by Lauren Canan
He’d done his job well.
He walked to the bar, grabbed a bottle of whiskey, then proceeded to his office where he closed and locked the door. He’d drink a toast to the old man. Hell, why not?
He’d become just like him.
Sixteen
Jace entered the house, needing more coffee. His mother joined him in the kitchen. He knew she was worried. About him. About Kelly. About the situation. He looked like something dredged up from the pits of hell. Bloodshot eyes. Beard stubble. Maybe a little weight loss as well, but he didn’t give a damn.
“Jason, talk to me.”
He shrugged. “About what?”
“It’s been over a month since Kelly left. Maybe it’s time you talked to her.”
“Let it go, Mom.” He poured the fresh coffee into his mug.
She shook her head in frustration. “Jason—”
“Just drop it, okay? It’s over. It’s done. It’s too late to go back. And I don’t want to talk about it.”
Jace had done what he’d had to do when he made Kelly leave. Out of respect he’d eventually have to give his mom some kind of explanation, but it wasn’t going to happen today.
“Nothing is ever too late, Jason,” she said softly. “Not as long as your heart is still beating.”
With a polite nod, Jace stepped around her and headed back to the barn. The anguish of losing Kelly never let up. The pain had become a permanent extension of his body and mind. And always, with every breath, he questioned if he’d done the right thing. He’d finally stopped telling himself to let it go. He couldn’t. He knew he never would.
The what-ifs plagued him. Night and day. What if his love for her was enough to quiet the beast? In normal circumstances Kelly made happiness swell inside him. Even when those turquoise eyes shot bolts of fire in his direction because of something stupid he’d said, he felt the love for her that went to the marrow.
What if he’d done the wrong thing? What if they could have a life together? What if ten years from now it became apparent he’d thrown away something special for no good reason, something he would never find again? It was making him crazy.
Dammit to hell. During the day he barked at every hand on the ranch, throwing out threats that had them scrambling, the frustration and internal anger refusing to be contained. Two men had already quit. There would be more if he didn’t get a handle on this. But he couldn’t make himself give a damn. At night, he lay staring into the darkness. Only then did he let himself imagine going to her, holding her. Only then in the obscurity of a dream did he feel alive.
Shouts broke the silence. Glancing ahead, just outside the corral, his ranch hands circled two of their fellow cowboys who appeared determined to take each other out one punch at a time. Their faces were red, their anger obvious. These were not stuntmen rehearsing a future scene. These were men he employed, and he would not tolerate this kind of behavior.
Gritting his teeth, Jace hurried forward. The foreman stood steps away from the brawling men. “Somebody grab Decker. I’ll get Colby.”
Jace never slowed his stride. Before anyone moved forward per Sam’s orders, Jace walked between the two men, grabbing one by the arm, slinging him to the ground. The other suffered a similar fate.
Jace continued to stand between them. “What in the hell is going on?” This was all he needed. The whole damn world was falling apart. “You have less than two seconds to explain or you’re both out of here.” His gaze shot from one to the other. The cowboys not involved in the fight stood quietly, waiting to see what Jace would do.
One of the men rubbed at the trickle of blood under his nose with the back of his hand. “He’s been making passes at my wife.”
Jace could hear the fury, the pain in the man’s voice. “Is that true, Decker?”
Decker glared. “So what if I have? It wasn’t like she gave me the cold shoulder.”
“You son of a bitch,” Colby growled and went for Decker again. Jace quickly halted his forward motion.
“That’s it, Decker. Get your stuff and get off my property. Sam will tag along just to make sure you find your way.” Jace turned his attention back to Colby, who still struggled to get free of Jace’s hold. “Colby, let it go.” He called to a couple of the cowboys. “Take him and stay with him until he cools off.”
