Being Human

by Quintin Fortune

  # # #

  Deadguy and Valkadaidan stood in the middle of the ruined street. Cars were strewn about. Buildings were riddled with holes, some of them the size of a person. Police, fire, and ambulance sirens wailed all around. Some distance from the Heroes stood a man clad in black armor that resembled a football uniform. Jim was standing behind them, dressed in what appeared to be Deadguy's hand-me-downs "Explain this plan to me again," he asked.

  "You turn into him and we'll see what your shape shifting powers can do," DG explained.

  "You want me to fight that," he asked, pointing at the destructive Rampage.

  "This is a field test of sorts," he said. "There are certain shifters that gain the attributes of whoever they're posing as."

  "It's only a theory," Valk added.

  Our Hero turned to Jim and placed his hands on the Shifter's shoulders. "Alright Jimbo, time to be the Hero."

  Jim was hesitant, but nodded in agreement. He closed his eyes, trying to concentrate, but nothing happened. "I don't think I can," he said after a few moments.

  "Deadguy," a voice roared. The Heroes turned to see Rampage standing a lot closer than he was before. "I'll kill you for what you did to my brother."

  Our Hero readied Masamune. "You really don't understand the concept of this series, do you?" He charged as Valkadaidan drew his katana and followed. "Jimmy, keep working on that shifting thing, we'll soften up Rampage for ya."

  The two Heroes started to battle Rampage. Deadguy's attack caused Rampage to stagger a bit, while Valkadaidan knocked him back a few more inches with his katana. The Football Psycho raised his arms to defend from their duel attacks, being knocked back with ever strike. He threw his arms down and punched Our Hero, sending him flying back into a truck. He tried to backhand Valk, but the attack was blocked with his katana.

  Suddenly, another Rampage charged at the real Rampage. "What the-," he exclaimed before the other Rampage slammed into him. The two Rampages started to trade punches, each one sounding like a thunderclap. Finally, one Rampage knocked the other away. The Heroes quickly ran up to the victorious Rampage. "Jim," Deadguy asked.

  "Aye," he replied. The Heroes stood side-by-side with him, ready for another round.

  "Alright, let's finish this up and head back," DG ordered. The three charged at the real Rampage. The villain tried to fight off all three, but it quickly became a losing battle. With a mighty roar, the real Rampage smashed his fists onto the ground. Deadguy staggered, Valkadaidan took a step back, but the fake Rampage stood strong. The real Rampage grabbed the impostor and slammed him into the ground. The attack made a low crater on the street. The real Rampage yelled into it and took off.

  The guys looked into the crater as Jim lay stunned, no longer looking like Rampage. "Hey, Jimmy," Deadguy asked. "You still alive?"

  Jim's arm stretched out to grab the edge of the crater. Finding it, he pulled himself out.

  "He can stretch," Valk stated.

  "Might explain how he survived that body slam from Rampage," DG said.

  "So what now," Jim asked, dusting himself off.

  "Well, I'd say we got the answers we were looking for," Our Hero commented. "Just turn into Rampage again and we'll be done in no time."

  "I don't know if I'm comfortable changing again," the Shifter said.

  "Oh," Valk asked. "Why not?"

  "I kind of, well, farted last time and turned into him."

  The Heroes looked at each other, not knowing whether to be shocked or to laugh. Deadguy nodded and looked away. "Alright Valkster," he said, trying to hold back a laugh. "think we can squeak by with that?"

  Valkadaidan snorted a laugh. "No. That is wrong."

  "Well, in any case, we've got a unstoppable force to stop," DG said, readying Masamune. "Let's earn our paychecks."

  "How did the test go," Jill asked.

  "Big success," Deadguy declared. "Rampage has been taken down and Jim is sentient silly putty."

  "Um...what?"

  "Jim can not only morph, but can stretch his body," Valk explained.

  "Okay, so he's a Shifter and elastic," their boss noted. "Rare, but not entirely unheard of."

  "Where's Kiri," DG asked. There was an explosion above them.

  "There," Jill answered. "still trying to get that head open."

  "Everyone, to the roof," Our Hero announced, running out the back door. The others followed him and bound up the ladder. They came upon a giant cloud of smoke ascending while a large black ring laid upon the rooftop. In the middle was Kiri, examining the head.

  "Grr," she growled. "Hiraku!"

  "Even her growls are cute," Deadguy remarked.

  Kiri glared, then attempted to kick the head at him. Her aim was off as it flew towards Jim. "Fucking spiders," he exclaimed, attempting to block the attack. Valkadaidan grabbed the head just before impact.

  "What," DG asked. "How do you even know those words?"

  "I don't know," he answered. "I just...know."

  "Kiri, what the hell were you thinking," Jill yelled. "You could have blown a hole in the roof."

  "Nope," she replied. "The head absorbed most of the impact damage, which was to be expected, but I didn't think it could take that much." She tapped her earpiece and started speaking in Japanese again.

  "I don't know who's going to destroy this place first; her or Deadguy," she groaned.

  "Valkadaidan-san," Kiri called out. "I'll need that head back for my next attempt."

  "What are you using this time," Valk asked.

  "Orbital satellite."

  "Oh no," Jill exclaimed. "Not on this roof you're not. You can do that in the parking lot."

  "While the ladies sort this issue out, we need to teach Jim how to fight," Valk stated. The guys left the two arguing on the roof.