“The key is in our bedroom,” she spoke, her voice almost a whisper.
He followed her into the room and watched as she lifted the small rug on the floor by their bed. So that’s where she put the key. Of all the places he searched, it never once occurred to him to look there. “Why did you put the key under that rug?”
Retrieving the key, she stood and wiped one of her hands on the skirt of her dress. “I didn’t want Harvey to find it. And after his death, I just left it there.”
“Did Harvey try to break the door down to get in?” he softly asked.
“No. If he did that, I’d be able to see what he was doing in there, and he didn’t want that. He thought hearing it was punishment enough.”
Joel’s eyebrows furrowed. “Punishment for what?”
She took a deep breath and shrugged. “It was hard to know what would set him off. He’d fly off the handle over any small thing.” Turning her gaze to the key, she studied it, flipping it over twice and tracing its edges. “With the room locked, he’d just leave the house when he was upset.”
“What did he do in that room?”
She looked up at him, tears welling in her eyes. “I should have locked it sooner. The first time Harvey took Sep in there, I should have taken the key while he was asleep and hid it. But I didn’t, and it went on for almost a year.”
Stepping toward her, he asked, “What did he do to Sep?”
She didn’t answer. Instead, she ambled by him and headed for the room. Knowing he wasn’t going to like what he saw, he joined her and quietly waited as she unlocked the door. The click as the lock gave way echoed through the hallway, and a chill crawled up his spine. He’d heard some scary tales when he was a child, but this was something worse, much worse. This was real. And even as April turned the doorknob, he wondered if the shadows of her past could really be healed, at least completely. Maybe these had left scars. He kicked himself for assuming that anything emotionally embedded into someone’s past could be wiped away as if it never happened. Scars served as reminders of a physical wound, and apparently, they occurred in the emotional realm as well.
She pushed the door open just enough so that he knew he could enter and went to the side of the doorway. “I can’t go in yet,” she whispered.
Nodding, he approached the door and gently opened it further. Streaks of what had to be dried blood littered the walls, not in any particular order but in a random way. His best guess was that several struggles took place in the room, and the faint tracings of handprints showed him that the person who bled couldn’t be an adult.
Leather belts that had snapped apart, a whip that was supposed to be used on horses, and bloody ropes were scattered on the floor. Old cigarette butts and an empty bottle of whiskey were on a table in the only corner of the room that had clean walls. Two chairs were in the room. One was in the center of the room and had scratches and nicks covering it with traces of blood here and there. The other was by the table and looked well-preserved.
After his shock began to wear off, Joel turned to the doorway where April had her arms wrapped protectively around herself. “Harvey took Sep in here?” he asked her.
She didn’t have to say it. The answer was on her pale face. He went over to her and held her, noting the way she trembled and buried her face in his shirt. Her tears seeped through the cotton material and dampened his shoulder.
“It’s over, April,” he whispered, caressing her hair and tightening his hold on her. “Harvey’s not coming back. No one’s taking Sep in here ever again to hurt him.”
“I can still hear him pounding on the walls and screaming for Harvey to stop,” she said, still sobbing into his shirt.
“How often did it happen?”
“Five times. The other times when he tried, Sep was able to run and hide until Harvey calmed down.”
“Why did he bring Sep in here?”
“Mostly because he didn’t like Sep, but twice because Sep stopped him from hurting me or Nora.”
“Nora?”
“One morning, she was crying and wouldn’t stop, no matter what I did to comfort her. Harvey had a hangover and said her screaming made it worse. He tried to take her from me.”
“And Sep stopped him?”
She nodded.
“And when did Harvey try to hurt you?” he softly asked.
“One time he threw a bowl at me.”
“I see,” he whispered, making sense of why Sep had a tendency to be forceful to get his way. He’d learned that adults paid attention to brute force—or a gun—and considering his age, the gun worked to his advantage. “Now I understand Sep better.” With some guidance, Joel knew the boy could learn how to properly handle his anger. In time, he would, and as Joel taught him to control his emotions so he didn’t punch the next man who upset him, he’d keep in mind that he needed to be patient.
“Can I leave now?” April asked, interrupting Joel’s thoughts.
“Yes.” He slipped an arm around her shoulders and led her out of the room and shut the door behind him, but he didn’t lock it. “We’re going to make that Nora’s room. She can’t stay in our room forever, and a boy Sep’s age is too old to share a room with her. But before we do, we’ll destroy that room and make it into a new one.”
Wiping tears from her eyes, she asked, “How are we going to do that?”
“I’m not sure yet, but when I know, I’ll let you and Sep know.”
Not looking fully convinced, she nodded as he steered her into their bedroom.
He brought her to the crib and pulled aside the blanket where Nora was still sleeping. She wouldn’t be asleep much longer, but with what little time they had left to themselves, he decided to take advantage of it. “Lie down, sweetheart.”
“Joel, I’m too upset to be with you that way right now,” she whispered. “Please don’t be mad at me.”
Noting the worry in her eyes, he said, “I just want to hold you until Nora wakes up. Even I’m not in the mood after seeing that room and hearing everything that happened to you and Sep.”
