A spokesman for Christie's was quoted by Wired as saying, "Holy cow, we had no idea people were going to shell out that much for this plastic crap. When TV Guide started doing multiple covers with Star Trek characters years ago, I thought they were nuts! 'Who's going to buy multiple copies of TV Guide?' I thought. Well, now I know. Insane rich geeks."
Role-playing is common to many introvert subcultures, allowing the introvert to indulge in another reality and at the same time enjoy the privacy ensured by the false exterior. Acting offers a similar combination of protection and indulgence. Seeing the number of people waiting in costume to snatch the next Harry Potter book, fighting in online battles as Orcs, Ogres, and Goblins in the wildly popular World of Warcraft, or picking up the next manga in a favorite series, today's Spock may advise, "Pay attention and prosper."
Reclusive introverts of all sorts—whether they spend their time writing songs, programming computers, or attending sci-ficonventions—carry the paradox of looking closed off even as they open up new frontiers of the imagination. Their gifts may only be available to those who shed a little American persona and chance to visit another world.
Be nice to nerds Chances are you'll end up working for one.
—Bill Gates, ranked the richest person in the world by Forbes, 1995–2007
It's important to note that not every introvert is inclined toward fantasy. Inner life means different things to different introverts. Some introverts have a strong preference for concrete rules and facts, and some prefer logical thought to the analysis of feelings. Yet, introverts tend to draw these rules, facts, or logical thoughts from an internal, subjective source—an inner form or idea or theory. In his book, Psychological Types, Jung said of the introverted "thinking type" (vs. the "feeling type"), "External facts are not the aim and origin of this thinking, though the introvert would often like to make his thinking appear so." Jung was extremely critical of the Western bias toward objectivity and the need we often feel to justify our inner knowledge through external evidence. It is interesting to note that, when Isabel Briggs Myers sent him her first draft of the MBTI, he congratulated her, but passed on her invitation to take the test. He trusted what he knew to be true.
Jung's emphasis on the subjective orientation of introverts reminds us that we are all, to some degree, Shadow Dwellers: our reference point is from within and, in this sense, we walk alone.
NO PLACE TO HIDE:
THE ACCESSIBLE INTROVERT
TIn contrast to the Shadow Dweller, the Accessible Introvert does not come off as remote or intimidating. In fact, these introverts may be hard to distinguish from extroverts—unless you pay attention.
While I was more remote as a child, hiding in my room, writing and illustrating science fiction "books," and biting my lower lip in photos, my adult persona smiles confidently at the camera and makes inviting eye contact in conversations. I have matured into a professional who is friendly, pleasant, and approachable. And it's a problem.
While Accessible Introverts are not as subject to ridicule and social alienation, we sometimes envy Shadow Dwellers, who suffer much less intrusion, interruption, and, well, extroversion. Don't get me wrong—we like people. We just like them one or two at a time, with space in between.
Accessible Introverts are often cause-oriented people who are well trained in negotiating the social arena. The time they spend thinking about the big picture moves them to want to do something about it. Yet, they prefer the thinking to the schmoozing often required to achieve change. These accessible types also tend to identify with people who have been snubbed or teased, so they strive to be friendly to everyone. They are the kids in school who are friends with geeks and jocks alike—and secretly prefer the geeks. But the openness they put out is not entirely honest, just as the angry façade of a Shadow Dweller does not tell the whole story.
I have actually asked less-accessible friends of mine how I can put up a shield when I need more privacy. I was recently given a clue. I agreed to be photographed by an artist friend of mine, MarkWolfe, for an exhibit he called "Faces." He was purposely mysterious about it (he's a Shadow Dweller, artist-in-black type), only telling me to dress simply with no makeup and then just look at him—no pose. I had suffered a migraine that morning, and between that and the medication I used, I was in a very internal, slowed-down state. I looked up at him, doing nothing to mask my condition. Note the difference between his "naked" photo of me and my posed press photo.
When I attended the exhibit, I was shocked by what I saw. The sad part is that I hardly recognized that face. Here are Wolfe's comments on the piece and on his Faces exhibit:
As opposed to the normal face exposed to the world, I photographed my subjects with high contrast imagery devoid of make-up and soft lighting. Laurie is vivacious and energetic, always smiling...I tried to capture her "less exposed" side. All of us, especially introverts, often try to hide, disguise, or cover up ourselves. But I've found that, especially in introverts, there's a rich character that can be revealed through art. Laurie's photo is a small reflection of the inner side of a contemplative woman, exposing a deeper sensitivity and vulnerability.
Some exhibit attendees saw my image as "determined," others as "sad," still others as "thoughtful." My husband found it to be intimidating. Now that was a compliment! I recall a statement I received from my graduate school advisor, "You could never be intimidating, Laurie." His comment—however well-intentioned—still pisses me off.
Accessible Introverts need to be pissed off more often or to tell others (nonverbally, of course) to piss off more often. We get harassed by strangers, hounded by competitors, and asked intrusive questions. We have the fatal combination of being accessible, yet lacking the extroverted capacity for comebacks. We are the ones that take a dig, mull it over, and spend days developing better and better comebacks. We can take our anger in and turn it on ourselves with demeaning self-talk, such as: "Why do you have to be such a wimp?," "Why do you let people treat you that way?," "Why didn't you say anything?" and so on.
