Ella burst into tears. Tears of relief.
Nathan came over and took her in his arms. “Shh. It’s okay.”
She shook her head. “I thought I was going to die, that our baby would die. I’m an idiot and my leg hurts.”
The doctor said, “I’ll clean the wound on your leg and bandage it. You’ve had quite a scare today and I’d like for you to remain in bed for the rest of the day and just relax. Let’s get you to feeling better and let that baby rest up from this scare, too.”
She sniffled and shook her head. “I still have to hang the laundry.”
“Martha will hang the clothes. She’s already started. You just relax.” Nathan put his hand on her tummy. “He needs you to.”
The doctor cleaned and wrapped Ella’s leg. He gave instructions for the bandage to be changed in the morning and every two days until it was healed.
“Even with a non-venomous bite, it’s still painful and can easily get infected. You need to keep it clean and dry.”
“I’ll see to it,” said Nathan. “Nothing’s going to happen to her.”
It almost sounded like he loved her. Ella was thrilled at the prospect then realized he was probably worried about the baby, not her.
Ella spent the rest of the day in bed. She didn’t know if it was the laudanum the doctor gave her or just the relief at not harming the baby, but she was tired. The stresses of the past hour were catching up to her. Her eyelids felt like they were made of lead and she let them fall closed.
Nathan came in with Ella’s supper tray. He’d checked on her several times during the day and each time she’d been asleep. Now though he decided she needed to eat more than she needed more sleep. She was never going to rest tonight if she didn’t wake up now. He put the tray on the top of the dresser and sat on the edge of the bed.
“Ella. Honey.” He ran his hand up her arm and back down again. “Wake up. You need to eat supper.”
She opened her eyes, blinking several times. “It’s time for supper? I lost the whole day,” she lamented.
“You needed the rest.” He’d worried when she’d slept so much, but convinced himself she was all right. “How’s your leg? Does it still hurt?
She thought about it for a moment. “No, actually it is better. You didn’t need to bring me supper. I could’ve come to the kitchen.”
“You’re fine where you are. Tomorrow will be soon enough for you to be up and around again.”
She sat up and smiled at him. “Tomorrow! The Atwoods are coming for dinner.” She stopped and closed her eyes willing herself to calm. “I am kind of hungry though. Thank you for the tray.”
He put the tray on her lap. She picked up her fork and dug into the mashed potatoes. He’d tried not to give her too much food, estimated that she’d eat about half what he did. It was still apparently more than she wanted.
“Did you get enough? You didn’t eat very much.”
“I got plenty.” She smiled at him. “Your eyes were bigger than my stomach.”
He chuckled. “Well, I guess the dog will be eating good tonight.”
“Are you coming to bed soon?”
“Probably. I’ve got some paperwork to do first. Do you want me to get you a book to read?”
“I can come get one. I need to get up. I’ve been in bed all day. I need to move.” She sat up on the side of the bed. “See no problem.”
“Let me walk with you…just in case.”
Sarah shook her head. “If you want, but there is really no need. It was just a little bite. Something a real western wife would just ignore and go back to work.”
“Whoa.” Nathan grabbed her by the shoulder and brought her to a halt. “What do you mean a real western wife? Ella you are my wife and you are doing great and learning at an alarming rate. You’re willing to try anything and you’re a quick study, getting “it” the first time. Don’t ever let me hear you disparaging yourself again.”
Sarah looked up into his face. He meant every word.
* * *
John and Sarah Atwood arrived with their children right at noon. It was perfect timing. Dinner would be served at one o’clock so there’d be time to visit before and after the meal.
Their two little girls, Katy and MaryAnn played with their baby brother, Samuel, on the parlor floor while their parents visited. Nathan and John went to Nathan’s office to discuss cattle and Sarah went to the kitchen with Ella to help with meal preparations.
“Alright, ladies,” said Ella to Sarah and Martha. “I need some advice.”
