That was true. Although we were always commenting about Jason’s habit of being full of girlfriends, acting like a child who wants a new toy, he was totally right. I was acting like a child while he was being the mature one in the story, showing that he was not only growing in stature, but also in mentality.
- He's in the rain Ems - he continued to speak - saying that he is not leaving until you decide to talk to him. In the rain, Ems, in the rain.
- I can’t, Jay. I can’t.
- Yes, you can. Mom put him inside. We could not leave him in the rain, running the risk of catching pneumonia. Would you feel good knowing that he fell sick because of you? Do you think he would do the same to you? That's how he deserves to be treated after all the good things that you have lived all this time?
- Stop talking, Jay. It's better that way. It will be hard for both of us, but it will be better.
- I won’t keep talking and talking, Ems. I know how Mathew is a nice guy, and how much he likes you. I'm not that child that you and Mom think. I am mature enough to understand what is going on. I like him, I like Suzan. They are good people, people who, despite the short time that we know, like and care about you. I am the child of this house, not you, so stop acting like an immature girl and take the reins of your life. Mat is downstairs in the living room, crying like a child. I going to his house now call Suzan to come to pick him up. You have a few minutes to go down and talk to him to decide your lives. Stop being childish.
I had never seen Jason talking like that. He was a man. Mature, experienced, determined. Someone who knew what he was talking about, he showed to have more than 15, the age that mother and I used to say that was the age of childishness. In a way he was right. Mat came softly and conquered not only me but the whole family. He became a great friend to Jay, a great son to my father, and an official flatterer for my mother. But it was already decided, I wouldn’t go down those stairs. I would be strong, not succumbing to his tears in my living room. It was the best thing to do. It was the right thing.
I would not ignore him forever, just for a while, until I was strong enough to resist and could definitely end our newly started relationship. I know that for many people I may seem too dramatic, acting like it's the end of the world, but this is the problem of loving someone. It becomes your world, and when you realize that this story is coming to an end you realize that the world is coming to an end too. It’s like that you realize that is really the end of the world, at least, the end of your world.
Once Jason got out, I shut the bedroom door, fearing that Matt decided to go up and catch me by surprise, but to my surprise he didn’t. He was pushing me, but he was also respecting my opinion. He was going several times a day to my home, but hoping that I, by my own free will, decided to talk to him.
He had enough intimacy to come in and go straight to my room, as had happened several other times. But he didn’t do that at any moment, he once again demonstrated how special he was keeping control, despite how difficult it was, and waiting for me to come to him. But that was the problem, I wouldn’t so soon.
I continued to be strong. Keeping myself in my room. As the rain was stronger and the noise of it invaded the environment, it doesn’t take long for me to hear his voice, screaming my name from the room. It was a voice choked with tears, it was drowned out by the noise of the water hitting the roof and the wind beating on the window. Every time I heard him screaming my name I felt weaker.
- Emily, please, talk to me.
My heart broke, and while I could also hear the voices of my parents and Jay trying to control him, saying something I could not understand. I decided to stop it at once. I got up from my bed, I went to the door and walked towards the stairs. If he wanted me to talk to him I would do it, but I felt that this was going to be one of the worst moments of my life.
My eyes were filled with tears. I felt something squeezing my throat, a caged cry, I should check if I wanted to talk all I had to say. He heard my footsteps on the stairs and I noticed that the tone of his voice changed. It was almost as if he expected that a miracle was about to happen and we were going to make up at that moment.
- Listen to me, Emily, I have a lot to tell you. Listen to me.
He spoke weeping, sobbing. I was strong enough not to go down those stairs and get that close to him. If I wanted to keep things as I was planning I needed to be quick. I needed to say what I had to say, turn and climb back up to my room.
- Mathew - I started, almost unable to speak his name - I want you to go away. I want you to forget me. I want you to go to your home, for your family and find a normal girlfriend. I WANT YOU TO LEAVE ME ALONE. - I cried at the last part, and turned my back so he couldn’t have any time to say anything. But that was one of my illusions, because before climbing the next two steps back I felt his hand holding my arm. His hand was cold, wet, but at the same time, it was hot. Or I was hot, I don’t know how to explain directly.
- Please Ems. Don’t do this to me. Listen to me. Gave me just a minute.
He was crying. I continue without turning my face toward him. I didn’t want to feel that breath so hot that he had so close to me.
- Listen to him, darling. Whatever happened, listen to Mathew - said my mother.
- I told you to leave. - I continued, this time unable to hide my tears. – Don’t you realize what you're doing to me? LEAVE ME ALONE! - I released myself from his hand and went quickly to my room. While I moved forward I heard him screaming my name, but I quickly locked my door.
Over the next five minutes I heard knocks on the door of my room, I heard his voice shouting my name. But then I heard my father's voice asking him to calm down, taking him away. Mathew was liked by all my family. They were giving him all the support he needed.
I was in my bed while the noise was still down there. Soon everything felt silent and I figured that my ex-sister-in-law came to pick him up. The noise of the rain was again interrupted by his cries outside, calling out my name. His voice was hoarse, strong. I don’t know how I could be so strong to withstand all that, but I managed. I wrapped myself in my bed and tried to think of something to muffle his voice, which became increasingly distant.
