Shooting Stars Don't Say Goodbye

by Marcos, J. A.

  Mom gave me a kiss on the forehead, left a separated cloth on my bed, since she knew I was going out again, and left the room leaving me without not even being able to open the mouth and defend myself from whatever she was thinking.

  ***

  When the clock struck exactly the time I had stipulated, I heard the noise of the motorcycle in front of my house, with a small horn, giving the sign that he had arrived. For a moment I asked heavens that I wasn’t doing the wrong thing in getting closer to that little brat. But his company was cool, I couldn’t deny. And it was better than having to ask my mom or dad to take me to the party. They were tired and deserved to rest a little.

  My mother had separated a light dress that went to my knees. I felt very pretty with it, even without seeing what color it might be. I got the gift, a beautiful set of makeup chosen with the help of the saleswoman. I went downstairs and heard noises in the room. Mat was already there talking to them, waiting for me.

  - Take care of her, kid - my father said, and by the noise, he should be sitting on the couch.

  - You got it, Mr. Eric - he said, in that voice that made me smile just to listen to it – I’ll take care of her as my life.

  - I think you better go away before they want to have the weeding right here, without even having your authorization - my brother said and by the sound of the voice he should be sitting next to my father.

  - If it’s that so, I’ll stay a little longer. - Mat replied, giving a delicious laugh.

  - Let's go or we'll be late - I said already walking towards the door.

  Mat followed me, reaching me and opened the door for me.

  He took my hand and led me to the motorcycle. I still couldn’t believe that I was embarking on that madness. Living that adrenaline again. He had broken a barrier that existed in me. Never in my life, I thought I would have that feeling: feeling the wind on my body, my blood flowing faster, my heart as fast as the motorcycle he was driving.

  He accelerated again and I grabbed his waist. I was afraid to be getting used to it. He was making me so. It was nice to ride on that motorcycle, clinging to his waist, I even forgot that he was a boy of 21 years old and with a tattoo that based in what mother had said, took much of the right arm.

  - Do you like it? - He shouted, while riding, turning his face slightly toward me.

  - Of what?

  - The adrenaline. The motorcycle. Me.

  - I like the adrenaline, yes. I never thought I'd feel like this.

  - And what about me? - He asked again, trying to force me to give an answer that would make him smile.

  - You're being a good friend - I said to finish any hope he dared to have.

  He didn’t ask anything else along the way. I don’t understand anything about miles to tell how far Caroline’s father farm was, but I know that by car we took about 45 minutes. With Matt this time would be reduced, because he was very fast on that motorcycle, and I squeezed his waist with increasing strength.

  Finally, after some time, I can’t imagine how long, since the emotion on that motorcycle makes you lose track of time, we reached our destination.

  Mat got a place to leave the motorcycle, grabbed my hand and we walked in. I've been to Caroline’s father farm countless times. It was a big house, so big that I can’t imagine the number of rooms that it may have. As we entered I heard Carol’s voice. She saw me and came screaming across the room. A DJ played an electronic music I didn’t know, one of those international tunes which is the success of the moment. I had my arms crossed with Mathew’s.

  - I’m glad you came, Ems - Carol said, hugging me. - And with a very good companion, as I can see.

  - Nice to meet you - said Mat, and I think he must have reached to her hand, because I felt a movement, as if they were shaking hands. - Mathew.

  - Nice to meet you, too – she replied, with an air of one who had enjoyed very much what she was seeing - you didn’t tell me that you were dating, your little devil.

  - We… - I opened my mouth to say it was nothing like that, but I was interrupted quickly.

  - We started dating today - said Mat, leaving me without knowing what to say and going against everything we had talked earlier when I said that the kiss was just a kiss.

  If I could see, I would have given him a look that would be like as if I was shooting at him. Although he should have realized by my expression that I certainly didn't like anything about this story of “dating”.

  - Ems, you knew how to choose well - said Carol, with that peculiar sound in the voice.

  I thought it was better not to turn the situation into something worse. To say that was a lie would only cause the climate to stay tense, make Mat upset and the night to end in a fight, though that's what he deserved, that I fought him. But also, he could simply say that I was playing, turn the table on me and still make it seems like I was telling a joke, not funny at all by the way. It was only a few days I had known him, and the little time we spent together made me realize that he was the kind that always comes out of a situation in the way that is most convenient, always with a smile or a joke that makes us think that what he said is funny.

  Carol said goodbye and went to greet more people that were arriving. Mat whispered in my ear that she was wearing a shining red dress, and that I shouldn’t worry because she was not his type. It seems that above all he was convinced. I wasn’t surprised by the description that Mat did, Carol always liked to draw attention, either with her clothes, or makeup, or your fussy way.

  We walked to a place, that I won’t know how to say what it was exactly, but I think it was an external space, which they had turned into a dance floor. I felt his hand grabbing my waist and pulling me closer. The music had changed, was faster, but the type that we could dance together, I recognized as a version of "Use somebody" from King of Leon. I could smell his perfume, when my face was very close to his neck and realized that he had given a kiss on my head, as we danced.

