by Stone, Holly
I watched as he made his way between the tables and started behind the counter. I scuttled after him, dirty plates clutched in my hands and called out, “Excuse me, can I help you?”
Little Jack turned and frowned, then said in a voice so like Jack’s my breath caught, “I’m here to see my mum. She owns this place.” His accent was a Manchester one, but the timber was practically identical.
“Lisa?” I stood right in front of Cheng’s table, wondering if he had noticed the staggering resemblance that the boy bore to his friend. “Lisa’s your mum?”
“Yep!” He carried on towards the kitchen but my feet seemed to have forgotten their role in walking and were welded to the ground.
“Is it me, or did that kid look like he could be Jack’s little brother?” Cheng said from behind me.
“It’s not you,” I said, finally jolted out of my paralysis. My arms were beginning to ache from the weight of the plates and my fingers were cramping. I rested the plates on the counter temporarily and turned to Cheng who looked as though he had seen a ghost, his expression probably an accurate reflection of my own shock. “Does Jack have a brother?”
“Not that I know of.”
“And he’s never mentioned having relatives in Manchester.”
“Not to me,” Cheng said.
“Me either,” I replied, shaking my head. “Strange coincidence that Lisa’s brother lived in North Riding. Or maybe it isn’t.” I could hear Lisa talking to her son in the kitchen and I felt a shiver of foreboding. Maybe it was nothing. Jack could have a cousin that looked like him. Familial traits pass along in strange and non-linear ways. It was just weird that Jack had directed Cheng to come and see me and not mentioned his potential family member at all. Maybe they weren’t family, but they were so alike that just didn’t seem a realistic possibility.
“Can you do some digging around?” Cheng asked quietly. “I’ve known Jack since we sat next to each other on the first day of school and he never mentioned that he had family in Manchester.”
“Okay,” I said, wondering how I was going to tackle the kind of personal questioning required with Lisa who I’d known for such a short time.
“Okay,” Cheng said. There wasn’t much else to say.
Chapter 14
AMY
I never liked secrets. Memories of the weeks after my mum left, during which dad lied to me and Daniella, felt dark and slippery in my mind. For a while he told us she was visiting a relative, then the relative was sick, then my mother was sick and couldn’t come home. After a few months the lies began to sound hollow and Dad was forced to come clean. I still remember the socks I was wearing that day – white with pink and blue spots – because I spent so much time looking at my feet. Dan wasn’t wearing any and her toenails were too long and had dirt under them. Thinking about that now made my throat burn.
I couldn’t look at dad after he told us mum was gone for good for fear of seeing the spectre of more secrets in his eyes. I don’t think I ever fully escaped that fear.
For some people, knowledge is power, but I am firmly in the ‘ignorance is bliss’ camp. I’d rather not be privy to information that others want to clutch tightly between their reticent fingers. Secrets feel dangerous and sharp as stars.
Now I knew something about Jack that I wasn’t sure was a secret, but it felt big and unwieldy in my mind, and jagged and precarious in my hands. The fact that Cheng knew as well made it feel even more hazardous. I couldn’t keep it from Jack and risk Cheng telling all and making me look dishonest. If nothing else I felt like there was truth between Jack and me and I didn’t want to tarnish it. My dilemma was that both confessing and withholding felt like they could engender the same result, Jack’s anger or hurt. The very idea of either made my heart ache.
My shift was about to end and Lisa was still pottering around in the kitchen. Her son had left an hour before and I’d been chewing over what to say in my mind but hadn’t come up with a good way of asking. In the end I found a picture of Jack on Facebook and had it ready on my phone to show her. There was no way that describing the similarities between them would convey enough and I didn’t want to make her angry.
“You can head out, Amy,” Lisa called, and I headed towards the counter, putting my cloth down and untying my apron.
“Can I talk to you a minute?” I said and she looked worried.
“You’re not planning on quitting on me are you?”
