by Sam Dogra
I remained silent, adrift in a torrent of mixed feelings. The Binding urged me to curl up in his embrace, to lose myself in his scent and surrender to his lips again; however, my own thoughts begged me to turn away. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t deny there was something between Ryan and me, but what? It was the curse!
It had always been the curse…
Ryan sighed, and broke contact. A sharp pain crackled in my chest. The Binding was furious.
“This was the reason I was researching,” he muttered, striding over to the pillars. He leant against the ivory column, his back facing me. “So many people have suffered because of this unfair spell. My mother, your sister, now us. And though I’ve told you how I feel, it’s not enough for you.”
I stepped forward.
“Ryan, I didn’t…”
Ryan turned around, his green eyes intent. Whatever response was on my lips died. He was the spitting image of his father when he stared like that. It chilled me. Fortunately it didn’t last long, and his gaze softened.
“If there was a way to free you from the magic,” he said, choosing his words carefully, “would you want to find it?”
I rolled my eyes.
“Ryan, I’ve been down this road before. There’s no way out of a Binding.”
“But if there was,” Ryan persisted, “you’d want to know. Right?”
I hesitated, unsure why he was so insistent. Of course I wanted to be free to make my own decisions about who I would love. Who wouldn’t? But indirectly that also meant I didn’t want to be with Ryan. Which I didn’t. Well, not because the curse was telling me to be with him, anyway. Yet that didn’t mean I wanted him out of my life forever, and I didn’t want him to think I’d outright rejected him. Because I hadn’t.
But was it the spell driving that feeling, or my own curiosity?
Ugh, this was so confusing!
“Maybe,” I said. “Regardless, it’s a moot question. Don’t think you can get me out of this with a far-fetched promise.”
“Who’s to say it’s far-fetched?” Ryan stepped back to the bench, fingering his necklace. “I found the Goddess Jewel. If this can resist a Binding, there must be other ways to break the spell, too.”
“What are you suggesting?”
Ryan took my hand.
“Let me help you,” he said. “Help you find a way to remove your Binding.”
“Eh?”
“You’ll never believe my feelings so long as the magic has you,” Ryan went on. “And it won’t let you trust your own. So give me a chance. Let me find a way to free you, and I can prove what you mean to me.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” I pulled back, frowning. “Have you forgotten already? How many people in the past have tried the same thing? How many people are still trying now, only to discover they can’t escape their Bindings?” I shook my head. “You were very, very lucky, Ryan. That kind of good fortune doesn’t strike twice. Besides, the jewel only protects you. It’s not going to grant any more wishes.”
“That may be, but…”
“And where in the Goddess’s name would you start?” I continued. “Where would you look? Heck, would you even know what to be looking for?” I glanced to the gardens. “That’s just for starters. I’m betting your father won’t be thrilled to let you out of his sight again, and Navinka’s not going to let you slip away, either.” I wrested free of his hold. “You need to get your head out of the clouds. I’m stuck with you and there’s nothing we can change.”
“What else is there to do?” Ryan shot back. “You can’t stay with me here, and there’s no way I’ll let you turn into an Unbound. We’re not going to lose anything by trying, so what’s the harm? We can go to Begara, check the other shrines...”
“Don’t pretend you’re giving me a choice,” I scoffed. “The Binding’s got me on an invisible leash, and you’re in charge of it. You can drag me all over Azaria, hoping we’ll stumble upon an answer one day. Until you grow tired, see how empty your promises were, and leave me to lose my mind.”
“Eliza, I’d never…”
“You ran away from Navinka readily enough.”
Ryan didn’t answer right away. Instead he gripped my hand again. My fingers involuntarily curled around his. Goddess, let me go!
“You want the same thing,” he said. “You want to escape your fate, even when my feelings are genuine, and not prompted by some spell.”
I dropped my gaze. His words did strike close, yet he was making the situation too simplistic. He could explain his feelings ‘til the hellersbirds flew home, but when I couldn’t see where mine lay, anything I might have reciprocated would be a lie. It wouldn’t be any different from a real Binding.