The whole thing made him sick to his stomach. Maybe he needed to hold her more than she needed to be held, but he supposed it didn’t matter as long as they were together. He took her to the bed and settled next to her. She snuggled against him and he wrapped his arms protectively around her.
“April, you do know I’d never insist you be intimate with me if you aren’t up to it, don’t you?”
She shrugged, and in so doing, she answered his question. She didn’t know it, probably because she had no choice with Harvey.
With a sigh, he said, “I’ll never force myself on you. Sharing a bed with me should be something you enjoy.”
“Thank you.”
Taking a deep breath and then slowly exhaling, he relaxed and was glad when he felt her relax, too.
***
The mood was somber between Joel and April, and Sep must have picked up on it since he remained quiet during supper. It wasn’t a tense kind of silence they experienced when Joel was first there, which was an improvement in itself. But Joel still didn’t like it. He had to remind himself that it was going to take time before they worked through the demons lurking in April and Sep’s past, and he wasn’t sure which one needed the most time to heal. Being a woman, April was softer and more sensitive to everything, but given Sep’s age and tendency to act impulsively, he had a long road to travel as well.
Toward the end of the meal, Joel looked over at Nora who, upon realizing he was watching her, giggled and threw her spoon on the floor. A chuckle rose up in his throat and he decided to oblige the little girl and picked up the spoon. She reached for it, but he said, “Pa.”
April and Sep turned their gazes in his direction.
Joel held the spoon close to Nora but didn’t let her grab it. “Say ‘pa’.” April’s lips turned upward into a smile, and he winked at her before returning his attention to Nora. “Pa.”
Nora tested it out a couple of times and then finally sa
id it.
“Good girl,” he said and handed her the spoon, not surprised when she flung it back to the ground. “I see we got to work on your manners, young lady.” Because it seemed to amuse April and Sep, he held the spoon toward Nora and asked, “Who am I?”
“Pa.”
“Whose pa?”
She wrinkled her brow.
“I’m your pa.”
She nodded and held her hand out. “Pa.”
“Close enough.” He ruffled her hair and stood up to throw the spoon in the sink. “I know that was mean of me to act like I was going to give you that spoon when I didn’t intend to do it. But, I thought you might like this instead.” Grabbing a cookie from the cookie jar, he gave one to Nora who eagerly took it.
“Oh great,” April said with a grin. “Now she’s going to expect a cookie at supper.”
He put the jar back on the shelf and went over to the highchair so he could tell Nora, “Now, don’t go thinking that’s going to happen all the time. It was a one-time thing. You got it?”
Half her cookie already gone, she pointed to him. “Pa.”
At that, April and Sep chuckled.
“See what you started?” April asked.
“She’ll only love me more if she learns that I come with good things,” Joel said and patted her on the back.
“You plan to buy her affection with cookies?”
“Sure. Why not?”
“I hope you plan to do some disciplining while you’re at it.”
“Of course, I will. I might be under her spell a bit, but I’m not that far gone.”
“You really do love your nieces and nephews, don’t you?”
“I do,” Joel replied. “I told you I was their favorite uncle, though my brothers will disagree.”
“Because you bring them treats as well?”
He shrugged. “I might have made a stop by the mercantile a time or two on my way to see them.”
“You’re a good man, Joel,” she whispered and lowered her gaze back to her empty plate.
“I do what I can,” he replied, touched by her words, especially in light of what she must think of Harvey. Clearing his throat, he turned to Sep. “Want to help me with the evening chores?”
Sep nodded and took his plate to the sink.
Joel gave April a kiss and told Nora to take care of her ma before he headed on out with Sep.
Chapter Twenty
A half hour later, Joel sat across from Sep in the barn and waited for Sep to answer his question.
Sep studied his gloved hands which were on his knees and asked, “You want me to tear up the third bedroom?”
“I think it’d be good to get rid of it and start over with a new one,” Joel replied, gauging Sep for any reaction. So far, Sep wasn’t giving him any emotions to figure out the best way to modify the conversation. “Of course, you don’t have to do it. I could do it instead.”
“If you’re going to do it, then what do you need me for?”
“I thought you might like to let Harvey know what you think of him.”
“But Harvey’s dead.”
“It wouldn’t be for Harvey. It’d be for you.”
Sep shook his head. “That doesn’t make any sense.”
“I saw that room, and April told me what happened in there.”
He shrugged and studied his boots. “So?”
“That’s not something you can easily forget, or forgive,” Joel softly said, noting the way Sep’s mouth twitched.
“It doesn’t change anything.”
“You’re right. It doesn’t. Nothing can undo what’s happened. But you have a future ahead of you, and you want it to be free of Harvey.”
Sep closed his eyes for a moment and slowly exhaled. When he opened his eyes, he made eye contact with Joel. “What should I use to tear up the walls?”
“I found a crowbar in the shed. Something like that will knock them out.”
“What will you do after that?”
“After that, I’ll get some use out of my brothers. We’ll have new walls put up in no time, and we’ll paint the room so it’s like new.”
“Alright.” Sep slapped his knees and eased up from his stool.
