by Mary Alford
Aaron’s tone turned hard again. “You let me worry about Hannah Sandoval. Your job ends when you bring her home safely. I’ll take care of her from there.”
Chapter Sixteen
“Something’s happened, hasn’t it?” she said and he turned to see her standing in the doorway. She dressed.
Tomorrow he’d drive back to Langley, leave her at headquarters, and walk out of her life for good. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that either.
“Yes,” he said slowly.
“Is it The Foreigner?”
When he didn’t answer, she stepped closer, her gaze locked to his. “Tell me.”
He blew out a breath. “Yes, it’s The Foreigner. They’ve found him. He’s dead. I’m sorry,” he added because he felt the need.
She turned away, hiding her reaction. He sensed she was upset though. “What happened?”
“We don’t know for sure.”
She turned back to him. “Don’t lie. What happened to him?”
“GSW to the head. Self-inflicted.” He decided not to tell her about the wire transfer.
She was busily shaking her head. “No. That’s not possible. He wouldn’t do it. He wouldn’t do that to his family. His wife, the girls. He wouldn’t take his own life.”
“He would if he was the one responsible for taking Kate’s and who knows how many others.”
She stubbornly shook her head. “No. That’s not what happened. I told you, it wasn’t him. It was someone from the Agency.”
“That’s impossible, Kate, and you know it.”
She stopped and stared at him. “You called me Kate.”
He hadn’t even realized what he’d done. For a second, it reminded him of all the times he and Kate had worked a case, usually arguing about the direction they should take. They worked for the same Agency, but they didn’t always share the same office politics.
“Yes … I’m sorry.”
This was what she’d wanted from the beginning. For him to believe her, yet she didn’t look happy about it.
“No, it’s okay.” She looked away.
He came to her, clutched her hands in his, and then kissed them. “It isn’t. I don’t see you as her. What happened between us has nothing to do with her. It was you and it was me.”
She swallowed visibly then nodded. “What happens now?”
“We go back to Langley. I return to New Zealand. You go on with your life.”
Again, she vehemently shook her head. Tears filled her eyes. “No.”
He hadn’t imagined it would be so hard. Saying those words. There were tears in his eyes too. He felt their sting. “It’s the only thing that makes sense. Go home. Find someone who makes your heart go crazy and marry him. Be happy.”
“No,” she sobbed, and then she went into his arms and he held her tight.
“Have tons of babies. Do what Kate and I couldn’t do. Have the happy ending you deserve,” he whispered against her hair.
She was crying and he couldn’t do anything to help her. He was barely holding back the damn of tears himself. The truth was a bitter pill to swallow. There was no future for them. Only a past that had ended in death.
* * * *
“Don’t let them do this to my family. Please don’t let them do this to me.”
She couldn’t sleep. Mostly because every single time she closed her eyes, she saw him. The Foreigner. It was as if he was right there with her, pleading for her help.
She tiptoed to the kitchen. She made coffee and sat at the table with all the lights off.
If she thought about what she was losing, she’d go crazy. The Foreigner needed her. And she needed to finish this final chapter … for Kate.
She was relying on gut feelings, Kate’s gut feelings, but still she had nothing solid to build a case on. She needed Kate’s possessions, her phone, her computer. They would hold evidence that might lead to clearing The Foreigner’s name. She didn’t know where Kate’s possessions had ended up. She couldn’t believe Jase would have let them go back to the CIA. She’d need to find out where he’d stashed them.
“What are you doing up?” Jase stood in the entrance to the kitchen rubbing sleep from his eyes and scaring the daylights out of her. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.”
She focused on his expression. There was sadness in him she hadn’t noticed before.
“I’m sorry. I couldn’t sleep.”
He came, leaned over, and kissed the top of her head. He’d done that so many times before with Kate. Kate had loved it when they were alone and Jase wasn’t her boss or a spy, just the man she loved.
She cleared her throat. “There’s coffee.”
He poured some and sat next to her. “What’s keeping you awake? The Foreigner?”
She nodded. “He didn’t do this, Jase. He’s being framed.”
Something came and went in his eyes. “There’s proof. It’s only a matter of time before we have all the facts. I’m sorry, but he’s guilty.”
She stubbornly shook her head. “No, he’s not.”
“Let it go, Hannah. It won’t serve any purpose now.”
The sobering reminder of where things stood between them was hard to take.
“So when do we leave?”
He never broke eye contact. “First light.”
“When do you leave for New Zealand?”
“Hannah…” He got to his feet and paced the room with pent up energy.
“No, it’s okay. I want to know.”
“I don’t know. I’m not sure. Does it matter?”
Yes. Yes, it matters. I love you. I can’t think about going on without you. “No. I don’t know. I’m curious, I guess. It’s okay, you can tell me.”
He didn’t look at her. “I’m not sure. Soon. I have some things to take care of first.”
He sat down in the chair, and before she knew what he intended to do, he scooped her onto his lap.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
Her hands clinched into fists. “This is so unfair. This isn’t fair.”
“No.” It was all he said. All he could say. It wasn’t enough.
