by Mary Alford
“Tell me what you remember about Travis?” he asked and tried to keep the fear from his voice.
“He’s a thirty-something ex-marine who is cocky beyond belief and positive he’s God’s gift to women. That’s the Travis I remember.”
That was word-for-word Kate speak. Kate loved to give Travis a hard time whenever she could. In the beginning, before it became apparent to Travis there was more going on between Kate and Jase than agent and handler, he’d made a play for her. She’d quickly shot him down.
Hannah’s description would have fit Travis to a tee a few weeks back. He wasn’t that person anymore. Kate’s death had changed everyone involved.
He looked into her eyes. There were tears there.
Whatever was happening between him and Hannah, however she managed to know Kate’s secrets, right now he didn’t care. It was as if they’d been given a gift. He and Kate. A second chance to put things right between them.
He stuffed the phone back inside his pants pocket and kneeled in front of Hannah. There were so many things he needed to say.
“I need to say this to Kate… To the part of her that still lives in you. Okay?”
Jase had surprised her. Slowly she nodded.
He wasn’t sure where to start, so he thought about Kate and how he’d felt the night he watched her die. It surprised him that tears stung at his eyes much as they had that night.
“I’m sorry. I wasn’t there for you. I was unclear about how I felt about you. There were so many things I should have told you, and I know it’s too late, but maybe…”
Tears fell from her eyes. She touched his face. “It’s not too late.”
“I did love you. With all of my heart, I loved you, and I’ll never forget you. There hasn’t been a second of a day that goes by I don’t wish I’d told you how much.”
His hands threaded through her hair turning her face up to his.
Hannah swallowed back a sob.
“Kate, I’m so sorry I never told you before.”
He brushed his thumbs over her tears. “I’ll never forget how important you were to me.”
He kissed Hannah then, slow, lingering for a moment, and then he looked into her eyes. “Thank you. Thank you allowing me a second chance to tell her how I felt. For letting me know how she felt about me. For the first time since she died, I feel as if I can let her go now. I think that’s what she’d want. Maybe there’s a chance at a normal life for me, and it’s because of you. So, thank you.”
“You believe me. About how she felt about you?”
“Yes.” He sat down next to her and took her hand.
She breathed out a sigh then wiped the last of her tears away. “Thank you. I think that’s what she wanted me to make clear to you. Above solving her murder, she wanted you to hear how much she loved you.”
He nodded. “I never told her this, but I bought this cabin six months before her death. I thought … well, I guess it really doesn’t matter now. When I realized Kate wasn’t ready to make the decision to leave, I knew for me it was over. That’s when I bought the ranch in New Zealand. I guess I’ll sell this place. It makes sense. I can’t see coming here anymore.”
She was crying again. This time he didn’t try to comfort her. “That’s so sad. I’m sorry that you didn’t have the chance to make things work.”
He was too. “I think it’s the nature of the spy business. It’s hard to trust people. Even harder to love like normal people.” He put his arm around Hannah and pulled her close. “I want that chance though. I want to fall in love again.”
She put her head on his shoulder. “Do you have a picture of the ranch? I’d love to see it.”
He dug into his wallet and pulled out a ragged photo he’d taken when he first bought the place and handed it to her. “It ain’t much, but I have to confess, I love it. There’s a small village close by for supplies. I don’t think anyone there has even heard of the war on terror.”
He could feel her smile. “It’s perfect. I can see you living there. As a rancher.”
He chuckled at her description. “Me too.” After a moment he asked, “What about you? What’s next for you, Hannah, Sandoval? Are you going to marry that coach? Have a houseful of babies.”
He held his breath. He wasn’t sure which answer he hoped to hear.
“No. We ended it,” she said slowly.
Jase went still. “When?”
She hesitated for a second longer. “Not long after I was released from the hospital.”
“I’m sorry,” he said, but he wasn’t.
She smiled up at him. “Don’t be. I didn’t love him. I thought I did, but…”
For some reason the fact that they’d broken up pleased him. He decided not to delve too deeply into the reasons behind that.
“He wasn’t the right one for you.”
Hannah pushed him away and got to her feet. “He was sweet to me. He was right there with me through the transplant and the coma and… He’s kind and considerate and…”
“And he sounds terribly boring as well.”
She stared at him. “He is not.”
He shook his head. “He is. You’d be bored with him in six months. Anyone who has that many suspense novels piled around their place wouldn’t be happy with nice.”
She sat back down next to him. “He’s a good person, though.”
“Uh huh. But there’s more to being happy than nice. You need passion. You need to need that person like you need your next breath.”
She shifted so that she could look into his eyes. He saw all the desires he’d mentioned in her eyes and he wanted to experience each of them with her.
Jase dragged her back into his arms. He captured her gaze and held it while he lowered his head and kissed her. She was soft and sweet and he so hated to let her go, but he must.
He stood and moved away, his back to her.
“So, what happens now? Where do we go from here?” She was the one to finally break the silence. Reality came thundering back between them.
