Closing her door partway, I entered my own room and decided on a quick shower, a super cold one at that. I examined the contents of my suitcase to see what Jasper had allowed me to pack, and then checked out the contents of the closet. Thank goodness. I had my fatigues; the only things that made me relax and kept me focused. I was surprised to see another box of hair dye, several bunches of Shibari rope, my books on the art of Japanese rope tying, my favorite glock 19 handgun, and my preferred sniper rifle, a M21. Earlier, I’d noticed the stash of defensive equipment already here in the house, but everyone has their personal favorites.
I’d been fearful that my identity would be taken away on this mission, since I’d have to dress and act differently than I normally did, but, despite me keeping my distance, I guess they knew me well enough to make sure I had my comfort zones.
Note to self: when Erica wakes up, I need to ask her if she’s ever used a gun, and if not, train her. It was always good to have backup, even if it was with the person you were protecting. Life was too short, and I sure as hell didn’t want to tempt fate. You should take your own advice about not wasting life. She could be the one you’ve been looking for. And hold off on asking about the gun for now, she needs to rest and get used to the island first.
I couldn’t entertain the idea of Erica and me. For starters, she thought I was an ass, not understanding that I was purposefully pushing her away. My mind wasn’t in a good place, and I couldn’t figure out why Rick and Derrick felt she might be able to help me. I gave up thinking about things and decided to shower.
A shower and a change into some camouflaged cargo pants and a standard issue military tee and I was feeling like me again. I was away from society, away from unremitting barked orders, and thankful I didn’t have to wear a damn monkey suit all day while working for Mr. Prescott.
I popped my head into Erica’s room and found she was still asleep, so I appropriated this time to go downstairs and acquaint myself with the island’s security system. To say it was impressive was the understatement of the century.
The area surrounding the house was overpopulated with motion sensors set to trigger alarms and spring traps when armed. The windows were as Erica and I suspected: fake. The setup was designed to project real-time images onto screens so that someone could see the outside area but have the safety of being inside. With a small flip and angling of the camera, you could look left, right, and up and down in order to see everything.
“No! Help!” Erica’s shrieking voice pierced the silence of the house. I took to the stairs two at a time until I was at her door. She lay on the bed tangled up in the blanket I’d placed on her earlier, thrashing about to try and escape it. Her eyes were still closed, making me wonder what she was dreaming about.
“Help! Please. Someone call an ambulance.” She must be reliving recent events. Had she seen one of her friends get hurt? I knew there was a huge difference in how people processed things when we came across it after the fact versus watching it happen right in front of us.
Reaching out, I gently touched Erica’s shoulder and lightly rocked her. “Princess, you need to wake up.”
She didn’t budge, so I tried again. This time, she bolted upright in bed, yelling out, “No,” before collapsing into tears.
Easing my arms around her and pulling her in to my chest, I whispered, “You’re safe, Erica. No one will find you here, and if they do, they’ll have to go through me.”
Nothing much got to me in life, except for the tears. I hated to see anyone cry. It brought back too many painful memories of my mother leaving, with my sister balling her eyes out in my arms, wondering what we could’ve done to keep her with us, to have her love us enough to want to stay. I held on to Erica as tears streamed down her face and soaked my shirt, but I didn’t care. I could easily hang it to dry and wear another one instead. I knew she needed comforting, and if it meant I had to drop my defenses a little to do it, then so be it.
It took a while, but she slowly calmed. “Hey, things aren’t as bad as they first seem.” She nodded and looked up at me with fear etched across her beautiful face. Even in tears, her face was that of an angel, a trusting one.
I held one of my hands up, “I’m going to slowly untangle you from the blanket. You might want to try and cover yourself the best you can with your hands.”