She pulled away and scrubbed her hand over her eyes. “It’s getting light. We should go.” She stood and took her cup over to the sink.
“Hannah.”
She couldn’t answer him. She was hanging on by a thread. She flipped the coffee pot off, washed out the pot and cups. “I’m going to shower. I’ll be ready in a bit.”
She left him sitting alone in the kitchen and went to the bedroom where they’d made love.
She turned on the shower to drown out the sound of her sobs. She’d never felt this lost before.
Hannah undressed and glanced in the mirror at the scar that ran the length of her chest. An ugly reminder of who she was. The sacrifices that had been made for her. Kate’s sacrifice. She dried her tears and stood beneath the showerhead. Not even the warm spray of water could ease the ache of emptiness inside of her.
* * * *
She almost believed she saw regret in his eyes. Almost. They’d gotten dressed in silence. What was there to say after all? Now, they stood in the living room, and she glanced around the place.
“I’m ready,” she forced the words out.
“All right.” Jase waited by the door.
She struggled to put on her coat while he waited. Hannah slipped past him into the chilly morning, keeping as much distance between them as possible. She felt his tension even through that distance. She wished she possessed the courage to ask him what it meant.
The drive to Langley stretched on and on, filled with endless silence, forced conversation, with Jase trying to draw her out of the silence Hannah clung to like a shield. She wouldn’t be able to talk to him and not say things she’d regret.
“I’ll drop you off at CIA headquarters in Langley,” he said and glanced her way.
“All right.”
When she still didn’t look at him, but kept her eyes focused on the passing countryside, h
e tried again. “Maybe you should call your sister. Set her mind at ease.”
Hannah flinched over every single one of these words, felt his tension grow, but refused to take her eyes off the scenery.
Father, please give me the strength to get through losing him…
She tried not to fall apart in front of him. What had their time together meant to him?
“Anyway, you don’t need to worry about the threat any longer. It’s over. It’s really over.” Another glance her way followed by another awkward silence and another frustrated sigh. She couldn’t look at him, but she didn’t need to. She knew he’d given up on her. On them.
Jase stopped trying to make conversation altogether, and Hannah was only too relieved to sit next to him in the strained silence, counting the trees and the minutes until Langley came into view.
* * * *
Are you really going to end it like this? Jase asked himself again for the hundredth time since leaving Maine. He glanced at Hannah’s rigid profile once more.
She hadn’t said two words to him since he told her the truth. And those two words were only one word really. “All right.” All right? What did “all right” mean anyway? Could she really be as unmoved as she appeared to be? She looked as if she were simply hitching a ride to work, not walking away from him.
How could he expect her to feel anything if he couldn’t even define this thing between them?
Couldn’t or wouldn’t?
You’re in love with her. No, he was in love with Kate. Not Hannah.
Yet what he felt for her defied all rational thought from the beginning and made it impossible to separate what he wanted—her, and what he needed—to fulfill his promise to himself. To Kate. Any anyway, shouldn’t love have a happy ending? A future? There wasn’t any future for them because he didn’t believe she—Hannah—could truly love him.
So why did he care so much about defining what he felt for her? Why did it matter?
Are you really going to end it like this? He didn’t know what to do about Hannah.
He was still struggling with the question when the city came into view. Could she really be as anxious as she appeared to get him out of her life?
Just drop her off and leave. Don’t delve too deep into what you think you feel. She’s not Kate. You loved Kate. It’s too soon to love again. Whatever it is, it will pass.
Would it? Somehow, he doubted it.
He exited onto the street leading to CIA headquarters and slowed the speed of the truck, wondering what her reaction might be if he simply turned the vehicle around and took her back to the cabin with him once more?
Outside the building, he parked the truck and turned to her. What would be the appropriate thing to say here? The fact he asked himself this question in the first place only added fuel to his frustration.
Before he could find an answer, two agents came down the steps to meet them.
Jase got out of the truck. A second later Hannah did the same.
“McCoy.” Agent Brian Jones shook his hand along with his partner Seth McIntyre. “We have orders to escort Ms. Sandoval home.”
Jase started to argue, wondered why Aaron didn’t want to debrief her personally right away, but then he stopped. It was best this way. He nodded to the agents. “Can you give us a second?”
He wasn’t sure how much the two knew about Hannah’s connection to him and Kate, but he didn’t care. There were things that needed to be said between them.
The two agents moved a respectable space away, and he turned to Hannah. She looked so sad.
He stepped closer so only she could hear. “I’m sorry. I wished things could be different between us.”
Tears clouded her eyes. “They can if we try. Please. Don’t go. Stay.”
He shook his head. “I can’t. I need to go. Move on with my life. And so do you.”
She was close, inches from him. A different person from the one he’d once loved. Yet he did love her. Hannah. He loved her.
She touched his chest. “I can’t do this. I don’t know where I belong anymore. I can’t go back to my old life before you came into it.”
He covered her hand with his. “You can. You have to try. You owe it to you and your family. I’m no good for you, Hannah. It would never be right between us. Someday, you’ll wake up and Kate’s memories will all be gone. I don’t want you to hate me when you realize you were only with me because of her. I couldn’t bear that.”