As the men hurried to follow his orders, Jace rubbed the back of his neck. Had everyone gone crazy? He had to sympathize. He knew exactly what Colby was feeling. Maybe his wife egged him on. Maybe she didn’t. But Colby had a right to defend what was his. Normally a decent, hardworking man, he’d let his love for his wife blind him to everything but the need to protect her.
The breath died in Jace’s throat. Is that what he’d been doing when he took out Bret? The epiphany almost blinded him. Why in the hell hadn’t he seen it before? He hadn’t lost himself in a mindless fit of rage. He’d done what he needed to do to stop Bret from hurting Kelly. To protect the woman he loved. There was a difference. A big difference.
Stunned from the belated realization, Jace was equally elated and afraid.
Had the realization come too late?
* * *
The television blared with the intended purpose of ensuring Kelly didn’t have a chance to think. It wasn’t working. Regardless of what she did to try to keep her mind from dwelling on Jace, nothing worked. She grabbed the remote and switched it off.
Returning to the kitchen, she turned on the oven and finished stirring the homemade dressing. It was her offering to Gerri’s family for her mother’s birthday.
The last thing Kelly wanted was to be around people but Gerri insisted she was part of the family and refused to take no for an answer. Kelly had finally given in to her friend since second grade. It seemed the least she could do to repay Gerri for her many kindnesses and concern since Kelly left the ranch.
Gerri had asked if she could take the baby, reminding her how much her mother wanted to see him. When Gerri’s brother stopped to pick her up, Kelly agreed, saying she would finish the dressing and follow in Gerri’s car. At least that was the plan.
She spooned the mix into the baking pan, shoved it into the oven and set the timer. After washing the bowl and utensils, she ventured into the small living room and plopped down on a chair. Tomorrow she would call Mona. She wanted to hear her voice. She needed to hear Jace’s voice, too, and feel his arms around her, but that was not going to happen. Ever.
Picking up a magazine, she idly paged through it. If she dwelled one more second on Jace she would go crazy. She didn’t want to go to Gerri’s mother’s birthday party with her eyes red and puffy. Since that night at the hotel in LA, she couldn’t seem to stop crying. Trying to make sense out of what had happened left her even more confused. The pain never ended.
The timer on the oven began to ding. She pushed herself out of the chair and walked to the kitchen and removed the dressing from the oven before turning it off. What had made Jace go from a person who had worked to rebuild her trust and made her think he loved her to suddenly assuring her she didn’t belong in his life? Apparently she was good enough while they were isolated at the ranch but not good enough to fit into his life in Hollywood. She’d known she didn’t belong, but he’d insisted she was wrong. Why? Why had he even bothered? She had so many questions that would never be answered.
A knock on the apartment door broke into her thoughts. Frowning, she walked back to the living room. She opened the door and the shock that hit her was like the blow of a baseball bat to the solar plexus.
Jace stood on the doorstep. He wasn’t smiling. His green eyes carried a haunted look, as though he wasn’t sure he should be here. But his clenched jaw established his determination; he wasn’t going anywhere. “Can we talk?”
Her mind tried to grasp the realization he was here. “I think you’ve already said everything there is to say.”
“No, I haven’t. Will you invite me in? Or are we going to argue out on the sidewalk?”
“I’m not go
ing to argue at all.”
“That might be a first.” His attempt at humor fell flat. He forced a smile that didn’t reach his eyes.
Glaring, she turned away but left the door open. If he wanted to come in she wouldn’t try to stop him, but she wasn’t going to invite him. Her heart pounded so hard it was difficult to breathe.
Why is he here?
Kelly moved to the center of the room, wrapping her arms tightly around herself in an effort to control the storm of emotions raging through her. She wanted him to go. She wanted to put her arms around him and never let him go. His presence caused the blood to race through her veins while her mouth went dry and tears stung the back of her eyes. She’d been an emotional wreck for weeks. She couldn’t sleep. She didn’t want food. She only wanted to scream and pound on his chest and demand that he explain why. Now was her chance and she couldn’t look at him. She was down two strikes and already out. She couldn’t survive a third.
