“I’m sorry, sweetie.” She patted my shoulder. “When he gets back, maybe you guys should talk.”
I hated seeing the pity in Bettes’ eyes as she watched me. Apparently I was the transparent lovesick woman and Clint didn’t care about me at all.
“I’d talk to him if he would talk to me.” I scowled. Then I remembered Bettes wasn’t the person I was angry with. “Thanks for coming tonight. I’ve gotta run, but I’ll see you when I get back.”
I practically ran out of the house. Wrenching open my car door, I closed my eyes. Clint had gotten up early the day after my accident, winched my car up the hill and back to his garage. Then he fixed everything at no cost. A couple days after the accident, my keys were on the table and my car in the driveway, in perfect condition. You didn’t do this if you didn’t love a person.
Is this my lot in life? I asked myself as I cranked my engine started. Was I doomed to pine away after some guy who didn’t care? Hell, maybe he was already dating someone else. I had no idea because he never spoke to me.
The entire drive to school, my two-hour-long class, and the drive back home was just a blur. Bettes was still awake when I got home, but I could tell it had been a long night for her.
“Do you need to talk?” she offered. “I could stay and we could chat. I mean, if you want to.”
“No, thanks.” I hoped my answer came out politely. “I just wanna go to bed.”
Bettes left and I tried to go to bed. I lay on my left side, I lay on my right side. I lay on my back. No matter what, I couldn’t sleep. It was hot, so I took off my pajama bottoms. Nothing worked.
Finally, I sighed and got up. I needed to do something. Something besides fantasizing about Clint in the bed that he bought me. Ugh. After throwing on a robe, I wandered into the kitchen for a drink of water.
I had left some pans to soak after dinner. After finishing my water, I decided to start a load of dishes. It’s not like I was getting any sleep. As I scrubbed, the sleeves of my bathrobe kept slipping down, so finally I ripped it off in frustration. I could do dishes in my tank top and panties—it wasn’t like anyone else was around.
Clint was at the club, probably staying the night with Sapphire or someone else. That was just fine, because he’d dumped me, so he was welcome to screw whoever he wanted. Just because I was still in love with him didn’t mean I had a hold over him. I banged a pot against the stainless steel sink. There was no one to hear but me. Nana had her hearing aids out, so a bomb wouldn’t wake her.
Just as I was putting the pot in the drainer to dry, the door from the garage to kitchen opened. Clint stopped on the threshold. He didn’t have his usual easy grin; instead he wore a scowl. His clothes were wrinkled and he still had on the bandanna he wore underneath his helmet.
But at least he was dressed. Shit. My robe was across the room hanging on the kitchen chair. Our eyes met, but all he did was turn away. Of course, he’d already seen me naked, so panties weren’t particularly interesting.
“I heard you were gonna be gone for a while,” I said, turning back to the dishes. I didn’t want to press him too hard. Maybe we could have a conversation.
“I needed to get a few shirts,” he said, dumping his keys and pocket change on the counter, near the phone. “You need any money? For groceries or whatever?”
“You left food money yesterday.” I reminded him. “So, you’ve been busy lately. Lots of work?” I scrubbed extra hard at some stuck-on cheese to try to demonstrate that I didn’t care that we were having a real honest-to-god conversation. It was just small talk, but it was a step.
“Yeah, lots going on.” He leaned his forearms on the counter and stared out the kitchen window. “You know those days when you have to do something but you know it’s gonna go bad?”
“Yes.” I nodded and rinsed the soapy pan. “What’s going to go bad?”
“I can’t tell you,” he said. Clint put his index finger on my shoulder and ran it down my arm. Tingles began to fire all over my body, and I shivered. Was this some sort of seduction? If it was, would I allow myself to fall into his trap?
Yes.
“Oh.” I couldn’t think of anything else to say. His finger was running back up the length of my arm now. “Is this the first time you’ve ever had to do something like this?”