“What can we help you with?” asked Sarah.
“Well, Nathan and I get along pretty well, I think, but I want more. More than just a friendship. More than just his passion. I want his love.”
Sarah and Martha looked at each other and burst into laughter.
Ella put her hands on her hips. “What’s so funny?”
“You are,” said Sarah, once she finished laughing. She went over to Ella and put her arm around her shoulder. “Nathan is already in love with you. Don’t you see it? The way he looks at you? Touches you?”
“No. He looks at me with passion in his eyes and he’s gentle with me because of the baby.”
“So,” said Martha. “He was harsh with you before the baby? He treated you badly?”
“No, of course, not. He’s always been gentle and kind with me. Almost too much so. I keep telling him that I’m not breakable.”
“Does he always find a reason to touch you? Kiss you? Does he take off just to spend time with you? Does he hold you after you make love or fall right to sleep?”
Ella slumped down in the wooden chair at the end of the long oak table, her mind a whirl. Was it possible? When they’d first started making love he held her for a short time then turned his back to her and went to sleep. Now he held her in his arms all night. And he always managed to take the time from his work to take her to town when she needed something even though Martha could have done it easier.
“He loves me,” she said finally.
“He loves you,” said Sarah and Martha simultaneously.
“He has for some time,” continued Martha. “I noticed the change. I’ve seen the way he looks at you when he thinks no one is watching. The longing there, the joy when you enter a room. If you’d just stop worrying about it, you’d see it, too.”
“Getting him to admit it…well that’s not so easy,” said Sarah. “I remember John wouldn’t admit it until I almost died. Let’s hope it doesn’t take that long for Nathan.”
“I don’t know,” said Martha. “My Nathan’s head is as hard as John’s. After what happened with Hettie, I can’t blame him for being skittish as a new born colt.”
Ella got up and started putting the food on platters and in serving bowls. She needed to keep her hands busy. Today she’d fixed several big pot roasts brimming with carrots, onions and potatoes. She put everything onto separate plates for serving. Then took the roasts and broke them apart with two forks. They shredded beautifully and Ella couldn’t help but feel some pride in her dish.
“Hettie. Is that the woman he was going to marry until she found out he was part Indian?” asked Ella.
“Yup, that’s her. A more selfish woman you’d never want to meet. She cared about Nathan’s money, not Nathan.”
“I’m not interested in Nathan’s money.”
“I know. You married him not knowing if he had two nickels to rub together.”
“I’m not as altruistic as you may think. It just never occurred to me to wonder whether he had any money.” She shrugged her shoulders. “I have money of my own.”
Martha chortled. “Well what do you know? Nathan’s the one who married money.”
“Back to the problem at hand. How do I get him to realize he loves me? Or do I just leave it as it is?” She shook her head. “No, I want him to tell me he loves me. I need for him to know it as deeply as I know I love him.”
“I wish I knew what to tell you,” said Sarah.
They
both looked to Martha for an answer.
“Don’t look at me. Sure, I’ve known him the longest, but I’ve never seen him like this before. You know as much as I do.”
“He’ll realize it when the baby is born. John said birthing the baby terrified him more than when I was shot because there was nothing he could do to help me.”
“I don’t know, “ said Martha. “Nathan came home after that and said he couldn’t understand why John was so anxious. That Arapaho women do it all the time without making a sound.”
“Ha! I don’t believe it. I screamed my head off or tried to.”
Ella swallowed hard. “Screamed?”
Sarah looked at her and her whole demeanor changed to one of sympathy. “Oh, Ella, it is the most wondrous thing, but I won’t lie to you. Birthing a babe is the hardest, most painful thing you’ll ever do. But once you get that baby in your arms, well,” she got a far off look in her eyes. “None of the other matters. You don’t remember the pain, just the sweet face of the beautiful little person you’ve created. Who now depends on you and loves you and who you love more than anything in this life.”