Steve Payne Photography
Negative self-talk is a particular risk for the Accessible Introvert. Because we have almost adapted to the extrovert culture, we get down on ourselves for not being more extroverted. We look in the mirror with puzzled expressions and worry about our capacities. Sound familiar?
THE SET UP
I didn't plan on writing this section, perhaps because the topic is a painful one. But last night I had a dream that wrote it for me:
I return to my first school—the school that intimidated me as a child—for a reunion. In the large auditorium, I see Popular Girl, Insecure Girl, Tomboy Girl, and other classmates, as well as some new faces from more recent classes. Insecure Girl, who used to hang out with me—in real life we created secret codes together—greets me and excitedly tells me that I get to be one of the Homecoming Queen Contestants. The fact that she is a contestant leaves me a little suspicious, but I notice that some of the prettier and more popular girls are also contestants. I meet up with other classmates, surprised by how friendly and welcoming everyone is, including Popular Girl. (Oddly, Popular Girl is not a contestant for Homecoming Queen.) I am also surprised, and moved, by my encounter with Tomboy Girl—my relationship with her had been lukewarm. She greets me with genuine affection and says she wants to talk to me. My extroverted little sister is there as well, loving and loyal as always.
Most people don't know that I'm an introvert, because I think I can fake it really, really well. At my current job, we get wined and dined a lot by drug reps, and half the time we get lunch from one of them. I love the free lunches, but it also means no "alone break" for the entire day. And the dinners and happy hours? I've gone a few times and had a lot of fun, but it takes a team of mules to get me to go.
—Margit, too-accessible nurse and mom
Much to my relief, the other contestants are putting on "uniforms" provided by the school—showgirl-like tuxedo tails over a bodysuit and tights. There are sligh
t variations in the outfits, and I am offered one I like, with a sheer, soft blue skirt descending from the tails. I put it on in preparation for the Homecoming Parade, and as I feel all the love and attention around me, I become quite confident that I will win.
It is at this point that Popular Girl and Insecure Girl come to me with buckets of water and throw the water on my face. Everyone laughs, and I soon realize that I have been set up. The whole invitation, the confidence building—everything had been designed for this punch line. This humiliation.
I run out in tears, then angrily return to grab my clothes. I am struck that nobody expresses regret or tries to get me to stay. They are still laughing and enjoying the gag. I see a book titled "The Children," and the last page is closing, suggesting that this is the end of the story, the resolution of the plot.
I feel despair as I consider the options: Leave and be forgotten, or return and "take the joke." I do start to return, but with a third option in mind...
The dilemma I was left with in the dream is The Dilemma of the introvert: to disappear or to play along. The prospect of popularity had enticed Insecure Girl to betray me—a former ally—and likewise seduced me into participating in the popularity contest. Even as I walk away, broken, the power of popularity prevents anyone from reaching out to me. [Note: my husband read this and informed me that my dream was almost an exact replay of the '70s horror flick Carrie—except that the classmates poured pig's blood over her and then she started killing people. I had purposely missed that movie. Perhaps the theme is archetypal.]
Just before I wake up, I consider a third option—to ignore the groupthink and talk to people separately. I was drawn to Tomboy Girl, who I knew I could trust, and to my loving sister. Somehow, I knew I had real friends amid the laughing crowd, and I decided to find recognition in them.
THE THIRD OPTION
The third option, for Shadow Dwellers and Accessible Introverts alike, is to know you have friends—and to be a friend. It is easy for the many of us to sacrifice the few: to allow the Goth or the Geek to take the rap, while secretly sharing their passion for the intricate contents of the mind. I used to write science fiction stories that stunned by literary mother. I had vivid, and sometimes terrifying, dreams at night. My older sister said that, when I was daydreaming, I seemed to enter a trance like state. I am still convinced that, when I was little, I floated down the stairs every morning.
But I now know that I'm not that unusual. We all have our introverted little secrets. I recall attending a lecture on dreams, and feeling immense relief when the speaker described people like me as "ideationally gifted." "Yes! That's me," I thought.
"Not crazy or weird, but ideationally gifted." As introverts, we have a greater tolerance for the contents of the mind. Some of us see into other worlds; some of us see inside patterns and equations; some of us access spiritual truths. But if any of us are weird, we all are. We were manga when manga wasn't cool.
Most of us also carry our stories of humiliation. And, sadly, many of us, like Insecure Girl in my dream, have participated in the humiliation of other introverts—introverts who were unable or unwilling to participate in the extroverted games.
As you start to challenge the extrovert assumption and reclaim the gift of your inner life, don't be surprised if you encounter feelings of grief or anger. Introverts have a habit of becoming admirably hip as we find vehicles for our gifts, but we also know the pain of being teased, laughed at, and left out—even if we only experience the ridicule indirectly, through a more honest member of our group.
As Gloria Steinem said, "The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off."
Chapter 4:
"Anyone Else IN?"
Loneliness is proof that your innate search for connection is intact.
—Martha Beck
Half of us.
