“I want to help, I want to do something, but I'm scared Kennedy. I'm scared of all the things I don't understand, I'm scared of the future, I'm scared of losing you...” He collapses onto his knees at my side and I lean my head on top of his.
“Please don't be scared Cole, I expect nothing from you; you have done so much for me and I will always love you for that. You are the kindest person I have ever met. I understand this is a lot to take in.”
“Why didn't you tell me Ken? Why did you not feel that you could confide in me? It all makes sense now- the night terrors, nightmares, the awkwardness around new people, the fact that you had been so isolated and knew very little about technology. You know you have to go to the police and report what happened to you Ken, tell them what these people did to you!”
“No!” I shout “No way...”
“Why? Fuck they raped and tortured you! You have to report it, stop this from happening to others; think of the other children going through what you've been through Ken, you can't change what happened to you, but you can stop this from happening to some other poor innocent child.”
“Do you really think it's that easy Cole? Child Protection Services are always showing up, but they can't do jack shit. We are all sworn to secrecy, no one will dare say anything to incriminate them. lf we did......well you cannot even begin to imagine the things they would do. The leaders are very good at covering their tracks; hiding the evidence of the abuse. It took me years to figure out how to escape, in the end I got out by sneaking into the back of a pick-up truck that had been delivering supplies to the commune. I had to get out of the truck as soon as it was safe; I knew they would send someone after it. Hitchhiking, walking and sleeping rough for weeks, just to get as far away as I could. But I made it Cole; I got away from them so I have to keep my mouth shut. The more people that find out, the easier it will be for them to find me. I can't let them find me Cole.”
The panic is clear in my voice and tears cascade down my face. Using the back of my hand, I wipe them away. I don't want to cry anymore; I'm tired of crying, it's exhausting. Cole leans into me, swaddling me in his embrace. “I'm sorry Ken, I didn't mean to pressure you, I just have all these questions running through my mind. I'm sorry, please don't cry baby.” I lean into the comfort of his chest, holding him back tighter than before, needing the feel of his body against mine.
“Thank you for still being here Cole, you didn't have to stay. I know this situation is all kinds of fucked up. I bet you’re wishing you never laid eyes on me now, especially now that you know who and what I really am.”
He pulls back, grasping my shoulders tightly. “Don't you say that Kennedy! All I see is a beautiful, scared girl. You are better than the past you have been subjected to, that wasn't your fault for crying out loud, do not let the fear and the pain from your past defeat or dictate your future!” His words are said with passion, I still can't wrap my head around his kindness towards me.
Kennedy
Age 16
I am an outcast in this community. I am the only girl with blond hair and blue eyes and the others in the commune hate me for it. They think I'm special because the leader refers to me as the Chosen One. I don't want to be the Chosen One. The others aren't chosen by the master and forced to have sex with him, they aren't controlled in the same way as I am. They seem to want the attention from him, whereas every night, I hope and wish he will leave me alone. The only thing I have of any enjoyment here is the abundance of pets we keep, all of which I am responsible for. We have two beautiful cats named Tilly and Maisie, they follow me everywhere. I have lost pets in the past as a form of punishment. Just last month I lost one of my beloved rabbit's, Hopper. I resisted anal sex and fought against Leader, who proceeded to kill and mutilate Hopper in front of me. He then forced me to cook him up for dinner. Leader sat in front of me and forced me to eat every last piece of the meat. I gagged violently with every mouthful, the consequences for not complying. Needless to say, master raped me anally every night for a week to 'teach me a lesson'. I realize now fighting is not an option, it only makes things worse.
Cole
“What about the baby Kennedy?”
“Honestly, I really don't know Cole, I don't know if I can bring a baby into this world knowing it is a bi-product of years of torture.”
“And us Ken, what happens between us?” I'm not sure what I want her answer to be. Can I stay with a girl who is pregnant with another man’s baby? Do I want that much responsibility at my age? One thing I am sure of is I don't want to lose her. She studies my face, searching for an answer. Her blue eyes deep and reflective as they lock on mine.
