by Kim Law
“You don’t need to work tonight, sweetness. Take the night off. Let me take care of you.” He paused before urging, “Let me take you out.”
He was definitely trying to turn last night into something more. She’d known he would. And it had been. But it terrified her to death.
“I’ll take the night off,” she promised. “But no going out. We don’t do that, remember? It’s just… casual.” And she was just a liar. “Right?”
“Casual.” His voice was tight. “Right. How could I forget?”
“Nick,” she hesitated. What could she say? Forget last night? I didn’t mean it when I let you get that close? Tears leaked from the corners of her eyes. She was not supposed to care this much.
“Yes?” he asked. The calmness in his voice caused her to shiver.
“I… ummm—”
“I need to get back to work,” he cut her off as if refusing to hear what she had to say. “Want me to cook dinner tonight?”
She wanted him to cook dinner every night. “Maybe we should play it by ear. I have a lot to take care of today. Now that I think about it, I’m not positive I’ll have time to come over.”
The silence across the connection was palpable. It made the hair on the back of her neck rise.
“Nick?” Her tone was pleading, though she really didn’t know if she wanted him to accept her words at face value or tell her she was full of crap.
“I get it,” he said. “I’ll wait for your call. Talk to you later.”
His tone caught her off guard, along with the abrupt disconnection. He was hurt. Who could blame him? She’d opened herself to him in a way she never had, and though she hadn’t spoken the words, he’d have to be blind to have missed how much she cared.
Just as she’d have to be blind to not get that he returned the feelings.
And she wasn’t blind.
Before she could call him back and do something stupid, she tossed the phone to the foot of the bed. She had to forget about Nick for the day and somehow find the energy to face her final act for the woman she’d so terribly let down.
GiGi had deserved better than her for a granddaughter. But then, Joanie had often felt she deserved better than what she’d been dealt, too. Life sucked sometimes.
Then you met a man like Nick.
Whom she didn’t know what to do with.
With a groan, she sat up and swung her legs off the bed, and watched Bob take off at a run. At least she had her cat.
Chapter Fifteen
The day shone bright and clear, the sky blue, birds chirping. And Joanie’s grandmother was being lowered into the ground.
She closed her eyes, not wanting to watch, yet unable to walk away. Lee Ann had left with the twins a few minutes ago, as had pretty much everyone else. Except Nick. He stood behind her several feet, silently watching. She could feel him as if he were right beside her, touching her. It was a good feeling. One she wanted to lean into.
Even if she had avoided him for the last two days.
She hadn’t been able to deal with him along with everything else. And though she’d told herself time and again that she needed to end it with him, just nip it in the bud, she didn’t know how she could.
There was something too strong about him that called out to her. She wanted to answer, while at the same time wanting to cover her ears so she couldn’t hear the call.
“Your grandmother was a special woman. She loved you very much.”
Joanie opened her eyes to find Beatrice Grayson standing at her side. The woman was in her early seventies, was the other town busybody, and got around as if she were only fifty. She had a head full of tight gray curls, and wore a long black dress and black shoes with a wide, low heel. Joanie could see her hose gathering into wrinkles at her ankles as if they’d lost the elasticity in them years ago.
“Thanks, Ms. Grayson,” Joanie replied. She gave Nick a quick glance and a half smile, assuming he’d follow, and reached out and hooked her arm through the older woman’s. They both turned from the grave site. She didn’t want to watch anymore. “I don’t think I really realized that until just recently.”
She wanted to say she had been planning to bring GiGi home, but knew the words would have been spoken only to make Ms. Grayson think better of her. It was too late. She should have never put GiGi in Elm Hill in the first place. Therefore, she didn’t deserve to try to make herself look better now.
“She sure loved your grandfather, too,” Ms. Grayson murmured, almost to herself, as she shook her round head of curls. “I still don’t understand what happened with those two. That man doted on her. And she was so proud of him. She thought he could walk on water. I’ve never seen two people more in love. It’s just not right for him not to be here buried with her.”
He’d been buried in Arlington. Though GiGi was the only one who’d attended his funeral, the whole town knew he was there and still respected the time he had served in the military. Even if they did falter in their belief in him, given how he’d up and left GiGi.
They stepped around a small, flat tombstone and Joanie almost tripped when she looked down and read it.
ANTHONY WILLIAM BIGBEE
BORN/DIED MAY 26, 1956
OUR PRETTY BOY
Joanie stopped and stared down, the back of her neck tingling at the sight, her throat opening as if she were going to vomit. She had never seen that.
Not that she spent a lot of time at the Sugar Springs Memorial Grounds. But who in the world was Anthony William Bigbee?
She looked at Ms. Grayson as if she had the answer. Beatrice took in the look on Joanie’s face then glanced down at the small rectangular stone. When she looked up, she had a torn look on her face.
She patted Joanie’s hand. “You didn’t know they’d had a baby boy before your mother was born?”
Joanie’s skin erupted in tingles from the chest out, and for several seconds, she wasn’t sure she could pull in enough air to breathe. GiGi and Pepaw had borne a son? A pretty boy?
