by SJ McCoy
She smiled back, there was something about him that told her he was okay. She didn’t know him, but he seemed familiar somehow.
He called the waiter over and took two glasses of champagne then winked at her. “You should probably take two as well, the others will be back any minute.”
She smiled through pursed lips as she took two glasses and then laughed with him as the waiter walked away. “I don’t have a drinking problem,” she said with a smile.
“It doesn’t look like it. You’re getting your hands on all the bubbly you want. No problem at all.”
She chuckled. She felt immediately at ease with this guy, though she didn’t know why. He seemed familiar, and comfortable. She put one of her glasses down and held out her hand. “I’m Hope Davenport, nice to meet you.”
The guy grinned. It looked like it was a well-practiced sexy grin. Oh, no! He wasn’t trying to pick her up, was he? “You don’t know me, do you?”
She tried not to let her smile slip, but she was starting to feel a little uneasy now. Was she walking into some kind of ambush here? “I’m sorry, I don’t. Should I?”
He laughed, and her tension dissolved. “No, you shouldn’t. I guess I’m just getting a bit too big for my boots lately.” He shook her hand firmly. “I apologize, ma’am. I’m Matt McConnell. Just a humble country boy, who sings a couple of songs.”
“Oh!” She did know him. She loved his music! How had she not recognized him? Probably because he wasn’t wearing his trademark cowboy hat. “I’m sorry, Matt. I didn’t recognize you. Of course, I know you. I’m so sorry, it’s probably just seeing you out of context like this.”
“Hey, no need to apologize. I’m the one who landed myself on you. There’s no reason you should know me.”
She smiled, starting to relax again. “I love your music. I’m glad you came to introduce yourself.” She raised her glass to him. “And to have a drink with me.”
“I hate to see a lady drink alone.”
She nodded.
“I think women only drink alone when they’re sad, and I hope you’re not sad?”
Uh-oh, was this a roundabout way of getting to a pickup? She hoped not. “I’m fine thank you,” she couldn’t manage to keep the hard edge out of her voice.
“Jeez! I’m a dumb son of a gun. I ain’t hitting on you. I’m sorry. I should explain, see, what it is, is that I saw you and Chance together, in the news, about a month back. I was so damned happy for him. If anyone deserves to be happy it’s that guy. But then I didn’t see anything else about the two of you. Not till I see you here drinking alone. It’s none of my business and I know it, but Chance is a friend, and—”
“You’re his friend?”
Matt looked a little uncomfortable. “Well, that might be stretching it a bit. I met him. We helped each other out of a tight spot once. I owe him. Even though he says he owes me. He’s a good guy.” He met her gaze looking a little shame faced. “It’s none of my damned business. I know. It’s just when I saw you, I wanted to know. And …” He waved his glass at all the people around them. “This isn’t exactly my crowd. I thought since you and Chance got along you mustn’t be a snooty—I mean, you must be nice. And … Shall I just shut up and go away? Every time I open my mouth I make it worse, don’t I?”
Hope had to laugh. “No. Don’t go away. Please. I know what you mean.”
“Phew! And there I thought I’d blown it.”
“You did your best, but I’m quite understanding.”
Matt laughed. “And you say it like you see it, right?”
She nodded, aware suddenly of the looks that were coming their way. She knew what people were assuming, and much as she’d like to talk to Matt, she didn’t need that kind of attention. “How long are you in town for?” she asked.
“Till next Thursday.”
She smiled. “I have to leave now, but could we meet up for lunch one day?”
Matt grinned. “Sure thing.”
Hope pulled out her phone and called Ron. “Please can we go home soon?”
“I’ll be outside the front door in two minutes.”
“Thanks, Ron. You’re the best.”
She looked at Matt. “Can I have your number?” She tapped it into her phone as he said it. “Thanks. I’ll call you.”
“I’ll look forward to it.”
