by Jesse David
Epigraph
“I Didn't Ask to Be a Senior Citizen (I Was Drafted)”
- Doug Jensen, Looking in the Rear View Mirror
“If I had known I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself.”
- Mae West
Dedication
For Jesus and Jesus.
Chapter 1
How can you tell if a person is insane? Could it be because he can't remember who he is, or could it be because he wanders all over the town without a destination, or could it be because he is still in love with his wife and he can't find a way to continue life.
There are a lot of reason, but in this society, when a person can't identify the difference between reality and his imagination. That will be the point they will throw it to an asylum.
I know I guy that falls in love so hard, to the point that he cries every night, I don't know if that guy is considered insane. I am not good at identifying one. Sometimes it is hard for me to even identify if I am insane too.
This story started when a man called - wait I can't remember his name, maybe later I will, just be patient.
This story is about a man. He is considered insane because he doesn't talk, it also seems that he forget who he is.
He is an old man. He doesn't even remember when he came to the nursing home or how long is he staying there. He doesn't know a thing. But years had passed. He doesn't know he is stuck into a vicious cycle.
He wakes up at exactly 6 a.m., he just opens his eyes, and he doesn't move or even sit in his bed. Every morning, he pees on his bed before his assigned helper takes him to the restroom.
He doesn't mind eating the same food for his breakfast. He has the same smash potato and a banana for years. He ate it every year without complaining.
He takes a bath every day. He doesn't complain if the water is cold even if it is freezing outside in winter. He just looks straight to the tiles, like he is trying to find some hidden code in it.
For his lunch and dinner, he can have a different food but the server is a dick and gave him the same food for months. After the meal, he drinks his vitamins and medicine.
After lunch, he stays in the recreation room looking straight at a vase without a flower. After dinner, he goes straight to the room and look at the ceiling until he fall asleep.
If you do this to any person, I'm sure he will be insane or won't regain his consciousness back.
A lot of people in the world are trapped in a cycle. Their sanity is on a brink. A shout from their boss when they are on the brink might lead a person to a rampage on the office. Believed me, I've seen it before.
We all had this madman inside of us waiting to explode. Sometimes, this little madman inside of us, control us, because of another little man called anger, and usually we let them win. We use the madman and anger to hurt other people, or much worst, ourselves.
Almost all the people are trap into a cycle they hate. The most common cycle is where having a job that they hate, and they need to do this until they die or go nuts. Or maybe they are insane in the first place for doing this for the rest of their life.
***
The cycle happens for years until one day while he is eating a banana and a mash potato for breakfast. Year had passed that he doesn't understand anything. He doesn't have the sense of time but until today, he senses something.
His conscience wakes up. At first, he notices that he is holding something, a spoon. He feels the coldness of the spoon, the smoothness of the spoon.
Another sense starts to open. He began to saw his food, he saw this disgusting brownish food, at first he doesn't notice that this is a mash potato, for him this is just dirt.
He then notices a movement. A spoon - not the one he is holding - getting some mash potato. His eyes follow the path of the spoon. It leads to his face, he involuntarily open his mouth and chew it for a couple of times. The sense of taste seems to be awakened, the taste seems new, but something is odd, it doesn't taste right for a food.
He is starting to make a few facial expressions after a couple years, a few movements with his eyebrows that tells that the food is disgusting. The helper doesn't notice it. She just wants to end her shift. She doesn't care about anyone in this place. Sometimes the madman inside her tells of burning this place to ground.
And then a boom, this is like an A6M Japan Zero plane that is firing a machine gun nonstop.
When he turns his head, he saw his helper turning away, going to his right hand side. Along with this is a man that smashing his tray to the table for every second. It seems he is playing an instrument. He wants his tempo to be right on time.
He then smells the place. A mix of every food in this room is lying on air. He starts to gag.
He is in shock. He can't comprehend what is happening. And then at once, like a synchronized orchestra, the senses start to play a symphony. Let me be specific, it is symphony number 5.
He began to move on his own. He doesn't know how to respond to what is happening, so he let his new consciousness handle it.
He pushes everything in front of him. He doesn't know what happen. A little bit of memory plays inside him. Some of it is fighting to break free with the other guy inside his head that seems to be security.
The thing is, it is like photographs that flash through his face. It happens fast that he didn't really know what happen.
His 5 senses start to work. But believed me, humans have a lot more than 5. His other senses start to kick in now. He now senses the time, his position or we called gyroscope, and he is starting to be sensitive to temperature and lastly, his consciousness.
Chapter 2
The old man wakes up. He has a mind grain. He is looking straight at the ceiling when flashes of memory of what happen yesterday. He is not sure if that happen yesterday but he know that it happens in the past.
