I grabbed his guitar, which was now temporarily mine, and tried to strum the notes and follow the lyric. I knew already to play a little, so he taught me, but the excitement didn’t let me to do anything at all, I trembled. He was my shooting star and I didn’t accept the idea that he said goodbye. I didn’t accept.
CHAPTER 25
I woke up with renewed hope. This was a feature that Mat had, even in the most unlikely moments he was able to make me feel better, to make a flame burn nearly out to get back with all possible strength. I clung to that music with all my strength. It was a promise from him not to leave me. He always kept his promises.
That afternoon we went to visit him again. For many people, it might have no use being next to someone who doesn’t react, but for me it was nice to have his company for some time, even if only for a few minutes a day, every day.
- I heard the surprised you did for me. - I said while holding his hand, hoping for a miracle, that he showed some reaction. - You know how to surprise me, how to renew my hope and make me feel good.
Only God knows how good it was to talk to him. I don’t know if I could call it a conversation, but his hand was so soft that I felt like he was just sleeping. The equipment connected to his body guaranteed me that he was alive, because I could hear the little sound of her heartbeat.
- You hid the treasure for a very long time. If I knew your voice was so beautiful I would already have enrolled in a freshmen show. Who knows, maybe even put you to sing in The Voice?
I told him how it was to hear his voice singing to me, the emotion of that moment and how much I loved him. Speaking what I felt for him comforted me, made me feel better, always better.
I hoped that his hand could make a move, hold me, a little. Do anything, but as it was happening in the last days nothing unusual occurred. The time passed quickly, and soon Sue came to tell me that our time was up and we needed to leave. I said goodbye to him with a soft kiss on his face, as happened to my favorite prince and princess.
- I love you. Forever! - I whispered in his ear as we left.
***
My time away from work was finished and I had to get back to my life of before. Work, home, hospital, home, work. That was my routine. One more month passed by and Mat remained in the same situation. His body was well recovered from the accident, doctors were excellent and the hospital staff did a great job. He eventually was transferred from the ICU to a room, which was very good, because we knew that he was better. But we still had to wait for him to come out of the coma ASAP.
We knew how much he was careful with that hair and that beard he had. This was one of our jobs. Mrs. Julia was in charge of taking care of his appearance every week. The doctors were a little hard on this, but we managed to convince them to keep the hair and beard of Matt.
Another month went by and he still remained the same. I then decided to prepare a surprise. Something I had not the heart to do for a long time. I would sing to him.
On that Thursday night I put the CD he had prepared for me to play again. I sat up and took our guitar, now I called it ours. The lyric I knew, I just needed to take courage and put my voice out. I needed to get something to occupy me while he was sleeping. That was my new occupation. When I was not teaching at the school or was not in the hospital I was in my room strumming a few notes on the guitar and trying to make my voice stay tuned enough to not burst his eardrums when I sang.
Another month passed and I knew the lyric perfectly. Every day when I visited him in the hospital, I told him some news about how my day had been and about the surprise that I was preparing. As it was a surprise, of course I didn’t tell what it was. I hoped with all my heart that he was listening to me and that awakened his interest to awake as soon as possible.
- I love you. Forever! - I said again, when we said goodbye to leave the room.
That was our ritual. It was our sentence.
- Shooting stars don’t say goodbye, remember? - I told him the next day when I visited him, causing him to remember the promise he had made me.
- I love you. Forever! - I spoke again on our farewell.
The days passed and that void was already part of my daily life. I missed coming home at lunchtime and finding him talking to my dad about the game of the last round of the national championship. I missed the times when he suddenly appeared at the entrance of the school where I worked and took me to some amazing adventure, to be in a different place to have lunch or to go to the most desert part of the beach for a picnic with natural food, which he loved. I missed him coming suddenly into my room and falling over my bed with that convinced air of movie leading man. I missed the voice, the company, and the hugs. I missed everything.
That night I was in my room, lying and embracing our guitar when Sue came in running with a breath and was unable to speak anything right.
- The doctors called - she talked fast - they asked for us to go urgently, something happened.
I stood up hastily without having time to ask whether what happened was good or bad. I took off my pajamas and Sue quickly grabbed the first clothes she found in my wardrobe and gave me so that I accompany her.
Her parents had already gone to the hospital as soon as they received the call and I asked dad to take us there. He made no complaint nor hesitated at any time. Jason then came accompanied by Adolfo, coming down the stairs noisily.
- What happened? - He asked with a voice of those hoping for good news. - Mat woke up? Any good news?
- We don’t know, Jay - I said going with Sue and dad toward the door. - We are going to discover what it is. The hospital called and asked us to go urgently. I hope it's something good.
- Do you want me to go along? - He asked, showing to be helpful. And he really was. As Mat and Sue were united, the same happened to me and Jason.
- No, you'd better stay with mom. We’ll give news. - I replied, already getting out of the house holding the shoulder of Sue.
- Good luck! Tell Mat that I miss our boy’s conversations. I hope all is well. – He said as we entered the car.