That’s what GiGi had said at the nursing home Saturday afternoon. She’d had a pretty boy once.
Oh my God. How had she never known she’d had an uncle who’d been stillborn?
She shook her head, blinking back tears. “I had no idea.”
Ms. Grayson patted her hand again, then glanced back at GiGi’s grave. When she returned her gaze to Joanie’s, she gave her an accepting little nod. “You know I like to gossip, but I’m going to tell you this not to spread rumors, dear, but because I loved your grandmother like a sister once. She and my older sister were great friends. When we lost Marjorie in an accident when I was only a kid, Georgia made sure I didn’t get forgotten by the other girls. She took me under her wing. I’ve never forgotten that. So with that said, I feel she’d want you to know a few more things she probably never told you.”
Joanie wanted to sit down, having no idea what was coming next. Her head swam with dizziness. Before she could put out her free arm to catch her balance, Nick took it in his, holding her so that she stood with Ms. Grayson on one side, and Nick on the other.
She looked back at Beatrice. “What else?” she asked, scared to find out, but knowing the fear wasn’t about her. It was about what she’d learn GiGi had been through.
“They were each other’s rock through everything,” Ms. Grayson started. “Her and Gus. He came home from the war, wounded, and she was there. She took care of him. Then they married, with barely any money to their name, but they were happy. I have never seen two people more so. Especially when they got pregnant within months of getting married.”
Joanie looked back at the small stone at her feet. It read 1956. Her grandparents had gotten married in late 1953. Dread filled her. “He wasn’t the only one they lost?” she asked, peering back at Beatrice. Her heart broke for GiGi.
Ms. Grayson shook her head. “Two miscarriages before this one was born.”
“Oh.” Joanie expelled the word. She pulled her arm free of Nick and pressed a hand to her m
outh. Tears burned the back of her nose as she fought not to release them. “I never knew,” she whispered. How had they been able to stand so much pain?
They’d had two miscarriages, then a stillborn baby boy.
And then Grace.
Who’d been selfish her whole life, only to eventually turn her back on all of them.
What a rough life.
And in the middle of it, Pepaw had left, too.
Suddenly, nothing seemed as black and white as it always had. There had to be more to the story of why her grandfather had left. Yet she had no way of knowing how to find the answers. If anyone in town knew, she had no doubt she would have heard about it years ago.
She grabbed the older lady’s hand with her free one and squeezed. “Thank you for telling me this, Ms. Grayson. It means a lot.”
“She loved you, dear. She loved you as much as that tiny baby under your feet.”
Joanie nodded. For once, she believed her grandmother just might have. But at the same time, maybe she’d been as afraid as Joanie of losing those she loved.
Talk about a curse.
Nothing was easy for a Bigbee, apparently.
Nick gripped Joanie’s elbow as they made their way across the grass to his truck. Ms. Grayson had climbed into a car with an older gentleman, and he and Joanie were now the only two left at the grave site save for the lone person who would soon close the grave. If not for being stranded there by Lee Ann, Joanie likely wouldn’t be heading anywhere with him.
Since he’d left her place early Tuesday morning, she’d avoided him at all costs. That night she’d been too tired to come out and she didn’t want to bother him by asking him to come to her. She was just going to go to bed early and get some sleep.
Wednesday, she hadn’t answered her phone all day. She’d finally texted him late in the afternoon to let him know she was fine and that the funeral was the next morning, but thought she’d stay in for the evening. She’d be back out to the house later in the week to wrap up the few remaining items she needed to go through.
Nothing about them.
Nothing about Monday night.
He was guessing she’d caught herself caring and that had scared her, but he had no idea how to show her it was okay. That they could be okay. If only she’d let them be.
Right now he was more concerned with finding out if there even was a “them.” Then he’d figure out a way to make her see it wouldn’t hurt to care.
“Thanks for taking me home,” she murmured as they neared the truck.
“My pleasure.”
He’d begged Lee Ann to leave her. And begged was exactly what he’d done. Her friend was protective, but she also knew he cared for her. Lee Ann had finally agreed, and had come up with an excuse about needing to get the girls back to school. Joanie hadn’t been thrilled, but since she’d ridden with Lee Ann, she’d suddenly found herself needing a ride.
Nick had guessed correctly that she wouldn’t want to be obvious about avoiding him in front of the other funeral attendees, so he’d stepped in to offer a ride.
“You okay?” he asked as they walked. “Ms. Grayson…” He trailed off. Ms. Grayson had said a lot. He could tell Joanie was still soaking it in.
“Yeah,” she murmured. “Thanks. I just need to think about all that. I never knew GiGi had been through so much.”
“I’m here if you need to talk.”
She nodded. He took that as a positive, but at the same time wondered if she’d turn to him if she needed to.
They made it to the truck and he opened the door to help her up. The skirt she wore was black and straight, and hung just past her knees. It was the most sedate thing he’d ever seen her wear, and appropriate or not, he couldn’t help but wonder if she had a matching thong on underneath.
Once buckled in, he slammed the door and headed around the front of the truck.
