"Let me interrupt you here. People liked you because you were not a crazy psycho bitch anymore, and they finally got to see your creative side for once and actually took an interest in your life. I still don't understand what this has to do with me?" I asked.
"I was just emotional," she said.
"So is this all you have to say? If you're emotional, eat some chocolate or some cake. I don't really care what you stuff into your face. If that's it, then your two minutes are up. You publically humiliated me. Enjoy your life." I turned and walked away. I didn't have time to listen to anymore of her bullshit and there was no way I was accepting her lame apology.
I walked into the dressing room to find my crew waiting for me at my dressing station.
"How did it go?" Albert asked.
"You know. Once a crazy bitch always a crazy bitch," I said.
"Honey, this is your moment to really shine, so just let it slide off you like that jumbo dildo you have stashed away in the bedroom dresser," Chas said.
"How did you know?" I asked.
"Remember when I had to pack your bag for your trip to the mountains to take care of Momma? I'm very impressed," he finished.
I think I blushed, but you would never have seen it through the makeup.
"Why is everything about sex with you boys?" Marjorie asked.
"You wouldn't understand," Chas said. "Unless you have a penis?"
"Did Germaine show up?" I asked.
"Sorry, sweetie, he hasn't," Marjorie said.
"His loss," I said.
Marni came rolling in with the “ten minutes till show time” announcement. "Ladies, I hope you are ready because we have a full house. I am so proud of all of you. Have a great show," he finished. He then came over to me. "You have a guest at the stage door who wants to come in. I don't know who it is, but he is hot."
"That's fine. Please send him in," I said.
"We are going to take our seats," Paul said.
"Break a leg," Albert said as they all hugged me on the way out.
All I could see coming at me was a large bouquet of flowers, which blocked the face of my mystery man. As he approached, all I could see were some extremely tight jeans showing off a nice package. He lowered the flowers. It was Tony from the Angel Flight benefit staring me in the face. "I would recognize that package anywhere. What a pleasant surprise," I said. "How did you remember to come out tonight?"
"I put the date into my calendar the night we met at Angelo's Hideaway. You were so kind to help me out that I wanted to return the favor and come out and support you," he said.
I put the flowers down on the table and hugged him very tightly. I just couldn't wait to get my arms around him again. He had on a leather vest, and this time, he had on a navy t-shirt with the sleeves rolled up that hid most of his hairy chest, but a fluff of hair still made it out over the collar. I could feel his heart beating as he pulled me closer. As he held me tight I could feel a thousand eyes in the dressing room burning holes through me. I'm sure they were all asking what this hot, sexy stud muffin was doing with me? I really didn't care because he was hugging me and not them.
The moment was broken when he asked me a question. "Why is my picture on your mirror?"
I turned to look at the mirror. There were several pictures on there, so I wasn't sure which one he was asking about. He pointed to the mystery man in the mask and mannequin tights from the Rexasaurass photo spread. “I was there for a benefit, and it was probably the only time I'd been there. You know, everyone gets their fifteen minutes of fame, and that was probably mine," he said.
I looked at the picture, and I didn't know what to say, so I moved in and stared a little closer.
"Oh my God, I didn't mess up your make-up, did I?" he asked. "You were looking so intently I thought I might have smeared something."
"Oh no, darling, everything is good. I didn't realize that was you in the picture. I'm not really sure how that picture ended up there. Maybe one of the other girls put it up there." I was too embarrassed to tell him that I was stalking the bar trying to find out who it was in the picture.
"I need to go out front. A couple of the guys came with me, and we are going to donate some money during your numbers," he said. He gave me a kiss on the cheek, and I could smell his cologne. It was the same one he was wearing the day we met. It set my senses on fire. As he turned, I finally saw the back of his vest, and it read "Leatherman 25."
My head started to spin. I don't know if it was the tight outfit or the rush of blood to my taped down penis that couldn't expand even if there was a hydraulic lift attached because of the many layers of sinchers and pinchers. I had to sit down.
