by Rachel Dylan
“I’m okay. Have you heard anything yet about the safe house?”
“Yes. We should be moving there within the hour.”
“With Grace, right?” Even though it was more of a statement than a question, because she’d told anyone who would listen that there was no way she was leaving Grace behind.
“Of course. I heard you loud and clear on that request. We’re going to keep both of you safe and secure. I wouldn’t try to separate you from Grace unless your life depended on it.”
Instead of arguing the point with him, she decided to move on to another very important topic. “Have you checked on my friends to make sure that they are okay, too?”
“Yes. They each got a personal visit from the Atlanta police this morning. They’ve been apprised of the situation with your house and the fire.”
“You’re sure that they’re all right?”
“Yes. But you should know that they will not know your location, which is to protect everyone involved.”
“As long as they’re safe.” She paused. “Do you think we could get them police protection?”
He shook his head. “Until there’s something actionable going on as far as they are concerned, we won’t be able to assign any specific security detail to them. We’re always battling a resource issue.”
“Put the former CIA operative in a safe house while leaving the untrained civilians to fend for themselves. Great.” She couldn’t help the sarcasm that she knew she was projecting.
“I get that you’re upset, Lily. But this is the best we can do under this set of circumstances.” He reached out and grabbed her hand.
She flinched. Not because she was afraid of him, but just because she wasn’t used to the contact. But his touch actually provided comfort. “I don’t want to sound unappreciative. Especially to you. You’ve put your entire life on hold for this case.”
“It’s what I do. So don’t feel bad about it.”
“When I realized that the house was on fire and I was stuck in the bedroom with Grace, I came to the conclusion that it could be the end of the line for me.”
“And how did you feel in that moment?” He squeezed her hand before letting go.
“Honestly, a combination of emotions. But mostly I could accept the fact that I was going to die. I’ve been in very dangerous situations before. Not just what happened with James when I knew for certain that if I didn’t take the shot he was going to kill me, but other CIA missions that were just as dangerous.” She took a breath and fought back her emotions. “But when I looked at Grace and thought about how innocent she was and how she was only in that situation because of me, I did something I haven’t done since before I had to kill James in self-defense.”
“What did you do?”
She took a deep breath, feeling some of the tension melt away. “In that moment, I actually prayed.”
His dark eyes softened. “Isn’t that a good thing?”
“I don’t know how I feel about it now. At the time, I felt as if I might not be worth saving. That God was done with me. But I thought that He might have mercy on an innocent animal. So I prayed for Grace’s life to be spared.” She exhaled loudly. “And so I’m thankful that we both made it out alive. I’m almost in shock that He answered my prayer.”
“God hasn’t abandoned you, Lily. I can tell that you think He has, but He hasn’t.”
She nodded. “I appreciate you saying that. Even if I have a hard time processing all my feelings about faith right now.”
“Just take it one day at a time.”
“I feel as if you’ve seen me so exposed and know my struggles. I barely know anything about you.”
He grinned. “I’ve been told that I’m a very private person.”
She laughed. “I am, too, but given what’s happened I haven’t exactly had that option.”
“What would you like to know about me?”
“You obviously love Grace. Why don’t you have a dog of your own?”
“My schedule. I work such crazy, long hours. I didn’t think it would be fair to be an absentee pet parent. Especially when it’s just me, and the dog would be totally dependent.”
“You said you choose to be alone, though.”
“Yes. It works for me.”
“Why do I sense that you have a story, too? Probably nothing as dramatic as mine with James, but there’s something that happened to you, isn’t there?”
He took a seat on one of the two hotel room chairs. “Sit down.”
She sat down and looked at him, awaiting what he had to say.
“I don’t talk about this with anyone, but you’re right. You’ve had to expose so much to me. I think it’s only fair I return the favor. Especially since we’re going to be stuck together for a while.”
“I’m all ears.”
“I proposed to my high school sweetheart after we graduated. The plan was that we’d go to college and get married at some point during school or right after. In my mind, it was exactly how I’d envisioned it going.”
“I have the feeling that this isn’t going to have a happy ending, is it?”
He shook his head. “No. She accepted my proposal but then a week later she broke it off.”
“Why?”
“She’d been cheating on me with my best friend.”
“Oh, no, Rex. I’m so sorry. The betrayal must have been so intense.”
He ran a hand through his hair. “It was. At least she eventually had the decency to come clean. It would’ve been nice if it would’ve been before I got down on one knee and professed my love to her. But still.”
“And your friend?”
“We literally haven’t spoken since. And that was ten years ago. He found out that she talked to me, and then he didn’t even have the decency to face me man-to-man. Shaken up by the betrayal, I actually changed my college plans and went to Athens. I needed to get out of this town and away from them.”