A person came inside his room. He still can't comprehend what is happening. He notices that a mid-50's woman wearing a pink scrub suit came inside the room. She looks heavier than normal people.
"Turn old man." The nanny said.
The old man turns his head to where the voice is coming.
"You became responsive huh?" The nanny said, "This is the first time I see you move on your own."
The helper starts to do his usual routine. She checks if the old man just pissed himself. But today is different. The beddings are dry.
"Hey, good job. Starting to hold your pee for the night?"
The old man holds the arm of the nanny.
The helper became shocked. This is the first time that this happens.
"Who am I?" The old man said.
The helper eye starts to bulge out. This is not a paranormal activity but when a person doesn't talk for years and then one day, he speaking again. I am sure anyone will be surprised.
"Did you just talk?" The nanny said.
"Who am I?" He said.
"Hey, I think you getting fine."
Then the old man sits in his bed.
"Whoa, doing some tricks there, huh?" The nanny said. "I think you are going to better on no time."
"I need to pee." The old man stands up and goes to the toilet.
The nanny stayed in her location. It's been like the old man is normal again, that he isn't been like a robot that doesn't have his own will.
The flush of the toilet was heard across the room. After that, he goes right straight to his bed.
"Who am I?"
"Oh, I will get back to you." The nanny said.
The nanny just walks away. The old man just looks straight to the door that is still open. The nanny even came back to close the door.
A lot of questions sink into the old man. The first question is 'Who am I?’, the next question is 'What the heck am I doing here?
'
He became more conscious with the surrounding for every minute that is passing. He starts to check the room. He begins to check the surrounding, he doesn't see any picture, and the room is plain. The room has a bed for a single person, a table and a chair, and a closet.
The drawer seems to be the desirable place since the other object in the room is bare. You do not need to open the bed to get information, but sometimes you need to check what's under the bed.
He opens the closet. He saw the same kind of clothes inside. He saw a pair of shoes that is too worn out for a person to keep.
Besides the shoe is a briefcase, the leather is torn. But the body is still good. He raises it up, he saw that there are a lock and a dial that needs a passcode. He tries to open the lock but no luck. He places it back from where he gets it.
***
The nanny came back with a wheelchair. It seems that she doesn't bring it inside the room. She came in with a smile.
"Let's go. We will have our breakfast." The helper said.
"Sounds good."
The old man stands up and walks near the helper. He is waiting for the nanny to lead him outside the room while the nanny waits until he gets in the wheelchair.
"You can use this wheelchair." The nanny said.
"What is your name?"
"Cynthia."
"Cynthia, I guess I can walk. Maybe I need an exercise."
"But you can simply sit here."
"I'll walk."
The nanny whisper at the end of her breathes "I wish you were the same old man. You are becoming hard headed like the others."
"What?"
"Nothing, let's go. I need to get the others for breakfast."
"What is your name again?"
"Cynthia."
"Please lead the way."
Cynthia gets out of the room. And the old man followed her. The old man saw a long hallway in the left and right side. Some of the old people are walking on their own.
"The cafeteria is on the left side," Cynthia said.
The old man's legs start to be shaky, maybe because he doesn't walk for a long time.
Cynthia led the old man to a table. It seems the persons here have a specific place.
"You need to get your own food."
"What do I usually get for breakfast?"
"Mash potato and a banana."
"Ok, please assist me in getting my breakfast."
He falls in line with Cynthia. When his turn comes the man that serves food said "Oh, old man learns to walk. The usual?" The man said to Cynthia.
"Yes, the usual."
The man gave the tray with food to Cynthia.
"I can do it. I can carry my own tray." The old man said.
He takes a seat, and he tries the mashed potato.
"This taste bad," The old man said. "How long I been eating this?"
"I do not know when do you start eating that, but I start working here 5 years ago. On my first day, they told me to give you that. And ever since I started working here, that is your breakfast."
He thinks that could be the reason why the mashed potato is so bad. He starts to peel the banana. To him, the banana is much better. It is good to taste something, he doesn't even know when is the last time he eats something that he taste.
"I'll be back," Cynthia said.
After a couple of minutes, Cynthia came back with other seniors. She assists them on getting their food. After that, she came back to the old man.
"Are you done? Your next schedule is taking a bath."
"Ohh, is it?"
They came back to his room. Cynthia got his new clothes from the closet and lay it on the bed.
"Let's go."
"Are you giving me a bath?"
"Yes, I have been doing this for years."
So they get in the shower, Cynthia is a professional when it comes to taking care of people. But 1 thing for sure, she doesn't use warm water for giving a bath. The old man starts to scream as the water hits his body. The shower has a hose. Cynthia can control it to any direction.
"It's too cold. Can you use the heater?" The old man asked.
"I had been doing this for years. The heater is not working."