“No, nothing like that. Can I show you something?”
“Course.”
I pulled out my phone and brought up the picture. “This is my friend Jack from back home.”
I watched her face go from confused to shocked, then her eyes flicked up to mine but it was as though she didn’t know what to say.
“They look alike,” I stated simply and she nodded. “Are they related?”
Lisa leant back against the counter and rubbed her hands over her face. “Oh God,” she said and groaned. “Why didn’t he tell me?”
“Who? What?”
“My brother. Oh God. I can’t believe him. I can’t.” I waited for her to settle down a bit, as the shock was obviously pulling at her emotions. It was hard because I wanted answers, and quickly, but it wasn’t fair to push at someone when they looked like they might break any second. “Jamie is my nephew. Well, he’s my son. I raised him from a baby but he was my brother’s boy. I…I didn’t know he had another son. He never said. If I knew…”
“You think they are brothers?”
“They look like twins,” Lisa said with a shaky voice.
“They sound like twins too.”
“What’s his surname?”
“Harlow.”
Lisa winced. “Oh God…I can’t believe Aiden is still causing me this kind of grief. He’s been dead eleven years and I still can’t be rid of his dramas.”
“Jack’s dad?”
She nodded. “Can I see the picture again? Do you have more?”
“Course,” I said, swiping through the pictures until I found another clear one. Jack looked serious and a little sad. Pensive maybe. He was standing with a group of friends but he stood out, or maybe it was just me. He always stood out for me.
Lisa looked through them thoughtfully and with awe. “He’s so like my brother. Well, like my brother would have looked if he hadn’t been lost to his lifestyle.”
“What shall we do?” I asked, needed to know so I could call Cheng and tell him. This was Lisa’s family after all and it needed to be her call.
“I want to meet him,” she said quickly, “and I want him to meet his brother.”
“Okay,” I said, taking a deep breath. “I’ll see what I can do.”
Chapter 15
JACK
I was walking home from work carrying a few groceries when I saw Amy’s car. Well, I thought it was her car, but it wasn’t until I got closer and looked inside that I knew for sure. She was waiting for me and I had no idea why, but fuck was I happy. When I knocked on the window her head spun to face me and her smile was like sunshine in what had been a very cloudy day.
She tugged open the door, grabbing her bag from the front seat and dragging it out with her. “Jack,” she said, and I loved hearing my name on her lips.
“What are you doing here?”
“I have to talk to you,” she said, rounding the pavement and standing in front of me. I didn’t know whether to hug her or kiss her or just stand and talk. Nothing seemed certain where we were concerned.
I settled for standing because I was an idiot who didn’t want to leap on her and risk showing her how much I’d missed her. “You’d better come in then.”
When we were inside, she looked around like she had the only other time she had come to my place. “You’ve done it up a bit,” she said, smiling.
“Yeah. Well, I’ve tried.”
“It’s nice.”
“Just some posters and stuff.”
“And a TV.”
“Yeah. My landlord brought th
at over from his spare room. I think he took pity on me.”
“He sounds like a good guy.”
“He is.” I unpacked the groceries, looking at her as she shifted from foot to foot. “So, are you going to tell me what’s up? Are you back now?”
“No, not back. I have to talk to you about something and I wanted to do it in person.”
“What?” I said, feeling a shiver of panic rising. The way she was talking it sounded like something serious. I’d used protection when we fucked but maybe something had happened. “You’re not…”
Amy looked momentarily confused and then laughed. “No, nothing like that.”
I deflated with relief. “What is it then?”
“Can we sit?”
“Course.”
I still didn’t have any chairs so we were back to perching on the edge of my mattress. Amy sat close to me, her knee touching my thigh and she rested her hand on my leg, looking at where we were touching. I put my hand over hers and squeezed. I’d missed her so much but I hadn’t been in any state to call and speak to her. After seeing my mum I’d been feeling low and Amy was off spreading her wings. She didn’t need my troubles clipping them.
