by Kim Law
She always managed to surprise him. And he loved it.
He hadn’t told her yet that he had season tickets to the Predators back in Nashville, but wondered if offering to take her to a game would get him the chance for a real date.
“Sounds perfect,” he said, deciding not to toss the carrot out just yet. Surely in another week or so he could talk her out of the house. If not, then he would offer the tickets. The regular season would be ending soon, but they had a few games left they could catch. Maybe for her birthday at the end of the month.
Which reminded him, he had to come up with something really great as a gift.
He’d been fighting the urge to buy her things all week, assuming she’d refuse them since they weren’t really “dating,” so he’d concentrated his attention on doing things for her instead. Such as dinner and helping her out at the house. He liked taking care of her. He’d do more if she’d let him.
She grinned at him again and wiggled down deeper into his side, disturbing Bob, but he soon came back. Nick couldn’t blame the cat. Her lap was a nice place to be.
“You had good ideas, Nick.”
“Huh?” Had she read his mind? Knew he would rather it were him in her lap instead of Bob?
“The house.” One arm motioned to the redone living room that was missing new paint and floors due to dust and dirt still being a part of the rest of the house. “I love what you’re doing with the place. It feels right. It matches what I would want if it were my home.”
The bite of chicken he’d just taken grew dry in his mouth as he suddenly had a picture of the two of them and a handful of kids running around the place. That was no way to be thinking. He may not get everything about her, but he got enough to know she wouldn’t go for something like that. She was terrified of commitment. Even if it did come with season tickets to the Predators.
Plus, he lived in Nashville. He had his whole life set up there. He’d even built a five-bedroom house in the perfect neighborhood for raising kids for the day he did find the woman he could spend the rest of his life with.
It broke his heart to admit that he couldn’t see Joanie in that neighborhood. Nor did he think she’d ever want to be there. He could only imagine the horrified looks she’d get if she drove up in her cupcake van and climbed out in a go-go outfit.
The men would like it, though.
Setting his plate on the floor, his appetite failing him, he lifted the cigar box to his lap. He needed to focus his mind somewhere other than the thought of the two of them not fitting together in his life. It was depressing.
“I found these the other night,” he said. “Thought it might be fun to go through them together.”
Joanie smiled over at him, but when her gaze landed on the box her lips fell flat. Vertical lines formed between her eyes. “Did you get those from the bedroom?”
“Yeah.” He opened the lid and pulled out the top envelope.
“They’re letters from Pepaw to GiGi. When he was in Korea.”
Nick nodded. “I peeked at one. Looked like love letters.”
Warm gray eyes studied the envelope in his hands as if trying to decide whether it was a good idea to pull the papers out or not. Nick held his breath. He could see the tension in her. The nerves. He really believed that if she read these, they would help her in some way, but he knew he couldn’t force it.
Finally, her eyes lifted to his and she gave a tiny nod. “I was trying to order them the other night. I wanted to read them in chronological order.”
Nick grinned at her. She was tough. He’d known she would have the guts to read them.
He also knew he could order them way faster than she could. She’d get sidetracked on something and end up having to start all over. “You finish your dinner while I sort them. Then you can read them out loud while I eat.”
Her lids lowered again to stare at the letters, and he watched her take in a deep breath. Her guts made him want to toss the letters aside and kiss her.
“That sounds like a good plan,” she finally said.
She sat up straighter on the couch, upsetting both cats with her movements, while Nick quickly flipped through the envelopes, organizing the letters. They started in July of 1951 and went through February of 1953.
“He was over there a while,” Nick murmured as he concentrated on his task.
“Until he lost his arm.”
He jerked his head up. “I didn’t know that. How sad.”
Joanie nodded. “From the elbow down. He and GiGi’s brother went in together. They were best friends. Then they re-upped together. Neither would leave the other over there alone. Only, Pepaw was the only one to come home.”
Pain thumped in Nick’s chest.
