by Brona Mills
‘From what?’
‘I think. . . in the middle of them leaving, or skipping different realities, she was getting lost, or left behind or maybe even dead. I need to go back there and warn her, make sure she doesn’t get lost.’
‘Who was she?’ I whisper.
‘I don’t remember.’
‘How do you do it? Watch the woman you love disappear all the time?’
‘I don’t love Audrey.’ Mike’s voice has no conviction. ‘She’s a friend.’
‘You just believe her when she said you were friends in the future? You didn’t question if she was here for something bad?’
‘Why would she lie? She’s scared being here, and we’re trying to help her get home. She says David knows what he’s doing. So while David is trying to figure this out, I make sure she’s okay while she’s here.’
‘Is that how it started?’
He drops his gaze and turns away from me. The purple shade of bruising seeps out from the edges of the gauze on his forehead. ‘You wouldn’t understand. It was like I always just knew her. From the first time I met her.’
‘You never even realised there was a piece of your soul missing, until she was standing in front of you and you felt that empty ache inside your chest where she should be? Like somehow, somewhere, maybe back in the beginning of creation, you guys were part of the same person, and along the way, you were separated into two?’
Mike’s voice croaks. ‘Yes. But she’s married to someone else. And she’s trying to get back to him. Every time she leaves, she’s not thinking about showing up in my life next year. She’s hoping she’ll make it back home. Imagine meeting the one you’re supposed to be with, in the most absurd circumstances, and knowing that in the future, they aren’t going to choose you.’
I slide my hand into Mike’s and squeeze it tight, my heart aching for myself as well as him. ‘I understand.’
‘About having a time traveller as a friend?’
‘About falling in love with people who should be with someone else.’ I lay my head down on Mike’s shoulder. I can never stop wondering about the chicken and egg scenario. Were David and I fated to be together or was it always this time travel loop that threw us together? Did my desires for him and the want to save him from someone else actually keep me in the picture and keep us both on the same doomed path?
‘You guys are perfect for each other.’
I nod. ‘But Audrey’s influences have already put us together. I’m scared I’m derailing David from where he should be. What if you were both supposed to stay in England? Or be with other people. Time travelling has already changed so much. What if he was meant for someone else?’
‘There’s no one out there better for David than you,’ he tells me.
I shrug. ‘She doesn’t have to be better if it’s fate. Sometimes it can be worse, or maybe the same, but different anyway. Sometimes it’s the circumstances that you need to experience to make you into the person you need to be. What if I was trying to stop him from having a doomed relationship, but ended up being the cause of it?’ I sit up straighter. ‘When Audrey spoke of our marriage, he looked happy, like it was something he’d be happy about. And for the life of me, I don’t want to tell him, that maybe it’s a butterfly effect and we should’ve never been together at all.’
Mike throws his feet onto the coffee table with a thud. ‘If I had the chance to marry Audrey first, I’d probably take it. David’s happy. There’s no point in worrying about things that might have been when we can’t change it.’
‘What if I fuck his life up even more?’
‘One thing I have to believe is—if this thing with you and David was never meant to be, circumstances will come about to break you guys apart.’ He pinches the bridge of his nose. ‘But the whole world can’t sit around and not date, or take a chance on love, in case they’re worried they are screwing with fate. Sometimes you have to lose to make you realise how important it is to grab onto that perfect person when they come along.’
‘Then why don’t you grab onto Audrey when she comes back?’
‘She’s already married to her perfect match. I can see it in her eyes every bloody time she speaks about him. She’s heartbroken that she’s not with him. I don’t think the universe wants me to sweep in and break her heart.’
‘I’m in love with David, and for me—he’s my soulmate. I’m just worried it wasn’t the original design. Our experiences define us. What if we were both supposed to have shitty relationships to appreciate each other that little bit more?’
