by J. L. Wilder
But I didn’t need to worry.
Because the next thing I knew, Tristan was kissing me.
His hands went to the small of my back, squeezing me closer to him, pressing me so tightly that I thought we would merge into one. To hell with being careful, to hell with doing what was ‘right’. I wanted to, at long last, do what felt good.
I kissed him back.
It was a different kiss than the one I’d shared with Caine. It was passionate, yes, but it wasn’t just physical; it was the meeting of minds at the precipice of lips. It was the conclusion to a story that had been in the telling for longer than I’d realized. Or was it the beginning of a new chapter? Finality and the promise of a new future swirled around on the tip of Tristan’s tongue.
I looped my hands around his neck, pulling him down further to me. An old saying came to me: an alpha never bows their head. And yet, Tristan was bowing for me, was lowering himself down to meet my level.
His fingers moved up my back, and loosened a single lace of my corset. I felt a thrill heave through my body, so powerful it threatened to bring me to my knees. I sighed around his lips, ready to taste ecstasy. And in that sigh, I knew Tristan’s hands on my flesh wouldn’t be enough. I wanted him inside me.
Never breaking our kiss, I took his hand from the back of my corset, and slid it down my body, right to the top of my thigh.
“Are you sure?” he whispered, understanding my meaning.
In response, I moved his hand the final few inches into my pants. His fingers felt my slickness and Tristan gulped, excited and desperate in equal measure. Without another word, he slipped his index and forefinger inside of me, and began to stroke. Oh my god, how could anything be this good? Orgasm was only a few deft finger movements away.
Then the door opened.
Chapter 13
Tristan and I leapt apart so fast we could’ve broken the sound barrier. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him wipe his lips guiltily before interlocking his hands behind his back. He was back in soldier mode, fighting in an eternal war; all his vulnerability of just moments ago had already been shoved back behind the wall he’d built for himself, the one that kept the outside world from seeing how deeply he felt things.
“Ding dong, you guys home?”
Caine. I recognized his voice immediately.
Relief flooded my body. Tristan tilted his head back, and briefly closed his eyes before opening them once more and walking toward the door.
Caine and Daniel, covered in dirt and branches—and, most alarmingly, some traces of a viscous red substance—came through the back door, tramping mud onto the pristine floor. They looked the worse for wear, but Caine still managed a grin as he took in my new getup.
“Yowza,” he purred. “You been gussying up for us?”
If only he knew, I thought with a twinge of remorse. He’d be so disappointed.
Tristan, back in business mode, replied smoothly, “They were the only clothes available.”
“Hey, I’m not complaining,” Caine said, admiration coloring his tone. He pushed back his dirty blonde hair, which was covering his eyes and appeared to be matted with sweat.
I couldn’t resist any longer: I let out a deep sob.
“Emma?” Daniel asked, concerned. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m just—” I stuttered, choking around the sob. “I’m so glad you’re both safe.”
I ran toward them, my heart pulling me forward, and collided with their bodies, enveloping both men in an enormous hug, not caring that they were naked and covered in grime. They smelled like war, a distinct odor that wasn’t gross so much as it was terrifying, the outpouring of pheromones an overwhelming experience.
Their arms met around my back, and for a fleeting moment, I thought maybe I could make this work—maybe I could love each member of the pack, and still be a part of the pack. Maybe I wouldn’t have to be a drifter forever.
At last, we pulled away, and my eyes ran over the faces of both men. Caine looked pleased by my affection, perhaps a little surprised at its unbounded earnestness; Daniel was scrutinizing me, in that way he had—making me feel almost too seen, as though his understanding penetrated all facades I attempted to erect.
Tristan cleared his throat, as though coughing out cobwebs of jealousy. Or was I just imagining what I wanted to hear?
“So, what happened?” the alpha asked brusquely.