  He whispered in my ear for me not to leave the place, that he would be right back and that I should wait. At the same time some of my friends, in common with Caroline, approached me before he could come back. Amanda, Michele and Cindy came screaming my name and hugging me before I even had a chance to breathe properly. They had attended college at the same time I did. Amanda was blonde and had curly hair, I loved the curls of her goofing off on my fingers, since in class she sat in front of me and always helped me with my recorder, I used to record lessons and listen at home to study for exams. She was the same age as me and was very kind. Michele and Cindy were sisters, were a year older than me and were twins. They studied mathematics, just as Caroline and that’s why I met them. Mat was friendly as always, presenting himself to them as my boyfriend, which made me even angrier and went away leaving us having a little chat.

  - Where did you find this exemplary man, girl? - Michele asked, holding my hands all euphoric.

  - He’s hoooot. Wow, what is up with that beard? - Cindy completed.

  - Doesn’t he have a brother with the same beauty to introduce to us? - Asked Amanda, who seemed to make a movement with her hands to shake. I felt the wind on my face.

  - You are exaggerating. –I said ashamed, thinking about telling them it was all a joke of Mat and that we were not dating at all. But on the other hand, I thought that some of them could be really serious and want to try some kind of approximation and they were too old for him. By the welfare of the brat, it was better to keep this story. Just thinking about his physical integrity.

  Mysteriously, the DJ began to play a slow song. That was not the kind of melody that would pack Caroline’s party. The girls kept talking, squealing, typical of friends who haven’t seen each other for some time, and smiling so loud that it seemed that someone had told a great joke.

  - Will you excuse us, girls? - Said Mat, already approaching - we can’t lose the opportunity to dance such a romantic song.

  - Surely - Michele said - you can’t miss such an opportunity - and she laughed.
r />   I felt that there was a second intention on her way of speaking. Mat just took my hand and took me away.

  - Sorry girls - I said, following him - he never accepts "no" for an answer. Everyone was laughing and I could hear the comments of them, claiming that it would really be impossible to give a no to someone as gorgeous as Mathew. He hugged me, pulled me by the waist close to his body, without even asking if I really wanted to dance, and began to move in the lounge or on the dance floor, or whatever where we were dancing.

  - Too much of a coincidence to play a slow song in Caroline’s party. She loves movement - I said quietly in his ear.

  - Nothing is coincidence with me, things always happen for some reason.

  - Do you mean that you have something to do with it? - I asked, already imagining that he was up for something. – Don’t tell me you bribed the DJ.

  - I brought a pen drive from home for sure. I wouldn’t take the risk of him saying he had no music in that style.

  For a moment I could not believe what was happening. He had planned everything in details. Since he offered to bring me to the party, he already had this plan in mind. He would bribe the DJ or whoever was taking care of the sound, so we could dance to a slow song.

  - And if he didn’t accept your bribe, what would you do then? - I asked, wondering if he would have a way out of this situation.

  - I already had a plan B. We always must have a plan B.

  - And what would be your plan b? - I asked with my eyes closed. His perfume was really that delicious. We were so cuddle in a perfect fit, just the two of us, even in the midst of that crowd.

  - I can’t tell. I may need it in the future. I can’t spoil things.

  I was curious to know what the plan b was. That party was going better than I could expect, or worse. I couldn’t fall for Mat, I didn’t want to. But he seemed to know how to win me. He sharpened my senses, made me feel different, more alive. My perceptions were even more determined. He was special, but even so, I would not fall into that conversation.

  We danced for two songs straight. He must have given a good bribe to that DJ. Until the beginning of the third music Caroline asked him to stop with that. I could hear her voice complaining to the boy, asking who had given orders to change the repertoire. The noise was loud, but I still could understand him saying that it was a mistake in the sequence of the songs, which had entered by accident at the time he saved the repertoire.

  I took the chance to move away a little because I noticed that during the dance our faces were too close. I was not only embracing him, my head on his neck and I was melting by the special way he treated me, I was starting to feel something very different from the ordinary. In that short time he already seemed to know everything I was looking for and needed, and always found a way to do something that would mark somehow. First were the flowers, sharpening my nose and making his smell to get ingrained in my memory. Then he showed me how good it is to have blood running in the veins, venturing myself on that motorcycle, my skin got goose bumps, emotions, and diverse sensations. Now he had sharpened my hearing by placing a cool music and making me listen to it quietly, as he pressed his body against mine and made me want to become attached to him all the time. My God, that was a problem. I wanted to become attached to him and I had to let him go urgently, walk away as soon as possible.

  - I think it's time to go - I said, pushing him away with my hands.

  - But now? We’ve barely arrived.

  - Yes, I have class tomorrow morning. I came only to not upset Carol, who is a friend that I really like.

  - Do you guys need anything? - Carol came by surprise, hugging us by the waist - sorry if I'm not giving much attention , it’s because I have to check if all is well, talk to everyone and I end up not doing anything right. I think I'll just enjoy myself after midnight when everyone is more comfortable.

  - Don’t worry, Carol - I said smiling - your party is beautiful and we are having so much fun.

  - Have you tried the canapés? They are divine.