Jace stood in front of her as though waiting for something. Finally she glanced at him. He held her gaze and didn’t let go. He bore the same haunted look she saw when she looked in the mirror.
“I just have one question.”
“Really? I have about a hundred.”
“Do you love me, Kelly?”
“What?” By her reaction, he clearly knew she thought he was crazy.
“If I had a regular job, say...as a ranch hand. Would you give me a second chance?”
She struggled to hold back the tears. She loved him with all of her heart. But what was the point of these questions? “You’re not a ranch hand. I think we’ve sufficiently cleared up that little misunderstanding.”
He stepped up to her. “Are you in love with me?” He repeated the question, his voice a rough demand. “After what I did...is it even possible?”
It was hard to answer a pointless question.
“Kelly?”
“What’s the reason for this, Jace? Did you come all this way, go to all this trouble just to catch me off guard and knock me down again?” She was furious. She hated him. She loved him. “I don’t get it. I really don’t. Is this what you do? You just play with people? Play with their emotions?”
“I guess I’ll take that as a no.”
“What in the hell do you expect me to say? You...you made it clear you couldn’t love me. You said I didn’t belong in your life. I’m not good enough and I never will be. At least for once you were honest.”
“That’s not what I meant,” he bellowed. He was getting angry. Well, bring it on, babycakes. He had a long way to go to equal what she was feeling.
“Then a month later you show up here, asking if I love you? You’re a jackass, Compton. Worse, you’re...you’re...deranged.”
“I guess that really is a no.” He nodded his acceptance and turned to leave.
“Most of the attendees at Mona’s ball would say the answer to your question is a resounding no. I don’t love you. Apparently, I got my hooks in deep enough to haul in some big bucks without letting my heart get involved.”
He spun around and gripped her shoulders. “Kelly, do you love me?”
She could sense he wanted to shake her, but he merely held her instead.
“Are you in love with me?” This time his voice was soft, almost a plea.
“Yes.” It was only a whisper, the best she could do, but he heard her. “Are you happy now? What...did this win some kind of bet? Do I get an award for the biggest fool of the year?”
At her confession, he closed his eyes and seemed to relax. “Thank God.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m in love with you.”
“Oh, please.”
“You’re the only woman I’ve ever said that to. I’ve never been in love before, Kelly.”
“Jace...” She shook her head. “You’re not in love now. I appreciate the sentiments, I guess. But this is not love. Let me clue you in. Treating someone like you treated me in LA is not love. Not even close.”
He took a deep breath and blew it out, his hand wiping the lower portion of his face.
“I said some really stupid things, but for a good reason. I was trying to protect you that night at the hotel.”
“Do I honestly have to tell you how ridiculous you sound?”
“My own father was bad news, Kelly. He was in and out of prison most of my life. And he was a mean son of a bitch. He beat Mom. She left him so many times, she had him arrested, tried to find a place we could hide. But he found us. And it was bad. She fought back, but he was so much bigger than she was. When I tried to stop it, he turned on me. I was twelve when he broke my jaw. Thirteen when he busted six ribs. He didn’t give a damn. He just wanted those around him to hurt as much as he did. To pay for his mistakes. He screwed up his life and he wasn’t man enough to admit it.”
Jace let out a breath. “I’ve lived with the very real possibility that someday I’ll become just like him. It’s in my genes. I didn’t want you or Henry anywhere around when that day came. I was afraid if you loved me, if I didn’t make you leave, you’d stay.”
She frowned. He was serious. “You will never be like that, Jace.”
“In the past month, I finally realized it came down to a choice. Beg you to stay in my life and run the risk I might someday become...abusive. Or go on with my life as it has been—empty, lonely, wanting the things most men take for granted. I’m a selfish bastard, Kelly. I need you. I can’t live the rest of my life knowing I gave up the best thing that ever came into it. And if you’ll give me a chance, I’ll fight with every breath I take each and every day to keep the monster at bay. I will not hurt you, Kelly. Ever.”