Hope walked by the spot where she’d left Toby and Sirena, there was no sign of them. She hoped he was okay. She needn’t have worried, she spotted them on the dancefloor as she made her way out through the bar. Good for him, maybe tonight had been the little push Toby had needed.
Ron was standing by the car when she got outside. He opened the door and saw her safely inside before running back around to the driver’s side and pulling away in a hurry.
“Is everything okay?”
“It’s fine thanks Ron. I’d just had enough. It was my first trip out in a while and I don’t need to stay for hours.”
“No, you take your time, ease yourself back in gently.”
Hope nodded. She wouldn’t have minded staying. She would have loved to talk to Matt and found out how he knew Chance—and what he knew about Chance, whether he was okay. But it wasn’t worth it. Too many pairs of eyes had turned their way once they’d been talking for more than a few minutes. The last thing she wanted was any rumors starting about the two of them. She’d had more than enough media attention lately.
Chapter Four
Chance sat on the back porch sipping a beer and watching the mountains while he waited for the grill to heat up. Seeing Johnny this afternoon had set him back even further than his chat with Mason had this morning. He jumped when Shane appeared around the side of the cabin.
“Damn. You must have been a million miles away, I can never normally sneak up on you,” Shane said with a grin.
Chance scowled, hating that he’d been caught off guard like that. Shane was right, it wasn’t like him. “What do you want?”
Shane rolled his eyes. “I thought you were going to call me when you got back from town. It’s getting late so I decided to just stop by and see if you were here.” He eyed the grill and the beer in Chance’s hand. “I can beat feet and leave you to it, if you want. You should have just said if you didn’t want the company.”
Chance blew out a sigh and smiled. “Sorry. It totally slipped my mind.” He stood up. “I’ll go get you a cold one.”
“I’ll get it myself and bring you a fresh one. I’ll feel less like a visitor then.”
“Okay, have at it.” He smiled to himself when Shane went inside. This place had been his home for a number of years, too.
When Shane came back out he handed him a fresh beer and sat down on one of the rockers. He popped the top of his own beer and raised it to Chance. “Here’s to …” He frowned. “I dunno. Here’s to two old buddies sitting on the porch and shooting the shit.”
Chance laughed and tapped his bottle against Shane’s. “I’ll drink to that.”
“Good, I was afraid that anything I said might be something you didn’t want to drink to at the moment.”
“Yeah, so was I, but sitting on the porch and drinking a beer is just fine by me.”
“Good. I’m guessing you don’t want to talk about anything heavy.”
Chance shook his head. “Nah. It’s been a heavy day already.”
Shane nodded and stared out at the mountains. They sat in companionable silence for a while until the grill was hot. Chance made them a couple of burgers and they fell back into the old routine they’d shared for years. Shane went back and forth to the kitchen, bringing plates out and getting the little table set up with ketchup and more beers while Chance was in charge of the grill.
When they sat down to eat he smiled. “We make a good team, huh?”
Shane laughed. “I was just thinking, we’re like an old married couple.”
“I wouldn’t go that far.”
“Oh. Sorry. I didn’t mean.”
Chance shook his head. “D
on’t worry. I’m not that sensitive. I just mean that … hell, I don’t even know what I meant. I was going to make some joke about married couples bickering and bossing each other around, but that’s just an old stereotype, isn’t it? Your mom and dad aren’t like that. You and Cassidy aren’t.”
Shane laughed. “I don’t know. We don’t bicker much, but she’s pretty bossy.”
Chance laughed with him. “She’s not bossy. She’s assertive, and you love that about her.”
“I do. She’s awesome. I still can’t believe that we’re married, and it’s all going so well.” His smile faded. “Shit, I’m sorry. I feel like everything I say is rubbing your nose in the fact that I’m happy and you’re not.”
“It’s not like that, though, is it? You are happy. You shouldn’t have to hide that just because I’m a mess. And you’re not giving me enough credit anyway.”
“How?”
Chance smiled. “I might be a mess, but I’m happy for you. I love seeing you and all the others happy. You deserve it.”