“Both their names are on the plaque at the base of the statue on the square,” she added. Nick could see a faraway sadness in her eyes, but her voice didn’t falter. She was merely stating the facts. “Pepaw earned a Purple Heart trying to save GiGi’s brother, and then came home and married the girl he’d loved for years.”
She shrugged and glanced up. “At least, that’s the way the story goes.”
Pushing her plate to the side, she muted the television, and took the first letter.
Chapter Twelve
Joanie lifted the vase of fresh flowers from the seat of her car, as well as the tote bag with the packet of pictures she’d printed out at the pharmacy down the street. Also in the bag was the locked metal box she’d found in GiGi’s kitchen. It had occurred to her that morning that the box had not shown up until after Pepaw had left. Which made her more than curious about its contents.
Therefore, she’d brought it with her. She planned to ask GiGi about it if she seemed up to the conversation today. Then hopefully she’d find out where the blasted key was.
The white bakery box was the last item she grabbed, and then she marched, focused on her mission, into the nursing home.
It was Saturday afternoon. She’d spent the morning working at Cakes, had run home and changed, then headed into Knoxville to visit GiGi. She’d found herself more than excited about the trip.
Especially after all the letters she and Nick had read the night before.
She didn’t understand what had gone wrong with GiGi and Pepaw after so many years, but that had been a lot of love packed into a small amount of space. It had surprised her by how it had lightened her heart.
GiGi may have been stuck in her life for the past twenty-five years, but for the first time, Joanie truly believed that at one point she’d been really happy. And that made Joanie happy.
“Good afternoon, Helen,” she spoke to the receptionist as she breezed into the building, noting the surprised look on the woman’s face. Joanie had never visited on a weekend, and other than GiGi’s first few months of residence there, she hadn’t visited but once a month since. And always on a Tuesday—as if that were her “assigned” day.
Today was different. Today she actually wanted to be there. She wanted to see her grandmother. The thought of waiting until Tuesday had suddenly seemed ridiculous. It was her grandmother. She should come see her anytime she wanted.
She was aware of the difference in her attitude. Only, she wasn’t exactly sure what had caused it. She wondered if it had anything to do with Nick.
He had pushed her to read the letters last night. He’d made going through GiGi’s stuff these last few weeks far easier to take, and had even made her laugh many times as she’d come across items she’d at first been certain were going to make her sad.
Of course, he’d also suggested she discuss her mother with GiGi today.
That wasn’t going to happen. There could be no good from bringing up Grace to her grandmother.
As she approached GiGi’s room, Joanie didn’t hesitate entering this time. She placed her hand on the door, and smiled wide as it opened and she caught sight of GiGi inside the room.
She was awake, propped up in bed, and had the small television on the other side of the room turned on. The volume w
as down, but at least she wasn’t just lying there staring at the ceiling as she had been the last time Joanie had visited.
GiGi still didn’t look healthy, but there was more color in her skin today. It gave Joanie hope.
“Hi, GiGi,” Joanie said, entering the room.
The older lady’s thin eyebrows lifted, no doubt surprised at the sight of her granddaughter standing inside her room on a weekend day. The smile on Joanie’s face probably added to the confusion. She didn’t remember when she’d last entered any room her grandmother was in with a smile.
She should have done so much better over the years.
“Is it Tuesday, and I missed some days?” GiGi asked. Her tone was neither hard nor hateful, as Joanie had grown accustomed to over the years. In fact, it was pleasant. Happy. “I know my days are numbered, but I didn’t think I’d lost my mind just yet.”
Joanie laughed out loud. She’d just made her grandmother happy, possibly for the first time in years, and the feeling inside her was like the petals of a giant sunflower spontaneously bursting open in the sunshine.
