Maybe This Time--A Whiskey and Weddings Novel

by Nicole McLaughlin

  Jen considered herself a reasonable person, and that part of her could understand TJ being put in a tough position. She kept thinking about Charlotte, when she’d said, “That was a conversation for the two of you.” She was right in many aspects—her mother’s health was a conversation for Jen and Diane.

  Rolling over, she set her phone on the nightstand, and tried to go to sleep. Just as she was dosing off, she heard the front door creak open downstairs. Stiffening, she waited and listened.

  She could hear him go into the kitchen. Then his feet on the steps. In the bedroom. Jen squeezed her eyes shut, facing the opposite wall, as she listened to the rustle of him removing his clothes. When the bed sunk in behind her, she said a silent prayer. Please touch me. Tell me I’m wrong. Love me anyway.

  And then he did, sliding in behind her, his strong arms slipping under hers, pulling her back against his chest. She closed her eyes, letting her body melt into his.

  There were no words between them, instead he leaned down and pressed his mouth against her neck, kissing along her jaw, up to her ear. Jen rolled as much as she could, tilting her head up to look at him.

  Their eyes locked in the darkness and held for a long moment.

  “I didn’t think you’d come back,” she whispered.

  “No matter how hard I try, I’ve never been able to stop wanting you.”

  She could feel her heart break into a thousand pieces as his lips settled onto hers. His mouth plundered, his tongue almost punishing her as he lifted up and rolled her body beneath his.

  As he settled on top of her, she dropped her hands down to find his bare ass. She squeezed it hard, and he groaned into her mouth as his tongue danced with hers. As he began to move on top of her, grinding down against her pajama shorts, all she could think about was how bad she needed to be filled by him.

  Maybe this was forgiveness. Maybe it was good-bye. Maybe both.

  Right now, all she wanted to do was feel.

  When he moved to slide her shorts and panties down, she shimmied on the bed to help him. With two quick moves, he was on her once more, shoving her legs apart with his knees. There was anger to his kisses now, as he sucked on her breasts. One, then the other.

  Making his way back up her chest, neck, jaw, and finally to her lips, he stared down at her as he slowly slid in deep.

  She gasped, her mouth falling open, and his expression almost looked fierce. His brow furrowed, teeth clamped down on his bottom lip. Like an animal. But the minute he began to move inside her, his eyelids fluttered shut. Peace came over his features like she’d never seen before. It was so beautiful she wanted to cry. How would she ever handle being apart from him?

  His pace picked up, became frantic, his body slapping against hers. Jen lifted her legs, bringing them back toward her chest, and he didn’t hesitate to use the new angle to pound into her even harder.

  That was when she felt it, the release she’d been working toward, her body flying apart beneath his. She moaned, squeezing onto his biceps, her lower half vibrating.

  TJ knocked her hands away, then took them both into his own, lacing their fingers. He lowered his chest onto hers, forcing her hands above her head as he continued to piston inside of her.

  Nothing between them had ever been so good. She wanted to scream, cry, and claw at him. But with her hands and arms locked above her, all she could do was succumb. His thrusts slowed as he came, his face buried in her hair.

  When he stilled, she heard him speak. “No matter what you do or where you are, I’ll still want you.”

  She didn’t reply. Only the sound of their heavy breathing filled the room. After a moment, he pushed off the bed and left the room.

  He didn’t come back the rest of the night.

  * * *

  TJ poured Jen a cup of coffee as soon as he heard her walking around upstairs.

  He had no idea what things would be like this morning between them, but he owed her an apology after what he’d done last night. Coming into their bed like some kind of angry dog in heat, not even using a condom. The thought still left him cold.

  And although he knew she’d have stopped him if she wanted to, he wanted her to know that behavior was not him. He wasn’t proud of what he’d done. That was part of the reason he’d left her and retreated to the living room to sleep.

  Not that he’d done much sleeping.