“Jase.”
He let her go and handed her a piece of paper with his cell phone number written on it. “If you ever need me, you can always reach me at this number.” Then he stepped away, trying to be strong. He turned back to the agents nearby and nodded. “Take her home. Take care of her.”
Chapter Seventeen
He was right. She knew in her mind, but how did she get her heart to go along with the plan? It was simple. There was one thing that would keep her going. Solving Kate’s murder.
Before he left her, Hannah stepped close and kissed his cheek. She didn’t care what anyone thought. She wanted more for their final farewell, but it was all that protocol would allow.
“Thank you. For believing me.”
He didn’t answer. There were tears in his eyes. He let her go.
“If you’re ready, ma’am, we’ll take you home,” Agent Jones told her.
She followed the two men to a non-descript black sedan, got into the back seat, and never looked back.
The two agents waited until she was safely inside before they climbed in. The younger of the two turned to Hannah. “Your sister has been informed that you’re okay and on your way home. She’s waiting for you there, ma’am.”
Hannah nodded. “Thank you.” She stared out the window at the late afternoon traffic. Everything was surreal. She felt as if she were watching a scene from someone else’s life.
The agents parked in front of her upstairs garage apartment and got out of the car in unison. Agent Jones opened the door for her. She was home. So why did it feel as if she were trying to fit into someone else’s world?
She wasn’t sure what to do next. Where to go. Not that it mattered. Wherever she went, she couldn’t run away from what she felt for Jase.
Beverly and Andrew came out of the house. They’d been watching for her. Beverly ran to her and hugged her close. “Oh, thank God. We’ve been so worried. Are you okay? Where have you been? We wanted to call you, but they wouldn’t let us.”
Andrew hung back a little. “Bev, would you let her speak?”
Beverly laughed a little and let her go. “I know. I’m sorry. I’ve been so worried. You must be exhausted.”
Andrew gave her a hug as well. “You’re safe now. Everything’s going to be okay.”
If only that were true. Hannah nodded because the truthful answer would only scare them. They’d been through enough already.
“It’s good to be home,” she said and turned to the two agents. “Thank you for bringing me back.”
“Of course. If you need anything further, ma’am, give us a call.” Agent Jones handed Hannah his card. The two shook hands with Andrew and Beverly and then got back in the car and left them alone.
Beverly put her arm around Hannah’s waist. “Do you want to come inside for a bit? I could make us some dinner. I can’t wait to hear what it was like to be in protective custody. Where’d they take you? They wouldn’t tell us anything, only that you were in the best possible hands. Still, you must have been terrified.”
Hannah flinched at her sister’s unknown reference to Jase. She hadn’t been afraid with him. For the first time in her life, she felt alive. Loved. She loved him. She knew that with all her heart. She, Hannah Sandoval, loved a man who didn’t believe he would never be free to love her in return.
She shook her head. She needed to be alone before she fell apart in front her sister. “If it’s okay with you guys, I think I’d like to go lie down for a while. I’m a little tired.”
Beverly and Andrew exchanged a
worried glance. Something else Hannah had to be sorry for. Making them worry unnecessarily. They didn’t argue the point, but came with her up to her apartment.
“Of course. I understand,” Beverly said.
Hannah realized she had no idea where she’d left her key. Luckily, Beverly had the spare. She unlocked the apartment and opened the door, waiting until Hannah went inside before she and Andrew followed.
“When we found out you were on your way home, Andy and I did some quick shopping. We made sure the fridge and pantry was stocked.” Bev walked over to the fridge and opened it as if to drive the fact home.
“You didn’t have to do that, but thank you. You guys are the best.” Hannah dropped her purse on the bar. She remembered that she had tucked the piece of paper containing Jase’s cell number inside it. If she called him now, would he answer?
Beverly glanced at her husband. The awkward silence between Hannah and her family stretched on.
“Have you been taking your meds?”
Hannah smiled at her sister’s familiar mother hen ways. “Yes, mom.”
Beverly relaxed a little. “We’ll leave you to rest.” She grabbed Andrew’s arm and led him to the door. “If you need anything, call me. Even if you simply want some company. I’ll stop by and see you in the morning, okay?”
Hannah nodded, her hands clinched at her side. She couldn’t let herself cry. Even when it was just her, she was afraid if she broke the dam holding back her emotions they’d never stop.
Her body went into some sort of survival mode, going through the motions. She ran a bath. Filled it with her favorite scented soap and then undressed. Hannah sank into the warm suds and leaned back against the tub.
Things she’d once loved and found comfort in surrounded her. Memories from things she and Beverly had done together. Trips they’d taken. Later with Andrew and then Michael. Yet, all she could think about was Jase. Her Jase. Not Kate’s, but hers. The man she’d fallen in love with. She had never felt so lost or so confused about the future than she did at that moment. She’d been given a second chance at life, yet she couldn’t move on. At least not with her life. Not in the way it had been in the past.
* * * *