After the boys had gotten their own sets of clothes, our little group shifted and reconvened at the single couch in the house. Daniel and Caine collapsed onto the sofa, a much-deserved rest after a fight, and I wedged myself in between the two of them, unwilling to let either stray far from my touch. I reasoned that, if only I could keep them close to me forever, I could protect them. That was ridiculous, of course; literally speaking, they were my hired muscle. While I couldn’t match their strength, I itched to show them my sacrifice, to prove that I, too, could be of value to the pack.
Tristan, meanwhile, stood opposite the sofa, close to the wall. Protecting his back, I thought with some surprise. Apparently, our few days of military training had stuck with me, despite the excitement of the night. I understood, with a sudden burst of insight, that Tristan always kept his back to a wall; he never let his guard down.
Except when he was kissing me in the hall, my inner voice reminded me. I tried to push the thought away, but it stayed front and center in my brain. He dropped his defense, just for you.
I shook my head. Stupid thoughts. I wished I wasn’t such an empath, that other people’s emotions and stress actions didn’t resonate in my body like the clanging of a bell. Maybe that was why I got too entangled in the inner lives of others—because I couldn’t shut down my strong feelings toward everyone else’s strong feelings.
When I finally managed to extricate myself from my own mind, Caine had already begun the story, recounting it as if it were no big deal, just an average weeknight.
“So, yeah, we weren’t doing anything. I mean, I was cooking dinner, but that was it.”
Daniel made the smallest noise of contradiction at Caine’s use of the word ‘dinner’, and I smiled. Even though they’d clearly been through hell and back that night, Caine hadn’t lost his effervescence, and Daniel hadn’t lost his quiet but awesome sense of humor. My boys were still there.
“Anyway,” Caine continued. “I finished dinner, and called for you guys. Daniel came out, but you and Emma didn’t. I went to your rooms, knocked, and no response. That’s when I started to get worried.”
“Where were you?” Daniel asked. I could hear the edge in his voice. Was I correct in thinking it was envy?
I looked toward Tristan, waiting for his guidance, but he was stony.
Caine seconded Daniel. “Neither of you were in the den, for sure.” His eyes went to me, and I tried very hard to avoid their piercing blue. They were accusatory, but more than anything, very hurt.
“Go on, Emma,” the alpha replied, his tone surprisingly cool for a man who’d been kissing me only moments ago. “Tell them where we were.”
“I was trying to run away,” I confessed.
Daniel was the first of the two to be struck by this. “Did we do something wrong?”
“Shit,” Caine muttered.
“No, no,” I hastened to reply. “No, it’s just that…” I looked around the room, trying to see them all at once, but unwilling to leave the safety of the couch. “It’s just that, I felt I was tearing you guys apart. And I didn’t want to be responsible for that anymore.”
“So, you just jumped ship?” Caine retorted. “Why?”
“I don’t know. I got overwhelmed with this massive amount of guilt, and I ran. Because in my experience, things can only be solved by walking away from them.”
“We’re not Brock,” Tristan said in a low voice.
“Of course you’re not. And I’m not saying you are. I just…” My tone turned pleading. “It’s all I know.”
“I understand,” Daniel said. His pale face w
as turned flush toward mine, and he laid a reassuring hand on my knee, giving it a squeeze. From anyone else, the touch would’ve been brazen, but coming from him, it felt safe. He was always quieter when he was with the pack, but what he lacked verbally, he made up for in physical contact.
“I feel like I betrayed you guys,” I admitted. “You let me in, and took care of me, and trained me and, in return, I ran away.”
Caine shrugged his hulking shoulders, and I pivoted to him. “It’s okay, Em. We forgive you.” He swallowed, and added, “I thought you were gone because—for other reasons.”
Daniel nodded in agreement, saying nothing.
If only they’d known what happened afterward. It wasn’t a lie, was it? I mean, I really had left the HW hideout with the intention to run away. The fact that Tristan and I had ended up here, in this house, kissing … Well, that had never been part of the plan. Argh, the line between truth and lies was blurring. When did it move from being obscure to an actual sin of omission?
