‘Good.’ Melissa stood up and took Shelly’s drained cup. ‘But just in case Ross does factor into this little life plan you’ve just suddenly come up with, you’d best know that Ross has handed his own notice in this week.’ She watched as Shelly struggled to look impassive. ‘He’s going back to the outback, to work at that darned clinic he’s always going on about.
‘You don’t look very surprised. Had he already told you?’
Shelly forced a half-smile. ‘We’re a bit beyond the confiding-in-each-other stage, we barely manage a good morning. No, the reason I’m not surprised is because deep down I knew all along he wasn’t going to be here for ever, and I guess this kind of proves me right.’
‘What went wrong, Shelly?’ There was nothing nosy in Melissa’s question, just genuine concern. ‘You two just seemed so right for each other.’
‘We are.’ Shelly smiled at Melissa’s confusion. ‘And no doubt in another place, another time we’d have had the best relationship, but it just can’t be. We’re just too different.’
‘But if you love each other, surely you can work things out.’
Shelly shook her head sadly. ‘Look at you and Dr Khan. You knew it was over before you even started.’
‘That was different,’ Melissa argued. ‘Mushi had his culture, his family.’
‘I’ve got a son,’ Shelly said firmly. ‘A son with special needs. Ross is young, carefree, and with the whole world ahead of him it just couldn’t work.
‘It couldn’t,’ Shelly insisted as Melissa opened her mouth to argue. ‘How can I land all this on Ross? It was hard enough before the meningitis but no one can tell if there’s going to be any long-term damage. It’s hard enough for me to deal with, let alone anyone else. Even Matthew’s own father doesn’t…’ Shelly stopped talking as Matthew stirred. She knew he didn’t understand what was being said, but the words were too cruel to be spoken in his presence. ‘It’s better we realise that now than in a few months’ or years’ time when Matthew’s devoted to him. I’m not going to let Matthew be hurt again.’
‘What about you?’ Melissa questioned. ‘What about your needs?’
‘I’m fine,’ Shelly said firmly. ‘I’ve got everything I need right here.’ Walking over to the bedside, she smiled as Matthew opened his eyes and gazed up at her, his little face breaking into a smile as he lifted his arms to be picked up. ‘Haven’t I, darling?’
‘It’s good to be home.’ Turning the key in the lock, Shelly smiled at her mother as she stepped inside. The house was back to its usual spotless self, the carpets freshly vacuumed, the kitchen spotless. Carrying a sleeping Matthew through to his room, Shelly noticed the fresh sheets on the bed, not a single shred of evidence to indicate the awful event that had unfolded the last time she had been here.
‘You’ve been busy,’ Shelly said, laying Matthew down on the bed.
‘I haven’t even set foot in the place,’ Marlene corrected, bustling around, pulling curtains and tucking a duvet around the sleeping child. ‘That Ross said he was going to pop around and pick up his stuff. He must have had a tidy up. You should make a bit of effort with him, you know, Shelly. It’s not every day you find a man who comes house-trained.’
Shelly smothered a smile as she popped a kiss on Matthew’s cheek and left him to sleep.
Ross was hardly house-trained. He’d probably hired someone to do the work.
Still…
Looking around at the spotless house, in that second Shelly would have given anything to have it back to the chaos Ross so easily generated. For a pile of newspapers to litter the benches, for his grubby old sleeping bag to be thrown over the sofa, for the inevitable takeaway boxes to be spilling over the sides of the bin.
‘Why don’t you go and lie down?’ Marlene suggested. ‘While Matthew’s asleep. You look completely done in.’
Shelly didn’t need to be asked twice. The euphoria of Matthew coming home was tempered with a weary exhaustion. The ten days he had spent in the hospital had seemed more like a month.
Not quite house-trained. Shelly smiled as she stretched out on the bed. Ross’s domestic duties hadn’t stretched to making her bed and as she snuggled into the pillow the scent of his aftershave washed over her, a delicious, painful taste of all she had had, all she had let go.
CHAPTER TWELVE
‘HOW’S Matthew?’
Everyone was asking—Dr Khan as Shelly turned into the corridor, the domestic mopping the floor as Shelly walked onto the ward. Even Tania managed a rather twisted attempt at a smile as Shelly walked onto the ward for the first time in a fortnight.