"Are you alright girl?" Miranda asked.
"Just feeling a little flushed," I said and grabbed a fan. I could feel myself starting to perspire. I just hoped it didn't cause my make up to run. This was my dream man from the web, and he was here to see me. Did he even know it was me? He would have to I guess. Why else would he be here?
I snapped out of my dream world when I heard the overture begin which was followed by Kit N Kaboodle's number. From then on, she had the mic and the show was off and running.
A couple of the regular cast showgirls did a number before the first contestant came out to perform. "So tonight we are here to crown the first Miss Cabaret Club, and the winner will be the contestant who raised the most money for her charity over the course of the competition. Remember, all tips collected tonight will be added to their totals so please tip your favorite entertainers generously. The competition is very close, so every dollar counts." Kit said. "So without further ado, please welcome to the stage your first contestant, Ana Mia Drunkorexia!"
Ana Mia actually had curves tonight, which she had never had before on stage, and these were all real with no padding. Her time away had done her good. Instead of getting lilies from her fan base, she got red roses to show how much they loved her. It was inspiring to see the change in her played out on the stage as she went into "Beautiful" by Christina Aguilera.
The dollars just poured in, and I was getting a little worried that she might catch up to me. I wasn't sure if I was in first, but I had raised a lot of money. No one was sharing their dollar amount with the other contestants. The totals were a very highly guarded secret. I had to quit focusing on that, and just make sure I gave my best performance. One hundred percent was what I was expecting from myself.
She left the stage to a thunderous round of applause.
I stepped back a little further into the stage wing to gather my composure. A couple of the other contestants, Mary Jane and Athena, performed while I was rehearsing my dance routine in my head. All I really heard was a little banter between Kit and Athena, who sounded very composed for once. She didn't seem to have that angry edge tonight because she was focused on raising as much money as possible to pad her total. She was even charming. Damn her.
Miss Gigi was next. I didn’t think she spotted me along the back wall where I was going to wait while she performed. She was introduced and off she went. She was doing one of her “bring down the house” numbers. When she was on, she was really good, and it seemed like she was hitting everything in the right spots tonight. I hated watching her impress the crowd. When you're mad at someone, all you want to do is see them fail, but this was her night. By the time she finished, she was bathed in sweat.
"Let's hear it for Miss Gigi," Kit N said. "She has a few words she wants to say." She passed the mic to Miss Gigi.
"I want to say congratulations to all the contestants who have worked so hard these months. Please give them a round of applause." With that, the audience cheered. "I want to recognize one of the contestants with whom I had the pleasure of working on the ‘Bombshell’ show, which many of you enjoyed. A lot of negative things have been said, and it is entirely my fault. Desiree didn't deserve all the abuse caused by me. In my struggle to get attention, I lied and said I wrote the show. I want to let you know that Desiree has been telling the truth and she was responsible for the
show that many of you have seen. I want to make this public apology in the hopes that it will help ease the pain I have caused her. Have a good night everyone," she said as she handed the mic to Kit N.
"Well wasn't that special?" Kit N said. "Nothing like a little drama to make us all feel better about ourselves."
I was completely stunned as I stood in the wing. I never expected a public apology, but I was extremely grateful that she made one. I was hoping that all the crap that had been coming my way was going to disappear.
I didn’t notice I had been introduced for my number until Dixie pushed me in the back, "Bitch, you scared to go out there?" she said.
The music for "Toxic" was already playing so I had to quickly get my shit together. I immediately hit the stage, and to my shock, the crowd came to their feet applauding. I was totally taken aback, since I had been the odd man out lately. I got into the groove and started shaking my ass and lip-syncing the words. The crowd was lined up to tip me, so I shook and grabbed, and shook and grabbed again. This was a fast number, so it was hard to just stand there and pull the cabbage, but I was determined to get every dollar I could. I was amazed that I had a line for the entire number. The last person to come and tip me was Tony. He had two hundred dollar bills to hand me. It was so beautiful, just like him, that it almost brought me to tears. By the end, I was a sweaty mess. I took my bow and exited the stage. In the wing Athena was waiting. "That's how it’s done, Miss Thing," I said as I dumped the money into the bucket that one of Marni's little helpers was holding. It was a wad of cash. I'm glad they were there to take it and total it up. I didn't want to lose any of the dollars especially the ones that Tony had given me. What an incredibly generous thing to do.