Looking down at her attire and the mess she made of her blanket, she quickly shielded her bra from my view. It was sweet watching a blush spread up her chest and onto her face. I had to take a deep breath in just to gain some kind of control over the way I was feeling right now. Seeing her half naked, wearing a nearly see-through white lace bra, and knowing she had on a matching white lace thong to boot…I was in deep trouble. All the blood in my head started getting on the southbound express with the destination being my crotch.
I took a deep breath in and tried to settle my mind, and then slowly began extracting her from the blanket. My hands had to grace over her skin on several occasions. I noticed, more than once, her breathing changed. I also noted that when I came close to personal areas, she held her breath, and those goose bumps…damn. She was reacting to me, and, sadly, I was in no better shape. Thankfully, Erica was too embarrassed to notice the little predicament going on in my pants. You’re kidding right. You’re huge, not a ‘little’ joking matter either. You’re pressing so hard against your zipper that you’re going to give your manhood a permanent indentation if you don’t settle soon.
With the blanket pulled away, she quickly hopped off the bed and ran toward the bathroom, closing the door but leaving it cracked so she could talk through it. “Thank you for your assistance. Can you please leave so I can grab a quick shower and change?”
I shook my head. I don’t think I’ll ever understand the opposite sex. “Sure thing. Are you going to be all right now?”
Erica’s head was resting against the edge of the door. “I think it was just a nightmare.” She might have tried to portray a sense of confidence with her words, but her tone gave away her insecurities.
Not wanting to push the issue or cause us to end up in a verbal altercation again, I let it go, for now. “When you get done come find me downstairs. I’ll see what they have to eat and try whipping us up something.” I reached down to pat my stomach. “I don’t know about you, but I haven’t had anything since yesterday at lunch,” which was almost twenty-four hours ago.
Her voice was tentative, which was common for what she’d been through. “Sure. Whatever. Now if you could please leave?”
I nodded and headed out of the room, only stopping in the doorway to offer, “If you need to talk…” I didn’t finish the statement, knowing she’d understand what I meant. Didn’t Rick or Derrick say something about her studying psychology? Hell if I knew. Either way, I knew that most individuals who’d seen a crime occur or lost someone close to them while in protective custody felt the need to talk. The offer was on the table; what she did with it was up to her.
Hiding in the bathroom—that’s what I’d resorted to? Okay, so I wasn’t prepared to wake up half naked with a blanket wrapped around me screaming my head off. I was mortified to have him see me so exposed and weak.
One minute I was ready to change into some suitable clothing to traipse all over the island to check it out, and the next I was waking up with the vision of my friend Alyssa getting hit by a car running a red light while she was in the crosswalk ahead of us. The car hadn’t even stopped; it just kept on going. The vision of her hitting the hood, then the windshield, being flipped over the top, and bouncing back onto the trunk before coming to rest on the pavement was burned in my mind. Her head had been at an unnatural angle. I knew instantly she was dead. Yet, hoping and praying I was wrong, I yelled out for someone to call an ambulance.
Every time I closed my eyes to try and sleep, I saw Alyssa’s body lying in the street. We’d all thought it was just an accident, but then Casey was pushed down some stairs at our hotel at almost the same time Hannah had gone out for coffee a
nd been beaten up and left by a dumpster, as nothing more than discarded trash. Why had I ever agreed to this trip? Why had I taken that stupid video? Would it have made a difference if I hadn’t joined them or would the end result be the same?
After pulling off the cumbersome dress, I searched the bathroom for towels and toiletries, soon finding everything I needed to wash a day’s worth of grunge and exhaustion off of me. I’d napped here and there, only out of exhaustion, but always woke up screaming. I’m sure I put several agents’ nerves on edge as a result. The only time sleep had come easily for me was on the plane when I’d been wrapped in the warmth and security of Jonas’s arms.
I shook my head, not wanting to even go there. I wouldn’t go there. He had the looks and all that I wanted in a man, but I could easily tell he was carrying a buttload of emotional baggage. Then again, wasn’t I doing the same right now? Maybe I should cut him some slack. Derrick had mentioned we might be able to help one another, whatever that hell that meant.