  Her footsteps on the stairs had him straightening up. When she entered the kitchen, her hair was mussed and her eyes puffy.

  “Good morning,” he said.

  “Good morning.”

  She immediately saw the coffee on the counter next to him and stepped over to it. He liked that she’d gotten so close, and didn’t walk away. Instead she stood near, taking a sip. He turned to face her and set his own mug down.

  “Jen, I’m sorry about last night. I acted like a fucking … beast and—”

  “I loved it,” she said, looking up at him.

  His eyes went wide.

  She shrugged. “Don’t apologize again. I wanted it. I loved it.” She walked over to the table and sat down with her mug.

  Okay then.

  He followed her and sat down also, deciding to see what she said next, because clearly he was mucking this up. She drank her coffee for a few minutes, holding onto it with both hands. When she finally set it down, he put his elbows on the table, leaned forward, just waiting.

  Finally she spoke.

  “I’m thinking of going to Chicago.”

  And now he wanted her to stop talking. Shit. His teeth clamped together and his lips pursed. But he held his tongue, before he said the wrong thing. How could she be serious?

  “If I don’t do it, I will regret it. And then I will resent everything.” She met his eyes. “Even you.”

  He glanced down at the table, trying to decide what to think or say. Nothing came to mind.

  “Say something,” she said.

  He inhaled, trying to catch his breath, and then blew it out. “I’m trying.”

  “Tell me you understand.”

  “Uh, okay. If that’s what you need. I understand.”

  She rolled her eyes. “I want you to understand. Not just say it.”

  “Well, forgive me if I’m being a selfish prick, but I don’t understand.” He stared at her, his body vibrating. “You have a home here. With me. A job. Also with me. But it’s not enough. I love you, Jen. I’ve told you several times, and I’m still waiting for you to say it back.”

  When she glanced down at the table, he cursed under his breath, got up, and left the room.

  * * *

  Monday morning, TJ had a migraine from hell. He had barely spoken to Jen in twenty-four hours. He’d let her sleep in his bed again last night while he’d taken the guest bedroom, and when he’d gotten up she’d already left.

  He pulled into the alley behind the Stag, surprised to see her truck already there. How long were they going to avoid each other? When was she leaving? Would they speak again before that happened?

  Making his way inside, TJ ran straight into her at the back door. She was wearing tight black jeans with perfect rips in the thigh and knee and a sleeveless red blouse that matched her lips, and she had her hair in a ponytail. His heart nearly broke at how beautiful she looked. He loved her in red. How would he survive not seeing her every day? Every night? A week ago, they’d have spent the morning in bed together. He’d have watched her put on those clothes. Seen her apply her that lipstick. Not anymore, apparently.

  “Hi,” he said.

  “Good morning. I need to speak to you before the meeting I called with the other guys.”

  He stilled. “About what?”

  “Can we just go to your office?”

  “Of course.” He followed her into the main room, down the hall, and into his office, trying to ignore the tangerine scent of her the entire time. It was destroying him.

  He shut the door behind them, but instead of sitting, she got right to it. “Realizing our need to be
honest with each other, I wanted to tell you first that I’ve decided to do a trial run of the job in Chicago.”

  He stared at her, his heart sinking, although this didn’t come as a surprise. “A trial? To see if you can live without me?”

  She shook her head. “This is not about you, TJ.”

  “That’s what you say.”

  “And it’s the truth. This is about me. For me. I’d really like you to understand that.”

  He nodded, thinking of a way to respond that wouldn’t be complete assholery. “I’ve tried to be there for you, Jen. Tried to understand a lot. But I can only handle so much.”

  “I understand. I’m not asking you to wait for me. Just … never mind. I wanted to tell you first. I owe you that.”

  He had no idea how to reply, so he let her leave without saying a word.

  A few minutes later Dean peeked his head in and alerted TJ that Jen had called a meeting in the conference room. TJ felt like skipping it. Let her handle this shit on her own. But he reluctantly got up and made his way into the room and sat down. Jen wasn’t there yet, but Dean and John were.