‘Fuck, he appreciates you, Stella. Audrey says you guys get married. But, please, don’t do this unless you can stay with him forever and stop doubting your relationship. If you guys get married to keep Max safe, there better be some love there too.’
‘You’re saying that David would enter into a sham marriage to keep me and my son safe? Is that the only reason he’d ever marry me?’
‘Of course not.’ Mike lets out a low whistle. ‘You can’t analyse this forever. You’re going to have to take a chance. Right now, you guys are in a relationship that both of you want to lead to marriage, despite being a little premature due to the circumstances. But if it’s not meant to be, fate will intervene.’
I take a deep breath. ‘Do you suppose fate would do something quick and let me know right now, ’cause I’d really like to enjoy being married to David, and not worry about whether some mystery woman is going to show up in his life and he’ll leave me.’
Mike chuckles. ‘I think that’s an issue for a lot of people. You’re just going to have to trust him.’
David appears with Max through the front door and tosses Mike a paper bag. ‘Got your prescription.’
‘Thanks, man.’ Mike winces trying to sit up. ‘So, why didn’t you mention you met Jessica last week?’ he asks, peering into the paper bag.
I glance at David, who tenses ever so slightly as he takes Max’s coat off. He recovers quickly and shrugs. ‘Forgot, I guess. Only spoke to her for a few minutes, so not much to gossip about.’ He sits down next to me and places a kiss on my lips. ‘Did Mike tell you he has a date? Fucker fell from a window and got a date with a nurse.’ He winks.
‘I got a date with Jessica, my ex-girlfriend, who just happens to be a nurse.’
‘You dated her in college?’ I ask.
Max pulls his box of Lego from under the TV and scurries to the kitchen, tipping it onto the tiles.
‘Yeah,’ Mike says, swallowing back two painkillers. ‘David used to date her roommate Amy for a while. Well, in fairness, he dated a lot of people’s roommates.’
My heart tenses, and David looks at me.
Mike groans as he bends over and takes forever to stand up. ‘I’m going to lie down.’
‘Get some rest. We can’t afford for you to have any time off,’ I tell him. ‘When this wraps next month, you’re straight into the next two movies back to back.’
Mike salutes me on his way down the hallway, and I peer over the back of the couch to check Max is out of ear shot.
‘So Jessica—the girl you imagined fucking—is back and dating Mike?’
David rubs his eyes with his thumbs. ‘God, Stella. If I’d known there was ever a chance we would have bumped into her again, I wouldn’t have told you that story.’
‘How do you feel seeing her again?’
David glares. ‘Nothing. She was someone I liked when I was in college and making my way around a whole load of girls.’
‘No, you liked her more than the average girl.’
‘I did. But I didn’t love her.’ He places his fingers under my chin and tilts my head up. ‘You—I love. Please, don’t let someone who isn’t anything come between us.’
‘You’d tell me if there were any feelings there, right?’
He nods.
‘Please, tell me she’s not going to come over here all the time?’
‘She might. And she’s a nice girl, Stella. But Mike is licking his wounds over Audrey. I don’t think
it ever got too serious with them anyway. He left her in England without a second thought when he moved here.’
‘Why does Mike sound like the bad guy? Didn’t think he had it in him.’
David scoffs. ‘He’s not a bad guy. Jessica was passing time with him too. Sometimes, two nice people in a relationship don’t always work. Neither of them is mean enough to call it quits when it’s overdue. This might go on for a while, but it will fizzle out eventually. Don’t get hung up on this. We have a movie to wrap.’
‘And don’t forget the secrets of time travel to figure out.’
Tuesday, October 31, 1999
Los Angeles Airport, California.
I pick Caitlyn up at the airport and I already love her quirkiness.
‘Sorry I missed your wedding.’ She tells me. ‘The thoughts of being confined to the same aircraft as my parents while they bickered for eight hours was too much.’
‘That’s okay.’ I smile. ‘Although Mike was looking forward to you coming. He misses you.’ I crank up the air conditioning. ‘Aren’t your feet hot?’ Who flies to LA in denim shorts and Dr. Martin boots?