Another round of tears hit me without warning, causing me to lean against the wall and slide down onto the bathroom floor. I knew I was going through the five stages of grief. I’d studied them in my classes and dealt with them in the clinical sessions concerning my patients, but it wasn’t something I’d ever thought I’d be dealing with.
I’d been in the denial phase, rejecting the idea that all this had happened, that one of my friend’s was dead while the other two clung to life. I wouldn’t acknowledge my own danger, at least not until Derrick came and got me.
Anger was already coursing through my system as well as bargaining. I figured if I allowed myself to go into hiding so my parents and Titan could have time to find and neutralize the threat against me, maybe my friends would be alright and maybe life could return to normal. But then I’d remember how Alyssa would never laugh with me again, never want to borrow one of my outfits, never anything, and I’d get angry all over again, taking it out on the first person near me.
What was wrong with me? I’d yelled at Derrick; I’d yelled at my father over the phone; I’d yelled at Jonas. I’m surprised he hasn’t already taken off in the seaplane and left me to fend for myself. I guess I deserve whatever treatment he gave me, but his barking orders one minute and being sincere the next was giving me whiplash as I tried to keep up with his demeanor. Was he more Dr. Jekyll, or did he mirror Mr. Hyde?
Swiping a hand over my face, I realized I needed to get my shit together. I couldn’t allow myself to become depressed. Maybe if I helped Jonas peruse the island, I could get my mind off of things. You’re bargaining again. You think if you can keep yourself busy you’ll keep your mind off your troubles and go right to acceptance. My subconscious wasn’t completely wrong, but I did want to keep my mind active to keep from reliving my friends’ horrid accidents. I wanted to keep busy so I wouldn’t think of Jonas and how much he affected me.
Turning on the water, I jumped into the shower and took a page from the advice I’d given some of patients. I’d told them to do one activity at a time and put their entire focus on that before moving onto something else. They didn’t need to try to fit society’s ideals of what they could handle and do in a day. No one had to define their lives for any of my patients, because they had the ultimate control. Once they managed the one activity with comfort, then they could add another and another until they were back to their own definition of normal.
Feeling a renewed sense of energy since showering and changing into some lightweight slim jeans, hiking boots, and a ladies formfitting t-shirt, I stepped out of the bedroom and made my way downstairs to the kitchen.
I was surprised to see two plates full of food. I walked over to the dining table to get a better glimpse at what smelled so good, when Jonas came up behind me and spoke, scaring the living daylights out of me. “I was just about to come get you. The food is ready. I hope you like fish.”
Putting a palm to my chest, I could feel my heart racing and adrenaline pumping through my system. I hated this living-on-the-edge feeling. It was nice once in a while to be an adrenaline junkie, but not as a daily thing.
To my surprise, he pulled a chair out for me, politely gestured for me to sit, and then pushed me in toward the table before taking the seat next to me. “I found some fresh sea bass in the refrigerator, some steamed broccoli, a fresh loaf of bread, and the makings for some mango pineapple salsa.” I watched as he dug in to his food with a slight smile spreading across his face, making me feel a little relaxed for once.
Taking my fork, I lifted a bite of fish to my lips and almost moaned at the heavenly flavor that swept through my mouth. I wasn’t normally a fan of fish, but this—oh my god—was fantastic. “Wow, this is really good!”
Jonas smirked and laughed. “Surprised I can cook?”
I shook my head. “Not surprised really. I know you military operative guys are prone to multitasking.” Geez, I wasn’t getting the words out as I intended. His brows started to furrow at my statement, so I held up my hands, “No, wait, I’m not phrasing this right. Let’s just say I’ve been around enough of you Titan guys to know that you are all great cooks.” I pointed down at my plate, “I don’t normally like fish, but, as a result of this meal, you’ve just changed my attitude toward the protein.”