“No,” he whispered against the back of my neck. He was standing behind me now, and I could feel his body heat. “I’m just more scared this time around.”
He was scared? I tried to catch his gaze in the window behind the sink, but he ducked his head behind me. He placed both hands on my lower back and began to knead. This was bad, so bad. I wanted him too much and he was confessing his fears to me. Just like you would do if you loved someone.
“Tell me what you’re afraid of.” I whispered, leaning back against him. He felt dangerously good.
“I’m afraid of not coming home,” he murmured. He slid his hands over my belly and pressed me against him. Through my thin cotton panties, I could feel him, hard inside his jeans. I started to grind against him. “I’m afraid of not seeing you again.”
“You don’t see me now,” I whispered. I meant for it to come out as a bitter condemnation, but his hands slid up over my breasts and I could barely breathe.
He took one of my nipples between his fingers and pinched it. I gasped.
“I need you, Jo,” he growled. I tried to turn, but he held me in place. “I know I don’t deserve it.” His voice was rough, as though he dragged it across gravel. His other hand slid down, between my legs. “Come to bed with me. Just this, tonight.”
I was already wet. I wanted him, he knew I wanted him. There was no point in denying it. But he was so raw, I had to find some way to distance myself and try not to fall in love with him. If I went back to his bedroom, the intimacy would doom me.
“Here,” I demanded, rubbing my ass against his dick. “Here in the kitchen. Do you have a condom?”
“Yes, but I want to taste you first.” He began sliding my cotton panties down my legs. “Why don’t you sit up on the counter?”
“No.” I squeezed my eyes shut, picturing it. It had been one of our favorite things. Clint’s face would be buried in me and he’d look up. We’d share my orgasm together. Just like our last time together.
My breath started to come in short bursts. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t let him be that close.
“No, from behind. Right now.”
He froze. I knew he was hurting and this wasn’t exactly what he wanted. He wanted that connection, those emotions that we used to share, but I couldn’t leave myself open to his hurt again. I waited for him to tell me no. Would he choose all or nothing? Or just take what I was offering?
“I’ll take any moment I can have with you, Jo.” He sounded breathless and just a little defeated. He unzipped his jeans and I could hear a wrapper crinkle. The condom, another barrier of protection between the two of us.
I bent over the sink and grabbed the edge of the counter, waiting. He used his hand first, sliding his fingers between my butt cheeks and then lower. As he slipped in a second finger, I sighed as he stretched me a little. Then his fingers were gone and I felt the head of his dick at my opening. He pushed in and held me in place. I waited for him to move, but he just stayed still.
“Go,” I told him. “Fuck me.”
Gripping my hips, he lifted me just a little. I balanced on my toes as he drew out and then slid back in. He got a rhythm started, short, quick thrusts. It wasn’t enough. In our month together, I knew him. He was deep and methodical. But tonight he was too restrained—something wasn’t right.
“Fuck me,” I demanded, arching my back so he would reach better. “Fuck me until I forget you. Fuck me until I don’t see your face when I use my vibrator.”
“Jo,” he growled as he pulled me back onto his dick so that he was fully in. With every shot he began to g
roan, and I loved it. I could hear him losing his control. Long and hard, this was what I wanted. His knee began to bang against the cabinet door and the sound sent thrills down my spine. He gripped my hips and lifted me so that my toes no longer touched the ground. Balanced over the counter, I watched him in the kitchen window. His head was thrown back, with a scowl on his face, the muscles in his neck straining each time he hit the cabinet and thrust into me.
Then I began losing my grip on sanity too. With every stroke, he hit a spot inside that set me on fire. Over and over, he drilled into me harder than he ever had. I liked it. I knew this would tear my heart out later, but right now, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I closed my eyes and let my orgasm build.
“Jo,” he moaned as he sank into me.
I cried out. Hearing my name on his lips threw me over the edge. Bracing myself on the counter, I squeezed my pussy against his dick. I wanted to feel every moment of his release as I came. He drove one last hard push inside of me and held himself there. His entire body shook as I came, impaled on his dick.