“I don't know Cole; I really don't know.” The warm rush of adrenaline starts to pump through me in reaction to the thought that this might be the end for me and Kennedy.
“I love you Kennedy, really I do. But maybe a bit of space for us to get our shit together is what we need, this isn’t me saying I don't want you, but so much has happened and the last thing I want is for 'us' to complicate things. I think you have some life changing decisions to make and I don't want to get in the way of that.” Kennedys’ head drops and she exhales heavily. Her eyes are bloodshot and I can tell she is holding back tears. I feel lost, I try to think of a way to comfort her but I have no idea where to start. She looks straight at me, her lips pressed into a fine line. “You said you love me Cole, no one has ever said those words to me before.” With her words, I realize how much meaning it has for Kennedy now that I have said it out loud. I lean in and press my forehead against hers. Damn I need this girl so bad, but now wasn't about me, it was about giving her the space and freedom to make the right decisions. She runs her soft hands down my rough, unshaven face. Our eye's meet and she surprises me by gently touching her lips to mine. I feel her tremble as tears fall down her cheeks. I pull back; looking deep into her eyes and wipe them away.
“Bye Kennedy.” I move away from her and head out the door, heartbroken. I race out of the hospital, desperate to get some fresh air. I feel like my chest is closing in on me and I am struggling to breathe. I bend over, placing my hands on my knees and inhale sharply as I struggle to steady myself.
“Hey Cole, how's Ken?” I look up to see Ash and Abbey walking towards me.
“Shit man, are you ok?” Ash grabs me by the arm and leads me to a nearby bench. “What's happened Cole? You look as white as a sheet!”
Kennedy
Just as I thought. He doesn't want me and I can't blame him. You'd have to be an idiot to want to be with me. The religious freak. The reject knocked up by her abuser.
Watching him walk away has destroyed me. I’m left empty; my heart missing his warmth, craving the attention I rarely felt before him. My safety net is broken because he’s gone. Left me.
I sob uncontrollably; the pain like an open wound. My lashes stick together in clumps as the tears roll down my face and drip from my chin. I hold on tight to my scrunched up knees, rocking backward and forward, trying to rid myself of the pain I feel deep inside. I slowly get up and stumble over to the bathroom to grab some tissue. I grab a hold of the counter top as I glance at my reflection in the mirror. I barely recognize the person in front of me. My eyes are red and swollen and so are my lips; I have dark circles under my eyes along with the mottled effect now on my skin. I am unable to speak and can hardly breathe between sobs. I have zero strength in my legs and within seconds they give way as I collapse on to the bathroom floor, my cries echoing through the empty bathroom.
I lay there until I hear a knock at the door to my room. Voices approach and Abbey shrieks as she enters the bathroom. She drops to the floor, puts her arms around my chest, and lifts me up. “Oh Ken, I'm here, it's ok I'm here.” She squeezes me tightly as she rocks rhythmically, trying to sooth me. “Shhh, shhh honey its ok. Ash call for the nurses, we need to get her back on the bed.”
I want to speak but I can't. I try to open my mouth but nothing comes out. Seconds later I am being helped up and placed back on th
e bed. The nurse turns to Ash and Abbey who are standing there with matching looks of horror and disbelief on their faces. “Kennedy really needs to rest; it's no good for the baby for her to get hysterical like this.”
I hear them gasp as they both realize what the nurse has said.
“Please Ma’am, just 5 minutes to say our goodbyes? We only just got here,” Abbey rushes out.
“Okay, okay. Five minutes, but then I expect you two to go and leave Kennedy to rest!”
“No problem,” Ash responds. The nurse turns on her heel and heads out, leaving Ash and Abbey staring at me.
“So Barbie, can we get you anything? Maybe some water, some magazines maybe?” I shake my head lightly.
Abbey squats down at the side of the hospital bed, taking my hand in hers. “So the baby, it's not Cole's is it?” I slowly close my eyes, pursing my lips and shake my head again.