“But so do you.”
Chance shrugged. “Maybe, then again maybe I don’t.”
Shane scowled at him. “Don’t give me that shit. Please, tell me you’re not going down that road? You’re not starting to think that you don’t deserve happiness, and that you’ll never be happy, are you?”
“No, I’m not starting to think that. I’ve always thought that. I’ve believed that ever since Chloe died. My chance at happiness died with her. That’s what I’ve lived my life believing, right up until six weeks ago.”
Shane’s eyes grew wide and he swallowed his mouthful of burger with a big gulping sound.
Chance nodded. “Keep it zipped and yes, I will tell you what I mean. It seems I need to talk, even though I don’t really want to.”
Shane nodded and took another big bite of burger, making clear that his mouth was full and he wouldn’t be interrupting.
I can’t believe it’s only been six weeks. It seems like so much longer since I found Hope.”
Shane stopped chewing and waited for him to continue.
“She’s,” he blew out a sigh, “she’s amazing. She’s strong and smart. She reminds me of Cassidy in some ways. But not totally. She’s confident, and she gets things done, but she’s softer.” Shane frowned, making him smile. “I’m not saying Cassidy’s not soft, but she’s tough. Cassidy’s tough all the way through. Hope is tough on the outside, but she … I don’t know. The point is, she made me feel that maybe I could be happy. She made me think that maybe I’ve had it wrong all these years. It wasn’t life that decided I could never be happy after Chloe. Maybe it was me who decided that I couldn’t be happy—and blamed life for it.” He shook his head. Apparently, it did help to talk; until he’d said that out loud, he hadn’t totally understood it. He met Shane’s gaze. “So, there I was starting to believe again, and life goes and pulls the rug out from under my feet a second time.”
Shane nodded, but didn’t say anything.
Chance met his gaze, surprised to realize that he was waiting to hear what he had to say.
“What? I’m here to listen, not to mess up by saying the wrong thing.”
Chance smiled. “I don’t think there is a right or wrong thing to say. I’m just curious to hear what you think.”
“Okay, if you’re sure?”
“I’m sure.”
Shane smiled. “You can understand me being wary, you’ve shot me down enough times in the past.”
Chance nodded. “I won’t shoot you down this time.”
“Well, I can see where you’re coming from, but one thing surprises me.”
“What’s that?”
“It surprises me that you’re giving up so easily.”
Chance frowned. “I’m not giving up.”
Shane raised an eyebrow. “Are you going to shoot me down, or let me talk?”
Chance pressed his lips together.
“Thank you. You can argue with me when I’m done, if you like, but you asked what I think so here it is. You say you realized that life hadn’t done anything to you, that you’d decided for yourself that you couldn’t be happy. You took responsibility. Now you’ve been knocked down again by whatever happened between you and Hope, and instead of sticking with the understanding that you’re in charge of your own happiness, you’ve gone back to blaming life again. You’re giving up. If it were anyone else, I’d go so far as to say they were acting like a victim.” He gave Chance a wary smile. “But this is you, so I’m not going to say anything like that, but can you see where I’m coming from?”
Chance drew in a deep breath and nodded slowly. “I can. You really are more than just a pretty face, aren’t you?”
Shane laughed.
Chance stared out at the mountains while he mulled over what Shane had just said. If it was true—if he really was making himself a victim … He shook his head angrily at the thought. He didn’t do that, that wasn’t who he was—was it? But if that was what he was doing, what was the alternative? If he accepted that life didn’t have it in for him, that he hadn’t been dealt a hand that meant he could never be happy, then what? Then he had to make his own happiness, just like everyone else. And how could he do that? He looked at Shane who was watching him warily.
“You asked me to tell you.”
Chance smiled. “I know, I just didn’t expect to get such pearls of wisdom from you.”
Shane chuckled. “I could either take that as an insult or a compliment. I’ll go with compliment.”