And he was an idiot if he thought he could find a quick fix so easily…
Someone cleared their throat from the shadows. Yelping, I leapt into Ryan’s arms. His embrace tightened, and I got a sharp breath of his tantalizing scent. Great, like this wouldn’t send conflicting messages.
The unseen person stepped into the light, and flung back his hood.
“Nice and cosy, are we?” Adam said, slicking back his sweaty hair. “I didn’t think it was that cold.”
My heart swelled with relief. Thank the Goddess, he’d escaped the guards! Then I realised my current position. Blushing furiously, I disengaged from my Bound partner. Ryan watched, torn between resentment and concern. Adam glared right back. A painful silence descended, so I gave a nervous cough.
“What happened to the guards?” I asked.
Adam shifted his gaze.
“Oh, you don’t need to worry about them,” he said. “Had more trouble finding out where you’d got to, ‘til I heard you talking.”
I cringed. He must’ve heard the whole exchange.
“How long have you been waiting there?” Ryan asked.
“Long enough,” Adam said. He sat on the bench, resting his elbows on his knees. “So, you’re planning to break the spell for Eliza as well?”
He sounded hopeful. I clenched my fist, tempted to smack his head into Ryan’s. Had the two of them lost their minds? What would it take to convince them there was no way to undo the past! A Binding was final, irreversible, inescapable…
Except, a tiny voice in my head said, Ryan had shattered those preconceptions and freed himself. Twice, as though I was Bound to him, he still avoided the spell’s influence. Navinka, too, had not succumbed to the fate of an Unbound, despite a four-month separation.
Maybe it was still too early to give up entirely.
Ryan took a breath, about to explain everything again, when a voice bellowed through the manor. Adam bolted to my side, ready to drag me into the shadows. Ryan watched the windows, eyes narrowed.
“Aronzo’s looking for me,” he said. “If I don’t go back, he’ll get the guards searching.” He nodded to the hedge maze. “You can hide in the stables. They’re just past the gardens.” His eyes told me this conversation wasn’t over. “Think about what I’ve said, Eliza.”
Hmph, like I had a choice anyway.
“Yeah, yeah,” I mumbled. “Come on, Adam.”
I grasped his arm and led the way through the maze. The curse screamed at me to turn back, so I stepped up my pace. Adam winced, lengthening his strides to keep up. It was then I noticed dried blood on my fingers. I withdrew my hand, and spotted the graze on his forearm.
“What happened?”
“Eh, got a little close to one of the guards,” Adam said. “It’s stopped bleeding. It’s fine.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
Adam snorted.
“You were a bit pre-occupied.”
Cheeks flushing, I looked away. He must have seen me kiss Ryan. Absently, I licked my lips, the memory crystal clear. My heart fluttered, recalling the warmth of his cheek, his overpowering scent, the tender caress of his mouth against mine…
I shook my head. Damn it, the Binding would haunt me with this one forever!
For the rest of the way I kep
t quiet, focusing on the path. The grass turned to cobbles, and we entered a stable yard. Cielo was no-where to be seen, and my heart sank. I’d started to miss him. The lone watchman lay slumped against a barn, snoring beneath some furs. We tip-toed around him, sneaking into the stall furthest away, then collapsed onto the hay.
I hitched Adam’s sleeve up. A superficial tear had been scored along the skin. Sighing, I took him to the water trough and began cleaning the graze. Adam hissed.
“Ow, that’s cold!”
“Quit being such a baby,” I whispered back. “Be glad you don’t need stitches.”
Content I’d washed off the blood and there was nothing concerning about the wound, I rolled Adam’s sleeve down again.
“Good job, Healer Bryant,” Adam said, resting his arm around my shoulder. “Thanks.”
