by Doug Allyn
Her apartment was the ground floor of a three-story house, once an elegant private residence, now three apartments. Inside her door was a foyer with a large mirror on the wall, a closet opposite it. She took off her jacket and hung it up; when she turned she was stopped by her reflection in the mirror. She was ashen, with staring eyes. She hurried to the kitchen, found a bottle of bourbon in the cabinet, and poured some, added water, and drank it down.
After that, she sat at the dinette table and tried to think. It was Philip’s finger, she heard herself saying in her head. She could get no further than that. The doorbell rang, and she ran to admit Patty Westwood.
Patty was thirty-five, five years older than Ellen and twenty pounds heavier, a handsome woman with long black hair and brown eyes. Her normally ruddy face was pale; she looked cold. “Tell me,” she demanded, as she entered the foyer and pulled the door shut.
“I was out at Jordan’s. They’re clearing the upper section of the land, and Will found a bone, a finger bone, with a gold ring that’s like a snake. Philip’s ring.”
“You don’t know that.”
“It’s Philip’s ring,” Ellen repeated.
They had gone into the kitchen where Patty tossed her coat over a chair, went to the sink, and started to make coffee. She was within arm’s reach of Ellen at the table. The kitchen was small, a table and two chairs made it crowded; the other rooms were large and so sparsely furnished they looked barren.
“Look, Ellen, be reasonable,” Patty said, measuring coffee. “You can’t be sure. You saw something and got spooked. Maybe it isn’t even a bone.”
“We’ll have to tell them about that night,” Ellen whispered.
“You’re out of your mind!”
“He didn’t just leave.”
“Honey, sit down and listen to me.” Patty pushed Ellen into a chair and sat opposite her at the small table. “If you even mention that night, and if they really have found bones, and if they identify them as Philip’s bones, you’re as much as confessing that you know what happened to him. They’ll want to know what you were doing out there, what you did after you two left, where you went, everything.”
“I didn’t leave with him. He sent me away.”
“That’s not how we remember it,” Patty said harshly. “He took you away and never came back.”
Ellen shook her head. “He didn’t go with me. He gave me his keys and told me to go home, and I did.”
Patty stood up and turned back to the counter with the coffee maker; she tapped her fingers impatiently while the water trickled down. “Six people will swear he left with you,” she said.
Ellen stared at her in disbelief. She had known Patty all her life, they had worked together in the Blair farm and garden store when Ellen was in high school and Patty at Mount Crystal College. Philip had been one of Patty’s instructors, and she had fallen in love with him, just as Ellen had. They had talked about him for hours.
She remembered the first time she met him. No one ever had treated her the way he had, with respect, as if she were important; she had been sixteen. “Ms. Blair, I need a gift for a very special person, flowers, a blooming plant, something of that sort. What do you recommend?” He had been hired on a two-year contract at the college; everyone in town had known that. In a town of eighteen hundred people there were no secrets. He was rich, they said, and he was handsome, with black wavy hair, a moustache like Burt Reynolds’s, a blue and silver customized van. He had been around the world, they said. A doctorate in psychology by twenty-nine, brilliant. He had been thirty when he arrived to teach at the college, and two years later he had left.
Ellen remembered the afternoon Patty had come to the store, so excited she could hardly talk. She had just graduated from Mount Crystal, and Ellen from high school. “This Saturday night,” Patty had whispered, “Philip’s going to show some of us a Sacred Mushroom ritual!” Six students who had now graduated, she had continued. He had sworn them to secrecy; they were to meet up Crystal River at a campsite, take sleeping bags, be prepared to spend the night... Her voice had shaken with excitement.
Ellen had begged and pleaded until Patty had said she could come, too, but she had to stay way back and not make a sound.
Patty was still waiting for the coffee, getting out cups, half and half, sugar, and Ellen was back there, thirteen years ago.