“We saw Cole outside Kennedy; he doesn't look any better than you do. To be honest, you both look horrendous,” Ash interjects.
“Gee thanks Ash,” I croak out, the words barely audible.
“Barbie, you know I love you, but girl you look like shit!” I can't help but huff out a half laugh.
“So you heard the nurse right? About the baby and all?” They both look at me solemnly and nod.
“Did Cole say anything about… my past?”
“No, he didn't really say much at all. But you know you can tell us right? We won't judge and we promise above all else we will support you no matter what,” I can hear the emotion in Abbey's voice. I take a deep breath before I begin telling them the story of my life. My life of rape and torture. I tell them the short, non-descriptive version. Nobody deserves the images I see every night when I close my eyes and try to sleep.
Kennedy
Age 16 1/2 Years
For three days I have been tied and shackled to the pipes in the basement of the house, and there is very little light down here. I hear the scurry of the rats as they run around searching for food. Luckily they have left me alone, but I can't help wondering how long it will be until they turn on me. I have worked hard on conforming to all of Leader’s requests, but I have been unable to satisfy him. He says that he can tell I am not enjoying the love he bestows on me and I'm not 'wanting' enough of him. This is my punishment; this is the way he will make me a good wife. He still promises to make me his wife one day. I can't think of anything worse. I want to leave the restricting confines of this life as soon as I can. The problem is we are watched constantly; surveillance covers every inch of the grounds. I keep thinking of ways to escape but none have yet flourished. They seem to have the place covered at all angles and escaping seems totally impossible. I hear a thud on the steps as someone makes their way down. My eyes sting as the light floods through the door that opens slowly; I see the silhouette of three men entering the room. The three men are familiar to me. They are the senior leaders of the group.
“Kennedy, you have been disobedient to your Leader and he has sent us to teach you how to please your man.” The three vile men standing in front of me start to laugh. They all have wives and several children.
“The only way you are going to get out of this basement is to comply and enjoy the love we are about to give to you. We have explicit instructions that you are not to leave here until you participate fully and with total enjoyment, so you really need to mean it Kennedy!”
I have no other choice but to nod.
“On your knees,” he demands as he starts to lower his zipper. “Oh, and you will enjoy this.”
Cole
I raid my dad's heavily stocked liquor cabinet and drive out to the beach. I park and head down, collapsing on the sand. My eyes sting from the bitter tears that fall involuntarily. I try and push thoughts of Kennedy out of my mind, but the feelings keep rising to the surface. I can't take it anymore. I want to be the one to hold her, to make everything ok, but the whole situation is fucked… big time.
I drink directly from the bottle, one large swig at a time. I need to do something to feel numb; I need my mind to stop thinking about the torture that Kennedy has been through. I pull out my phone and send a text to Pete.
Cole: I’m down at the beach near the parking lot, meet me here in 10?
By the time Pete arrives, I have nearly finished the bottle. I try and jump to my feet but lose my balance. Pete grabs on to my arm, rescuing me from my impending fall.
“Fuck man how much have you had?”
“Not enough, I need to get totally shit faced and I expect you to be my wingman. Let’s head to Joey's bar and get wasted.”
“Oh man, Joey's bar is a total dive you sure about this?”
“You know it’s the only place we will get served, unless you magically have some sort of fake ID?” Pete blows out an exasperated breath. “I guess not, so Joey's it is. You going to tell me what this shit's all about?” He looks at me quizzically.
“Fuck man, you’re going to want to be sitting down when I unleash this beast on you. The whole things a mess Pete, a total fucking mess.”
“Well it looks like I’m driving us to Joey’s, there’s no way we would get there in one piece with the amount you’ve already had.” I dig into my jean pocket and throw him the keys.
“She’s all yours!”