“It’s Saturday,” Joanie announced. She held out the flowers. Miniature roses in reds, oranges, and yellows. “Special delivery. Thought these could brighten both you and your room.” She set them down on the small bedside table, opened the blinds on the window to let more sunlight into the room, then pulled out the packet of pictures and waved them in the air. “I brought pictures of the house renovation. It’s gorgeous, GiGi. You’re going to love it.”
GiGi’s gaze settled on the flowers before coming back to the pictures in Joanie’s hand and then lifting to her face. Her lips turned up in a gentle smile. “He’s good for you,” she said.
Joanie paused. “Who’s good for me?”
“This man. Nick. He makes you happy.”
Fighting a scowl, Joanie propped her hands on her hips. How could her grandmother know there was more going on between her and Nick than simple renovation? “Are you still spying on me?”
A thin, frail shoulder lifted under the light-green polyester top. “Someone has to take care of you.”
Joanie started to roll her eyes at the words, feeling the usual irritation that the woman was butting into her life where she wasn’t needed, but then stopped. She just looked at her grandmother, realizing for the first time that she was lucky to have had her grandmother in her life. Someone had needed to take care of her. Her mother certainly hadn’t done it. Not even when she had been around.
It had always been GiGi and Pepaw. Making sure she got to school, shaping her life, giving her memories to store up for later years. After Pepaw left, it had just been GiGi. They’d all pretended Grace had something to do with her upbringing, but that was a lie. Her mother had never wanted her. She’d never had anything to do with her.
But GiGi had never turned her back.
Joanie stepped to the bed, a heavy lump filling up the space from her heart up to her throat, and gently scooted GiGi’s legs over on the mattress a few inches. She sat on the bed with her grandmother and reached out to touch the too-frail hand. “Thank you for taking care of me over the years, GiGi,” she said. “I don’t think I’ve ever said that to you, but thank you. Life certainly would have been harder without you in it.”
The recognition in her grandmother’s eyes that Joanie had just had a growing-up, mature moment added to that national-park-size lump in her throat, and Joanie was suddenly terrified. GiGi was very sick. She didn’t have too much longer to live.
And then Joanie was going to be alone.
“I’m sorry Grace never came back.” The words rushed out of GiGi’s mouth, her voice a soft rasp as if she were fighting back tears. “It was my fault. You would have had your mother back if not for me.”
Shock had Joanie rooted to her seat. “What are you talking about?”
GiGi shook her head back and forth and tears began to slowly drip from her eyes. “I told her not to come back. I caught her packing up her clothes to leave with Bill. She’d told you for weeks that you three were going to be a family. She’d made you believe. You were so hopeful. He was so nice to you. And then I caught her packing up her clothes with no intention of taking you with her. I told her she was done hurting you that way. That if she left that time, she was not welcome back in my house.” Silence pulsed through the room before GiGi quietly finished with, “I didn’t think she’d leave.”
“GiGi,” Joanie whispered, unsure what else to say.
“I’m so sorry.” GiGi shook her head again. “I’m so sorry.”
Her grandmother had told her mother not to come back?
Joanie’s first thought was to be mad. Furious. How dare she? But then all of GiGi’s words penetrated. She’d been trying to protect Joanie. She’d tried to keep her mother from hurting her anymore.
That was way more than her mother had ever done.
With tears in her own eyes, Joanie leaned forward and pulled her grandmother into an embrace, both of them holding each other in a way she couldn’t remember them ever doing.
“It’s okay, GiGi,” she whispered.
“I’m so sorry,” her grandmother repeated again. “I didn’t think she’d leave. I shouldn’t have done that.”
Joanie pulled back and wiped at the tears streaking GiGi’s face. “I suspect it was for the best.” And she honestly did. Her mother hadn’t cared for her. At least someone had cared enough to see that as a problem.
“I should have told you about it a long time ago.” GiGi’s words were almost too soft to hear. “I wanted to. But I didn’t know how.”