Patty picked her up at her folks’ house; it was dusk when they reached the campgrounds. Two other cars were already there. They made their way to the clearing by the river where the others were nursing a small fire in a rock enclosure. The forest was dense and silent and little light filtered through; the rush of the river splashing against rocks was the only sound.
“Why’d you bring her?” John Le Croix demanded angrily, staring at Ellen.
“She’s okay,” Patty said. “She’ll stay back in the trees. I didn’t want to come alone.”
“Shit,” someone else muttered. “Anyone got any matches?”
Someone began to pass a roach around. John and Les Prell had beer, Burt Craxton and Sheila Baum were sharing a bottle, and Beverly was huddled in a blanket humming monotonously; slowly the darkness deepened until there was no light beyond the fire. The rush of water got louder as the night grew darker. Ellen didn’t know how long they had been there; they smoked and drank, some of them vanished into the woods, reappeared; there was giggling as they slipped in and out of sleeping bags. She watched the fire, frightened because it flared and roared, died to a spark, flared.
Then he was there. She had not seen him arrive, but suddenly he was standing at the far end of the group, a towering figure in a dark cloak that swept the ground. Silently he unfastened it at his neck and let it drop. She bit her thumb to keep from crying out. He was wearing a short skirt and sandals, and was covered with snakes, painted on his bare torso, on his thighs, his arms. Golden snakes gleamed on his chest, a necklace of twined snakes with emerald eyes that reflected the fire, scarlet tongues that caught and threw back flames. Golden snakes gleamed on his fingers; he was carrying a shallow bowl in both hands. She had never seen anyone so beautiful, or so terrifying.
Silently the others began to move, to crawl out of the sleeping bags, form a ragged circle around the fire. Ellen shrank back against a tree trunk. He didn’t stir until they were all motionless again, and then he melted down gracefully to a cross-legged position on the cloak. Carefully he placed the bowl on the ground, and began to move his hands over it, chanting in a low voice. She could make out nothing of what he said, neither could she turn away from the sinuous motions of his hands. The painted snakes rippled; the golden snakes began to writhe, to flex and draw back...
She forgot that her legs had started to cramp, that the tree was gouging her spine, that her eyes were burning. Then he stood up and came to her; she was paralyzed until he reached out and took her hands, drew her up to her feet. He walked her away from the others, out of the firelight to the parking area, his arm around her shoulders, guiding her, supporting her. Her gaze was on the pale disk of light that flowed on the trail before them, over stones, up and over a tree limb. At his van he stopped and opened the door, took keys from the seat, and handed them to her.
“Go home, Ms. Blair. Go home and forget all this.” He took her face in his hands and said softly, “The ceremony isn’t for children.” He kissed her forehead and half lifted her to the van seat; he reached past her to turn on the headlights and then closed the door.
Burning with humiliation, she turned the key, engaged the gear, and sped away. She stopped at the first curve in the road to wipe her eyes, and had to stop to do it again a moment later. She realized that it was not only tears making the drive seem impossible; the road was expanding, contracting to a line, expanding again... She stopped driving, started, stopped again; the ten-mile drive was an eternity.
She felt the fire on her cheeks at the memory, and turned away from Patty who was bringing two mugs of coffee to the table.
“Listen, Ellen,” Patty said ca
refully, as if she had been thinking hard. “There’s no point in talking about that night. Six other people involved, all brought down in the dirt... Honey, you can’t get away with that story, that he handed you his keys and you took off. It just won’t wash.”
Ellen started to protest, but Patty held up her hand. “Let’s say he drove you home and was heading back, but he picked up someone along the way. That makes sense. He would have picked up a woman, you know. And after that, God knows what happened. But it doesn’t involve you or any of us.”
“You never asked me what happened,” Ellen said after a moment. “I would have told you exactly what I’ve just said. I drove myself home.”
“You were so high you don’t know what you were doing!”
“I was high, but not as high as the rest of you, and I wasn’t drinking. What happened out there? What did you do with the mushrooms?”