  - We will try them soon. – Mat said being Mr. Congeniality, which made all the women in that party melt and envy me for being by his side - but we can’t stay no longer because tomorrow Ems has to wake up early .

  For a moment I paralyzed. Did he call me Ems? Since when did he have that intimacy? Only my family and closest friends called me that.

  - What a pity, I don’t believe it. - Carol said hugging me –I wanted to spend more time with you today and I thought we would do it later.

  - I promise I'll take a day to visit you and spend the whole day catching up.

  - I’ll charge, as I figure, we’ll have a lot to talk about - she said hugging me again. - Now let me see how the waiters are, or you can imagine, they stop to serve and people end up saying that there was no food at the party.

  Carol turned away from us and I heard her screaming shrilly by the waiters, asking them to serve outside where the people were.

  - Since when you call me Ems? – I asked, still surprised by the intimacy that he had just called me.

  - Since when we started dating. Or don’t you remember that we are dating?

  - We still have a lot to talk about this story of “dating”. This will not end well for you.

  - Wow! Was that a threat? - He said giving a good laugh - If you call me Mat, I also have the right to call you Ems. Don’t you think?

  What was he talking about? Since I was calling him Mat as he just said? As far as I remember, I was treating him the same way since when we first met. While thinking about his last words I remained silent, and he realized that I was thinking about what he just said.

  - Since the beach - he continued after my silence. - Are you trying to remember since when you 're calling me Mat ? Since when we kissed on the beach. I was very happy when I heard you stop calling me Mathew and called me by my nickname. There I understood that I could not give up on you, that kiss was not just a kiss, it touched you. It touched you in a way that made you feel closer, more intimate to the point of calling me in a more romantic way. I like you, Ems, and I will not give up so easily.

  I was helpless. He was right. From that moment on the beach I had begun to call him Mat without notice. What power that kiss had on me? How would this be possible? I did not want this involvement, I did not accept it. I would not date a tattooed brat.

  - Come on - I said in a serious way - tomorrow I have to wake up early.

  - Alright, Emily - he said giving an emphasis to my name - Come on. I didn’t even have dinner thinking about what we would find of delicious here and now we have to go without proving anything.

  - All right then - I said, prepared to make him embarrassed and have my revenge for he had said that he was my boyfriend - take me to the Caroline , I need to say goodbye again.

  He hugged me and guided me. I felt safe and enjoyed being in his arms. And I hated this feeling of liking it. I should have stayed home and given an apology by phone, inventing a headache or any other pain.

  - We are going, we came to say goodbye - Mat said, seeming to have found Carol.

  - But it's so early - she said, hugging him while I was still holding his hand and hugging me right after.

  - But one more thing, Carol - I said, with a ironic smile on my face - Mat said he liked the canapés very much and was wondering if you could make a little wrap with them so he can take it home.

  I was laughing hard inside with that situation. Surely Mat would have his face red in shame and I would have my revenge somehow over what he did to me.

  - Of course yes. – Carol said holding our hands at once. – I’m going to ask one of the waiters to do a very generous and mixed wrap of food. You know, Mat, I also love going to parties and eating the finger food later at home. - I can’t believe she tried to ease the situation with a lie. Carol was never the type that take home party food, on the contrary, she criticized those who did it.

  - There’s nothing better - Mat said, surprising me. His voice was the same ironic a
s usual. It didn’t sound like he had got embarrassed. – Be generous with the candies. Actually I 'm taking for my beloved mother-in-law. Ems’ ashamed, so I was in charge of taking some candies for her. You know, it’s not only about pleasing the girlfriend, you have to please the family.

  Carol gave a great laugh. The spell had turned against the magician. It seems that once again he was victorious. He was able to make me completely red with embarrassment and still come out as a nice guy. The ideal son-in-law, the perfect boyfriend and a master of humor. I tried to open my mouth to deny it, but any word came out. Again it was one of those situations where it is better to be silent than to open the mouth and make an even greater tragedy.

  CHAPTER 5

  We got home around 23:30. We left Carol’s party with the wrap in hands, after one of the boys come to us and deliver a wrap with few delicacies. On the way back I thought about the conversation I would have with Mathew about everything that was happening and the way it was happening. Too fast for my taste. I was not comfortable with that situation, so as soon as we arrived he would have to listen to me, and this time it would be without any games.

  We sat on the steps near the entrance of my house, just after he had put his motorcycle on the sidewalk.

  - Mathew - I started, almost falling into temptation and calling him by the nickname, he told me to be a loving way of calling him. - We need to talk. I want you to listen to me and understand what I'm saying and that you accept my opinion. - That would be a definite conversation. Serious. He would be incapable of denying, escaping, not accept my conditions and limits that I would impose to this friendship to continue. All this if he thought that this friendship could continue anyway.

  - I already know what you will say, Emily - he began, but this time in a serious tone, without appearing that he would make any joke - I've realized that I'm not your type. You think I 'm not good enough for you, or that I'm childish, immature and irresponsible, among other things. But there’s no use to say any of this, because it’s not what you really mean. You don’t want me to drive me away, or that I stop to act in my kind of crazy way. You like, I know you do.