“That’s awful. He surely wasn’t much of a friend. Friends don’t do that to each other.”
“Looking back, my girlfriend and I were probably too young to get married. But it didn’t change the hurt I felt at the time. It was so raw. Then I shifted my focus to school and my career. I figured if the Lord ever wanted me to be with someone, He’d make it obvious to me.”
“And I take it, then, it hasn’t been obvious to you?”
“Not at all. There’s been no one truly special since then. But believe it or not, I’m okay with that. His plan is greater than any plan of mine. I put my trust in Him and walk where He leads me.”
“You have a lot more faith than I’ll ever have. I have to say it’s an admirable quality.”
“With the heinous stuff I see in my line of work, it’s a necessity.”
“Thanks for sharing,” she said. “Now I don’t feel as if things are so one-sided. But you’ve still seen a lot more of my baggage than I’ve seen of yours.”
His phone rang and he pulled it out. After a minute he hung up. “We’ve been given the green light for the safe house. It’s go time.”
SEVEN
Rex pasted on a confident smile, although inside he felt anything but. He looked down at his hands gripping the wheel of the car and hoped that Lily hadn’t picked up on his apprehension. He couldn’t help being worried about the situation and Lily’s personal security. If something happened to her, it would be on his watch. And he couldn’t let that happen.
He glanced in the rearview mirror and saw that their security escort was right behind him in a dark SUV, just as they were supposed to be. Another vehicle was two cars ahead of them. Everything was going according to plan.
They were currently en route to the FBI safe house that had been assigned to them. Lily seemed to be holding up pretty well, considering that
she could have been killed in last night’s house fire.
“You’re awfully quiet,” Lily said. “What are you thinking?”
“Always trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together. And while we have some time completely alone here in the car, there’s something I wanted to share with you.”
“Uh-oh. Why all the secrecy?”
He felt she didn’t deserve to be in the dark. “Once I tell you, you’ll understand why.” He took a breath. “Because Eliza thinks that our killer could be connected to law enforcement.”
“What?” she asked loudly, which then led to Grace barking from the backseat. “It’s okay, Grace. Settle down.” She paused. “Anyway, is Eliza implying someone in the FBI is responsible for this?”
“Well, she’s not limiting it to the FBI. She’s considering FBI, Atlanta Police, anyone currently working or connected to your case that’s in law enforcement.”
Lily blew out a breath. “An inside job.”
“Basically. But at this point it’s just a working theory. There is currently no evidence linking any member of the investigative team to these crimes.”
“And what do you think about it?”
He glanced over at her and then turned his focus back to the road. He couldn’t afford to be distracted. “I think we have to consider it. The guy definitely has skills. The fact that he’s been able to avoid detection this long, and breach our defenses and safeguards, makes me wonder if there is something to it. It makes me sick to think about the possibility, but I have to be objective here. I can’t allow my feelings about law enforcement to cloud my judgment. It’s entirely possible there’s one bad apple in the bunch.”
“Well, it might explain some things. Just like last night with the fire. If it was someone on the inside, they could’ve gotten through the security measures much easier. Access wouldn’t have been an issue.”
“That’s true.” As he listened to her words, he admitted that his mind had gone through the same ideas.
“Or what if they were just posing as law enforcement?” she asked. “With both FBI and APD on the case, I wouldn’t rule that out, because there would be a lot of unfamiliar faces working together.”
“That’s an interesting point. Eliza is going to run a separate internal investigation. The only people that know about it are her, Derrick and me—and now you. We’ve kept the circle incredibly tight because we can’t afford any possible exposure to the culprit. Assuming this theory has any legs.”
“I won’t say anything,” she said.
“I know you wouldn’t.” He smiled. “I think a CIA agent knows how to keep secrets.”
“How much security do we have with us now on the way to the safe house?” She turned and looked out the back window.
“Two cars are escorting us on our way there. But we’ve taken a circular route to ensure that no one is following us. And, as an extra layer of precaution, we sent out decoy cars in other directions. The whole point of the safe house is to keep your location classified. If the killer finds out where you are, then hiding out is completely pointless.”
“You know I can’t run forever, though. And what am I going to do about my house?”
“Right now it’s an active arson scene. Once the investigation is complete, I’m sure your insurance adjustor will contact you with the next steps.”
“My photography is really going to have to take off if I’m going to be able to afford a full renovation of that house.” She laughed. “It’s not funny, but it’s better to laugh than to cry. At least we’re alive. So I can’t really complain, given the circumstances.”
“That’s the most important thing to remember. Stuff can be replaced.”
“Believe me, I am thankful.”
He wound his way through a middle-class neighborhood in the Atlanta suburbs and then stopped when he got to the address. The two-story brick home in a cozy neighborhood was perfect for their purpose.
