Little Light of Mine (Club Decadence)

by Maddie Taylor

  She stumbled across the room and closed and locked her door. She made it to the toilet just as her stomach rebelled and she heaved. The violent motion was agony to her bruised and battered body. What should she do? She was having trouble catching her breath. She was sure she needed medical attention. Oh God! She thought Dex will go nuts. He will kill Luis with his bare hands if he finds out. She couldn’t let that happen. She wouldn’t allow him to risk his future with a murder charge. And Mama and Papa, they would have a meltdown. Papa would feel responsible for bringing Luis into their home.

  She knew she had to get out of the house. Her side screamed in protest as she moved to gather some clothes. It was pure agony to take even a shallow breath. She had to get to a doctor. Fearing the neighborhood response to an ambulance in their driveway, she decided she couldn’t call 911. Somehow she dressed herself and made her way to her car in the driveway. She was careful to move slowly and silently, fearing Luis was still in the house.

  Shaking violently, it took her several tries to get the key in the ignition but she finally started the car. Tears of pain and humiliation rolled down her face and she gasped for breath. Calm down, Elena! Don’t hyperventilate for Christ’s sake. As she made her way out of their subdivision she pulled out into the heavy flow of traffic. Driving one-handed, she held her other arm protectively against her chest and injured ribs. Her left eye was swollen shut from the vicious backhand he had landed, leaving her no vision on her left side. The searing pain in her ribs prevented her from turning enough to see what was in her blind spot so she crept along carefully, keeping to the right lane. Panicking in the early morning rush she knew she had to get off the freeway and took the next exit but didn’t see the cars moving up on her side. A horn blared and she yanked the wheel to the right, which brought her into the merging lane next to her. Another horn, squealing tires and screeching metal was the last she heard before blackness overtook her.

  Chapter Two

  Elena waited for the nurse to return with her discharge papers. Ten days had passed since Luis had assaulted her. She had spent most of that time in the ICU. One of her broken ribs had punctured her lung and it had collapsed. They had to insert chest tubes to re-inflate her lung. She had deep bruising on her face, shoulders and chest, which was easily attributed to the car crash since she had her seatbelt on and the airbag had deployed. Three days passed while she was in and out of consciousness from the severe concussion. In that three days she was known as Jane Doe since she didn’t have a purse or any identification with her at the time of the accident. Her car was registered in her parents’ names but they had still been out of the country on vacation.

  It was all a foggy memory to her as she drifted in and out of consciousness and remained groggy from pain medications. She had only come out of the fog and begun thinking clearly in the past forty-eight or so. She tried to piece together the missing portion of her life since the rape but couldn’t get it figured out. Two days earlier she had a visitor that helped it all make sense.

  Elena was lying on the bed in pain. They had discontinued her morphine pump and the pain in her ribs, face and head had returned with a vengeance. She also wanted to be numb again so she didn’t think or remember anything. She’d take a pain pill if she couldn’t get morphine. Usually she had to wait at least an hour, learning quickly that she needed to ring before the dose was due just to get it on time. She reached for her nurse call button and pressed it.

  Only a few seconds had passed before there was a soft knock at the door. “Come in please.” Elena was relieved that the nurses had come so soon. Instead, she was surprised to see an old high school friend walk into the room. “Lexie? What are you doing here?”

  Alexis Berry had been a year behind her in high school. They had been best friends even though they were polar opposites. Lexie was a tall, willowy brunette with a girl-next-door beauty. In school, she had been a cheerleader, the only one to ever make the varsity squad as a freshman. She was graceful, athletic and very popular. Elena had always been a little jealous of her friend because she was everything Elena had always dreamed of being. Elena was petite at barely five feet tall and weighing in at a hundred pounds soaking wet. She was a brunette with exotic coloring thanks to her Hispanic heritage. Where Lexie was athletic and popular, Elena was creative, musical and hung out with the quirky crowd that was into alternative music, poetry and garage bands.