While dad drove, I just prayed. I asked that nothing bad had happened to Matt and made a thousand promises to all saints that came to my mind. I’ve never been much of a religious person, but you end up clinging to all methods that may have some significance for the improvement of who you love so much.
When we got to the hospital we quickly passed by the general reception and went to the anteroom next to the rooms.
Mrs. Julia greeted me with a hug. But it was not a hug of joy, or something similar. She was crying. She was crying a lot.
- What happened? - My heart was greatly accelerated. My body was shaking and I felt a twinge of pain in the head. I was getting nervous and wanted to cry without even understanding what was happening.
- He had another cardiac arrest, darling! - She said between sobs. - He had another one!
I could not believe what she was telling me. We were hopeful that he would wake up as soon as possible, and suddenly this news. Another cardiac arrest?
- We managed to revive him again, but this time was a little more complicated. - Said someone who seemed to be a doctor. - We need him to react to medications.
I needed to do something. I needed in some way to communicate with Matt He needed to know that I was with him, I was waiting for him. I wanted to pass a message, wanted to touch him in any way. If he had to leave, he would go knowing that I loved him. He had to go knowing that I wanted to go with him. He could not do this to me, he could not leave me. Shooting stars don’t say goodbye. He told me that. He could not forget the promise. I love you. Forever. It was what he who told me.
- May I see him? - I asked, though, regardless of the answer, I would find a way to see him.
- I feel that this is not the time. - He answered. - I called you because maybe we needed to do some surgery, but it was not necessary. However, we had to transfer him to the ICU again.
- I must see him. Please. - I insisted.
- L
et her see him, doctor - said Suzan - please!
- I'll give you two minutes. - He answered.
- I need to do something before seeing him. - I spoke to the doctor. - Daddy, would you take me home, please?
- Sure, honey. But weren’t you in a hurry to see Mat? - asked Dad.
- Yes, but I need to go home first. Can you take me?
- Yes, my love. Let’s go.
- I’ll come back. But I need to do this. Will you allow my entry as soon as I come back, doctor?
- If it's so important to you, yes. But it’s one exception. I can’t do this again.
The doctor had a slightly older voice. I figured he must have been about sixty. He must have lived a lot, lived a great love, he might have a great love in his life. I ran to the car with dad and returned home. The road was free. It took just over half an hour to get home.
Jason was sleeping on the couch, because as soon as we entered I heard his voice coming from the living room and the sound of the television. I went up to my room quickly and went to my bed. I grabbed my guitar and when I left the room I found my mother in the hallway.
- What happened, darling? - She asked, in a voice of hope.
- I tell you later, mother. I have no time. - I said walking down the stairs holding our guitar. - Can you take me back, dad?
- It's late, honey. Don’t you think is better to get some rest and go tomorrow? - He asked.
- Please, dad. It is very important to me. Tomorrow I may not be able to do it. I need to do this for Matt I'm afraid, very afraid. Please.
- I’ll go. - Replied my mother. - Your father must be tired. He has to wake up early tomorrow.
- No - he said - this afternoon. You stay, I'll take Emily. Mat deserves.
We returned to the car and we rushed back to the hospital. If there is something that I have to thank heavens for is the parents I have. They have always done everything for me and only gave me a “no” when they knew it was really necessary. I was never a spoiled girl, they gave me the best education I could get, even with all the problems and stumbling of destination. They did the best they could do. They’ve always understood my needs, and when they felt that something was really important to me, they made the possible and the impossible to help me to achieve it. Not only me, but also with Jason. I knew he was tired, but he understood that it was very important and didn’t refuse to help me.
We arrived at the hospital half an hour after we left home. We went to the anteroom where all were.
- Any news? - I asked, while Sue took my hand.
- He's stable. He didn’t wake up. - Replied the Mrs. Julia.
- Where is the doctor who was going to allow my entrance?
- I will call him. – Said Mr. Lucas. I had not heard his voice that night. Sue told me that they had gone to the hospital, but I had not paid attention to their presence. - I owe you an apology, dear, - he said next to me - I know I said things I shouldn’t long ago, and I know you didn’t deserve to hear it. I also know that this is not the time for this conversation, but I just want you to know that I'm proud of my son to have found someone as special as you.
I felt relief in my chest at the moment. Hearing those words of Mr. Lucas made me feel accepted in the family. I understood that he had an illness and that he had spoken these things in a moment of crisis, but knowing that he understood and gave back on his words made me feel better. It didn’t take long for Mr. Peterson to return with the doctor.
- Yes - answered the doctor. - What are you doing with this guitar? I can’t let you get in with that instrument. There are norms.
- But I need it. Please
- No. I've given up for you to enter. I can’t be condescending with this in addition.
- Doctor. - Said Mr. Peterson - he is our son. Nobody cares more for his sake than me and my wife. And now I dare to say that this girl, like our daughter, also fit into the group of those who loves Mathew unconditionally. Sometimes we need to break some rules when more important things are on the way. Give the minutes that you promised, it is important to her. And if it is important for her, it’s important to us.