‘Yeah, hence the shorts to cool my legs down.’
I can’t help but stare at her legs and know that Mike is going to have a heart attack at his kid sister grown up into a twenty-year-old hottie about to be the centre of male attention.
‘You know, Mike’s turned into quite the business man.’
She smiles. ‘Good for him.’
‘I’m glad you came out here. You just graduated, right? Well, it will be nice to have some more family on board helping us. Living in the public eye is tough. The past year especially since Mike’s career exploded. To have an assistant that you can trust, especially when you’re working out of your home, is a big deal.’
‘He always promised me he’d make it big one day and bring me out here with him. I thought that day would never come.’ She sighs.
‘You don’t like England?’
‘England is fine. It’s a change in people I’m looking for.’
‘Oh, any male person in particular?’ I ask.
‘Huh, I wish.’ She digs in her purse and pulls out an arrangement of old cassette tapes and scribbles some notes on one of the blank inserts.
‘You know, CDs really are the thing over here. I don’t even have a player for you to listen to those.’ I point to the car stereo.
‘It’s okay, I brought my Walkman.’
‘So who are you running from if it’s not a guy?’
‘My parents’ divorce,’ she tells me while shoving the tapes back where they were.
‘Mike never mentioned it.’ I slow down to approach a set of lights.
‘He doesn’t know. That’s why I’m here.’
I slam on the brakes and our seatbelts catch us both before we hit the dashboard.
‘Jesus, do you even have a licence?’ she asks.
‘Mike doesn’t know?’
‘Why would he? He moved out years ago when he went to university. I was the one left listening to the arguments all day and night. Figured if I studied hard, I could enrol in university early. When I finally moved into halls of residents I was thrilled. But I guess graduating high school early actually screwed me, ’cause guess where I ended up? Right back home and in the middle of the dinner table snide comments and shouting matches. Actually, I think it might be a good thing that they’re separating.’
I put the car into drive when the lights turn green. ‘I’m glad you’re here to tell Mike in person. I don’t think he has any idea.’
She smiles. ‘He told me when he was rich he’d pay me to clean all his rooms. We were younger, he meant it as an insult, but I still can’t believe my big brother did it.’
‘Well, don’t be so thrilled for him. He hasn’t told you how many rooms he has.’ I grin.
When we pull into my driveway in Calabasas, Caitlyn’s jaw drops.
‘Is this Mike’s house?’
‘No, it’s mine and David’s. Mike is gone a lot of the time, so he hasn’t bought a place to live yet. I was joking about how many rooms he has. You can still clean all my rooms if you want.’ I laugh. ‘You’re going to be staying with us. My office is here, so you won’t have to travel for work.’
‘Thank god. I heard LA traffic is a nightmare. Plus I have transport issues right now.’
‘Mike leaves his cars here when he’s out of town. I’m sure he’ll let you borrow one.’
‘Cars, as in plural?’
‘He only has two, hasn’t gone too mad yet.’
When we walk into the foyer, I point to the left. ‘You’re in the guest suite down here. Unless you want a room in the pool house with my mother?’
She shakes her head. ‘Here is fine. Thank you.’
‘Living space and kitchen is down there too. Office, storage, and gym are to the right. Basement access is through the kitchen. All of Mike’s stuff is down there. He has it organised, but now and again you might need to pull some things for him. Stay out of the attic. It’s David’s work space.’
‘Got it.’
‘I need you to start work tomorrow. We only moved in last month so there’s a lot of office things to be unpacked and organised.’
‘Will do. I appreciate you helping me out, especially if Mike is out of town a lot.’
I thread my arm through hers. ‘Trust me. Once I put you to work, you’re going to regret saying that.’
One year later
Friday, January 5, 2001
I run down the hallway to David’s lab, excited about having someone to share this moment with this time around. I should be dreading it, but maybe it’s been delayed enough. Right outside the door, Ethan calls my name from the office opposite.