Miss Gigi was waiting for me at my dressing station with a towel. "I figured you could use this," she said as she tossed me the towel. "I couldn't think of a better way to get you to really listen to my apology. I am very sorry for all the trouble I caused you," she said.
"Honey, I could never stay mad at you after that. It was very appreciated," I said as I leaned into hug her.
"I hope we can get back to where we were," she said.
"I think we can," I said. We all lose our way at some point, so I had to forgive her.
"Get a room," Marjorie said as she brought me another cocktail and came back to help me change into my next number. "I'm glad you two made up."
"Me too," Miss Gigi said. "Break a leg on your next number."
I needed to focus on the last number and do some vocal exercises before I went out and sang live. I hadn't had much time tonight with all the people being here early. It was very important to me that I got the number right. I wanted to go out with a bang. I thought once this show was over, it would be way too soon before I put a dress and heels on again.
Each contestant progressed through their numbers, and I could hear the applause all the way in the hall by the cooler, which was a great rehearsal space. I could hear myself sing here and know if I needed to change anything. My throat was thoroughly relaxed, and I could probably suck a mean dick right now, but that would have to wait.
I stood on the side and watched the banter back and forth between Dixie and Kit N. To me, Dixie was stretching too much to come off as authentic. You could tell she was faking it and so could the audience. It showed in how few tips she was getting on her number, which could hurt her final placement. I really didn't care.
Precious Oil was wonderful tonight and deserved all the praise that was getting heaped on her.
I enjoyed just being alone and watching from the wings. These girls really were talented, and I could see them going a long way with their craft if they wanted to pursue it after the competition.
But my quiet time came to an end when it was time for my final number. The DJ had special instructions to do a black out until I got to the mic. Once there, he started the track and a single spotlight illuminated my face as I started to sing live. The spotlight then widened, revealing my coral blue dream dress, and the crowd went wild. They lined up and I pulled the cabbage. It's always hard to see who's tipping you with the spotlight in your face, but I saw a lot of very familiar people coming up with dollar bills. I just kept singing my heart out and grabbing the dollars. Luckily there was a bucket right near, me so I could just open my hand and drop the dollars into the bucket. Finally, Tony came up as the last person in line. This time, my sweet man had three hundred dollar bills in his hand. He took my free hand and kissed it like a gentleman should and put the money into the bucket. Luckily I was near the end of the song, because I had a brief brain fart when it came to the lyrics, but I pulled them out of my ass somehow.
The number ended and the entire room was on their feet cheering and applauding. I was completely overwhelmed by their show of support that I started tearing up. I graciously curtsied and exited the stage. Most of the contestants were there to hug me the minute I got off stage and let me know how impressed they were. I thanked them all and reminded them that we are all artists out to change the world one show at a time. At that moment, I felt like I had found an extra family and all the pettiness and back biting was gone. A calm had come over me. Maybe this was inner peace?
The pomp and circumstance was over and now it was time to crown the first Miss Club Cabaret.
"Ladies and gentlemen, it is my great pleasure to bring back to the stage your contestants who have worked feverishly hard to entertain you and raise some money for some very worthwhile charities," she said. "Please welcome back to the stage Anna Mia Drunkorexia, Precious Oil, Miranda Lambadingdong, Desiree, Dixie Monroe, Mary Jane Bazooka, and last, but not certainly least, Athena Parthenos."