‘Getting there,’ Shelly repeated for what felt like the hundredth time, the two little words enough for now, enough for a busy morning when work was on the agenda, but Tania was obviously in the mood for a chat. ‘Who’s looking after him while you’re working?’
‘Mum and Dad. He’s not well enough to go to crèche.’
‘Time for a quick chat?’ Tania never chatted and with a sinking heart Shelly followed her into the office. Her first day back and Shelly felt as nervous as she had when she had just qualified, Matthew’s illness having taken its toll on her own confidence. Still, Shelly consoled herself as she made her way to Tania’s office, bracing herself for another plea to reconsider her notice. Only two weeks to go and she would be taking care of her own child at long last, and no amount of cajoling from Tania was going to make her change her mind!
‘We had an admission last night.’ Tania gestured for Shelly to sit down. ‘I wanted to talk to you before you heard it at handover.’
Frowning, Shelly sat down, her frown deepening as Tania continued.
‘Angus Marshall, a twenty-month-old…’
‘I know the one,’ Shelly interrupted. ‘So what happened?’
‘He “fell”again.’
Shelly heard the quotation marks around the word and held her breath as Tania continued. ‘He’s got a head injury. Thankfully it’s not too serious, but he’s been admitted so that Community Services can get involved.’
‘They should have been involved last admission,’ Shelly retorted, not caring that this was her senior she was addressing, angry and bitter that her observations and concerns had been dismissed, angry that even with Ross’s intervention Angus had been allowed to go home for it all to happen again.
‘I know you had your suspicions about Angus. Melissa and Ross did, too, but at the time there wasn’t enough to go on. Children have accidents. We can’t point the finger of accusation based on hunches. The Marshalls’ stories corroborated the injury, there was no previous history and nothing on the child to suggest he was anything other than loved and cared for. We still don’t know that that isn’t the case. Accidents don’t always happen once. He may have fallen again but, given his history we’ll be investigating.’
‘It should have been done last time,’ Shelly argued, refusing to back down. ‘I know I’m not particularly senior but Melissa is a charge nurse, Ross is a doctor.’
‘Shelly,’ Tania snapped, ‘out there on this ward there’s probably another child slipping through the net as we speak and, as abhorrent as that thought is, it doesn’t mean that we’re not doing our job properly. Child abuse is an insidious disease that doesn’t always manifest itself clearly. We can only go on the evidence we have, and in Angus’s case frankly we didn’t have enough.
‘Now, I’ve called you in here the same way I’ve called Melissa in, because this type of conversation is better to have away from handover. We’ve got students and grads and I don’t want them treating the Marshalls differently. Of course they have to know that Angus is a child at risk but any steam that needs to blown off is to be done in here, do you understand that?’
Shelly took a deep breath and gave a reluctant nod.
‘Now, you’ll be pleased to know that Melissa’s on days for a while. I’ve already spoken to her about it, so when you go out there make sure that it’s business as usual, please, Shelly.’
Melissa’s rolling eyes a
s Shelly entered handover left Shelly in no doubt she’d just been privy to the same little lecture. The mood in handover was as volatile as ever, particularly when Melissa pulled rank over Annie and delegated the staff to their patients.
‘Shelly cots one to four. Ross needs to admit Angus and no doubt Dr Khan will want to be there, but I’ll sit in on that interview, it might be better if you just concentrate on nursing Angus.’
‘Fine.’ Shelly scribbled a few details on her notebook. Normally she would have been present while her patient was admitted, but in sensitive situations like this Melissa was right to pull her away. Undoubtedly the parents would be upset and defensive and the last thing needed was an atmosphere around Angus. If Shelly could distance herself from the investigative side of things, it would make it easier for the Marshalls to relate to her, make it easier for normality to prevail around Angus.
Heading out onto the ward, Melissa caught up. ‘Business as usual,’ she muttered. ‘Tania’s little lecture reminded me why I prefer nights.’
‘Tell me about it,’ Shelly mumbled.