  “Elena, how are you feeling? I was so worried when they brought you in.” She walked into the room and stepped to the bedside to carefully hug her injured friend.

  “How did you even know I was here, Lex?”

  “I work in the emergency room and was on duty when they brought you in. I’ve stopped by several times but you were either still out of it or sedated. I’m glad you’re finally awake and looking more like your old self.”

  “Are you a doctor or something?” Elena eyed her white lab coat and the stethoscope around her neck.

  “Actually, I’m a nurse practitioner, which is kind of like a doctor without the big paycheck.” Lexie winked at her and Elena forgot her injury and let out a little laugh. She stopped as a stabbing pain gripped her and a hand flew to her ribcage.

  “Sorry. I’ll hold the humor down from now on.”

  “No, it’s kind of nice to have something to laugh about for a change.” Memories washed over her and her eyes welled up. She looked at her friend, her confidante through high school and broke down into shuddering, gasping sobs.

  Lexie pulled her close and rocked her. “I know what happened to you Elena. I’m so sorry, honey. What can I do?”

  “Just stay with me for a while, Lex. I keep expecting him to walk in the door.”

  “How would he know you’re here, honey? Did you know him?”

  Elena looked at Lexie; could she trust her with the horrible truth? She felt that if she didn’t confide in someone she would explode and the story came pouring out. Of course Lexie was stunned. She knew Luis, had met him several times when she visited or slept over at their house during high school.

  “Have you told the police?”

  “I can’t Lex. It would kill Papa. And Dex, my fiancé, he would lose his mind. I’m afraid he’d go after him and kill him. “

  “He can’t kill him if he is in jail.”

  “There is something else, Lex. I can’t press charges or… “

  “What?”

  “Or people would know that, uh… well, that Dex and I are into bondage and stuff. Do you see? Luis knew, he’d drag out all the gory details of my sex life and make it a sordid, filthy story in the papers. His lawyers would drag me through the gutter, make it seem like I asked for it because I like it, well… rough sometimes.” Elena wiped tears from her bruised face. “Do you think I’m awful Lex?”

  “Not at all, honey. And your sex life with your fiancé shouldn’t have anything to do with identifying your rapist.”

  “It shouldn’t,” she whispered and twisted her hands nervously in the sheets. “But it would.”

  “What will you do then? You can’t just stay around and face him again, can you? What about telling your parents? They need to know the kind of man that is coming and going from their own home.

  “No. I couldn’t possibly tell Papa. He would have a meltdown. He brought Luis into the family.” She leaned her head against her pillow and closed her eyes. “What am I going to do?”

  “I don’t think you should make any decisions right now. It’s still too raw. Are you willing to see a rape counselor, hon? You need to have someone to talk to about this.”

  “I’m talking to you, Lex. I haven’t told anyone else.”

  “You can always talk to me, but I’m an NP, not a mental health professional. You are going to have a lot to deal with in the future. This trauma needs to be dealt with so it doesn’t haunt you every day for the rest of your life.”

  The friends talked for hours. Lexie was able to fill in a lot of the missing details about her admission, her time in the ICU and what
to expect next. She even got her to agree to talk to a rape counselor. She didn’t want to leave her friend there, alone and frightened but she had to leave to start her shift. She promised to check on her afterwards and to be back the next day.

  The following day was busy and Elena was bombarded by visitors. Her doctor made rounds early and reviewed her treatment up to that point. Evidently the doctors who first evaluated her had seen the blood and semen on her thighs and done a rape kit on her while she was unconscious. The police had been in to ask her questions but due to her condition were turned away. He told her to expect a visit from them today.

  Later, a psychiatrist and a social worker had evaluated her. Feeling uncomfortable with these strangers, she told them that she couldn’t remember the accident or anything until she woke up in the ICU. They were very supportive and gave her resources for follow-up but without memory of the events, there wasn’t a lot they could do.