We had formed a straight line like at Miss America on the stage and were all holding hands and smiling. Athena looked like she had shoved her lips into the vat of Vaseline to keep that fake smile on. I swear there was a wad of oil in the corners of her mouth.
"Marni, please join me on stage with the envelopes," Kit N said.
Marni, all dapper in a tux now, looked like one of the accountants at the Oscar Awards holding the envelopes in his hand. "The order the contestants finished was determined by the amount of money they raised for their charities over the course of the competition, including all tip money from tonight," she said.
"In seventh place with a total of $3,250 is Anna Mia Drunkorexia." Anna stepped forward to accept her bouquet of flowers and then stepped back in line. "Just to let everyone know, Anna did an incredible job considering that her health prohibited her from competing for several months during the year. I must commend you."
"In sixth place with a total of $4,461 is Miranda Lambadingdong." Miranda let a bit old "Ye Haw" and took her bouquet of flowers and stepped back into line.
"In fifth place with a total of $4,869 is Dixie Monroe.” Dixie looked like someone had sucker punched her in the gut as she accepted her flowers and stepped back into line.
"Better luck next year," Athena said from the front of the line.
"In fourth place with a total of $5,927 is Precious Oil." Precious, being the class act as always, stepped forward, threw a kiss, and thanked the crowd.
"In third place with a total of $10,111 is Mary Jane Bazooka."
Mary Jane stepped forward, "Thanks to everyone who came to the shows. I hope you had a rocking great time," she said and held her flowers high over her head.
Marni then had Athena and me step to the front of the stage. “Here are your two final contestants for Miss Club Cabaret. To say it was close was an understatement. The contestant in second place raised $12,539 and the winner raised $12,595. It all came down to the tips tonight to determine the winner."
I was stunned that I was standing there with Athena in the final two. Having Tony here turned out to be my good luck charm.
"Coming in second place is Desiree, which means our first Miss Club Cabaret is Athena Parthenos."
Athena pulled her hands away and they went straight to her face. All she could say was, "Yes. Yes. Yes." She then grab
bed my hands and leaned in and whispered in my ear, "Suck it, bitch." She then kneeled down as the audience kept up their applause and Marni pinned the satellite sized crown to her head. Kit N placed the sash on her and handed her a bouquet of red roses. She immediately started mouthing "Thank you" to the audience and went into her Miss America wave. Her entourage came up on stage and started posing with her for pictures. She looked overjoyed and had a smile on her face from ear to ear. I was glad for her. She had wanted it more than I did, so I was glad she could enjoy the moment, even though she was an evil cunt.
My posse came up and all congratulated me for a job well done and hugged on me. We chatted briefly as my eyes kept darting over to Tony, who was patiently waiting for his chance with me. The gang sensed my distraction and said we would catch up later and left me alone.
Tony came strutting over. "Congratulations, baby. Sorry we didn't put you over the top," he said as he put his hands around my waist.
"Baby, you put me over the top in more ways than you can imagine. I am hoping that you are the Leatherman 25 whom I have been chatting with online."
"Yes, that is me,”
"What does the Leatherman 25 stand for?"
"When I was in high school, I lettered in baseball, so they retired my number, which was 25. So I had a letterman jacket with 25 on it, but then I came out and had a fascination with leather, so letterman became Leatherman 25."
"How did you know that was me you were chatting with online since you never saw me out of drag?"
"Your beautiful eyes.”
"How could you tell from just my eyes?"
"I noticed on the night we met that you have a little bit of a brown spot on your left eye in your sea of blue. I recognized it instantly online.”
"About the online stuff, I'm sorry that I wasn't more forthcoming upfront.”
"Baby, don't worry about it. I'm a grown man, and I got my panties in a wad in a world of fantasy that I never should have. I had to get over myself because it was more important for me to be here for you.”
That was the nicest thing that anyone had ever said to me, but there was still one important question that needed to be answered. "So I hope you are into boys and not just hitting on me because you like to get freaky with a drag queen?”
The Crown Is Mine Page 34