“Stand up,” he said, panting.
With him still inside of me, I straightened and leaned back against him, still breathing hard from our orgasm. He slipped his arms around me and held me. The patches on his vest scraped a little at my back, but I smiled. Clint was holding me. Then he took one of my hands and held it flat against my stomach. He slid our hands past my belly button and farther south, into my curls. He stroked the seam of my pussy and then dipped his finger in to stroke my clit. I gasped. I had just come, yet I wanted more. Then he took my finger and guided it down, to his dick, still hard and buried in my body.
“My dick inside of you, my finger on your clit. It all feels right, doesn’t it?” he whispered, his teeth scraping along my neck. Then he began to rub me and my legs threatened to collapse. “Come to the bedroom with me.”
I leaned against him and let his fingers spark my arousal again. I wanted to go to the bedroom with him, so badly. But I needed to know something.
“Would it be just for tonight?” I asked. “Or like it used to be?”
He stopped rubbing and all of the muscles in his body straightened. I pushed further.
“Why did you end it between us, just as we were falling in love?”
He pulled out of me, so suddenly that I cried out. I was cold and half naked sprawled out in front of him. He grabbed the dish towel next to me, and a second later I heard his zipper. I didn’t turn around.
“Because you laid in the cold fucking mud while I was thinking about placing a bet,” he admitted, his voice like two stones grinding against each other. “Just when I thought we could be happy, I fucked everything up. I’m never going to do that to you again, Jo. I’m sorry about tonight. I should never have asked for this. I don’t deserve it.”
My heart twisted. That was why he ended it—he was scared that he would fuck up and place another bet. Well, I wasn’t afraid. I knew he wouldn’t let gambling control him again. I had to say something, show him that I still believed in him, us. Turning to face him, I took a chance.
“It was one bet, one mistake. We can get through it together,” I pleaded. “Please, just try. I love you.”
He scowled as he left. “Don’t waste your love, Jo. I’m not worth it.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Clint
When I’d gone home to grab a few clean shirts last night, I didn’t expect to run into Jo—in her panties—and then fuck her. It was right out of my dreams. All day long the memories were on an auto loop in my head and my dick was damn uncomfortable. I’d been avoiding seeing her for weeks and in one night, I shot it all to hell.
The absolute last thing I wanted to do today was go home and see Jo and Nana. But Nana had called at lunch and said we needed to have a family meeting. When I was a kid, family meetings were only about bad things, so Nana had something up her sleeve for sure.
Nana looked up from her evening game shows when I walked in the door. “Clint, dear, thank you for coming home. Why don’t you get washed up and meet us in here for our little chat?”
“Okay,” I said, looking for Jo. She wasn’t around, but Nana had her monitor on the coffee table. Jo must be in her room somewhere. After taking off my dirty work boots, I headed for my bedroom.
The memories smacked me like a two by four when I walked through the door. The last time I’d changed out of my work shirt in this room, Jo had unbuttoned it for me. I’d asked Bettes and Krista to clean everything out and move it back to Jo’s room, but they couldn’t box up the memories.
After changing out of my shop uniform, I went back to the living room and sat on the couch. Jo sat next to me and looked a little nervous. She didn’t know Nana’s news either. Interesting.
“Well?” I asked. “What’s with the family meeting, Nana?”
“I’ve decided to move in with your cousin Missy,” Nana said, folding her hands in her lap. “I think with the kids and Carl being shipped out, it’ll be more of the environment I’m used to. Not that I don’t love you, Clint, or you, Jo. But you’re both young and single. This isn’t the place for an old woman. I need family, grandkids. I just think it would be the best for everyone.”
“Where does Missy live?” Jo asked carefully. She was probably thinking about her job. I was thinking about her.
“Bellingham,” I answered for Nana.
“Oh.” Jo put on a smile. “I’m sure you’ll have a lovely time with the grandkids.”