  She was then visited by two police officers who filled her in on the crash. She learned that three other cars had been involved. They told her the doctors thought that she passed out behind the wheel from her fractured ribs. She told them she couldn’t answer questions about the crash or the events leading up to the incident, telling them she didn’t remember. Fortunately, they told her they weren’t going to press charges, deeming it an accident due to a medical condition and that she could let her insurance company hammer out the details with the other victims.

  Of course, she had no intention of telling them she remembered every horrible detail of Luis’ attack and her wild ride to the hospital. Everything was crystal clear until the accident when she lost a chunk of time from her life. But again, she didn’t tell. How could she let anyone know about her shame? If Lexie hadn’t been in the ER when she was brought in she probably wouldn’t have told her either. She already regretted telling her that it was Luis. She had asked the medical staff several times if they had told anyone about the assault and was assured that her records were confidential and information couldn’t be released without her permission. Relieved and determined to keep this secret, she finally called her parents.

  The next day was the tenth of her hospital stay and her parents arrived right before her discharge. Elena’s mother cried when she rushed into her room and saw her daughter’s bruised and swollen face. She had a cut over her eye and the bruising on both cheeks had started to turn yellow and green. She wore a sling on her right arm to immobilize her bruised shoulder, reduce the pressure on her ribs and support her fractured wrist. Papa’s eyes were wet as he held back his own tears and she knew she looked awful.

  “Elena, we were so worried. Honey, we have been home for three days and had no word, we were so scared. We called everyone, all of your friends and even sent word to Dex. Luis had no idea where you were either.” Mama gently stroked her hair as she pulled her close, being careful not to jar her injured left side.

  “Luis?” Her eyes flew to the door, a look of fear crossing her expressive face. Her mother who was holding her close missed this but her father saw and frowned at her reaction. “Is he here with you?”

  “No, Niña. He had to go out of town for work.” Elena’s mother moved back and smiled at her “He was sorry he couldn’t come see you before he had to leave. He sent his love and left you a little note at home.”

  A note? What could he have to say to her? More threats? Elena relaxed a fraction when she heard that. At least she wouldn’t have to face her attacker when she got home. Her eyes met her Papa’s and she saw the concerned look on his face. She offered him a small smile. Before she knew it, the nurse had returned with a wheelchair. The ride home was uncomfortable but quick and she was soon home back in her old room.

  Memories flooded her brain and she couldn’t take her eyes off the floor in the corner where Luis had attacked her. There was a bouquet of flowers in her room with a card. Her mother gushed behind her as her father helped her get settled in. “Wasn’t that nice of your brother, Niña? He sent you flowers.”

  Elena stiffened and was barely able to choke back a scream of protest. Get them out of here! Isn’t it bad enough I have to return to the scene of my r–? Oh God, she couldn’t even bring herself to think the word. She wanted to scream, please God help me. Instead, she spoke in a surprisingly calm voice to her mother. “Why don’t you take them out to the living room, mama? That way everyone can enjoy them.”

  “Nonsense, they will be cheerful in here as you rest.”

  “Please, take them away.”

  “Elena, what is wrong?”

  “Just take the goddamned flowers!” Elena shouted. Her mother and father froze and stared at her, stunned by her uncharacteristic reaction. “I’m sorry, mama. I’m just tired and hurting. “

  “That’s all right, Niña” She watched her mother grab the vase and move to the door. “I’ll get you some water and your pain pills.” She turned quickly to hide her tears and left.

  “Elena?” her papa questioned. Always attuned to her moods, he knew something was very wrong. She was going to have to do a better job at covering.

  “I’m sorry, Papa. I just need to rest. You don’t get much of that in the hospital.”

  He sat next to her on the bed and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Have you spoken with Dex?”

  “Not yet. He told me he was going to be out in the field for a few weeks. I answered some emails but didn’t tell him about the…accident. I’ll tell him when he gets back to base. I don’t want him to worry.”