He went home and I was crying on my bed.
The rain didn’t stop for one second that morning. My mind went to his house and returned in seconds. All the memories, feelings, smiles. Everything came to my head. I needed to prepare myself for the next day when he would be back knocking on my door, because that was what was going to happen again.
***
On the previous day I could barely sleep. The sound of the rain only remembered the sound of tears falling. Perhaps that night the moon was also regretting some romance gone wrong and decided to join me in tears.
I got up late, it was almost noon and Mat had not come to me as he did the day before. I went downstairs, drank only one glass of juice and went back to my room. I hugged Adolfo, who lay in my bed next to me. Jason was not at home, as usual. Certainly he was enjoying the vocation to have fun with his friends.
Around 15 h, my mother knocked on my door saying I had visitors. Without even wondering who it was I was already saying I didn’t want to be disturbed.
- Oh, you’ll want to hear me. - Said Caroline, who was at the door of the room. - You don’t think your best friend would be waiting down there, do you?
- I'm sorry, Carol. It's just that I'm not well today.
- I know, Jason has told me. So I ran to see how you are.
- You can probably imagine, can’t you? - I said, tucking me in bed - it was good, but like everything in life, it had an end.
- I don’t believe that the strongest girl I know is losing to a silly obstacle. - She said sitting next to me, patting Adolfo’s butt so he would give her more space in bed. - You have never been one of those who quit in the first battle.
- It's stronger than me, Carol. We are incompatible, we would never work out, and still there is his family, or I mean, the father.
- You won’
t date with his father, you’ll date Mat. What is it, Ems? You never cared about anyone's opinion, allowed to be the victim of history. What's up? Do you want an excuse to leave him, is it?
- No, it’s not that. But somehow, perhaps, this story should not even have started. It wouldn’t work.
- I'm not here to criticize, but to support you. Whatever your decision is, you know I'm your friend and I will help you wherever you go. But I just wanted to give my opinion, may I?
- You know you can, Carol. You are like a sister to me, you know I’ll always trust you, ever.
- I know that, so I feel comfortable giving my opinion. As I said, I'm here to support you whatever your decision is. I will not be saying that you have to give him a chance, or that you have to break up. But I can’t omit to say what I think. I think this guy is making you well. I think he is a great person, and handsome, and that brought something new to your life. I think you're a beautiful, special, but full of prejudices girl. I think he helped you to break some prejudices you had around yourself and in life. I think he is paying for something that is not worth for him to pay for a crime he didn’t commit. Finally, I hope I'm wrong, but I think you have great chances of regret much of what you are doing.
I had nothing to say to Carol. She was right in every word. While she wondered, I was sure of everything. I would never find another person like Matt. Do you know that person that you say it was done and that the form was thrown away? It was him.
But I couldn’t deny my fear. I was too involved to go ahead and hurt myself even more, later.
Carol spent the afternoon with me. I told her everything that had happened with Matt’s father, she supported me, hugged me, said kind words, but said that I should be careful with my actions, that I might lose someone as special as I. That afternoon, he didn’t show up at my house. I won’t deny that I missed his presence. We were very close lately and I wanted to have him with me all the time. But I also tried to feel relieved knowing he was all right at home, that certainly he was thinking about things as much as I was, and so it would be better for the next time we met, finally decided what to do with our lives.
The night came and he also didn’t appear. I hadn’t seen Jason yet and I went down to the living room in the hope that he was there. Only my father was there in front of the TV watching a vampire show he liked. I sat beside him and said nothing.
- Are you okay? - He asked, passing a hand through my hair and pulling my head to his shoulder.
- I'll be fine. - I replied, with a half smile a little crooked in the corner of the mouth.
- This will pass. Did Mathew do something you didn’t like? Was he mean to you?
- No, Dad. Mathew could never be mean to me, even if he wanted to. But as you said, it will pass.
He just gave a kiss on my head and hugged me. My mother came from the kitchen with something that smelled like onions and basil. I think it should be one of those salads that she likes to do.
- Darling - she said - what's going on between you and Mat? Why don’t you want to see him? He is such a good guy.
- It's nothing, mother. - I said, removing the head of daddy's shoulder. - Internal problems, but it will pass soon.
- It’s kid’s stuff, Felipa - said my father - the women of our family are strong-willed. Mat is a good guy, I know that soon they will make up.
- The women of our family? What do you mean by that? - Asked my mother, forgetting that the topic of conversation was I and moving away to another area.
- Ems, you, your mother. - He numbered laughing, but cool. - Oh, I don’t even like to remember your mother! I ate the bread kneaded by the devil in the hand of that old woman. Thanks heavens she lives far, far away.
Dad never missed an opportunity to speak bad about grandma. She was for sure a pretty strong-willed woman. She had already buried two husbands and was on the third marriage. But that was when she was young. Her new husband, who I call Grandpa, is married to her for over 30 years. My mom is the result of her second marriage. Her father died in a car accident. It seems that she and dad never get along very well, he was not the son-in-law she prayed for God. While she waited for my mother to marry a farmer or the owner of a company, her friend, mother was involved with just a simple administrative assistant. Thereafter you can imagine the connection of love and hate that involves daddy and grandma.