  They all sat down and then Jake walked in. He was on a break from his tour, back for a week. “Morning.” The guy looked a little rough.

  “Groupie life too much for you to handle?” Dean asked.

  Jake just smirked and sat down at the table, coffee in hand. “Nothing like life on the road. So what’s this about?” Jake asked the room. “Dean said Jen’s got something to say. Is this your fault, TJ?”

  “Shut up,” TJ said, scooting his chair forward.

  “You guys should have warned me when I started here how much drama was involved,” John said with a smirk.

  Dean glared at him. “Seriously, man? You’re my girlfriend’s ex. You’re part of the drama.”

  “Point taken,” John said, putting his hands up.

  Then Jen walked in. Even though they’d just spoken, she felt a thousand miles away, and didn’t even make eye contact with him when she took her place at the end of the conference table.

  “Morning, men,” she said.

  They all grunted their replies. TJ just stared at her.

  “I have some news that might make you panic a bit, but I’ve spent the morning making a plan. This week I will work my ass off to get things caught up and covered, because next week I’m going to Chicago to do a trial run for a job offer I’ve received there.”

  Even though he’d known it was coming, TJ felt the floor drop out beneath him all over again. Dean’s head jerked back to look at him, but TJ couldn’t take his eyes off of Jen. Finally, her gaze clashed with his. She looked away.

  “What kind of job?” Jake asked.

  “Teaching voice lessons at a prestigious theater company for children. It’s … it’s something I’ve always wanted to do and I can’t miss out on the opportunity.”

  “But”—Jake looked back at TJ—“what about TJ?”

  Yeah, apparently Jake hadn’t been briefed on the drama that had gone down.

  Jen cleared her throat. “This isn’t going to be easy. But it’s something I have to do.”

  Jake gave TJ a look of pity and then looked down at the table.

  “Jen, where will you be staying?” Dean asked. “Have you made arrangements?”

  “Yes. The woman offering me the job is a friend of a friend. I’ll be staying with her. If I like the job, then I’d have to move there by December first. Hopefully by then I’ll have my insurance settlement to tide me over for a while.”

  TJ could barely breathe. How could she make this announcement to everyone without talking with him first?

  “Well … we will support you in this,” Dean said. “Even though we don’t like it.”

  TJ nodded subtly at his friend, appreciating his show of support. Finally, he cleared his throat. Every head turned in his direction. “I agree. None of us like it, but we all do support you, Jen. Always.”

  She stared at him, a bit of shock on her face. But then she gave him a tentative smile. “Thank you.”

  Twenty-Five

  That Wednesday, Jen insisted on taking her mother to her oncology appointment. Terri had taken her for the MRI the day before, and now they would find out how well her mother’s preferred cancer treatment of doing absolutely nothing was working.

  Jen glanced around at the light-blue walls of the doctor’s office, feeling a little numb. She hadn’t spoken to TJ since they’d left that conference room. She’d gone straight back to his place and moved all of her things out, which had been pretty easy considering she didn’t own much.

  At work, he’d found a million reasons to avoid her and she him. Now she was starting to wonder if they’d really even talk again before she left. Next up on her agenda, telling her mother. No time like the present, since they were on an honesty kick. Or at least she was.

  “I’m going to Chicago next week to see if I might want to take a job there,” Jen said, breaking the silence in the room.

  Diane glanced over at her, stared a moment, and then looked away.

  “No comment? Really?” Jen shook her head.

  “You’re going to do what you think is best,” her mom said.

  “I do think this is best. I have to see if this opportunity is meant to be. Even if it is a selfish decision for once.”

  “Oh please,” Diane bit back. “You’ve made a million selfish decisions, Jen. Don’t act like your life is one giant martyr-fest.”

  Jen’s head jerked back. “You can’t be serious. Do you know all the ways I’ve been affected by your poor choices in life?”