It may not be the most fitting move to question their status right after she put her grandmother in the ground, but it was his plan. He had to know where they stood.
Maybe what had happened Monday night had been nothing but her overload of emotions, but damned if it hadn’t felt like more than sex in her bedroom that night. He’d woken ready to tackle the world for his woman.
Then she’d reminded him they were only casual.
He had been pissed.
Sure, that’s what he’d agreed to, but both of them knew they were more. He had no idea what was so wrong with having a real relationship.
After he buckled himself in, he glanced at Joanie and almost crumpled at the lost look on her face. She sat staring out the window where she could see the worker on his compact front loader, coming out of the shed and heading toward Georgia’s grave. Nick wanted to wrap his arms around her and offer what comfort he could, but wasn’t sure that wouldn’t make things worse. At least he could get her out of there.
He started the engine. “Where to?”
At his words, she jerked a little and looked around, almost as if she’d forgotten where she was. She lifted a shoulder. “My house, I guess.”
She may not like it, but when he got her home, he was going in with her.
Five minutes later he pulled into the small drive and cut the engine.
“You don’t have to come in.” Her voice was small, and he sensed a total lack of conviction.
He didn’t respond, just exited the truck and went around to help her down. When they got to her door, he found it locked. She pulled her keys out of the small black purse she carried and handed them over.
“You’ve started locking your door?” It had also been locked when he’d rushed over Monday afternoon.
She glanced away and muttered. “I’ve been remembering more often.”
He wanted to think that had something to do with him. Granted, she’d been correct that there was little need to lock her house when, as far as he could see, everyone in town loved her and would never think of doing her any harm, but they did get plenty of tourists around. Living only a couple blocks from the square, anyone could wander around and happen upon an unlocked house.
Either way, he felt better knowing she was locked up tight, safe and sound.
She may not like him taking care of her, but that didn’t mean he didn’t want to do it.
He got the door open and pushed it wide, grinning at the sight of Bob greeting them. Nick had been surprised she hadn’t insisted he come back and get the cat, and then he’d missed them both like crazy. If he wasn’t mistaken, Cat missed them, too.
The next thing he noticed were the three boxes stacked haphazardly in the middle of the room. Amid the rest of the scatter. If she wasn’t careful, she was going to have as much junk in her house as she’d been cleaning out of GiGi’s place.
Joanie entered in front of him and tossed her purse to the couch. “Thanks again for—”
“I’m not leaving,” he said, stepping inside and closing the door.
She nodded and then shocked him by turning and wrapping her arms tight around him. She didn’t cry, but she held on as if she were wailing inside. He returned the hold.
After several minutes, her grip loosened slightly and he pressed a kiss to her temple.
“You okay?” he whispered the words.
She shook her head and burrowed back into his neck.
Damn, she was breaking his heart. He spent several minutes stroking the back of her head and whispering words in her ear. They didn’t all make sense, but he couldn’t think of anything else to do. At one point, he thought she might be crying, but when she finally lifted her face, her eyes were dry.
“Thank you,” she said. The words were brief, but she looked at him with sincerity.
“For the hug?” There was so much more he’d do if she’d let him.
She stepped out of his arms, but gave him a wobbly little smile. “For doing whatever you did to send Lee Ann away so you could bring me home. For holding me just now. For being you.” She paused, and then reached forward and caressed his jaw. “F
or not pushing for more.”
Did this mean she was finished avoiding him? He caught her hand and squeezed. “You may take that back in a few minutes.”
Gray eyes questioned him, and he weaved his fingers through hers.
“I’m going to push today,” he stated.
She nodded as if she’d known he would, but didn’t take her hand back. “I just needed a few days. If you want to…”—she paused as if searching for the right word—“continue with our arrangement, I’d like that. I’ve missed you.”
The last words seemed to pop out unintentionally, as her eyes widened after she said them. She dropped her gaze from his, but he tilted her face back up. He leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to her mouth, not letting himself get sucked in when her lips parted, but he did allow himself a few seconds to graze.
When he lifted away from her, he tightened his grip on her hand. “I don’t want to continue our arrangement, sweetness. I want more.”
She began shaking her head, but he jumped back in before she could say anything. “We already are more, Joanie. You know it as well as I do.”
“No, it was just… I was hurting Monday. I wasn’t myself.”
“You were more yourself than I’ve ever seen you. We are terrific together. What’s so wrong with seeing where it could go?”
She glanced at the boxes in the middle of the floor before bouncing her sight around the room, finally landing back on him. “I’m not the relationship type, Nick. I told you that from the beginning.”
He couldn’t believe she was sticking to that story. “Look at the last couple of weeks, babe. We’re already in a relationship.”
“No.” She shook her head, then paused, tiny lines forming between her brows. “We aren’t dating.”
“We’re doing everything but dating.”
“I don’t date.”
“Why?” His tone was harsh, but he couldn’t help it. He intended to push until he got answers.
A single tear suddenly appeared and rolled down her cheek and he ached to pull her to him. He wanted to tell her that whatever she needed, he’d give it to her. He would be everything for her. If only she’d let him.