When they are done, the old man wears his new clothes. The smell was nice because of fabric conditioner. He smells his clothes often because of this.
"I will escort you to the garden," Cynthia said.
"What will I do there?"
"You will wait for lunch."
He sits there looking at a pointless void. He starts to take a deep breath. He sees some senior grooming with others as a group. He then thinks that he doesn't have any friend here. Believed me, it is vital to have friends or you will go insane, but that is not the reason why he got mad.
Then the lunch came.
He gets to choose his food, a fish. It must be better than a potato. He will be stronger with meat. He notices that a lot of seniors are in a group. He is all alone.
After lunch, he was lead to the recreation room where the seniors play cards, watch old movies on a television set. They can also play some video game in an old arcade.
The old man doesn't know what to do. He just sits there observing people when a guy sits beside him.
The man is wearing a t-shirt of a rock band, I think. The logo has a bold letter and a thunderbolt with. He seems to be stuck in his teenager or youth days.
The old man can't understand what the young-old man saying. He is talking so fast that it seems that he can saw that his remaining life will only be 30 seconds.
Then the talking stops and followed by laughter. The old man starts to talk "Do I know you?"
"Hey, you can speak, after all these years."
"Do you know me?"
"Yes, you are silent, mute man, you don't talk for years. I do not even know if you notice me. I thought you belong to the madman team over there. Is this a prank?"
"What is your name?"
"Sam."
"Do you know me for real, like real names, real past?"
"You came here like a cat. You are the definition of living dead. You just do what you do the same day for years."
"So you just know me as being that."
"Yep."
"Thanks. I do not know who I am. I don't even know who I am."
"Do not worry. It is part of aging minuteman."
"It will be fine if I even know my name."
"Maybe you will remember it. Give yourself some time." Sam said. "Later mute man, need to talk to that chic."
Sam goes to another senior. She was once a gymnast in her youth. The old woman wears leggings and getting ready to teach aerobics. Living in here sure feels like high school. Every kind of people is here.
He observed his surroundings. He is trying to absorb everything that is happening. When it is time for sleep, Cynthia led him to his room and gave him his daily pills.
He looks straight to the ceiling and then he falls asleep without him knowing.
Chapter 3
The days had passed. He begins to count the day as it passed. But he got to a point that he forgets how many days had passed since he regains his consciousness. For him, the days become so repetitive that he can't identify the difference between Monday with Tuesday, Tuesday with Wednesday, and so on and so forth.
He ceases to exist in the world, but he doesn't know what the hell he is living for. What is his impact on the society or history? The old man's problem is not very unique. Actually, a lot of yuppies or young professional had been on the same phase where they question their existence.
They ask a question like: (1) every day, I do the same thing. Will I just work for the rest of my life? (2) What the hell I am doing in here if I just going to waste my time doing the same shit? (3) Is it really those 10 years passed? It feels like yesterday. I haven't done anything worthwhile.
Some of the people also ask the question when they get old and expecting to get a result for their hardship, but what really happens is that it didn't go anyw
here, they just earn more money. They are living in loops and before they notice, they were sent by their children on the same nursing home.
Deep inside of the old man, his gut twirling and wants to eat him from inside. His consciousness tells him to find who he really is.
He wakes up one day feeling determined. He is going to find to his own past and identity.
He asks Cynthia about where he can get information about himself. She told him that he can go to the director of the nursing home. The days passed, the only name he got was Silento and mute man. Any senior he asked doesn't know who he is.
The director's office is located in the darkest and deepest part of the nursing home. At first glimpsed, you will think that the room is for maintenance supplies. The door doesn't even have a label telling that room is the director's office.
The old man opens the door. He just peaks inside the room and grunt. He saw a room full of stuck documents. He can smell the molds that are forming inside.
The old man just walks out. He thinks that he is checking the wrong room.
He is going to check if there are other rooms in this area but a person cough inside the room. He opens the door full and saw a woman inside. The woman is wearing a white blazer. She looks young even in her mid-40s. The first thing the old man notice is her mole near the left side of her mount.
He then notices the nameplate on her table saying 'Dr. Angelica Javier', under the name, is a smaller label saying, 'Director'.
"Come in. Please sit down." Angelica said.
The old man sits on the chair in front of Dra. Angelica's desk.
"They said you are getting in good shape. You can now do a thing on your own, have a conversation with others, and even have the curiosity to go here." Angelica said. "Sorry for not welcoming you. I've been busy for the past few weeks. What make you come here?"
"Who am I?" The old man said.
"I do not know. We do not know."
"How does it happen?"
"You came here like an orphaned baby left by the parent. Only the difference is you are a senior citizen."
"So I came here alone? What is my name?"
"We do not know. You came here looking to the infinity. You don't even talk for 8 years."