I should tell them. That’s what was right, it was the only fair thing to do. It would have the added benefit of giving me a clear conscience, sure … but then again, it could just rip the pack further apart. My own moral cleansing wasn’t worth that. Shit, I was of such wildly different minds that it felt like one belonged to me, and one belonged to my Wolf.
Tristan, perhaps sensing that we were entering dangerous territory, intervened.
“Caine, you were telling us what happened.”
Caine nodded, his large fingers splayed over the arm of the couch. “Yeah, right, so anyhow. You guys weren’t there, and Daniel and I knew something was up. All I knew from our alpha-beta connection is that you were pissed. We figured we’d better go check it out. We left the den, went outside, started looking around. That’s when they jumped us.”
“Who?” Tristan asked.
“Brock’s bears,” Caine replied. “Obviously.”
A ringing started in my ears and seemed to plow inward, moving toward the center of my brain, burrowing a hole. Brock’s bears. The phrase played over and over in my head. He had come. Tristan had told me earlier, of course, but I guess I’d been holding out some kind of ridiculous hope that they were different bears, or that the mind link had been fuzzy, that Tristan had gotten the wrong information.
Tristan’s words interrupted the ringing. “Yes, but was Brock there?”
Caine shook his head. “I wouldn’t have recognized his bear form, but no, I don’t think he was. The group didn’t seem to unite around a leader, you know?”
I heaved a sigh of relief. At least Brock was just sending out his men. If he had actually shown up, it would’ve meant D-Day; Brock only went to a hit if his intention was to kill.
Daniel chimed in, affirming Caine’s take. “They weren’t protecting anyone.”
“It’s not an alpha’s job to be protected,” Tristan sniffed, as if the statement was a personal affront. Daniel bristled a little at the implication that he’d been casting doubt on the alpha—I could feel his shoulders go stiff—but kept it to himself.
“What happened next?” I urged, anxious to hear the story, hoping it would give me some clues.
Caine gestured to his body. Even though he was now clothed, what visible skin there was showed cuts and bruises. They would heal quickly, I thought, nothing too serious, but even still—to leave a mark on a Wolf that showed up on the human meant that real blood had been drawn.
“We wrestled,” he said, using a euphemism I suspect was entirely for my benefit.
“And?” Tristan pressed.
“And … it got bad.” Caine cast a look in my direction, and pressed his lips shut. He wasn’t usually one to be cautious of his words.
“You don’t have to protect me,” I muttered. “I know what the bears can be like, remember?”
He sighed. “Fine. There was five of them, two of us. We’re strong, but these guys are brutes. I mean, hulking. We only got out by sheer dumb luck.”
“Ahem,” Daniel interjected.
Caine waved across the couch toward Daniel. “Yeah, and Daniel. One of his traps in the woods. We realized they were pushing us backwards, deeper into the woods, and I thought we were totally toast until—”
“Until they stepped in it,” Daniel said with a smirk.
“In what?” I asked, confused.
Daniel, ever the teacher, explained carefully, “I set these little traps around the den. Survival skills, like the ones I teach you. This one happened to be of the arrow variety.”
“You could’ve warned me,” Caine muttered. “I nearly got kebabbed.”
Daniel countered, “I pulled you down to the ground in time. The arrows flew overhead, hit the bears.”
“Killed them?” I whispered, scared of the answer.
He shook his head. “I don’t think so. Just incapacitated them for a second. Long enough for us to get away.”
Caine picked up the thread, saying, “Yeah, and from there, we figured this was the nearest hideout. We hoped you were gonna be here, but weren’t sure what had really happened to you.”
“We thought Brock’s men might have gotten you,” Daniel murmured, his throat tight. He looked outraged, like he wanted to exact revenge on each and every one of those bears who threatened my life. I gave him an encouraging smile.
“But they didn’t,” I reminded Daniel. “We’re okay.”
Caine talked over whatever Daniel was about to say next. “Yeah, clearly.” He gave another long look at my outfit, before continuing, “Sorry we didn’t stick around to look for you.”