  “I know there have been many, yes, but you’re thirty years old, Jennifer Mackenzie. Even I don’t have that much power.”

  “You’re right. I need to start owning my issues. They’re not all your fault. But this … choice, is part of me trying to do that. I have to try this, Mom. And I’d really like your support. I need it, actually.”

  The doctor walked in then, smiling, and greeted them with a hardy hello. Diane turned on her charm, grinning and reciprocating his cheery demeanor, and then shockingly, linked her hand in with Jen’s. Jen squeezed.

  He sat down hard on his stool and glanced between Jen and her mother. “How is everyone today?”

  “Good,” the two of them said in unison. When Diane looked over, Jen smiled at her.

  “Glad to hear it,” he said, laying his laptop on the counter and then opening it up. Before he took the time to read anything, he pivoted on his stool and smiled at them. “I think I might have some news that will make this good day even better.”

  Jen’s stomach clenched. She glanced at her mother, who just lifted her eyebrows.

  “I looked at your MRI this morning and quite honestly, I was shocked. That mass is half the size it was two months ago. And I see no sign of it in that lymph node. It’s quite honestly … I don’t know. Sometimes things happen that even I can’t explain with my expensive medical degree.”

  Jen’s lips parted as she glanced at her mother, who looked back at her. Diane gasped, and then laughed. “I have felt so good the last couple of weeks. I just thought … well, I’ve just been so happy, and my daughter had been forcing me to eat all these vegetables and protein shakes in the morning.”

  The doctor shrugged. “Eating right and being happy are always a good idea. I can’t say what’s done this, Diane. Sometimes … miracles just happen.”

  Diane laughed again, her eyes glassy. Jen felt tears prickling at her eyes also. The look on her mother’s face was possibly the happiest she’d ever seen. It made her look twenty years younger, lighter, and freer.

  Jen covered her mouth with her hand, feeling a sob itching to escape. Diane squeezed Jen’s hand this time, and then pulled it up to her lips to kiss it. Sucking in a deep breath, Jen turned to the doctor, who was smiling at them both. “What do we do now? I mean, it’s not gone, right?”

  “No, this isn’t a clear bill of health by any stretch. But I think we should keep doing what we�
�re doing and recheck it in a month.”

  “So, no chemo?”

  The doctor shrugged. “Like I said. Keep being happy and eating your vegetables, and let’s see what happens. We can change course at any time, but the improvement on that scan is significant.”

  Jen was still in shock as she stood there and watched the doctor do some routine checks on her mother. Then he left.

  “Can you believe this? I feel like a new person.”

  “Mom, you heard him. This doesn’t mean the cancer is gone.”

  Diane rolled her eyes. “No, but it’s a hell of a lot better than four to six months to live. Now let’s go to Target and get you a new outfit for your first day in Chicago.”

  Jen laughed as they headed out of the building and to her truck. Before they got in, she turned to her mom. “I’m gonna make a call real quick.”

  Diane nodded as Jen stepped away from the vehicle before pulling up TJ’s number. She couldn’t help herself. She had to share this news with him, and he answered on the second ring.

  “Hey,” he said.

  “Hi. Sorry to bother you.”

  “You’re never bothering me, Jen.”

  “Okay, well, I won’t keep you, but I wanted to let know we just left Mom’s appointment.”

  “And?” he asked, sounding anxious.

  “Her tumor has shrunk,” Jen said, with a smile on her face. “By almost half. Can you even believe that?”

  She could hear the smile in his voice when he replied, “I’m so happy to hear that, Jen. That’s amazing news.”

  “I know. We were just so shocked.” She wiped a tear from her eye as she turned back to the truck. “I just wanted to tell you.”

  “I’m glad you did,” he said. “Tell Diane I’m really happy for her.”

  “I will.” They were each quiet for a moment, so finally Jen said, “Well, okay. Talk to you later.”