During all this time I had only heard Mr. Eric opened his mouth once, that day at the dinner, and the things that came out of it were not very good. Now, the second time he opened his mouth to speak about me, he had been kind, as gentle as Matt. I thought for a moment that he must be taking the medication and this was his true personality.
- Okay. - Said the doctor.
- Thank you! - I spoke to both the doctor and to the Matthew’s father.
I put my hand on the shoulder of the doctor and followed him to the room where Mat was.
- Go - he said after opening the door - I think you already know the area.
He was right. In recent months I was there every day. I heard the noise of the machines that Mat was breathing. I had little time, so I approached the bed and touched his hand. He was the same way as before, still silent.
It was distressing to see my talkative boy like that, without saying any words. I touched his face and kissed her lightly on the forehead.
- I love you. Forever! - I whispered in his ear.
I strummed our guitar, working up the courage to do that which could be the last way to communicate with him. I needed to do this for us, for me, for him.
- You know, Mathew Peterson – I started talking while strumming the guitar quietly - you were the best thing that ever happened in my life, and I still don’t believe you're stubborn about leaving me alone in this world. I know that life is not a fairy tale, like all those fairy tales that end with a happily ever after, but I looked forward for our story to have a happily ever after. I'll never be the same. You fell into my life like a shooting star, and you promised me that shooting stars don’t say goodbye. You promised me you would not say goodbye. I came to claim that promise.
I strummed the beginning of the music he had composed for me. I wanted him to remember the promise he had made me, he must remember the promise he had made me. I pulled a little breath and began to sing softly.
For a long time I lived without finding
Any real reason to live
I took a path, without knowing where it led.
I ventured myself without thinking, just took the risk.
I know that these clouds have reason to pass
That up in heaven a new star will shine
And like me, you'll realize.
I’m a star looking for you
For you
My voice wanted to fail, and failed the first time I sang. The following verses were just the ones he sang to me and I swore on the way to the room that I could sing for him. I owed it to him.
I was able to sing the rest of the song until I reached the last parts and I felt like I was about to do a farewell. He was not listening to me, I was almost sure of it. But at that moment what mattered was the fact that I was answering to his will when releasing myself from my fears. If he was about to leave me, he needed to know that he was responsible for it.
But how so? I couldn’t accept this thought. He made me a promise. I charge all the promises people make me, as he always pays his promises. I sang the last part almost voiceless, with the latest movements on the guitar and with tears running down my eyes. I changed the lyrics to make him understand that I was charging again all he had promised me.
Come, be mine
Shooting stars don’t say goodbye
Come, be mine
You fell from the sky in my paradise and your paradise is my arms
Come, be mine
I'm not afraid, come into my arms
Don’t say goodbye
Come, be mine
You're my shooting star, and shooting stars don’t say goodbye
Goodbye
Goodbye
Never say goodbye.
I felt a hand holding mine, when I was still finishing the last words of the song. It was a weak, but warm hand. I didn’t believe what was happening. It seemed like a dream, I thoug
ht it was a dream.
- You have a beautiful voice! - He spoke with a low and weak and tired voice.
My eyes filled with tears. My desire was to shout to the whole hospital he was awake, he was out of the coma. He had fulfilled his promise. He returned to me.
- Shooting stars don’t say goodbye - I said crying, repeating the song he had done. – It’s so good to hear your voice, Matt.
He smiled wearily, almost powerless, and then asked the question that chilled my body completely.
- Who are you?
CHAPTER 26
One year has gone by since Mat had awoke in that hospital bed, after months in a coma, leaving us with pain in our hearts not knowing if he would be again with us or go away. A year ago he opened his eyes, touched my hands and gave me one of the biggest scare of my life, asking me who I was and making my heart freeze with the certainty that whatever we lived had been deleted and that he had no memory about me.
It is no coincidence that I am here on this beach today, sitting, feeling the sea breeze touching my face and the smell of the salt water, the soft sand between my fingers and my hair in the wind.
A tear escaped from my eye, not only one, but several. Several tears ran down. I lived a lot next to Mathew. We were happy, invincible, we were only one. We were intense and incredible happy. But that tragedy happened in the middle of our way and fumbled the plans we had at that moment.
I don’t know if life happens suddenly or if there is already a line drawn indicating what will happen at all times. I don’t know whether to believe or not in fate, in chance, in something happening by any chance. I don’t know, honestly I don’t know.
I'm sitting here with a feeling in me that is not the best, but it makes me feel alive, like a person, like a woman.
I'm sitting here, with the sound of seagulls in the distance, bringing up a thousand memories. And among all these memories, the first memory, the one that became one of the little pearls of my mind: our first kiss. It was right here where I am right now. He hugged me and gave me our first kiss. It all began here. Although I think that all really started right on that day he met me in the park with Adolfo.
Shooting Stars Don't Say Goodbye Page 22