More than half of us prefer introversion to extroversion.
When I share this fact with introverts, they consistently react with disbelief. Half. I almost have to say it as a mantra to myself, because I also have been programmed to believe that our numbers are few. But the assumption that introverts are the exception is not just something floating around in the ether; it's available in any bookstore. Virtually every self-help book on introversion to date indicates that we make up one-third of the population. One of these, hot off the press in 2007, states: "They [extroverts] represent the norm of Western society and outnumber introverts three to one."
If you search the Internet, as introverts often do, some sources estimate that introverts make up only one-fourth of the population. A 2004 "Ask Yahoo" entry posed the question, "What's the ratio of introverts to extroverts in the human population?" The response? "According to several sources, extroverts make up 60 to 75 percent of the population." And "several sources" do place introverts in the minority—confidently, conclusively. The belief in the minority status of introverts has seeped into our pores and become conventional wisdom.
In order to get a perspective on how this happened, we'll need to rewind about fifty years. Bear with me: you need to see it to believe it.
A vast amount of data is generated from the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI ), which is available in twenty-one languages and is administered to over two million individuals each year. The MBTI measures introversion and extroversion, along with the other aspects of type developed by Jung and his successors.
During the formative stages of the MBTI, beginning in 1942 and resulting in the first MBTI Manual in 1962, Isabel Briggs Myers realized that she needed to get a read on the percentages of introverts and extroverts in the population. This was not an easy task at the time. Population studies were extremely rare, and would have been unheard of for a test instrument. Myers still was not satisfied to rely on her hunches, so she carefully designed and conducted a study of 399 male eleventh and twelfth grade students. Only 26.9
percent of the boys were identified as introverted. Myers adjusted the percentage to correct for the bias of her sample, and came up with her population estimate of "one-third." The estimate was published in the 1962 manual, though the study supporting it was never published.
It is important to note that the MBTI is not a static entity. In the tradition established by Myers herself, the test continued to be "tested" with progressively larger samples. What started as Form A is now Form M, and by my count, the MBTI has undergone a good ten revisions—and counting! This progressive tradition has spawned a vast amount of research over the years. But in 1998, researchers were finally able to do what Isabel Briggs Myers could not: an actual population study. The study was based on a national representative sample—3,009 randomly selected individuals—which, through weighting of underrepresented groups, was made to approximate the distribution of the 1990 U.S. Census. The findings were clear: introverts and extroverts are equally represented in the population. A follow-up study, using a national representative sample of 1,378 subjects, was published in 2001. The new study not only dispels the myth of an extrovert majority, but turns it upside-down: introverts represent 57 percent of the population, and extroverts trail behind at 43 percent. The estimate made over forty years earlier has been rendered obsolete.
Or so it would seem.
Why is the outdated minority statistic referenced so often? One reason may be the tendency to use secondary references in publications. Isabel Briggs Myers used her original estimate in her book, Gifts Differing, first published in 1980. When the popular book was printed again in 1995, the chapter on introversion and extroversion still quoted the statistic, though a footnote clarifies, "An early, unpublished study by Isabel Briggs Myers is the basis of statements in this chapter about the frequencies of types in the general population." Other authors quoted this statistic without the footnote, and their books became references to other sources. Before long, "several sources" were repeating Myers' original estimate, and a fact was born. What seemed to be several was actually one well-reasoned but extremely out-of-date statistic.
&n
bsp; Another problem may be the complexity of MBTI data. Introversion is often embedded within more specific personality types, represented in codes such as ISTJ or IFTP. Yet, the percentages of introversion and extroversion are often noted separately or can be obtained by adding up the results for the eight introvert types.
What puzzled me in my own research is that it was actually very difficult for me to figure out where the much-quoted 1:3 ratio came from. The authoritative clearinghouse for MBTI data is available in the MBTI Manual, which, at this writing, is in the second printing of its third edition. Because the current research didn't support the ratio, I started working my way backward in the thick manual, first hitting on results from an earlier national representative study: "In the 1996 sample, Introverts were slightly more common [than extroverts] for both genders." No help there. Though I read about numerous studies, I saw nothing to suggest that introverts were in the minority. I eventually abandoned the "thick manual," and continued to search for the elusive data—until I found Myers' footnote in the back of her book.
Our ability to overlook the three editions of accumulated data on introversion and extroversion, spanning a period of over fifty years, and to at least not equivocate about the applicability of the original estimate, is quite remarkable. Maybe the truth got lost in translation from the academic to popular literature, but perhaps something less conscious and more insidious is at work.
Sometimes it takes an observation from outside our culture to see what is too close to identify. TheMBTI Manual reiterates an anecdote shared by attendees at a "psychological type" conference in Great Britain: The U.S. attendees found it hard to identify the extroverts among their British colleagues because they did not act like American extroverts. The British attendees reported a similar difficulty identifying introverts in America because "U.S. Introverts exhibited behavior that in the United Kingdom was associated with Extroversion: sociability, comfort with small talk, disclosure of personal information, energetic and fast-paced conversation, and so forth." Most Americans, whether introverted or extroverted, have learned to look like extroverts.
Introvert Power Page 5