Joanie closed her eyes as if that would hide the pain. She suspected GiGi was only telling her now because she knew her days were numbered. The thought made Joanie replay her and Nick’s conversation from the night before. The one about her mother. Should she ask GiGi about Grace? She didn’t want to upset her more than she already was. But then she felt Nick’s strength as if he were right there beside her, holding her hand.
She opened her eyes. She needed to do this.
“Have you heard from her at all since she left?” Joanie asked. “Anything?”
A sad look came over her grandmother, dulling her eyes and making her seem even more fragile than she was. “Never one word,” she whispered. “It was as if she was glad I’d given her the ultimatum.”
Grace’s leaving hadn’t just hurt Joanie, it had broken GiGi’s heart.
That had to destroy a person in a way Joanie couldn’t even imagine.
In a vivid moment of clarity, Joanie realized she had to do better for her grandmother. She had to bring her home.
She didn’t know how, but she’d figure it out.
“I’m going to bring you home with me, GiGi. As soon as I can make arrangements so I can take good care of you.”
Only… how?
When GiGi’s house sold, she could use the money to hire a nurse. They could put a bed in the living room of Joanie’s rental.
It wouldn’t be ideal, but it would work.
Or she could find a different place to rent with a bedroom on the first floor.
“I can’t do it today.” She squeezed her grandmother’s hand. “I wish I could. But I’ll come visit more often. I’ll be back Monday. How’s that? I can stay longer on Mondays. And then again next Saturday. I’ll come twice a week. After the house sells we’ll make it work. You’ll live with me.”
Again, the thought of getting rid of the Barn caused Joanie a moment of pain. She didn’t want to sell the house. But she had no choice. It wasn’t as if she could give up her rental and move her and GiGi there. She owed too much on the upgrades.
But she would do something. She’d figure it out. And she would not let GiGi die here alone. Maybe being back in Sugar Springs would even extend the time she had left.
Thin, wispy gray hair moved slowly up and down as her grandmother nodded. Her eyes were watery again, but no more tears fell. She gave a hesitant smile. “You’re a good granddaughter,” GiGi said, which felt l
ike a lie. She wasn’t. She hadn’t been in years.
Better late than never, she thought. She would be a good granddaughter.
“I’m going to take all these pictures and make a scrapbook for you.” The idea popped into her head from nowhere. “I’ve found so many things in the house that I know you love. I want to take some of them, as well as these pictures and the rest I’ll make as we finish up, and create a scrapbook. We’ll call it ‘The Barn Book.’”
The smile on GiGi’s face wavered, and two narrow lines of tears once again slipped over her bottom lids. “I like that,” she admitted. “ ‘The Barn Book.’ Your grandfather would have loved it.”
Silence fell over the room at the mention of Pepaw, and Joanie caught herself thinking back over the letters she’d read the night before.
She wanted to understand what had gone wrong.
It wasn’t as if she needed the knowledge. But she wanted desperately to know what had happened between her grandparents. Nothing about his leaving had ever made sense.
Why had Pepaw left not only GiGi, but her, as well?
Squeezing GiGi’s hand, she took a deep breath and silently prayed she wasn’t making a mistake by bringing it up. It had already been an emotional day. “Why did Pepaw leave, GiGi?” she finally asked.
Her grandmother looked at her with wide eyes, and then lowered her gaze and shook her head. “He didn’t leave, hon.”
Joanie blinked. “Yes, he did. Twenty-five years ago. Then you went to DC and buried him eight years later.”
Had her grandmother blocked it? Forgotten?
Was she finally losing her mind?
GiGi shook her head, but kept her eyes downcast. “He couldn’t help it. He didn’t leave us.”
“Of course he did,” Joanie insisted, fighting the small flame of anger. She remembered it with clarity. “He told me good-bye before I went to school that morning. He told me he was leaving. I cried at school all day. And then when I came home, he was gone. And he never came back.”
It occurred to her that his not coming back hurt more than her mother not coming back. That seemed like an odd thing, but given he’d been the more stable one in her life, she supposed that made sense.