“Good, that’s how it was intended, thank you. It’s not easy to admit, but I think you’re right. I’m not just a feather blown on the wind.”
Shane laughed. “Damned straight you’re not. You’re more like a big-ass eagle flying wherever you want to go, soaring and swooping wherever you choose.”
Chance laughed with him. “Pearls of wisdom and beautiful similes, too.”
Shane frowned. “I thought it was a metaphor.”
Chance grinned. “Never mind. The point is that you just gave me the kick up the ass I needed, and I appreciate it.”
“Great. What are you going to do about it?”
“I dunno, yet.”
Shane’s smile faded. “You need to figure it out. Understanding is a wonderful thing, but if you never use it, it’s pretty much worthless.”
Chance nodded, wondering just how he could put his new understanding to good use.
“If you really do believe that you’re in charge of your own happiness, what are you going to do about it? What do you think would make you happy?”
Chance shrugged.
Shane raised an eyebrow. “I’m probably going too far now, but is it fair to say that your new belief that happiness was possible was all tied up with Hope?”
Chance nodded.
“But for some reason you’re not pursuing that?”
Chance shook his head.
“What did life do to you, that made you think it wasn’t possible for you to be happy with her?”
Chance pressed his lips together. Did he really want to talk about it?
Shane waited, he didn’t seem as ready to back down as he had been earlier. He was pushing him to come up with answers, and Chance loved him for it.
He blew out a sigh. “Okay. I’ll tell you what happened.”
Shane shook his head rapidly. “That’s not what I’m after. I’m not trying to make you …”
“I know, you’re trying to help me, but you can’t understand if you don’t know what happened. So, we spent our time together while we were in Oregon. We decided that we were going to give it a shot at carrying on seeing each other when we left there. She was going to come up here to see me.”
Shane nodded sadly. “And then the press went and blew it for you.”
“No! Well, yes, but it didn’t affect us. We got through that just fine. But that last night we were there. Her dad was texting her in the middle of the night saying he didn’t want her to get involved with me.
That he knew what I was—a criminal—and that they’d come a long way in the last few years and he didn’t want her to throw that away over someone like me.”
“But if he knew you, if he met you, he’d love you. I know that. Surely she could see it. Did she not even try to talk him around?”
Chance shook his head grimly.
“Oh. I get it. She would have talked him around if you’d let her, but you didn’t. You decided to do the noble thing and bow out, right?”
“Don’t say it like that. I did what was best for her and her relationship with her dad.”
“What you thought was best, or what she thought was best?”
Chance shrugged.
“I thought as much.” Shane shook his head. “I always knew you had issues, but man, have you got issues.”
“And what does that mean?”
“It means that what I said before about you playing the victim was right on the money. You didn’t fight for you chance at happiness, you didn’t do anything except walk away when the going got tough, and now you’re blaming life, saying that it doesn’t want you to be happy. Can you see how screwed up that is?”
Chance stared at him for a long moment, waiting for his anger to simmer down. Part of him wanted to grab Shane, to make him apologize for calling him a coward. Another, more reasonable part of him knew that Shane was right. He’d used the texts from Seymour Davenport as an excuse. An excuse to not take things any further with Hope, and to absolve himself of any responsibility by making out that he was doing the right thing—what was best for her.
Shane was glaring back at him, not prepared to back down at all this time. “You can be as mad as you like at me. I don’t care. It’s worth it, if I can wake you up to what you’re doing. You’re destroying your own life, and pretending there’s nothing you can do about it.”
Chance nodded slowly. “You’re right. I hate it. I hate seeing it, I hate admitting it, but you are one hundred percent right.”
Shane relaxed a little. “I hate that I’m right too, but you need to face it. You’ve done this to yourself.”
“Yeah, I screwed up in a big way, huh?”
Shane smiled. “Yeah, but take it from one who knows. The one good thing about screwing up is that since you’re the one who made the mess, you’re also the one who can make it right again. With responsibility comes freedom. When you own your mistakes, you can make amends for them.”