Patty shrugged. “We ate them and went to sleep. Let me tell you what Les said, honey. When you two disappeared and didn’t come back, he said, so the littlest pussy swallowed the king snake. Sheila tried to climb over the fire to clobber him.”
“He was probably standing behind the trees watching you all make fools of yourselves, and laughing,” Ellen snapped.
“And walked home practically naked and covered with snakes?”
“Why didn’t you ever bring it up, ask me about it if you thought I went with him?”
“I was mad at you. Everyone else was mad at both of us. I’ve never talked about that night with anyone.”
Ellen sipped her coffee.
Patty leaned across the table and put her hand on Ellen’s arm. “One more thing, honey. We have to think this through. No one’s going to accuse you of anything, you were only seventeen, but if the sheriff thinks you went off with a naked man and your father saw him, what conclusion do you suppose he’ll come to?”
Ellen nearly dropped her mug; coffee splashed across the table. The sheriff’s son, Burt Craxton, had been one of the students. If the sheriff’s son said she left with Philip, and the others said that, the next step, she admitted, could drag her father into it.
Patty was scowling into the distance. She said, “When they investigated thirteen years ago, did anyone ask you a single question?”
“No.”
“And no one will now. Why would they? You were a kid. So just sit tight. Don’t volunteer anything. You don’t have to lie. Just keep your mouth shut, it’s that simple.”
Silently Ellen nodded. What she had thought back then was that he had returned to the group at the fire, that they had had an orgy of some kind, and afterward he had left town, left the state, satisfied. A month later, when they discovered some of his things in his apartment, she had continued to believe that; he had taken what he wanted, left everything else. She had been relieved as day after day passed without his appearance; she would have died of mortification if he had walked into the store.
She still believed he had gone back to the group at the fire, and something terrible had happened there. Of the six, Patty was the only one she had known well, who was her friend; the others were no more than acquaintances. If this was Patty’s story, she felt there was no need to ask the rest of them anything at all. She stood up. “You’d better go. Jordan’s coming over, and I need a shower.”
For a moment Patty hesitated, then she got up. “It might not even be Philip, honey, remember that.” She pulled on her coat and left without saying anything else. Ellen locked the door behind her.
She wiped up the spilled coffee and then remained indecisively at the table. She had to shower, she told herself; Jordan was coming. She wished suddenly that he had never come to Crystal Falls, that he had stayed down in California. They had met eighteen months earlier, a few months after she had returned home. Maria Cutter had told Ellen’s father about a newly vacant apartment, and Ellen had gone to Papa’s Pasta House to have dinner and ask Maria about it. Then Maria had spotted Jordan and rolled her eyes, muttering about another single. She couldn’t seat two more singles on a Saturday night, how about if they shared a table instead. Ellen had glanced at him and said, sure, she didn’t mind, and he had nodded after a slight hesitation.
“I’m Ellen Blair,” she had said as soon as they were seated. “And you’re Jordan Langford. You bought Jesperson’s sheep pasture in order to plant grapes. You live in a trailer, but you’ll build a house up on Crystal River Road, and you work from dawn to dark.” She had laughed, and added, “Welcome to Crystal Falls, population eighteen hundred, and no secrets.”
How easily they had talked that evening. He had said, “Thirty-five. I went to school, got married, got unmarried, worked the vineyards in California, went to Italy and worked vineyards there. Inherited a little from grandparents and came looking for land. Winemaker.”
She had nodded. “Twenty-eight. School, married, unmarried, job, laid off, home again. New job at the college. Flunky to the president.”
“Now we know each other,” he had said.
He had walked her to her parents’ house next to the farm and garden store they owned. Over the next month she walked him all over town, to the waterfall that gave the town its name, to her old high school, the Mount Crystal College campus where Little Agate Creek tumbled over rocks to join Crystal River in a cauldron of foam.
They drove to the coast, twenty-five miles away, and on a clear day they hiked to the top of Mount Crystal, from where they could see the ocean in the west and the high Cascades in the east. He helped her move; she offered him the use of her bathtub, and they went to bed together.