“That’s two hours north of here, Nana. That’s practically Canada,” I pointed out. “It’s a least a five to six-hour drive from your home in Ilwaco. Are you sure this is what you want?”
“Yes.” Nana nodded. “I’ve given it some thought. When we started this plan, we knew it might be temporary. So, I’ve decided to move out at the end of the week. I don’t have much to pack and Missy will come down to pick me up on Saturday. I’m going to leave some extra money for you, Jo. I’m sure Clint will let you stay here through your graduation.” She raised an eyebrow at me.
“Of course.” I turned to Jo, but she was staring straight ahead at the wall. “You can stay as long as you need to.”
“Thank you, Nana. That’s very generous.” Jo put on a bright smile and stood up. “If you both will excuse me, I don’t want to be late for class.”
Jo closed the front door behind her and I glared at Nana. “This is her livelihood, you know,” I muttered. “You just told her she was fired. She can’t go up to Bellingham. She’s going to be looking for a nursing job soon.”
“Clint,” Nana said with a little bit of edge to her voice. I hadn’t heard that edge since she lined me out about my gambling. “It’s my life too, and I can do what I want. In case you haven’t noticed, Jo is a confident and capable woman. She’s going to land on her feet—even without you. You two can’t keep going on like this.”
The more appropriate question was, how would I do without Jo?
“Wait, what do you mean we can’t keep going on like this?” I asked.
“I’ve known about your romance. We are all living in the same house. You thought I didn’t notice?” She shook her head. “I don’t know what you did, but you either need to fix it or let her go. Jo is just going to ruin her life pining away after you if I stay here.”
“What?” My jaw dropped. Nana knew? “How did you know?”
“Oh, Clint.” She laughed. “I saw you ask her to dance the foxtrot—I knew. Then later...well, if I turn my hearing aids up real high, I can hear the neighbor farting in the shower.” She laughed at her own joke and then sobered up. “That girl loves you and you love her. What I can’t understand is why you’re torturing both of you.”
I stared. When did my grandmother become a relationship expert?
* * *
Bettes had a last-minute appointment with one of her catering clients and wasn’t able to s
it with Nana while Jo went to class. So it was up to me to stay. Tate and the rest of us still had some planning to do on the trip to Reno, so after Jo left, I invited the guys over for pizza. Tate, Rip and Roach all sat around the living room. This was Roach’s first big operation with the club so he brought some cigars and I broke out a case of beer we had in the fridge. Rip rolled out the big map on the coffee table and was studying it.
“So, if we’re dropping off the vehicle here...” He marked the guy’s house with the remote control. “We’ll be dropping into Reno from South Lake Tahoe or from Carson City and driving north. Minimal visibility on roadways that are part of the Silver Souls territory.”
“We can’t come up through the south through Carson City. The Riot Riders just took that as their territory and they’re a bigger problem than the Silver Souls,” I explained.
“Oh!” Jo walked through the front door. Her eyes went wide and she coughed a bit at the cigar smoke. “I didn’t realize we had guests.”
“Sorry, we have to get some work done.” I shrugged. “Can I catch up with you later? About earlier?” We needed to talk about Nana moving out and what Jo planned to do.
“Yeah.” She ducked her head. “Good night, everyone.”
We continued our planning. We threw out multiple options, but it all boiled down to one thing. “You can’t go in there alone,” Tate grumbled, stubbing out his cigar. “But if I put another guy in the Lambo with you, the Silver Souls are gonna notice.”
“It’s fine. I can take care of myself,” I argued. We’d been at it for the last hour.
“What about me?” Jo asked from the hallway.
“How long have you been standing there?” I demanded. “What did you hear?”
Jo sat on the arm of the couch—right next to Roach. “I heard that you need some backup and that it can’t be one of the guys. How about me?” She shrugged. “You guys are going to Reno, right? We’ll be just another couple of vacationers.”
She was wearing a pair of old flannel shorts and her legs were dangerously close to Roach’s arm. I scowled.
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