  “He isn’t going to like it,Niña. When we couldn’t find you for days, we sent word to him. I imagine you’ll be hearing from him soon.” Her father knew Dex all right. He was going to freak out.

  Her parents helped her settle into her room. Thankfully, her mother brought her pain pills and she swallowed them, hoping they would work quickly and let her sleep and forget. After they left, leaving the door ajar so they could hear her call out if she needed them, she reached for the card.

  My beautiful sister,

  I was sorry to hear about your accident and wish I could have been with you once again in your time of need. I would have held your hand, fluffed your pillow and taken care of you. Memories of you and our special times together dominate my thoughts. I’ll be back this summer, sooner if necessary.

  Get well soon.

  Luis

  Bastardo! The entire note was a veiled threat but Elena could read between the lines. He was taunting her with the reference to the pillow and taking care of her. He was threatening to kill her if she went to the police. And he said he’d come back sooner if he needed to. She was sure he meant to take her out. A vision flashed before her eyes of an evil, maliciously grinning Luis standing over her bed, pressing a pillow to her face while she struggled helplessly clawing at him, struggling to get away, searching for that last little breath of air. Ay Dios mío! She knew he would do it, too. If he was capable of raping her, she knew he had it in him to kill her, especially tripping on whatever drugs he had been using of late.

  As if she would tell people that Luis, who they thought was her stepbrother, had raped her. It would devastate her parents, especially her father. How disgustingly incestuous this all seemed. Although no kin, the reporters and papers would still have a field day with the story if she pressed charges. And they’d find out about her and Dex. Incest, kinky sex and violence sold; it would be a media circus. A shiver of revulsion ran through her.

  She had to bury this, bury it deep and move on. Luis was gone most of the time, working out of town and often out of state - doing what, no one really knew. He dressed nice, drove a good car, and seemed to be doing quite well. She expected that would end soon as he was obviously spending his money on whatever drugs he was using. Dios mío! How would she stand seeing him again at family gatherings? She would lose it. She had to make sure it wouldn’t ever happen.

  Elena crumbled the note and shuddered uncontrollably. Just the thought of him and what he had done made her skin crawl. She felt so dirty. She ma
de her way to her bathroom for another shower. Would she ever feel clean again?

  Chapter Three

  Although Elena emailed Dex and got a call from him, he didn’t find out about the accident until a week after she came home. Once back at base, he found out from Elena’s father about the accident and contacted her by Skype. The bruises were still visible on her face. As predicted, he was pissed.

  “Chiquita, this happened almost three weeks ago. Why are you just now telling me?”

  “I didn’t want to worry you, Dex. Besides, you were out of reach on a mission.”

  “If I was there right now you’d be in the corner with a blistered butt. It’s not up to you to decide what I need to know. Full disclosure, remember?”

  “Yes Dex, I remember.” He expected honesty and he believed withholding information was a lie of omission. He had spanked her raw a time or two for that already.

  “You know you can always reach me through Central Command in an emergency. Tell me exactly what happened, Elena. Are you getting therapy for your shoulder? How long will you be in that cast? Are you in any pain? What are you taking? Was your dad able to get your car repaired? Damn! I wish I could be there to hold you right now.”

  Elena couldn’t keep up with his rapid-fire questions. “Really, I’m OK,mi amor! I miss you. You’ll never know how much I wanted you to be here, Dex.”

  They chatted for over an hour,with Dex asking question after question. He was shocked that she had been unconscious and alone for days. He scolded her for not carrying identification. And throughout the call he lectured about her safety and keeping things from her man. She promised she would call his commanding officer if anything like this ever happened again.

  Elena’s reassurances that she was all right didn’t seem to penetrate. At one point, he told her to take her shirt off so he could see how she was healing from the chest tube wounds. When she hesitated, he ordered her in a gentle but firm voice. “Now,Chiquita. If I can’t be there to hold you and take care of you, at least let me see that you are healing all right.” Even though he had seen her naked hundreds of times in the years they had been together, this felt different and she blushed while doing it.