We pull into the parking lot at Joey’s; there are motorcycles parked outside and the neon sign flickers. Damn this is a total shit hole. We walk in, letting the door slam behind us. All eyes are on us as we walk towards the dingy bar, my feet sticking to the floor as we make our way over. I eye a familiar face as we get closer. Lizzy fucking Connolly. Pete had a thing with her not so long ago. She’s a little older than we are and the only reason we can get served here. I think she totally fell for Pete’s bullshit. She sways across to us, eyes wide open as she starts to run her index finger across her lip.
“Well what do we have here…. Pete, Pete, Pete! I was wondering when I might see you again sweet boy!” I turn to look at Pete and see his lip quirk in response. As they make eye contact she beams, full lips curling into a smile. Looks-wise, this girl was an absolute dime, but she has obviously been around the block a time or two.
“So what can I get you boys?” She leans over the bar, resting on her elbows to accentuate her cleavage as she twirls then ends of her red hair.
Pete couldn’t take his eyes away from her bulging chest long enough to answer. I clear my throat, “Two bottles of bud and two whiskey chasers please.”
“Mmm hmm, no problem boys, go take a seat and I’ll bring them over,” she mutters, barely breaking eye contact with Pete. I throw a twenty on the bar and walk over to an empty table. I slump harshly into the booth seat, resting my head in my hands on the table. I feel a sharp slap to my back as Pete drops in beside me.
“You need to tell me what this is all about Bro,” he says, squeezing my shoulders. “Is this about Kennedy… Fuck stupid question, this is obviously about her. What’s happened now?”
I feel my shoulders tense at the thought of answering his question. I take a deep breath trying to center myself and clear my throat. I swallow hard as the nerves cause my heartbeat to kick up a notch. Lizzy arrives at our table, placing the drinks down in front of us. I look up to thank her, but I just can’t quite conjure a smile.
“So what brings you two here tonight then? Don’t you have some smokin’ hot women waiting for you somewhere?” I roll my eyes.
“Hell yeah, but we thought we’d come slumming tonight,” I snort. Lizzy stares down at me.
“Fuck you Cole,” she hisses before storming back to the bar.
“What the fuck is your problem?” Pete growls.
“My problem? You want to know what my fucking problem is Pete?” I bite back at him through clenched teeth. “My problem is I’m head over heels for a girl who is pregnant with some pedophile fucker’s baby; some guy who raped and tortured her from the age of five, so forgive me if I’m a little off the charts right now!”
Out of my periphe
ral I see him leaning into his hands, rubbing his forehead frantically. I toss back the whiskey, before gulping down half of the bottle of beer.
His face falls. “Damn man, I’m so sorry, I had no idea. That is some fucked up shit!”
“Kennedy is in hospital right now, she had some massive bleeding which is how she found out about the baby. She had no idea until then and obviously she had to come clean about her past. The thing is; she is so God damn scared and worried they will come after her. Her heads a mess, mines screwed, this whole situation is one big clusterfuck of problems.”
“So you just going to bail on her?”
I shake my head and shrug. “I don’t know what to do!”
“Is she keeping the baby?”
“Dammit, I have no idea,” the annoyance in my voice is clear.
“Shit dude, if you don’t want to talk about this we won’t.”
“I do, but I don’t know shit about what she plans on doing. I told her we both need space to decide what we want to do. I don’t want to complicate things for her or force her into making a decision she might regret.” I rub my face with my hands trying to dispel some of the tension I feel.
“So you’re the only person Kennedy has right now and you are turning your back on her?” I freeze, stunned at his words.
“What you trying to say Pete?”
“I’m saying be the man my dad wasn’t for me, well I say dad, but mostly he’s just an asshole. He bailed as soon as he found out Mom was pregnant with me. I’ve grown up my whole life with no decent male role model. If you love this girl as much as you say you do, it’s a no brainer. Shit, I’m not saying it’s going to be easy, but you have a great family, love, money, support; you could really make a difference to Kennedy and the baby’s life.”
Beautiful Broken Girl (Broken Girl series Book 1) Page 16