“We don’t. We can’t, Hannah. Whatever this is, call it a residual feeling, or exorcising an old ghost, whatever. It shouldn’t have happened,” he told her gently.
He turned to face her. Her hurt was hard to take, but he had to. “I’m sorry. I know this hurts to hear, but it shouldn’t have happened.”
He tried to soften his tone. He’d broken so many rules with her. He needed to take control of the situation.
“I think we need some fresh air to clear our heads.”
* * * *
“It shouldn’t have happened.” Those words cut to the heart of the matter. She didn’t know what to say, but he seemed to understand.
He grabbed her jacket and handed it to her. “I thought maybe we could go into town and have dinner. You’ve been cooped up in this cabin for a while. You deserve some time out,” he said gently. He even managed a smile.
She couldn’t quite do the same, but she realized he was trying. She wanted to as well. “That sounds nice.”
They walked out into the chilly evening, and he held the passenger door opened for her.
The storm had blown itself out. A three-quarter full moon hung low in the sky as they drove to the small ski village of Diablo. She didn’t know what to say to him.
She could almost feel his tension as well. Jase was out of his element with her. He didn’t know how to react to her either.
He cleared his throat. “There are several restaurants in town, but I suggest we go to The Longhorn because it’s less crowded and easier to watch the comings and goings.” And he and Kate hadn’t been there before. For once, she was glad to be somewhere Kate didn’t remember.
She wondered if he’d chosen it mostly for security purposes or because he couldn’t imagine Kate there. “That sounds nice.”
It was early by the ski crowd standards. The place was all but deserted.
Jase parked in front of a building that looked as if it might belong in an old west movie. He would b
e right at home here.
“Nice place,” she said once the waitress had seated them.
He glanced up from studying the menu. He wasn’t sure if she was serious or teasing him.
“You’re not a vegan are you?”
She actually smiled. “No. I love a good steak.”
The waitress came to take their orders.
When it was the two of them again, she asked. “So how does someone from a small town in Texas become a spy anyway?” She knew the answer. She wanted to hear it again from him, and it gave them something to talk about.
He smiled and some of the seriousness disappeared. It made her wonder what it would be like when he was completely free of the CIA’s shadow.
“You’re wondering if I had some deep seeded desire to spy on my neighbors, or did I just wake up one day and decide this was the life for me.”
She nodded.
“Well, to answer your question, it wasn’t any of those things.”
The waitress brought their food. Hannah had ordered the steak like Jase. She cut off a piece, took a bite, and then closed her eyes at the perfection.
He chuckled at her expression of ecstasy. “That good, huh.”
She laughed as well. “Yeah. Let’s just say it’s been a while since I’ve had a truly good steak. Sorry, go on with your story.”
“There’s not a lot to tell really. I was in college when the CIA sent recruiters to our campus. I did well in school, but I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I listened to what the recruiter said. Thought about it for a while then signed up. It wasn’t until 9/11 happened some two years later that I realized I’d made the right decision in joining. I’d wanted to do something to make a difference. I did. We did. I was with the first team of agents in country before we invaded Afghanistan. I saw the country liberated from the Taliban’s hold. It was very rewarding.”
He stared off into the distance, barely touching his meal. “When did Kate come on board?” She knew the answer to this as well, but his story had her mesmerized. She understood why Kate loved him. She wished…
“A couple of years later. She was already working for the Agency, but she hadn’t been assigned yet. I hand-picked her for Afghanistan.”
The guilt he felt at making that decision was there on his face. She couldn’t look away. She squeezed her hand. “Oh, Jase. This wasn’t your fault. Kate knew the risks just as you did. You can’t blame yourself for what happened.”
He held onto her hand when she would have pulled away. “I know. But that doesn’t make it any easier.”
“Is that why you’re getting out?” She regretted the question immediately when a door slammed shut on his feelings and his expression grew hard.
“I’m getting out because I’m done. I don’t believe in anything anymore. There’s nothing left for me here.”
Those words hurt to hear. She wanted…
She was so close to loving him already. She wanted him to love her the way he’d loved Kate. She wanted to tell him there was a chance for them. If they tried, they could both move on together without Kate. She didn’t say any of those things because she remembered what he’d said to her at the cabin. It shouldn’t have happened. They shouldn’t have happened.
A country band began to play on the small stage step up in the corner of the restaurant. Hannah didn’t recognize the song, but it was something slow and sexy.
“Do you dance, Hannah Sandoval?” She closed her eyes. The thought of being in his arms again did dangerous things to her resolve.
She opened her eyes and found him standing in front of her, hand outstretched, looking vulnerable.
“I love this song. Don’t refuse me this one request. Please dance with me.”
She hesitated only a moment, and then she took his hand and let him lead her out onto the dance floor. The second she went into his arms she forgot the danger they faced. Their uncertain future. Kate’s troubled past. She forgot everything but the man holding her close.
The song was so slow and oh so romantic that, for a second, Hannah could almost believe in fairy tales.
