She went through her chest of drawers, deciding what to keep, what to give away. The things she was keeping she put in her case. All the rest she divided into three piles. After she was done she took a piece of paper ripped in three parts, put one on each pile. Agnes, Fancy, Maria. Something for Tavish? No, nothing for him. She smiled at that.
The picture on the wall, that time she’d tried watercolors, would anyone want it? What Fancy said, “What is it, a fish?” “No, a woman.” Well, she’d leave it hanging there, a little bit of herself for someone else to take down. The wall itself she’d stared at so long till it had become a part of her. The stains and the cracks she made out to be a face. What did the man in the wall think of this journey she was starting on? Couldn’t quite make out the face this morning, something with the light, she just wasn’t seeing it. The face was clearer when the light was dim, candle light was best. Goodbye to him. She opened the door and walked out, and Tommy Dog beside her.
Tavish was at the foot of the stairs. “You don’t have to go, you know. She’s over it by now. Best thing would be just to go on like nothing happened. Run her bath. Poach her egg.”
“Goodbye, Tavish. I’ve a feeling I really have more words to say to you than that, but those’ll do.”
“Why . . .? Why are you leaving . . .? Why now . . . ?”
“I don’t owe you why, but I’ll tell you anyway. I can‘t stay here. I can’t stay in this place. I can’t take what it’s doing to me. I tried to kill my baby. My very own baby, who’ll be my flesh and blood after I’m gone, and that’s whom I tried to kill. You see what a wicked woman this place is making me? I wanted to kill my baby so I could stay here. Oh, I know she would come around. Of course she would. Coming around is what she does best. She’d let me have the baby here, but it’d be on her terms, and I don’t rightly know what those terms would be, but I do rightly know that I wouldn’t like them. No, there’s nothing for me here. If I stay here I’m the shamed woman, the ghost of someone who was once a person. I’d be safer here, I know that. But safety isn’t always the best thing. So I’m leaving. I’ve thought it up and down and there’s no mistaking the path I have to take.”
“But where are you going?”
“I’m going to find Tom.”
“Are you right in the head? He’s off on a sailing voyage. Two long years he’ll be gone. Where are you going to be finding him?”
“I’m going to look in Kashahar. That was the first port they were bound to make. Mayhap there’ll be some word of him there.”
“Katie, you’re a mad woman. There’s no way you’ll get to Kashahar on your own. Stay here in Port Jay. That’s the only thing makes any sense.”
“No.”
“Yes, I’ll find you a place where you can stay. I’ll help you.”
“I don’t need your help. If I’m –“
“I will. I can be a help to you. You’ve friends here in the mansion, you know that. To go to Kashahar, that’s – no. You’re staying here. And you’ll need help when it comes time to have your baby. Don’t you see it now?”
“I can only tell you what I must, that I’ve thought of all these things, and I’m going to Kashahar.” Tavish was silent, so she went on. “If I was to stay here I’d be less than. Less than you, less than the rest of them, needing charity. There’s boys in town that’d beat me blue if they could, and they’ll find a time when they can do it too. I’m no safer here than on the road . . . I’ll take the Coast road to Kashahar, it’s the shortest. I’ve seen maps.”
“What are you going to live on? Moonberries? Will you join the gypsies? A woman on that road alone is just the victim of every thieving villain and cutthroat and Indian from here to Slothikay. You cannot travel alone.”
“I can and I will. I think you’ve no idea of the strength of me. And I’ve the strangest feeling this morning that I’m being called to do this. If I don’t leave now something – I cannot say what it is – something that I trust and cherish will be torn away from me. I’ve a feeling a power that’s greater than myself is watching over me and that my steps are guided, and my travel assured of success. It’s not just my longing that’s speaking; it’s something more. I know it. So farewell, Tavish, to you and your good sense both. I’ll have none of either.”
She took one last look around. Oh yes, the first thing God did, he planted a garden. Now it came to her. There will always be a garden. Then out the gate and down the road. She had her stick in one hand, and the case in the other. Tommy Dog was at her feet, his tongue hanging out, running off to sniff the juniper bushes, then back to trip her up again. No, it wasn’t the bushes he’d sniffed. It was the spot she’d seen the young man. Had she really seen him? Was that really just last night? He wasn’t there now. Someone must have carried the poor lad away.
The morning was a warm one, and the flies were out. And if that wasn’t enough to be bothered with, it wasn’t long before she knew she was being followed. She’d come to the outskirts of the city, where the houses weren’t all close together, but had patches of green between them, and the roads were dirt, and nothing cobbled. Although the day was coming on warm, the sun wasn’t yet high and there were shadows. When she looked to her side she saw her shadow, and then also she saw the shadows that were trailing behind. They were exactly keeping stride, so she knew it wasn’t just by chance. She didn’t look back; didn’t want them to see her scared. She wondered how many they were, and how big. She wanted to take a quick peek. No. She would just keep her way. Maybe they would turn back. They were cowards. She knew them to be so.