“No commitment,” she had whispered. “No ties. We’re both still free.”
He had nodded then, but more recently she had started to feel pressured, not so much by his insistence on a commitment, but rather by his apparent belief that such a commitment already existed.
Her marriage had started out in the prescribed perfect bliss and ended in a predictable hellish discord; she was not ready to try it again. Knowing they both had been too young, too immature, did not ease the hurt; her problem was that she was not at all certain she was much more mature now than she had been five years earlier.
If only Jordan had never come here, she thought, then sheep would still be grazing in the pasture, the blackberries would still be growing thicker and thicker each year. Philip’s bones would still be buried.
That night she asked Jordan not to talk about it, knowing they were the only people in town not talking about it, and she sent him away early.
Five weeks later, Ellen was working in Hilde Melton’s office when the secretary buzzed Hilde to say the sheriff was there.
“Well, let him come in,” Hilde said, getting up from her desk.
Hilde Melton was generally considered to be a good-looking woman; Ellen thought she was beautiful. She rode a bicycle, hiked, walked for miles, ate properly, and at fifty-three she was envied by many of the students in their twenties. Her dark hair was starting to show gray in streaks. Janice Ayers, head of the psychology department, had said with a sigh, “Even getting gray is glamorous on her.”
“Hilde,” the sheriff said, entering with another man, “we have to talk to you.”
Ellen hurried to the door. “I’ll start on some of that right away,” she said, and left.
“They identified the bones,” the secretary, Rita, whispered in the outer office.
“How do you know?”
“Wanna bet?”
Ellen shook her head and went to her own tiny office where she was supposed to make phone calls to try to find someone who would maintain the school’s bicycles for less than Homer Wylie was charging. Instead, she stared at the wall with her hands clenched on her desk. After they found the bones, enough to say it had been a man, and a ring and the necklace, she had pretended nothing else would happen, that they wouldn’t identify him, that no one would admit recognizing the jewelry they had displayed on television, in newspaper photographs. An investigation was ongoing, but it had nothing to do wi
th her. It would all pass, she had told herself as the talk died down; people would forget.
She had lived her life exactly as always, work, dinner with her parents once a week, dates with Jordan, and if her sleep was restless and her appetite gone, no one had noticed. Now and then she had found herself in front of the television with no awareness of what she had been watching, or she had found a book in her hands with no memory of having read anything in it. No one suspected anything unusual about her, she told herself; she was handling it.
But what had happened when Philip went back to the group at the fire? The question formed and re-formed through her daylight hours, and woke her with its persistence during the night. Patty had called several times, left messages; Sheila Baum Craxton had called; Beverly Kirchner had called, and Les Prell. She had returned none of the calls.
“Hey, Ellen, you asleep or something?”
Ellen jerked her eyes open to see Rita in the doorway. “Headache,” she said.
“Dr. Melton wants you, like pronto.”
When Ellen returned to the president’s office, Hilde was sitting behind her desk, grim-faced. The sheriff was studying the titles of books in a glass case; the other man stood up, regarding her with interest.
“Ellen, you know Sheriff Craxton, don’t you?” The sheriff was tall and thin; he looked tired. They nodded politely to each other.
“And this is Lieutenant Haliday from the state police special investigation unit. Ellen Blair, my administrative assistant,” Hilde said.
Haliday was about forty, with black hair, dark eyes. He was dressed in a dark suit, with a bright blue tie. He smiled at her in a friendly way and turned back to Hilde.
As if cued, Hilde said, “Lieutenant Haliday is in charge of the investigation into the death of Philip Seymour, who taught here fifteen years ago. He will require help in locating files. For the time being, you will be the liaison between the lieutenant and the college, assist him in any way you can. He’ll tell you what he wants. And see what conference room is available for him to use as an office for the next few days.” She looked at the lieutenant. “Is that sufficient?” she asked bitterly.