He relaxed at my words. “Thanks. There were other options here, but this was the only one that would cook quickly and replenish our energy reserves. We’ve both been on several highs and lows recently, so we need to eat heartily for our bodies to keep functioning properly, especially if we’re going to go on a short hike of the island.”
I nodded and went back to eating my meal in silence. I hadn’t thought I was that hungry, but soon realized I’d managed to clean my plate. I watched as Jonas got up, taking our plates with him. “I can help with that,” I offered.
Jonas just shook his head. “No worries. I needed to stretch my legs. I’m not used to sitting for this long of a time. Besides, I needed to get up to get dessert.”
After finishing washing our dishes and putting them into the drainer to dry, Jonas reached into the refrigerator and pulled out a plate full of fresh fruit along with a pint of chocolate ice cream from the freezer. I began to lick my lips in anticipation. “How did you know this was my favorite dessert?” I questioned, wondering if my family had said something.
He brought the plate, two bowls, and a couple of spoons over to the table. He set them down in the space between us and finally answered, “I didn’t know, but it’s mine too.” What were the odds that we’d find something else we had in common.
I quickly ripped off the top of the ice cream container, causing him to laugh at my antics. After spooning some of the decadent treat into my bowl, I dipped my spoon into the frosty concoction and moaned appreciatively. Jonas had a spoonful of fruit, but stopped midway to his mouth to watch me.
Laughter filled the air around us. “If I wasn’t sitting here watching you, I’d say, based on your moans, you were about to have an orgasm, princess.”
I could feel the feverish blush hit my face instantly. His hand came round and turned my face toward him. I hadn’t really looked at his face carefully, not until that moment. He wasn’t brooding; instead, he looked at ease for the first time since we got here. His brown-green eyes were shimmering with laughter while he smiled, revealing perfect teeth. “No need to feel embarrassed. I didn’t say what I did to pick on you. I just like seeing a woman enjoy her food is all.”
I was feeling a little overwhelmed by his nearness, not understanding this pull toward the one man I wasn’t supposed to be able to stand. So I said the first snarky thing that came to mind: “I’m not sure what an orgasm is supposed to be like, but maybe my mouth is having a foodgasm. This is utter sin and decadence in a bowl.”
Allowing me to return to eating, his hand fell away from my face. Something passed between us—what, I don’t know—but I wouldn’t dwell on it. This ice cream was like the sun shining in the darkest of nights for me. Yes, it was a simple ple
asure, but I wasn’t sure how long we’d have decent food here, if we’d get a replenished supply, or even how long we’d be held up on this island. And what the hell was I doing telling him I’d never experienced an orgasm. Granted, I wasn’t a virgin, per se, having experienced the exchange of oral sex with my boyfriend at the time, but I’d never experienced the so-called pleasures of what sex supposedly meant. Maybe I’d just been with the wrong guy or maybe it had been me. Who knows? I didn’t see the need to take it all the way with anyone, sacrificing my hymen, if they couldn’t even bring me any form of satisfaction with their hands or their tongue.
I continued putting fruit on top of my ice cream and eating it like there was no tomorrow. As far as I knew, there might not be, so why not live in the moment?
Several minutes passed before I got up from the table, taking the bowls and leftover fruit and ice cream with me. Jonas tried to argue for me to rest, but I snipped back, “I don’t know if you understand this, so I’m telling you now: I need to be doing something to keep my mind off of things. I’m not handling what has happened very well, so please back off.”
He held his hands up in surrender and didn’t press any further. “I get you. I’m the same way. I do better when my mind is occupied.”
I turned around and looked at him, realizing he’d finally shown me a crack in the armor he’d been wearing. I knew, from hearing my parents and some of the people at Titan talk, that he’d seen a lot of action over in Afghanistan. It made me wonder what was going on in that mind of his.
Jonas's Redemption: A Standalone Romantic Suspense (Titan Security Book 2) Page 7