The hours passed by and I went up to my room hoping to get to sleep. Jason had not arrived when I lay down, and as the previous night had been a little turbulent, I thought I could sleep better now that things seemed to be getting a little calmer.
Adolfo was again in my room, and without much ceremony lay on bed beside me. He was huge, and I liked to feel his soft fur close me. When I realized it was day and I had managed to sleep through the night like a stone, which was natural, since I was really tired.
The week passed like a slug crawling. Slowly. Mat had not given any more signs of life. I didn’t know what had happened, if he was traveling, if he was at home, or what could be going on with him. I knew that somehow Jason was having some kind of contact with him or Suzan, once they had become good friends, however, perhaps as a way of forcing me to miss him, make questions, or go after him, my little younger brother didn’t say Mat’s name or give me any information.
I was growing impatient with that absence. I felt like an addict in withdrawal reactions of feeling the lack of the drug in her body. The clock seemed to run, or sometimes seemed to run very fast. Hunger was not coming, sleep didn’t come. I missed his voice, picked up the phone to call, but awoke from my trance and throw the phone away. The strength that I had to ask him to leave me alone was gone.
A week passed and I was about to go to his house. I woke up and I was in my bed. I don’t know if I can say that I woke up, because my night was based on tossing and turning from one side to the other. It was past lunchtime when Jason broke into my room.
- Ems, you need to know what happened. - He said with an accelerated voice. -I was talking to Suzan, now in the morning, and she told me that Mat is not okay.
I jumped out of the bed worried about what he meant by that. Mat was not okay? What would have happened to him?
- What happened? Why is he not well?
- I don’t know, she said she didn’t know yet. But he is not well.
- Do you think I should go to see him? - I asked already knowing the answer he would say. – I don’t want to meet his father again.
- I'll answer you with a question, Ems, and I leave the answer to you. - He said holding my hands - If it was otherwise, if you were bad, do you think he would come?
Then he kissed my hands and left. When he got to the door of the room he stepped back and spoke to me again.
- I'm going to see him. Do you want me to send a message?
- No. Just tell me how he is and tell me if his father is at home so I can go see him.
Jason didn’t answer me, but somehow I felt he should have made some gesture like confirming with his head or just gave a slight smile. Something that meant he was confirming what I had just asked.
I was restless without knowing exactly what I should do. A part of me wanted to stay home, in my room, on my bed hugging my pillow. The other wanted to go there, see how he was, knowing what I could do to help him, be with him the way he deserved.
I then decided to follow the advice of Jason. Stop being a child and go to see him. That's what he would do if it was otherwise. He would not let me down knowing he could come to help.
I waited some time for Jason to return with news and take me there. After what had happened in the house of the Petersons I didn’t want to go back there all alone.
About an hour later he returned.
- I think you should go see him. - He told me shortly after arriving and sitting on my bed.
- How is he? - I asked anxiously, without disguising my concern.
- The medicines are not working. He's not very good. Mrs. Julia said that she would like that you went there, so she co
uld talk to you.
I didn’t think twice and threw myself into the bathroom to wash my face, brush my teeth and comb the hair. As I took my pajamas off and wore anything, Jason was waiting at the room.
I think that was the only time in my life that I could wear the first outfit that found without wasting much time choosing. I leaned on Jason's arm and went out the door toward the house of Matthew. I had not changed my mind about putting an end to our relationship, but I wouldn’t turn your back on one who had just given me so much happy moments in recent times.
As we arrived we were greeted by the Matthew’s mother.
- Hello Emily! - She said hugging me and inviting me to join. – Come in. Make yourself at home.
- How is Mathew? - I asked unable to deny my distress. - What does he have?
- It seems that Matthew’s problem is emotional. - She replied. - We called a doctor. He examined Mathew, gave a prescription and said that apparently he has nothing, which seems to be a case of emotional fever.
- What do you mean with emotional fever? I thought it might have something to do with the health problem of Mathew. Wasn’t because of his health that you came to live here?
- Mathew does not have any health problem. Come with me, honey. - She said leading me somewhere that was right after the living room, I think it should be a bedroom or office. - Come on. We need to talk. Suzan will stay with Jason.
I accompanied her. Something was wrong in that story. Everyone knew that the Peterson had changed to the country side because of a health issue of their eldest son, who in that case was Matt.
As we entered the place I realized that there were some things scattered on the floor. It was a room or an office, because it was too messy.
- We're in Lucas’ studio, the father of Matthew - She told me as she helped me sit on a bench.
- What are we doing here? I'm not understanding, Mrs. Julia. I came to see Matt. What do you want to talk to me?
- I want to explain what happened at dinner. I know this is why you and Mat are not speaking, you decided to break up with him and why he ended up getting sick. I can’t let our secrets end the life of Mat once again. He deserves to be happy, deserves to have you beside him.
Shooting Stars Don't Say Goodbye Page 14