Ella couldn’t get past the pain part. She was not one to tolerate pain easily. Headaches nearly sent her to her bed for gosh sakes. She sat at the table, weak in the knees. “Pain? How much pain did you say?”
Sarah came over and put her arm around Ella’s shoulders. “Oh, honey, don’t worry about it. I didn’t mean to scare you. It’ll be fine and you won’t regret any of it. Honest.”
“Would you do it again?”
“In a heartbeat.” Sarah smiled. “I’m hoping that we’ll have another one soon. I want to have lots of children. I don’t know what I’d do without my Katy, MaryAnn and Sam. They are my life, next to John.”
Ella took a deep breath and rose from the chair. “Well, I never thought any of this would be easy, so I guess I just better get on with it.”
“Get on with what?” asked Nathan, his deep baritone voice washing over her like silk.
“On with dinner,” said Ella quickly. “Before it all gets cold. Martha would you call the men please?”
Nathan looked at her and cocked his head, narrowed his eyes in question and then frowned.
Ella shook her head at him and went about making sure all the food was on the table. Because there were so many of them to eat today, she had all the food on the kitchen table and counters. Each person filed by filling their plates before going to the dining room to be seated. Once all the men had taken their fill, Ella had the children go next, followed by the Atwoods, Martha, her and Nathan. There was plenty to go around so no worries that they would run out of anything.
Dinner around the huge dark cherry wood table turned into a boisterous affair with the men talking about the new Hereford cows Nathan got and the bull that John bought in Kansas City and had shipped in. It still galled her that cattle could ride the train all the way to Golden City, but people couldn’t.
The little girls were busy telling Martha stories and Sarah had Sam and was feeding him mashed potatoes and carrots. The little tyke seemed to enjoy them, only spitting out about half of each bite.
Ella was surrounded by people and felt utterly alone. Tears began to pool in her eyes.
“Excuse me,” she said and got up from the table as quickly as she could before the tears began to run down her cheeks.
“Ella?” said Nathan.
“Oh, dear,” said Sarah. “I’m afraid I scared her.”
“Scared her? How?” said Nathan.
“By telling her about birthing. That on top of the emotions she’s going through, I better go to her.”
“No. I’ll go.” He put his napkin on the table and followed Ella to their bedroom. Opening the door, he saw her sitting on the bed, her head down. Knocking lightly on the door, he alerted her to his presence.
She lifted her head, sniffled and quickly ducked her head again. “I’m sorry Nathan. I…I had to leave. I don’t know what’s the matter with me.”
He strode to the bed sat down and wrapped her in his arms. “It’s okay. You’re just pregnant. Sarah says you’re extra emotional now. John told me Sarah cried at the drop of a hat when she was carrying Sam.”
Ella nodded her head then buried her face in his chest and bawled. He just held her and let her get it out. What else could he do? She didn’t know why she was crying and he sure couldn’t help if she couldn’t tell him what was wrong.
She finally stopped, took the hanky from her cuff and blew her nose. Her eyes were red and puffy. He didn’t think she’d want to go back to the dinner table, but he offered to escort her.
“Are you ready to get something to eat? You didn’t eat much before you left.”
“No. I can’t go back yet.” She got up and went to the cheval mirror standing in the corner. “Just look at me. I look awful. I’m not hungry anyway. I’d rather stay here and rest for a bit. I’ll come back in a little while. Alright?”
“Sure. I’ll explain to John and Sarah, but I know they already understand. Probably better than we do since they’ve been through it.”
She nodded.
“Sarah told me she might have scared you with her talk of birthing. Surely it’s not that bad. Arapaho women do it all the time with little fuss.”
“I doubt you really know what they go through, but even if you’re right, I’m not Arapaho. I’m like Sarah. She tells me that I won’t even think about the pain afterwards, but I’m scared, Nathan. What if something goes wrong?”
He patted the bed beside him. She sat next to him, her hands clenched in her lap. She’d never rest if she didn’t relax.