But no matter how she felt internally, Tania’s words were the order of the day. Smiling brightly, business as usual resumed as Shelly walked into the room. ‘Good morning, Mrs Marshall,’ she said, then made her way over to Angus, who was resting quietly in his cot. ‘How’s Angus?’
‘Tired,’ Mrs Marshall said, her eyes red-rimmed, her voice shaky. ‘We were in Emergency all night, we’ve only been on the ward for an hour.’
‘You must be exhausted,’ Shelly said sympathetically. ‘I won’t open up the curtains, then, I’ll just do Angus’s obs and then we’ll let him rest. He can have a bath a bit later on.’
‘The night sister said the doctor will be along to admit him soon.’
‘That’s right, Dr Bodey’s on this morning, it mightn’t be for a while yet, though as I think he’s still stuck in Emergency. Why don’t you lie down and have a rest? We’ll wake you when he comes.’
Mrs Marshall nodded and sat wearily down on the camp bed. ‘I wonder how Doug’s going?’
‘You’ve got two others, haven’t you?’
Mrs Marshall nodded. ‘The older one will be going to school soon. Doug’s going to come by then.’
‘Good.’
Shelly didn’t say much more, just busied herself doing the obs, and her wooden movements had nothing to do with the rather awkward situation. Instead, she felt like a complete novice. Everything felt new and unfamiliar and every shred of her wanted to be at home with Matthew.
Her other three patients were relatively well. A couple of the babies had bronchiolitis but had long since turned the corner and Shelly spent the early part of her shift helping the mums bath them, mindful of their drips and oxygen and doing their obs. Her other charge, Timmy Dale, was on his way to Theatre for a circumcision and the only thing on his little mind was when he was going to get his breakfast!
‘Shouldn’t be too long now,’ Shelly said hopefully to Timmy’s anxious mother.
‘He wants a bottle.’
‘The babies are put at the beginning of the theatre list for that very reason.’ Shelly grinned, offering to hold him while his mum nipped out for a coffee. ‘I’ll call you if the porters come.’
Shelly felt herself stiffen as through the glass she saw an anxious-looking man walk into Angus’s room and Mrs Marshall jump up to greet him. The glass wasn’t thin enough to allow her to hear what was being said but from the looks on their faces they weren’t greeting each other particularly fondly. ‘I’ll go.’ Melissa popped her head in as Shelly attempted to put a wailing Timmy back in his cot. ‘Ross and Dr Khan are here now anyway, we may as well get this over with now. How was she with you?’
‘Fine,’ Shelly replied. ‘I don’t know whether or not she realises we’re suspicious.’
‘Well, she’s about to find out.’
A brief glimpse of the back of Ross’s head was all Shelly gleaned, but it was enough to throw her into turmoil. But there wasn’t any time for introspection, not when the porters were bearing down and Timmy was ready to be wheeled off to Theatre.
Taking him across, Shelly kept up with the porters’ light-hearted chatter, handed over her little charge to the theatre staff, even managed to find a box of tissues for Mrs Dale when it all became too much, and for all the world not one person would have guessed she was operating on autopilot, functioning with a broken heart.
‘So, is it good to be back?’
Shelly started slightly when Ross came into the coffee-room but recovered quickly.
‘No,’ she admitted. ‘But it’s only for a couple of weeks.’
‘I heard.’ His polite answer was almost dismissive and Shelly gave a small shrug and turned back to her magazine, frowning. She had expected a bit of discomfort between them on her return but Ross seemed a million miles away and not remotely bothered that she was here as he spooned coffee and sugar into his cup and paced around, waiting for the ancient old kettle to boil.
‘How’s Matthew?’ This Shelly had braced herself for, and even though she had decided Ross deserved a bit more than her customary answer, from the forced concentration on his face, his obvious distraction, Shelly took her usual option.
‘Getting there.’
‘Good.’
Picking up a paper, he started to read it but the insistent tapping of his foot told Shelly he wasn’t taking anything in.
‘Are you all right, Ross?’ Shelly ventured, ducking behind her magazine when Ross gave an irritated sigh.
‘Never been better,’ he snapped, and Shelly stood up and drained her cup, grateful for the excuse to end this difficult meeting.
‘Well, if you’ve finished interviewing the Marshalls, I’d better get back out there,’ she said.