I spin on my heels and face him. ‘Yes?’
Ethan stands and makes his way through piles of papers that are stacked on the floor space, over to me. ‘I’ve been looking out for you for a while.’
‘I’ve been avoiding the place. I knew if I saw you again, it would probably make my blood boil.’
He tilts his head. ‘It was not my intention to make you feel that way. But you see, information comes at a price.’
‘And what price is that?’ I ask tartly.
‘Knowing what it will do to you when you try and protect everyone from the truth. When you try and allow things to play out the way DD asked me to. When you try and do the right thing, knowing that good people will probably get hurt anyway.’
I step forward. ‘Who’s going to get hurt?’
‘People always get hurt when they’re dealing with people they love.’
‘I need to go.’
‘I’m sorry for making your blood boil. Please believe me, when the time comes, I’m sure you’ll understand.’
‘Maybe not, if I’m sure that it’s something you could have helped avoid.’
‘You can’t avoid the inevitable, Stella. Of that I’m sure.’
I turn on my heel and knock on David’s door. The door’s recently been upgraded with secure entry, and passes are limited. Waiting, I know Ethan is still standing behind me.
‘As a friend of my son, I wanted to let you know that we’ll be there for you. If you ever need anything, don’t hesitate to come to us. When you’re hurting, sometimes those who aren’t as close to you can be the ones who offer the best advice.’
‘And why would I do that?’
‘Because you’re going to do the things you always did. It’s inevitable.’
Fear runs down my throat. He couldn’t possibly know what I’m dealing with today. ‘A little less vague, Ethan?’
He smiles tightly. ‘Congratulations.’
‘Yeah, yeah, you said that at the wedding,’ I scoff.
He closes the door when we both hear the electronic beeps indicating the swipe of the pass card on the other end of David’s door.
David greets me with his no bullshit, excited to see me grin, and I step into his open arms, my boiling blood temporarily forgot
ten as I place a kiss on his lips.
‘Hi.’ He opens his mouth to kiss me back.
‘Hi.’ I grab his bottom lip in between my teeth and tug on it as he pulls me into the lab. ‘Are you alone?’ I whisper.
He grins. ‘Hell, yeah, I’m alone.’ He grabs my ass and presses his hips into mine.
‘My period’s late.’
His face lights up again. ‘You’re on the pill.’
‘I’m almost two weeks late. With Caitlyn talking about taking off to go travelling, I’m stressing over finding a replacement for Mike. As well as scheduling his new contracts and converting the basement for him to store all his shit in while he’s constantly out of town, I thought it could be stress. Then I was sick over the holidays and that can screw up birth control.’
‘Did you do a test?’
‘No, I was waiting for you.’ I pull the test kit out of the pharmacy bag and wave it in the air.
He snakes an arm around my waist, taking his time to trail his fingers over my skin. ‘We haven’t spoken about this in a while. You know I want kids. We’re married. We’re raising a child already. There’s no need to freak out.’
I take a deep breath. ‘I just don’t want you disappointed if it’s negative.’
‘Let’s go pee on a stick then.’ He swats my ass on the way into the bathroom down the hall. As we walk through the office to the other door, I get a sense for the amount of work that’s going on in here. Each time I get here, there are more notes, and more white boards on the walls. There’s an extra desk next to Liam’s. ‘You getting another assistant?’
David scoffs. ‘No. Liam has decided to pick up his medical training again.’
‘Again?’
‘Yeah, he did some pre-med courses before I met him and now he’s in the middle of refreshing his EMT.’
‘So the desk?’
‘His medical notes. I swear the man is like a machine. He switches from one subject to another so easily. As long as he has a separate work space for studying, he said it won’t affect his work in the lab. Even thinks the fresh approach might help us out.’
So he’s really going through with the idea of being in that crash, for Audrey and for David.