“It’s been a while since I’ve been to a safe house. The ones I remember from the CIA weren’t always this nice.” She looked over at him and smiled.
“I can imagine that you weren’t in the middle of an American suburb, either.”
“You’d be right about that.”
“But you can’t reveal more details about your locations or operations.”
“You catch on quick. Everything was need-to-know and top secret.”
“That’s a stressful way to live, Lily.”
“Yeah, it was. But at the time I enjoyed it.” She paused. “Well, until, you know, I got betrayed and everything that went along with it.”
“I think anyone would feel that way.”
“What happens now?” she asked.
“We’re going to wait in the car while the security detail makes sure the house is secure.”
“All right.”
“Do you miss it?” he asked.
“Miss what?”
“The CIA.”
“Ah. I guess you could say it depends. You know there are definite parts about it that I miss. But the continuous subterfuge got old. Photography is so soothing to me. It puts me in a good place mentally and emotionally. Capturing beauty in so many different ways, through so many different lenses, fulfills me, gives me a sense of peace.”
“Being an agent in the field must take a huge emotional toll even without the extreme circumstances you dealt with.”
“Yeah, burnout is a big problem for operatives. Along with a variety of substance-abuse problems. Thankfully, I never dealt with that. I was pretty good at compartmentalization. Especially after I saw how drugs and alcohol impacted my mother. That was just one road I wasn’t ever going to go down, if I could help it. I think in the end getting out was the best decision.”
“Did they want you to stay after what happened?”
“Actually, yes. My boss gave me a huge guilt trip.”
“I want to say that I can’t believe it, but the CIA has quite the reputation for being a very difficult place to work. I know the FBI has its faults, too, but the Agency is a different animal.”
“Yeah, the conversation with him will be something I always replay in my mind. He told me that I would’ve killed James in vain if I didn’t keep fighting the good fight.”
“That’s an awful thing to say to you. Especially after what you’d just gone through.”
“It was. But that was the Agency mentality. My boss didn’t get to where he was by having a soft heart. He had to always think of the mission before the individual people. In his mind, I was a hero for killing off a traitor. He didn’t have to live through actually shooting someone he loved. I’m the one who had to bear that burden.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” He watched as two FBI agents walked toward the house while an APD officer stood watch.
“I reacted the only way I could under the circumstances. The look in James’s green eyes when he realized that I knew he was a double agent is something I’ll hold with me forever. For what it’s worth, he said he was sorry. That he didn’t want it to end like that. Then he went for his gun. But I was faster. I don’t think he ever even considered that I would take the first shot. He assumed I loved him too much to save myself, that I’d never pull the trigger.”
“You acted in self-defense. That was the only thing you could do to survive.”
“I know that. But I had so many unanswered questions, you know? Like, was our entire relationship a ruse? Did he just use me to further his own agenda? Did he care for me at all? And then, on top of all of that, how could I have not known? It made me very angry. At everything.”
Before he could stop himself, he reached out to grab her hand. “Lily, you don’t have to hold all of it in. I’m here if you want to talk it out or just vent. I think we’re very similar in the way we handle our emotions. I kno
w what it’s like to bottle everything up, and I also know that it’s very unhealthy to live like that.”
“Thank you, Rex. I’m sure that I haven’t fully processed what happened in a healthy way. I’ve just done the best I could.”
He could hear the sound of determination in her voice. This woman was a fighter. She wasn’t going to give up. He watched as the FBI agent came out of the house and gave the all clear.
“Looks as if we’re good to go,” she said.
“Yeah. Let’s get inside and then we can have Grace walked.”
“Thanks for listening, Rex.”
He looked into her bright blue eyes and seriously started to wonder if he was beginning to have feelings for this woman.
* * *
Lily hadn’t been outside in two days. It was driving her nuts being cooped up in the house. Granted, it was a lovely home, but she couldn’t help feeling claustrophobic. They wouldn’t even let her walk her own dog. But at least Grace was there with her and being cared for, getting multiple long walks each day with the officers.
The safe house itself had been a hub of activity with FBI agents and APD officers coming and going. She’d gotten word that somehow her most expensive camera had survived the fire. And while the damage to her house wasn’t quite as severe as she had expected, the renovations were still going to cost a fortune because insurance only covered so much.
But she really couldn’t worry about those details right now. She had bigger problems. She looked over at Rex, who sat across from her at the kitchen table. Her stomach rumbled, and she started to think about dinner.
They were both working on their laptops. He was presumably doing work, and she was messing around with editing some digital photos. Her heart really wasn’t in it. It was just something to pass the time. How could she really be focused on her work when the killer was still out there and probably ready to strike again?
The FBI had provided her with their encryption program that was used at safe houses so that she could log into her email and not have to worry about the killer tracking her location.
But as she refreshed her email box, her stomach dropped.