“Excuse me, miss, can I ask a question?”
She halted and turned. It was a boy, couldn’t have been more than twelve, dressed in black. Behind him six others. So, seven in all. And one just a girl. Another, she saw the one with the black mop of hair, had a big dog. Oh no.
“So what’s your question?”
“Where are you going?”
“And why is that the least business or interest of yours?” She turned again and started walking more quickly. Her case was feeling very heavy, but she held herself straight.
“I thought you might like some help. I could give you some help. You know, some assistance to get there.”
“To get where?”
“To where you’re going.”
“And where would that be?”
“I don’t know. You wouldn’t say. But wherever it is, I might take you part of the way.”
“In what?” she asked. “Have you a cart?”
“I’ve a wagon. Shall I get it?”
She stopped to look at him. What was he playing at?
“Wait here, while I get it.” He ran off between two houses at the side of the road. She looked at the others.
“You I’ve seen before,” she said to the black mop with buckles on his shoes.
“Yes, darling, I’ve come to show you my dog.” And the big hound he held barked and strained against its leash. Tommy growled.
Then the boy who’d spoken to her before came onto the road ahead of her, hauling a big wagon. He dragged it over the berm and placed it squarely in the roadbed, blocking her way. She saw now she’d been tricked so they could surround her. “Do you want to get in?” the boy shouted. And then they jumped her.
“You should be ashamed.” Katie shouted at the girl, “helping them.” She swung her stick at the dog and tried to back away towards the wagon, but the other boy was waiting for her there. He grabbed her from behind but let go when Tommy bit his leg. She managed to get herself underneath the wagon where she could poke at them with her stick, but she was quickly surrounded under there and found herself having to look out all ways and jab at whoever tried to get close.
Black Mop was enjoying himself. They were going to kill the dog and go through her things, see if there was anything they could use, then take her down by the River to a spot they knew and strip her and have their way. Oh yes, there would be payback for the heads she’d knocked. But he wanted to take his time. He had the
urge to gloat.
“So, darling, are you scared now?” He let his slavering dog charge at her, then pulled back on its leash.
“What is it you’re wanting from me?”
“I want you to tell me you’re scared.”
“You’re a sick excuse for a human being if that’s something you’re wanting. Does your mother know how you’re spending your time?”
“My mother? Is it my mother you’re asking about?”
“Or who is it that washes your clothes and kisses you on the nose?”
Black mop laughed. “You think I’ve a mother, who tucks me in at night?”
“No, no, I think you’ve a mother who gives you a spanking and sends you to bed.”
He laughed again, but the lad next to him said, “Hey, Jock, what’s with the talk? Can we not get her?”
“I was just having some fun. Course you can. Go and get her,” and he took his dog off the leash. At the same time one of the boys came around behind her and when she turned to hit him with her stick, another boy grabbed her leg from in front. Once he had her leg he pulled her out, like an eater getting the best part of the lobster. She was exposed now. She tightened all her muscles, expecting to get hit. And for a second she knew she was going to die. But the thought didn’t fill her with horror or a lot of sadness; truth is, she just hoped she wouldn’t suffer. Then she thought, Oh, what a shame about the baby. Though I’m sure I would’ve made a rotten mother.
Just then there was a musket shot and the lad who was pulling her fell. Tavish was standing on a small hill to one side of the road. He was busy pouring some more powder into his musket and he shouted, “Get off and away, you scum, before I shoot the lot of you!”
“You shot Pongo!” said one of the boys. “He’s bleeding!”
“I’ll shoot you next. Would you like that? I’m just the man to do it. You may think you’re tough, but I’ve got a gun.” And he raised and aimed his musket. “I’ll shoot any one of you who lays a finger on her. I mean it . . . Come on, Katie, come over here.”
Katie walked to the base of the hill where Tavish stood. Her knees and her calves were skinned from the roughness of the road, and she was still wary of the hound, but the boys were standing back, measuring Tavish’s intentions.
“You can’t shoot people in the street,” said Jock, the one with the black mop. “We were just playing a game.”
“Then find a constable and tell him to put me behind bars. There’s no law in this town anymore.”
“Pongo, he’s dead,” said one of the boys. Then he looked at Tavish. “You killed him.”
Tavish pointed his musket at this new interruption. “I told you to get out. I’ll shoot the rest of you if I have to. Now get!”
They scattered like chaff in a strong wind.
Tavish walked down the hill and took Katie’s trembling hand. “There’s a power greater than yourself that’s watching over you, lass, you said it yourself, and its name is Tavish. If I wasn’t here you’d never have gotten out of the city. Don’t say thank you, I’m sure the words would dirty your mouth.” She could only stare at him. “That’s Neddy,” he said, pointing to a pony he’d brought with him. “His saddlebags are full. There’s food and supplies.”
“Where did you get them?”
“I robbed Madam Lanchester. It was the quickest way. You gave me no time to do anything else, you were in such a hurry to get out and get killed. I had to rob the woman I worked for. Her diamonds were of the finest water, her spoons solid silver and everything was hallmarked. There was remarkable little fuss turning it into cash.”