“Don’t apologize,” Tristan said, breaking his long silence. “That was always the plan. You stick with the pack, but if a man is missing—run. You did good, Caine.”
Caine grinned, now looking mighty pleased with himself. I was glad; he deserved to feel at least a little bit good. God knew taking on the bears was a challenge that few could handle. Or, more accurately, that few could survive.
The room was quiet for a couple moments as we all processed this information. Caine’s arm swung over the back of the sofa. I don’t know if he thought it was subtle, but it wasn’t; the beta was trying to assert some territory. His fingers dangled just over my shoulders. I could feel their whisper, how the edges ran against my exposed flesh. How could he turn me to putty in a single touch? I didn’t think it was a good idea for him to touch me like this in front of the other men, but I also desperately did not want him to stop.
Caine, perhaps reading my desire, moved his fingers further down, until they were firmly atop my collarbone. I leaned a little closer to him, unable to resist the magic his body worked on me.
I watched Tristan’s jaw clench, its muscles working overtime, but he said nothing. Was I trying to draw out his jealousy? I didn’t think so; in my perfect world, these men weren’t jealous. I didn’t want them in competition, I just wanted them all.
Daniel stood up abruptly, and I knew my fantasy was just that—a fantasy.
“I think I’m gonna turn in for the night,” he choked out, the words mangled through his gritted teeth. His face wasn’t even attempting composure. Though none of us said a word about my movement toward Caine, we all felt it, like the shifting of tectonic plates. Daniel looked beat down, for the first time, and it wasn’t because of the cuts. It was because of me. I wanted to reach out and touch him, pull him back down onto the couch, feel him and Caine and Tristan all moving around me, caressing me in perfect harmony.
Instead of doing anything that foolish, I tried to get him to stay on practicalities. My mind raced, and the first thing I came up with was, “How did Brock know where we were?”
Tristan cut off his men, replying, “I’m sure he has his ways.”
Caine disagreed, his tone growing pointed. “Actually, we know exactly what his ways were. As we were leaving, one of the bears—or I guess, at that point, men—said they’d found us once, and they’d find us again. Because we made stupid decisions, like thinking that our fellow Wolves h
ad our back. What was that supposed to mean, Tristan?”
“I don’t know,” Tristan replied, but it wasn’t very convincing.
“Well, I do,” Daniel said, the words ushering an icy tension into the room. “He means Pelt told them.”
Wait, what?
My mind cast back to my encounter with Pelt, which felt so long ago. I’d told Tristan she couldn’t be trusted, that Brock could buy anyone’s fealty. And Tristan had ignored me. I wanted to believe Daniel was wrong, but also knew it was the truth.
Tristan, trying to maintain his ground, argued, “That’s conjecture.”
“How?” Daniel hissed. “Tristan, we’ve only had contact with one other shifter since taking in Emma. Specifically, one other fellow Wolf shifter. Then, almost immediately thereafter, Brock found us. Who the hell are you kidding? It was her.”
“You don’t know that,” Tristan growled.
Daniel scoffed. “Fine, I can’t confirm that. But I’m using my head, and drawing the most obvious conclusion.”
“Maybe somebody saw us at the gas station,” Tristan hypothesized. “And then followed us, maybe by drone, and…”
The room seemed to collectively understand that Tristan was faltering. The alpha, too, realized there was no way to back out of this but said nothing. He wouldn’t admit his fault. He just let us grow silent once more, refusing to take responsibility, to acknowledge that he’d made an error in judgment.
“I need some air,” Daniel said abruptly, storming toward the door and flinging it open. “Tristan, don’t follow me.”
“Wasn’t planning on it,” the alpha barked.
I stood up and followed Daniel.
“Where are you going?” Tristan asked me.
Swallowing my anger, I replied, “I told you what Brock could do. You didn’t believe me. Caine and Daniel could’ve died.”
“But—”
I was already out the door, not interested in what he had to say.