“Healer Bryant junior,” I corrected. Thoughts of Father brought a lump to my throat, and I fell silent. Velwall was just a day’s ride away, yet he would have no idea I was so close. I longed to see him again, and Mother, too. Just to let them know I was safe, that they needn’t worry about me. Although it would devastate them if they found out I’d been Bound to Lord Glenford’s son.
I yawned, glancing to the stars outside. Much as I wanted to believe Ryan’s promise, I knew it would only lead to disappointment. I’d been far too naïve to think I could find a way to escape. That realisation had stung enough back in Lanaran. I didn’t want to trust in a false hope and waste years of searching to go through that heartache again.
“So,” Adam said, reclining on the hay, his arm still around me, “thanks to his jewel, Ryan doesn’t feel anything. Not for the first lady he was Bound to, or you. He didn’t feel Parting, either. But you did.” He slammed his fist against his thigh. “You’ve dug yourself pretty deep.”
“Care to start looking for a shovel?” I grumbled, playing with my cloak.
“Ryan seems to think he can find one,” Adam answered. “I suppose he’d be most likely to succeed, since he’s already broken his spell with his necklace.”
I sat up, scowling.
“How can you believe him?” I said. “Weren’t you the one who told me not to trust a single word that came out of his mouth?”
“You seemed pretty trusting when he put that mouth to another use.”
My cheeks burned. The Binding wasn’t the only one that wouldn’t let go of our kiss.
“I didn’t mean for it to happen,” I said, wringing my hands. “Anyway, it’s not like I have a choice. If Ryan finds a way to leave the manor, I’ll have to follow wherever he goes.”
Adam frowned. He began opening and closing his fist.
“Why are you being so resistant?” he asked. “Don’t you want to find a way to escape your Binding?”
“There’s no point wishing on an empty promise!” I snapped. Adam’s eyes flicked to the stall door, afraid I’d wake the guard. Meekly I lowered my head. “We went through this with Fiona, and I’ve seen myself there’s no way out. Ryan is just throwing useless words around out of pity.”
Adam huffed.
“The old Eliza wouldn’t think like that,” he said. “She’d seize her opportunities and find light in the darkest corner, no matter what the future might hold.”
“The ‘old Eliza’ is back at the clearing,” I muttered. “She wouldn’t have been stupid enough to tangle herself in this mess in the first place.”
Adam’s gaze softened. He wrapped me into a hug. I didn’t resist, and curled my arms around him. It was getting too much.
“I’m sorry I can’t be more understanding,” he murmured. “I have no idea what the magic’s done to you, but it’s wounded you deep.” He sighed. “I just want things to be like they were.”
“They can’t,” I whispered, a tear escaping. The dam was close to bursting again.
“I know,” Adam said, his breath ruffling my hair. “Sorry for not believing you. There’s not a lot I can do to make up for it, but I promise I’ll stay with you, whatever happens.”
“What about your parents?” I asked. “Your grandfather’s not been very well, either. You can’t…”
“They’re used to me not being around,” Adam broke in. “And Grandfather’s been ill for a while. It’s not like he even remembers me these days. Anyway, I can send them a message before Ryan takes you anywhere. It would reassure your mother and father, too.”
“We could be gone a long time,” I protested. “You might not be able to continue your Guardsman training.”
“That doesn’t matter,” Adam said. “I wasn’t there for you when you needed me. I’m never going to make that mistake again.”
“Adam…”
“You don’t need to say anything, Eliza.”
I fell quiet. Just as well, as I had no words to express my thankfulness. I rested against his chest, and squeezed him a little tighter. For all my fears of him finding me, I was so glad he had. It had been such a burden keeping my secret buried in my heart. At least I could share it now, and not have to face everything alone.
“Get some sleep,” Adam said. “I’m not going anywhere.”
We settled into the hay. I watched the stars outside, listening to his breathing. It had been a while since I’d been this close to him, and I was grateful for the peace it brought. Even the curse couldn’t take this away from me. Eventually the warmth and darkness overtook, and my eyes closed. Before I drifted off completely, Adam whispered, “I’ll get you back, Eliza. The Binding might’ve stolen you away, but it’ll never take you from my heart.”