Here in Jase’s arms, away from all the danger haunting their lives, with one song ending and another one beginning, she had to remind herself that Jase wasn’t her future. When this ended and the danger was gone, he’d leave her for a life halfway across the world. Would he forget her as easily? She knew in her heart, she’d never forget him and the chance of her moving on with her life with anyone else, was slowly slipping away with every moment she spent in his arms.
Chapter Fourteen
“We should probably go,” he whispered against her ear. He hated to break the spell. For a little while, with her in his arms, surrounded by strangers and dancing to cheesy country love songs, he could have been anybody. They could have been any married couple on holiday. It felt … normal. It felt good. And that scared him.
He let her go, and she put distance between them. He paid their bill and they walked side by side in silence to the truck.
“Thank you,” she said unexpectedly as they left the village behind.
He looked at her. “For what?”
She shifted in her seat so that she could face him. “For tonight. This time. It was very sweet.”
He swallowed hard, but the lump didn’t go away. She thought he was being sweet. No one had called him sweet in a long time.
“You’re welcome.” He focused on the road ahead, because things between them were getting a little too comfortable, and he liked it.
When they reached the cabin, he pulled the truck around back and they got out.
“Wait here.” He left her standing just inside the kitchen and quickly searched the place. Nothing was out of the ordinary, yet the hair on the back of his neck was standing in alert.
She must have picked up on it as well. “What’s wrong?”
He flipped the light on and looked around. Everything was as they left it. Was he being paranoid?
He shook his head. “Nothing. I don’t know. I guess I’ve been at this too long. I’m getting spooked for no reason.”
She watched him carefully. She wasn’t convinced. He was definitely losing his touch.
“Want some coffee?” He tried to change the subject. He didn’t want to worry her unnecessarily.
After a second she said, “Sure. I’ll help you make it.”
She grabbed some cups from the cabinet, then cream and sugar. When the coffee finished brewing, Jase poured two cups and they sat down at the table.
He couldn’t let go of the feeling that something was off. It would be pointless to try to check the parameter at night, but in the morning, he’d make sweep of the place. Put his fears to rest once and for all.
“You should try and sleep. For my peace of mind, I’m going to bunk down in your room. I’ll sleep on the floor.”
She considered what he said then nodded. “Okay.”
“You go ahead. I’ll be there in a bit.”
He might not be able to do a parameter check, but he could look around the cabin. See if there were any telltale signs that someone had been there.
He flipped off the coffeemaker and started in the kitchen. He checked each window, and door. There was no sign that someone had jimmied any of the locks.
He grabbed a quick shower in the guest room, then found one of the sleeping bags and went into her room.
She was sitting propped up in bed already. He unrolled the sleeping bag and lay down, placing the Glock underneath his head.
“Goodnight,” she whispered, and then turned out the light. He heard her roll over on her side. He doubted if sleep would be possible for him, and it had nothing to do with the possible danger lurking outside and everything to do with her. Hannah Sandoval.
* * * *
“Goodbye, Kate. I wish I could say, I’ll miss you, but the truth is, I never really liked you all that much and you’ve outlived your worth.” Someone clamped a hand over her mouth.
No. She struggled to free hersel
f. Not again. She couldn’t let it happen again.
“Shh…” Jase whispered against her ear. “It’s me. Don’t say a word, okay?”
Hannah opened her eyes. He sat next to her on the bed.
“I’m going to take my hand away. Don’t speak.”
She nodded and he removed his hand. She noticed then that he had his weapon in his other hand.
“I think someone’s outside. I need you to go into the closet and don’t come out until I tell you to.”
He stood as did she. “Jase, no, you can’t go out there alone.”
“I’ll be okay. It could be someone from the ski area who wandered off the path. It could be nothing at all.”
She glanced at the clock. They’d been asleep for a little more than two hours. “At this time of the night? You don’t believe that.”
“Hurry, Hannah. There’s not much time.” He all but dragged her to the closet. “Close the door and stay quiet. Don’t open the door for anyone until you hear from me.”
She grabbed his arm. “Be careful, Jase. Please, be careful.”
He stopped for a second and looked at her, then he kissed her cheek. “Don’t worry. Close the door.”
She did as he asked. Fear pumping adrenalin throughout her body at an alarming rate. Father, please keep him safe.
Somewhere within the cabin, she heard a door open then silence. What if the people responsible for killing Kate and those two agents were out there? Jase wouldn’t stand a chance on his own.
The silence became palpable, and she couldn’t stand it any longer. She started out the door when she heard it. Gunshots. More than one weapon being fired. She lost track of the number of shots.
“Jase,” she yelled his name and ran in the direction of the gunshots, close to the back of the cabin.
She hit the back door right as someone came inside.
She screamed when the man grabbed her arms and held her.
“It’s me, Hannah. It’s okay, it’s me.”
“Oh, thank God.” She held him tight and felt him wince. “What is it?”
He put her away from him and flipped on the light. He was hurt.
“Oh, Jase. Are you okay?”
“Yes, it’s nothing, only a graze, but we need to leave here now. There might be more of them.”