“But what will you tell her?”
“I’ve naught to tell. I’m not going back. My bridges are burned far more fully than yours. You could return, you know, she’d take you in, even now, but not me. Now where are you headed?”
Katie stood, amazed. “What are you doing?” she asked.
“I’m coming with you. What does it look like I’m doing? Now I ask you again, where are you headed?”
“To Kashahar. By the Coast road. I told you . . . You’ve no right to do this for me. I never asked you. I never wanted you.”
“That’s a stupid thing you’re saying. I’ll forget it. Now mount your pony. You can’t walk to Kashahar, miss I’ve seen the maps. The world is a sight bigger than you think.”
“I’m never taking you with me.”
“Then where am I to go? Where on the face of this blasted earth am I to go?! I’ve no job anymore; I’m a thief and a murderer all to look after you. You see what I’ve done? This day I’ve stolen from the woman I worked for my entire life. I’ve killed a boy I don’t even know who wasn’t doing me harm. I’m out of my mind, I am. I’m cursing myself for a crazy man, it’s what I’ve become. And why? Because there’s a lass I can’t stop thinking of who has no idea how to take care of herself and who has as much regard for me as for an old boot. But crazy as I am, I still brought a musket that she’ll need if she’s to stay alive, and I still brought her food, which I’m sure she never thought of, and other gear, and I even thought well she’ll need an umbrella for when it rains and I stopped on my way to get her one,” he showed her the umbrella,“and still was in time to save her from them that would murder her. So tell me, if I don’t go with you, where am I to go?” And he was cursing her but he was crying at the same time.
And she cried too. “I’m sorry, Tavish. I’m so sorry. I was doing just for myself, but you’ve insisted on mixing with me and I’ve a feeling – no, I’m knowing for sure – you’re a stupid man for doing it.”
“There’s no question I’m a stupid man,” he said. “I expect I’m the stupidest man ever walked the face of the earth, giving up a post where I was set and comfortable, to become a thief and a murderer living on the road all for a brainless woman who doesn’t have a kind word for me. Yes, I’m a stupid man. I’ve no argument with that at all.” As he spoke, with his knife he’d dug his ball out of Pongo’s back. It had gone between the ribs, into his lungs and his heart, and it was a struggle to get out. Lots of blood came with it. “We must preserve our ammunition. I don’t know where we’ll find more of these,” meaning the lump of gory lead he was holding.
They rolled Pongo over onto his back so they could look at him. He couldn’t have been more than fifteen. He had blue eyes and black hair. In a pocket over his heart was a little blue flower from someone who’d had a friendly thought for him. This is the second dead lad in as many days, thought Katie. Looks to be a trail I’m leaving. “What shall we do with him?” she asked.
“There’s naught we can do. We’ll leave him for his friends.” They straightened him out and laid him with his arms at his sides. Katie wrote ‘Pongo’ on a piece of paper and laid it under his hand. That’ll do for a headstone. A breeze blew the scrap away.
The two of them looked at each other; glum and angry they were. Then they laughed,what else could they do? There was no mistaking the joke, and the joke was on them, and they knew it.
“Last night I was a high flown lady with diamonds at my ears and you were the man of the house. Today we’re a couple of tramps. Can’t wait to see what tomorrow’ll bring.” She put her foot into the stirrup and mounted the pony. They made an odd pair, she mounted on the stolid gray pony, with the musket and umbrella hooked onto the saddle, and the saddlebags full, he standing beside, wearing a hat to keep the sun off and carrying her case, with Tommy trotting along sniffing the puddles and chasing after birds. With not a glance backwards, they headed down the road towards Kashahar.
It would be nice to say that Katie had a song in her heart, but it would not be true. She was filled with a fear and an alarm and a dread of what awaited her. Looking ahead she saw naught but peril and consequences that were not to be considered. Yet she had hope. For all stories are bound to end with happiness; it’s all we can conceive. As to Tavish, who knows what was in his mind? He was a dark and a hidden man, and he held himself close, and his own thoughts shivered with the loneliness the wind brough
t in every time the door was opened. Tommy could smell his mistress’s fear, but he smelled something else as well, and if he’d been able he’d have told her that the worst was well behind so long as he was there. And Neddy? He was the newest to this gang, just getting acquainted as it were. At this time his deepest ruminant meditation was on the subject of carrots, and it was a symphony of satisfaction in itself, and he was content to let the world take its course so long as he was left in the blissful peace of purest contemplation.
PART TWO
MIDDLE GAME
Chapter Eleven
THE EYE OF MADDIBIMBO
Fergus was singing a song, and the words he sang were these:
Who do I see through the long grass going
A short shift wearing and locks blowing free
As the last wind ere moonrise now sets about blowing,
Is it the one that looketh for me?
With a hey and a ho, and a nonny nonny no,
The rain doth rain and the wind doth blow.
Bright shines the moon, I see her more clear
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