A pleased jitter raced through me, but I pretended I was already asleep.
* * * * *
The stall door creaked, and my eyes snapped open. The smell of hay was unfamiliar, and I glanced around, blinking off sleep. Where was I? Had the carriages stopped by an inn or something?
Moonlight caught my attention, and a tall shadow approached. A quiet rattle of metal told me he was armed. My thoughts melted to panic, and I scrambled to flee. My knee caught a loose pole, and I fell on top of something not quite as soft as straw.
“Ouch!”
Ah, that wasn’t a pole. It was Adam’s leg.
I shuffled back, my tousled hair falling into my eyes, only to trip over his other leg and land face-first on the frosty ground. Well, this was going well. Our assailant was probably laughing his head off.
Adam gripped my arms and sat me on my haunches.
“Down girl,” he said, yawning. “You could take out a whole army if you’re not careful.”
“Sorry,” I said. “But there’s…”
“Am I interrupting anything?”
Ryan’s voice cut through the darkness. My panic melted in an instant. That was lucky; I’d worried it was one of Lord Glenford’s men. He knelt beside me and rested his hand on my shoulder. My fingers twitched, desperate to hold him there. I swallowed back the impulse, not missing Adam’s irked expression, either. The Binding might have triumphed earlier, but I wouldn’t let it cry victory again. Not twice in the same night, anyway.
“Nothing,” I said, trying to act nonchalant, when it was all I could do not to throw myself on top of him. “What happened with Aronzo?”
“He’s waiting outside,” Ryan said. “I told him I wanted to check on Cielo.”
“Uh, in case you hadn’t noticed, Cielo’s not here,” Adam said dryly. His eyes focused on Ryan’s hand. Ryan frowned, and slipped his palm off my shoulder. My pulse juddered back to its usual rate, and I sank onto the hay. Damn, my few hours’ rest undone by a single touch.
“He’s sleeping next door. Aronzo’s not going to notice the difference in the dark,” Ryan replied. “Look, I haven’t got time to argue. A chance has come up, and I’ll need both of you on my side to make it work.”
His eyes fell to me again. I let out a breath, twisting a strand of straw between my fingers. I remained hesitant about the idea. When we had a pretty much zero chance of succeeding, I didn’t see the point in trying. Yet even though I knew I’d be d
isappointed, that this would be a complete waste of effort, I couldn’t deny Ryan wanted to free my heart as much as I did. He’d never give up.
It would be shameful to ignore his resolve.
“…alright, what do you want us to do?”
Ryan smiled—a relieved, genuine smile—before his features returned to their serious look. I held a hand to my chest, hoping to calm my palpitations. The curse wouldn’t abandon its old tricks anytime soon.
“Navinka is going to Begara to meet her tutor tomorrow,” Ryan said. “Because Father’s made a big announcement that we’re Bound, he can’t let anyone know about my protection, so I have to accompany her. Lord Svendmar is also returning home, so Father hasn’t got the guards to spare to escort us. Aronzo planned to come instead, but Navinka out-argued him and convinced Father we can manage with a servant each.”
I fought down a scowl. Navinka most likely wished for those conditions so she could have Ryan to herself. Not that I cared or anything.
“So you want us to pose as your servants?” Adam asked.
Ryan nodded.
“This way we won’t be forced apart, and the University would be the best place to learn more about the spell and how to reverse it.”
“Sounds like fun,” Adam muttered.
I sighed. These two were going to get along like a pair of hungry vipers, and to have to act subservient on top…I shook my head. Not to mention that if Navinka found out the extent of my relationship to Ryan, she’d not be a happy kitten, either. Nonetheless, it was the simplest way to travel and not raise suspicion.
“You should be safe enough for the night,” Ryan said. “I’ll send Marietta to give you some furs, then she’ll come tomorrow with your disguises.”