“I missed you,” she whispered. “Are you okay? Has everything been okay?”
When her eyes met mine I felt it in my chest. She was so damn beautiful to me, not in a plastic magazine cover kind of way but in a way that was real. There was a lightness in her face that made me want to look and keep on looking.
I didn’t know how to answer her question without sounding like a complete loser so I pulled her against my chest and held her close.
Amy’s breath on my neck was hot and damp and I heard her breath me in. “Jack,” she whispered, reaching round to cup my face with her palm and it felt so good I wanted to bury myself in her and never come back to the surface.
“Why did you come back Amy?”
“I’ve got something I need to talk to you about but I don’t think it’s going to be easy.”
“When is it ever?” I laughed, wondering what it must be like for kids from normal families who didn’t have all this complicated bullshit to worry about.
Amy pulled away and reached inside her bag, pulling out her phone. “I’m going to show you something.” She tapped and swiped until she brought up a photo. When she handed it to me I was confused. It looked like a photo of me but I didn’t recognise the other people in the picture.
“What is this?” I asked, eyes flicking between Amy and the phone.
“I think it’s your brother,” she said, and my world fucking fell apart.
AMY
Jack shoved the phone at me and stood, walking into the small bathroom and running the tap. I got up and followed him, watching as he bathed his face in cold water. Reaching blindly for the towel, he patted himself dry, then our eyes met in the mirror.
“Are you okay?” I asked, knowing full well that he wasn’t but I didn’t know what else to say.
“Where did you get that?”
“From your Aunt Lisa.” Jack looked confused. “Your dad has a sister who lives in Manchester. I’ve been working at her café. I know…” I held my hands up, “…it’s a ridiculous coincidence. Don’t ask me how it happened. The fates or something. Anyway, she raised her nephew as her own son. Jamie, his name is Jamie. I think he’s your brother, Jack.”
He gripped onto the edge of the basin, breathing deeply. “How old is he?”
“He’s fourteen.”
“Fuck.”
I placed my hand in the middle of his back as gently as I could and rubbed soothingly. Jack was stiff as a board as he dealt with the news. I didn’t know if he knew anything about his brother. Did he remember him? Had they ever met? I had a million questions but he wasn’t ready to talk. I stepped closer and pressed myself against his back, hugging him to me tightly. “It’s okay, baby,” I said, and he relaxed in my arms. “It’s okay, Jack.”
He turned, and before I knew what was happening, he kissed me hard, bruising my lips, gripping tightly to the sides of my face. He shoved me backwards until I was pressed against the door and he was on me, his hands everywhere. He was ferocious in a way I hadn’t seen before, desperate in a way that made my heart ache. His hands pushed under my clothes, squeezing and grabbing like he was trying to find something to hold onto to keep him steady. I understood that feeling. It was what had brought me to him the last time, and I was happy to be what he needed.
Jack palmed my breast, pushing it upwards and pinching the nipple hard until I was up on my toes for more of him. His tongue was hot and demanding but it wasn’t enough. His hair was soft under my palms and I gripped it tightly, pulling him into me until we were hurting each other with our passion.
When he grabbed me under my thighs and lifted me, I rested my face into his neck and breathed him in. I felt safe in his arms, dizzy with his scent. Then I was on my back and he was a heavy weight pinning me down. He tugged at my leggings, yanking them down to my knees and pushing my legs open with his. Rough fingers grabbed at my knickers, drawing them aside so he could get where he wanted to go. I was wet, but he was fast, penetrating me with his fingers, rubbing at my clit with his thumb. He was panting against my neck, his hips working as he drove his hand up into me. It felt good and bad all at once; good because I knew I was being what he needed, but bad because it didn’t feel like he was truly there with me. He was on autopilot, being driven by the fierceness of his own compulsion. I wanted him with me in this in more than just body. I held his face with my hands and whispered over and over that it would be okay, that I was there with him and I wasn’t going anywhere. He kept up with his frenzied movements until something I said or did must have registered with him and he stilled. When he slipped his fingers from me I felt more than just the physical loss. He went to pull away but I held onto him with my arms and legs, making myself a vice.