Joel stood up and went to the wall of the barn where he picked up a crowbar. Then he picked up a large empty tin container. “We’ll need something to put the debris in. Then we’ll burn everything we can.”
As they made their way to the house, Sep didn’t say anything. Joel thought this would be a cleansing experience for him. Sep had a lot of pent up anger brewing under the surface. The sooner he learned to get rid of his anger in a productive way, the better.
“There’s nothing wrong with being angry,” Joel told Sep as Sep opened the kitchen door and moved aside to let Joel in. Sep shut the door behind them, and Joel continued, “You just have to know how to direct that anger so you don’t end up hurting the wrong person or breaking something you want to keep.”
April entered the kitchen and watched them as they took off their coats and boots. “What are you doing?”
“We’re destroying that third bedroom,” Joel replied, hanging up his hat.
Frowning, she said, “But I thought you wanted to put Nora in there.”
“We will once we get rid of the old room and put the new one in.”
“You’re not making any sense.” Nora came up to her and peered around her dress, so she picked the little girl up and moved out of the way so Joel and Sep could go into the hallway. “You’ve got a crowbar?”
Balancing the container as he approached the steps, Joel said, “We can’t rip the walls out with our bare hands.”
Sep chuckled, and Joel grinned, liking that Sep enjoyed his joke.
Following them up the stairs, April replied, “I just don’t understand why you’re taking out the walls in that room.”
“Because we’re going to make a new room,” Joel said.
“But won’t you go right through the wall and end up tearing down some of the house?”
Joel laughed. “I reckon that depends on how careless Sep is with the crowbar.”
“You have to give me more credit than that, sis,” Sep said as they reached the top of the stairs. “I won’t damage the house. I’m just going to tear down the walls.”
“See?” Joel asked. “You’re in good hands.”
“I don’t know,” she said, not far behind them as they entered the third bedroom.
Joel set down the heavy container and looked at her. “What’s wrong?”
She scanned the room, said she had to put Nora in the crib, and then approached the doorway a few seconds later. Clutching her hands together, she took a deep breath and stepped into the room.
Noting her uncertainty, Joel walked over to her and held her hand. “We need to remove the walls. When we’re done, we’ll take this and everything else in here and burn what we can. What we can’t burn, we’ll throw out. We’re getting rid of the old room. Then I’m going to bring my brothers out here and make them useful, so we’re going to have a brand new room for Nora. I figure in time, Sep will take over the house and have a wife and children of his own. When he does, this room will be ready.”
“Where will we be?” she asked.
“In town. You know I don’t want to run a farm, and I can do my job better if I can be closer to where people need me.”
She nodded.
Turning to Sep, he said, “I figure you have a year or two before you can manage this place by yourself. You’ll be sixteen in almost a year. When you’re ready, we’ll move out. So, you keep all that in mind as you tear down the walls. If you make another window, as April fears, then it’s up to you to repair it before I bring my brothers in, and if you don’t, we’ll put Nora in your room and stick you in here.”
Sep smiled at Joel’s teasing tone. “You don’t have to worry about me.”
“I know, but I thought I’d make the threat on April’s behalf.” Squeezing her hand, he told her, “Take Nora downstair
s. It’s going to be loud up here for a while.”
April glanced at Sep who indicated that he’d be fine and then left the room.
Joel made his way over to the chair and table. “Feel free to smash these things, too.” He picked up the items on the table and threw them into the container. “I’ll take care of the rubbish as you create it.”
Sep stared at the crowbar for a moment before he turned his gaze to the walls. Joel could only guess what memories went through his mind as he took in the evidence of the pain he endured in here, but the only indication that it upset Sep to look at the walls was his clenched jaw. Gripping the crowbar in his hands, he lifted it and struck the first blow.
***
The task of removing the bedroom walls took the whole evening, and afterwards, Joel had Sep and April burn the debris. He knew Sep felt better after the whole thing, not so much in what he said but by the way he handled himself. Sep seemed to have drawn his shoulders a little further back and walked with his head a little bit higher than before. No more slouching, no more looking at Joel with uncertainty. It seemed that Sep finally understood that Joel was working with him instead of against him, and Joel felt good about that.
What Joel wasn’t sure about, however, was April who remained unusually quiet through the whole day and held her daughter longer than normal. That night, after Sep and Nora were asleep, Joel put the crowbar and container away and went up to his bedroom. As he entered his bedroom and realized April was still up, brushing her hair like she did every night, he took a deep breath. The worst was behind them. All they had to do was move forward. He cleared his throat to indicate he was about to speak, and she glanced his way before putting her brush down on the dresser.
“You’re not mad at me, are you?” Joel asked, studying April’s face for any clues that he could use to figure out how she was feeling.
She shook her head as she sat on the bed with her hands in her lap. “No. It needed to be done. It was painful, but I think it had to be done.”
Relieved, he walked over to her. Kneeling in front of her, he took her hands in his and waited for her to look at him before he spoke. “I’m sorry about the pain it caused. I don’t want you or Sep to go through anything like that ever again.”
Shotgun Groom Page 17