“We’ll have the doctor here and Sarah and Martha. I’ll even be with you if it will make you feel better. Ella,” he took her cold hand in his, the warmth spreading through her just from his touch. “We’ll get through this together. You aren’t alone.”
She laid her head on his shoulder. Releasing her hands he hugged her to him.
“Thank you. I needed to hear that. It helps. Sometimes I feel so alone.”
“You’ll never be alone.” The fierceness in his voice surprised her. “As long as I live you will never be alone. You’re my wife and soon we’ll have a beautiful son or daughter and you’ll be wishing you had time alone.”
Ella laughed. “You’re probably right. I don’t have two daughters to keep him occupied when I need time to myself, like Sarah does. You should get back to dinner before they get worried. I’ll be there soon.”
He gave her a tender kiss. “Put a cool cloth on your eyes and lay down for a few minutes. It’ll help relax you.”
“I will. Now go.”
Ella watch him leave and took his advice, pouring the tepid water from the pitcher into the basin on the commode. She put the wash cloth in and then wrung it out and folded it in thirds. She laid the folded cloth on her eyes after she laid down on the bed. The cloth cooled as the air hit it and felt wonderful on her swollen eyes. She was so tired. It was so nice to just relax for a little while.
When she woke the room was dark. Dinner! She’d slept through it and it would appear supper as well. She lit the kerosene lamp on the beside table. The clock on the dresser said nine o’clock. John and Sarah would be long gone by now and everyone else would be to bed if not asleep. Where was Nathan?
Her stomach grumbled. She’d missed two meals and was absolutely famished. She left the bedroom and headed for the kitchen. As she passed Nathan’s office she saw the light beneath the door. She knocked.
“Come in.”
“Good evening.” She closed the door behind her. “Why didn’t you wake me?”
“You needed the sleep. It was a stressful day and I want you healthy and that means rested.”
She walked over to him, leaned down and gave him a kiss on the cheek.
He grasped her by the waist and pulled her down onto his lap. “I think you can do better than that.”
“Oh!” She cradled his handsome face in her hands, his whiskers rou
gh against her palms and captured his lips with hers. Her stomach growled.
Nathan pulled back chuckling. “I guess we better feed you first.”
“That’s where I was headed before I got waylaid.”
“I’ll go with you. I could use a snack.”
“Come on then, I’ll fix us both something to eat.”
They walked in companionable silence. When they reached the kitchen Nathan lit the lamps while Ella checked the ice box for leftovers.
“Looks like there’s some cobbler left and we have some cream to go over it. Want me to heat it up?”
“No, cold sounds good to me. You should probably have something more substantial since you missed most of your meals today.”
“I’m fine. This will hold me until breakfast. I’ll make sure to eat better then.”
“Are you sure? You’re eating for two now.”
She laughed. “I’m eating for one and a tiny little person who doesn’t eat much yet.”
The cobbler hit the spot. Her stomach was satisfied and the sweet treat left her sleepy.
“I’m ready to go back to bed. You wouldn’t think I’d still be tired after sleeping all afternoon and part of the night, but I am.”
“Oh, I bet I can get you a little energized.”
She looked over at Nathan and melted seeing the passion in his eyes. Would it always be such for her? All he had to do was look at her and she was putty in his hands. Wanting him and willing to do anything to get him. How long until he tired of her? Soon she’d be big as a house, then what? How would he still find her desirable?
Nathan came and stopped next to her chair then squatted down beside her. “What is going through that pretty little head of your? You have such a serious expression on your face.”
“What are you going to do when I’m big as the barn? How can you want me then?”
“Ella, I will always want you. You’re my wife and that is a bond I will never have with anyone else. It is a sacred bond with me. Is it with you? Will you desire someone else when you get tired of me?”
She shook her head. “Never. I could never love anyone else.” She clapped her hand over her mouth realizing too late what she’d let out.
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