“Hey,” I said, tilting his chin to look at me. “It’s okay.”
Jack put his arms around me, burying his face in my breasts, and we stayed like that for the longest time.
“I’m sorry,” Jack whispered. “Did I hurt you?”
“No, it’s okay.”
“It’s not okay, Amy. Everything is so fucked up.”
“Hey,” I stroked over his hair, held him tightly. “It might be a little complicated but it isn’t fucked up.”
“He was just a baby when they took him away and now he’s nearly a man.”
“So you remember him.”
“Yeah. I remember that day and what happened. He cried so hard. I worried for years that the same thing would happen to me.”
“Ah, Jack.” I bent and kissed the top of his head. “I met him and he’s okay. Your auntie is a lovely woman. And you’re okay, Jack. Things have been a bit shitty but you’re okay, aren’t you?”
Jack sighed and turned his face into me, kissing my ribs, pulling me closer into him. “When you’re here, everything’s better, but…it’s only temporary.”
I stroked his hair, wishing I could tell him things were different than he said but they weren’t. I couldn’t come back here and Jack was stuck here for a while. “It might only be temporary right now. I don’t know what’s going to happen but I’m here now, okay?”
Jack pushed up on his elbows and looked at me with his serious black eyes. They were glassy and sad, his sloping eyebrows drawn together with his worries. He leant down and kissed my lips so tenderly, stroking my hair, pressing down on me with his hips. My feet were tangled in his legs and it was such a perfect feeling to be surrounded by him. This time when he put his hands up under my clothes, it was with such gentleness I had to swallow down my emotions. He uncovered me like my body was an undiscovered treasure, each new exposed part showered with the attention of his eyes, mouth and tongue. I pulled at his clothes and he helped me remove them until we were naked and his warm skin slid against mine. This time I didn’t want him to be in control but wanted instead to show him how much I wanted him. I told hi
m to lie back and then straddled him, leaning forward to kiss his mouth, and then nuzzling down his chest until my cheek brushed against his cock. He smelt so good, so manly and clean. Jack held his cock at the root and my eyes flicked to his, seeing so much desire and vulnerability there that all I wanted was to make him happy. When I took him in my mouth, he sighed, the muscles of his stomach contracting and relaxing under my hands.
“Oh fuck, Amy,” he whispered, then moaned as I ran my tongue around him, licking gently until his cock kicked in my mouth. He tasted salty-sweet, the skin of his cock smooth and the pulsing centre hard, and I was lost in the sensations. After a while he shifted and pulled at my arm. “Baby, I want to come inside you,” he said, drawing me up his body until our mouths met for an open kiss. He passed me a condom and my hands trembled as I sheathed him, knowing what was going to happen next and wanting it so badly. I moved until I was over him, and he held himself, using the tip to probe over my clit and into my wetness, over and over until I was mindless, hips working and breath coming in pants.
“Are you ready?” he asked huskily, as if he were holding on by a thread.
Instead of answering, I lowered myself, taking him in about an inch before rising up and sinking down. I worked him in bit by bit, all the while looking into his half-closed, shadow-dark eyes. I bit my lip, watching his cock as it stretched me open and rolling my hips so my clit rubbed against him with every pass.
“You look so fucking amazing,” he said, grabbing onto my flesh with greedy fingers, hands slipping up to grasp my tits and squeeze. He sat up, holding me, licking into my mouth with his tongue. I could smell his sweat and feel his need in every clasp and clutch of his hands. I was wet between my legs, slippery where our thighs were touching, burning hot where my clit was grazing the root of his cock. My legs were cramping with the effort of riding him but it felt so good I carried on, rocking, rocking, rocking us both into oblivion.