‘They haven’t finished yet, so you can take your time with your coffee.’ He was almost snapping and, bemused, Shelly sat back down. ‘Melissa and Dr Khan did their usual double act,’ he explained. ‘She suddenly remembered a drug chart I needed to write and he followed me out, then told me to wait for him in here.’
‘Why?’
‘Apparently my stance was “too judgmental”.’ Ross shot her a withering look. ‘I’m supposed to sit there like a grinning idiot while I listen to the two of them lie through their teeth.’
‘I know it’s hard,’ Shelly ventured. ‘But it’s important not to go in there with a formed opinion—’
‘Save it, Shelly.’ Ross turned back to his paper. ‘I don’t need a lecture from you of all people.’
She was saved from responding as a furious Melissa appeared at the door. ‘Thanks a lot, Ross.’
‘Any time,’ he snapped, his eyes just as angry as Melissa’s.
‘You can’t be so accusatory. It’s not your place. We have to let them give their version of events first, not sit there with arms folded, staring the man down.’
‘He’s lying,’ Ross insisted.
‘Probably.’ Melissa pushed the door closed. ‘But your heavy-handed methods aren’t helping matters.’
‘What about his heavy hands?’ Ross stood up, and Shelly was shocked to see a flash of tears in his eyes. ‘And as for my methods, if Dr Khan had listened to me in the first place Angus wouldn’t be lying there with a lump on his head the size of an egg.’
‘Ross.’ Melissa’s voice was calmer now, her anger fading as she responded to the genuine anguish in Ross’s voice. ‘We don’t know all the circumstances, and we’re not going to know unless we tread gently. We’re not just here for Angus, we’re here for the whole family. I’ve been nursing a long time and I’ve learnt that things are never clear-cut, particularly in cases like this. Who knows what the dynamics are in place there, what the reasons behind his actions are? Mr Marshall may have been abused himself…’
‘That’s not a reason,’ he growled. ‘That’s an excuse, and you’ll never convince me otherwise.’ Ross’s usually relaxed face was livid now. ‘You really think you know everything, don’t you, Melissa
? Well, let me tell you here and now that you don’t. This place makes me sick.’ Wrenching open the door, he stormed outside, leaving a stunned Melissa and Shelly in his wake.
‘What,’ said Melissa, folding her arms and puffing up her chest, ‘is that man’s problem?’
‘I’m not sure,’ Shelly said quietly, standing up and rinsing out her cup, defying her instinct to rush out behind him, to comfort him the way he had so many times comforted her.
‘Well, I’d better tell Dr Khan to tread gently. With the mood Ross is in, he might just take his backpack and head off to the bush tonight, and where will that leave us?’
It was hard to carry on as normal. The atmosphere on the ward was awful, Ross furiously writing up his notes as Melissa rubbed everyone up the wrong way.
‘She needs a man,’ Annie moaned when Shelly met her in the kitchen and they made up a pile of bottles between them.
‘She needs a holiday,’ Shelly said tactfully. ‘We all do.’
‘What lunch-break do you want?’
Shelly shrugged. ‘The Marshalls are in with the social worker so I’m just going to feed Angus his then I’ll probably head off. Can you keep an eye on him for me?’
‘Sure, and how’s the post-op?’
‘About to have his long-awaited bottle.’ Shelly held it up. ‘And then hopefully a big wee and then home sweet home.’
Angus was lying quietly, staring up at the ceiling, his little face barely turning when Shelly came in and pulled on a gown.
‘Hey, Angus, how about some lunch?’ Sitting him in his high chair was out of the question with his leg still in plaster, so instead Shelly propped him up in his cot, pulling down the side so she could chat to him while he ate, watching as he tucked into his lunch with gusto.
‘Not a big talker, huh?’ Shelly smiled as Angus ate on, occasionally shyly looking up at her as she rattled on about teddies and toys and trains and all the things toddlers hold dear. ‘That’s all right, I can do enough talking for the two of us.’
‘Tell me about it.’ Ross walked in, an almost shy look on his face, smiling gently at Angus before turning his eyes to her. ‘Sorry about earlier.’
The Baby Emergency Page 14