His eyes beseeched her. “Come back to the ranch with me. Marry me. Marry me for no reason other than I want you to be my wife. Because I love you.”
Kelly didn’t know how to take all this in. Was he telling her the truth? Did he actually believe he would hurt her?
“I’ve quit acting, Kelly,” he said. “I never signed the contract for the new film. I walked out. It took me a while to get it through my thick head and understand what you were saying. You and Henry are so much more important than making films.”
She looked up into his eyes and the tears brimmed in hers. She clamped her hand over her mouth. What had she done? “Jace, no. No. I didn’t have the right to demand you change your life if you wanted to be part of Henry’s. Oh God. That was wrong. You’re leaving your career, what you love, for the wrong reason. Eventually you’ll hate me for it. Don’t you see? Don’t do it, Jace. You can see your son whenever you want. Please don’t pity me and think giving up your career will make anything right.”
A look of dark humor settled into his handsome features. “Pity? You are the most stubborn, hardheaded female I have ever run across in my life. Where in the hell do you get these crazy ideas? I don’t pity you, Kelly. I respect the hell out of you. What...you think I would pity you for making a home for Matt and Henry by working your ass off when you had no one else? You think I pity you for coming to the ranch even though you hated me, because it was a safer place for Henry? Take pity out of your vocabulary because there is no pity. Not for you. But there is respect. A lot of respect.
“I gave up the film career because I’m tired of it.” Jace watched her closely, as though she might bolt and run. “I’m tired of the travel, the media circus, keeping up appearances, the lies...all of it. You were right when you said there was so much more to life. If I had any doubts I needed to get out, those were wiped clean the night of Mom’s charity event. I saw everything, the people, the bullshit, all of it through your eyes. When Bret attacked you... When you walked into my room and saw Lena. I never want to relive any of that again.”
“I knew you were telling the truth about Lena. I told you I believed you. As far as that creep, that wasn’t cruelty, Jace. It wasn’t a monster inside you. You were protecting me.” She reached out to him. “I’ve never had anyone... No one has ever done that for me.”
“Kelly, I
want a home and a family.” He pulled her closer. “I want to raise horses. And all of it has to include you. It’s the reason I bought that ranch.”
“What?”
“I could have purchased land anywhere. But you were here.” Jace reached out and touched her face. “Be my wife, Kelly. Be the mother of my children. You showed me how good life could be. Don’t take that dream away. Please give us another chance.”
He was an award-winning actor. But she knew he spoke from his heart. She closed her eyes, the reality almost too much to take in. The only man she’d ever loved was offering her more than she’d ever dared to dream.
“If you love me, we can make this work. I haven’t been with another woman since Henry was conceived. I just...there was no one... I don’t want anyone else, Kelly, and I’ve had a year to think about that. I can’t change what your father did, but I’m not him. I can never undo all you’ve been through because of me. All I can do is promise, if you’ll have me, I’ll spend the rest of my life making the rest of your life as good as I possibly can.”
His hand went under her chin, gently raising her lips to his. In that moment, she gave him her heart, her trust, her love, returning his kiss with everything she had.
“I love you, Jace.” She fell into his arms and the tears of joy fell down her face. He kissed her deeply, passionately, letting his hunger for her free, holding her tightly as though he would never let her go, as though he couldn’t get close enough. And Kelly kissed him back with every ounce of love she had for this incredible, amazing, complex man. Her hands slipped up his chest.
“You’re still a moron,” she whispered against his lips.
“What?”
“What in the hell took you so long?”
He laughed. “Woman, you make me crazy.” Then all humor left his voice and was replaced with earnest desperation. “Marry me. Now. Today. As soon as we can arrange it. Say yes. I need to wake up next to you every morning. Make love to you every night. I want a family. I want kids. I hope you do.”