic, I shut down my laptop, place it back under the bed, and turn to face him so I can watch the steady rise and fall of his body. I hope it will somehow hypnotise me into sleeping.
The plan backfires. I find myself reaching out to trace his spine, wanting the extra comfort touching him brings. With a moan Blake leans backwards. His eyes are still closed thankfully, as I don’t want to anger him by waking him again, but I now have the problem that he’s lying on my arm.
Glancing around the room, I’m not sure what I expect to find to help me free myself, so I come up empty handed. Instead I try to wiggle my hand gently, hoping the movement will either make him roll back over, or I will be able to pull it from underneath him. Yanking it free will only wake him.
“Blake,” I whisper, hoping he’s only pretending to be asleep. “Blake,” I hiss again.
When I get no response it becomes obvious none of my options are going to work and Blake really is out cold. It’s unbelievable how quickly he can switch off. So, resigning myself to the fact that I’m just going to have to sleep like this, I make a mental note to moan at him for being so heavy the next day. For now, I use it to my advantage. I shift closer to him so my body is pressed up against his side. Gradually, I move my free arm so it’s resting over his chest, and then follow it by laying my head on his shoulder. As soon as I let him take the full weight of my head, he grumbles,
shifting even though he’s still asleep.
The minute movement is enough to give me the room I need to free my arm. Sliding it down, I place it at my side, but refuse to move from my spot next to him. We have become a mass of entwined limbs numerous times over the months when we’ve woken up. Nonetheless, we’ve never intentionally fallen asleep like it. At least not when I haven’t been upset. I’m actually questioning why we haven’t before now because there’s not a better place I could think of to be.
* * *
I’m pulled from the depths of sleep by Blake shaking my shoulder.
“We’re here, Stripes. Come on, wake up.”
Groaning I curl up, turning towards the frosty window of the passenger’s side and bury my head into my hood like a turtle would its shell. I tighten the strings, blocking out the glaring security lights of Blake’s parents’ house in front of us, and bring my knees up to my chest. Reaching around my legs with my jumper-covered hands, I dip them into my Ugg boots to keep them in place.
“I said you shouldn’t have woken up so early to type that email.” Blake laughs. “C’mon, it’s starting to get cold in here now the heater’s not on.”
“One more minute,” I mumble, but it sounds more like ‘wo-or-init’.
“I’ll leave you here if you don’t wake up now.”
“No you won’t, you love me too much to be that mean.” My whole body tenses as my mouth runs away with me. Hopefully, if I pretend to be asleep then he won’t think anything of the fact I said he loves me.
There’s only silence in return and I start to panic. Snapping off my hood, I whip my head in his direction, ready to explain what I really meant when I see him bent over the steering wheel in silent laughter. “What’s so funny?”
He doesn’t reply, and irritated by his reaction, I let my feet fall back to the floor with a thud. Still, it gains no response from him, so with a huff I open the door, and step from the car. I’m halfway towards the house when I hear the crunch of gravel following me.
“So now you decide to get out of the car?” He’s still laughing at me. When I don’t respond he throws an arm around my shoulders, kissing the top of my head. “Are you seriously mad, or do you just hate being woken up?”
“Both.”
“Why are you mad? I think it’s more you hate being woken up. You’re always grumpy when you get woken up.”
I can’t help smiling at him and throwing an arm around his waist, too. It’s true, I’m not mad. “Sorry, old habit.”
“I know. I haven’t grown up with you without learning a few things.”
We stand on the porch, waiting for the door to be answered. “You told your parents I’m coming, didn’t you?”
The guilty expression on his face tells me all I need to know. He gives me a sidelong glance and the arm that’s not around me reaches up to knead the back of his neck.
“Blake!” I hiss, not believing that he could do this to me. “They might not want me here.”
“Don’t be stupid. It’ll be a nice surprise for them. I also forgot to get them a Christmas present so had to think on the spot. I think it’s clever.”
It’s pointless arguing considering I’m already on their doorstep. “That means they don’t know about us, doesn’t it? And for the record, I’m not sitting under any tree.”
“Of course not, but I have a bow. And us being together will be another nice surprise for them.” Before I can decipher what he means, his arm moves from my shoulders, leaving behind a chill, and a heavy weight settles on my head while he sticks something to me.
“What the—” Tentatively I reach up to touch whatever he’s put there, only to skim across the shiny plastic of a sticky present ribbon. When Blake sees I’m about to pull it off, he catches my hand and holds it tightly, bringing it up to his lips.
“Please humour me.”
I’m about to send him a glare when the door opens before us, bathing us in a warm orange glow and a wave of heat from inside. There’s a small glimpse of a real Christmas tree poking out into the hallway, but most of doorway is taken up by Blake’s mum. She’s dressed in a loose fitting knit jumper and jeans, her face slightly plumper than I remember but with a smile that matches Blake’s. Her hair has been cut short and the golden honey colour remains everywhere but at the roots.
“Oh my God, is that you, Neve?” Ally, his mum cries out, instantly running out of the door to embrace me in a hug. Her warm arms envelope me in a death grip. Clutching me to her chest, she sways with excitement and she kisses my cheeks repeatedly.
“Hi, Mum. Don’t mind me, I’m only your son,” Blake mutters, but it’s in jest.
“Oh shush. I speak to you weekly. I haven’t seen Neve in, what’s it been, a year and a half?” She releases me from the hug, but remains holding my arms to give me a curious once over. I know what she’s staring at.
“Something like that … and before you ask, your son’s a cheapskate and didn’t buy you a present. He decided to give you me instead.” The overwhelming love she’s pouring at me churns the guilt in my stomach for not talking to her for so long. I didn’t intentionally stop, but after they moved away to downsize I just didn’t see them and slowly it became more and more awkward to phone or show up. Seeing her again makes me realise how much I’ve missed her, though.
“I’m sorry for appearing like this. I assumed Blake had told you. Is it okay that I stay for Christmas? I don’t want to intrude.”
“Don’t be daft, Neve. Of course you can stay, you’re always welcome here and it’s the best gift I could ask for.”
Blake casts me an ‘I told you so’ look that’s too smug for my liking.
“I’ll go get our bags now that you’re in safe hands.” He runs off into the darkness beyond the security lights, and I return my attention to Ally, whose eyes are glazed with unshed tears.
“Come in, I don’t know why we’re still on the doorstep. Oh, everyone will be so pleased to see you.”
She ushers me into the hallway, and the smell of mince pies and pine fills the air. I don’t even have time to remove my shoes before she’s tugging on my arm and shouting as she goes. “Darren, look who’s here for Christmas!”
She’s surprisingly strong and I decide that it’s better to go with her rather than fight against it.
Having never been to their new house, I allow her to guide me into a cosy room. They have an open fire lit, warming the place and the hint of smoke mixes with the pine of their large tree. It reminds me of Christmas when I was a child: sitting by the fire to stare at my stocking and wait for Santa to come down the chimney.
“Neve! How are you?” Darren shouts, springing from the chair and walking towards me with his arms open wide. “I should be mad at you for staying away so long.” He grips me tightly, his words muffled by my hair. When he pulls back, he holds on to my arms like his wife had, carefully studying me. “Why have you got a ribbon on your head?”
I sigh, but before I can get an explanation out a bang comes from behind us. Turning quickly, Blake drops the rest of our bags on the floor and moves to hug Ally. His head appears over her shoulder, a cheeky smile on his face. “She’s your present.”
I cock my hip so that it takes all of my weight in mock irritation. “Can I take it off now?”
My hand is already moving to pull it free when his words make me freeze. “No, you look cute wearing it.”
Both of his parents flick their heads between us, staring curiously as they regard us with suspicion. The harder they stare, the more my cheeks prickle with a familiar heat.
“I don’t care, I’m taking it off, and you’re dead if I lose even a single hair.”
Blake laughs, releasing his mother to give his dad an equally enthusiastic hug. “What are you going to do, Stripes? Kill me in my sleep? I think you like cuddling up to me too much for that.” He winks, referring to last night obviously, and my cheeks go from tepid to searing hot. It’s like he’s deliberately making the comments to tip his parents off about o
ur relationship. I don’t mind them knowing, but I don’t see it necessary for them to find out we’re sleeping together, even if that’s all it is.
“Wait, what’s going on between you two?” Ally asks slowly, her eyes narrowing.
“Your second Christmas present.” Blake grins and pauses for effect. He crosses the room in a few strides and pulls me to his side. “We’re together.”
If I thought Ally and Darren were happy before, then I couldn’t have been more wrong. Ally starts bouncing on the spot with glee, her hands flat against one another like she’s praying and Darren’s face lights up like he’s just won the lottery.
“Oh my God, finally! We hoped this would happen at some point.”
We both stare at each other and then at them, dumbfounded. I hadn’t realised our attraction towards each other was that apparent, or why they’d want me for their son. As if Blake can read my mind, he pulls me against him tighter.
“So did I,” he murmurs so only I can hear. The warm caress of his breath tickles me when it sweeps over my ear and down my neck, causing me to giggle. “Best sound in the world,” he whispers again, and of course it has the same effect.
Caught up in our moment, we haven’t noticed Ally has disappeared until she reappears with a plate of mince pies and two mugs of hot chocolate. Just like when we were kids, she’s topped the mugs with cream, mini marshmallows, and grated chocolate. Even looking at it brings back all of the good memories from mine and Blake’s childhood: playing in the snow then coming in to drink by the fire and dry off, going ice skating on the frozen lakes around their old house with a thermos, or staying up to watch the switching on of Christmas lights.
I sigh at the fond memories and for once it is a contented sound. Mum may have not always been the best parent, but Ally and Darren were always there. Blake is lucky to have them.
Once we have both eaten—I have one mince pie whereas Blake somehow manages to scoff three—and finished our drinks, I catch a glimpse of the clock. Knowing that Christmas Day always starts early in the Reynolds’ house, I don’t want to be the only one in bed because I stayed up too late the night before.