by Mary Alford
Jase shook his head. “Naw. I’m done with this stuff. I want a fresh start.”
Travis followed his gaze. “What about her?”
It took everything inside of him to remain calm. “She’ll be okay. She’s strong, and she has her family to help her through this. She’ll be okay.”
Jase realized Travis was now watching him. “The question is, does she want to get through it?”
Jase couldn’t even begin to answer that without betraying his own emotional state.
“Excuse me, Travis. I need to have a word with her.”
Travis nodded and followed the other agents from the apartment. The Agency’s forensics team had descended on the apartment. They’d gather what physical evidence they could to help build a case against Aaron, but the investigation had only begun. It could take months—years even—to discover the full extent of Aaron’s betrayal.
And he needed to say goodbye to Hannah.
He stopped close to her. She looked physically exhausted and ready to crack emotionally.
He crooked a thumb back to the forensics team. “They’ll be at it for hours. You should plan on spending a few days with your sister.”
Hannah nodded then swallowed hard. She knew what was coming. He could see it in her eyes.
“May we have a moment alone?” he asked Beverly, who glanced at Hannah. She waited for her sister’s nod, then she tucked her hand in the crook of her husband’s arm and they drifted over to the door.
He followed Hannah into her bedroom.
She was quietly crying. He wished he could take the pain from her and from himself.
“Jase, don’t do this. Please, don’t leave me again.”
He shook his head. “I have to.” He pulled her into his arms and held her tight. “I have to let you move on with your life, Hannah. You deserve more.”
“No.” She couldn’t hold back the sobs. “No, that’s not true. I can’t move on. I don’t know what to do. I don’t belong here.”
“Shhh…” He pulled away and kissed her. Long and slow. She wasn’t Kate. She didn’t feel like Kate, didn’t kiss like Kate, and yet he couldn’t imagine leaving her.
“You do belong here. In time, Kate’s memories will fade, and you’ll be fine.”
“No…”
He smiled down at her. “I know it doesn’t feel like it now, but it will. When you least expect it, you’ll have a sign. Something will click, and you’ll be happy again.”
“I can’t imagine ever being happy without you.”
“You will be,” he assured her, not fully believing it. Almost hoping it wouldn’t be true.
She didn’t answer. She couldn’t stop crying.
He leaned close. His head resting against hers. “I have to go. I’m sorry, but I have to.” He cupped her face, kissed her one last time, and then left and never looked back. Because if he did, he might forget all the promises he’d made to himself about setting her free.
Chapter Nineteen
The flight to New Zealand seemed endless. Every second of it filled with her. When he closed his eyes to try to sleep, she was there. Not Kate. Hannah. Why did it feel as if he’d left his last chance for happiness behind along with his past?
In the small village of Overland, nothing much had changed. It was as if he’d never left. He unlocked the door of his house and stepped into the quiet afternoon. No covert affairs here. No shadow games. He’d phoned the caretaker watching the place the minute he arrived and told him he was back for good.
The place was as he’d left it. Maybe a bit dustier, but the same. Yet he was different. He was now officially retired, and he knew the person responsible for Kate’s death.
That knowledge hadn’t instilled the reaction he’d expected. He felt nothing. It had killed the anger and need for revenge though.
He walked through each room of the place, but she wasn’t here. Unfortunately, someone new had taken her place. Hannah.
How was he supposed to get rid of her memory?
Somehow he doubted it he’d ever be free from that one.
He was dead tired, but the thought of sleep was about as appealing as a kick in the gut. He’d tried that release on the flight over. It hadn’t worked there. What he needed was to exercise. Being physically exhausted might do the trick.
There were fences needing mending. Sheep needing tending. Supplies to be bought. And he had to decide what to do with the cabin in Vermont. He couldn’t keep it. He couldn’t imagine ever going back there with all those memories of Hannah.
He’d arrange to have the place put on the market soon.
Jase went out on the back porch and surveyed the lush green fields that were now his. He was no longer a spy. Just a rancher from New Zealand. This calm would take some time getting used to.
He’d gotten a slew of calls and text messages from Travis on the flight over and the drive to the ranch. Seemed Travis was due a promotion. He’d head up the task force uncovering the extent of Aaron’s crimes. Aaron was revealing information in little bits. Turns out Aaron had the two agents watching Hannah’s place killed to make it seem as if the threat were real. Like he’d tried to claim Travis had done. He’d wanted Jase and Hannah together so he could send his goons, part of the team that had been there the night Kate died, out to finish off Jase and eliminate Hannah as a witness.
Travis was vindicated. Aaron had been setting him up to be the fall guy for his own actions. Along with Kate and The Foreigner. Aaron hadn’t realized Kate was on to him in the beginning. Something must have spooked him. He’d captured The Foreigner and forced him to change the meet. Aaron would know there wouldn’t be enough time to secure the location properly.
On one of his calls, Travis had asked if he wanted to know the details of the proceedings. Part of Jase wanted to know everything. How his friend and commander could have become so corrupt. But mostly, he wanted to let that life go. He’d told Travis no. Travis hadn’t seemed surprised.
Jase stepped from the porch and started walking across the pasture behind the house. It’d be dark in a few hours, yet he didn’t stop. He kept walking as dusk turned to twilight and then to night, until he reached the edge of his property.
A small river separated his land from the neighbor. He sat down on a rock, physically exhausted. He hadn’t cried since he’d left Hannah. He’d kept his reaction to their parting bottled up inside. Now, it was as if a floodgate had opened. He couldn’t stop. He needed to let it all go. Let it all flow from him.
Jase remembered something Hannah had said about Kate believing in God. She’d said, God could help him too, if he trusted Him.
He had never believed. Never prayed once in his life, but now he so desperately wanted to.
“Help me. Help my unbelief,” he begged in a broken voice. It didn’t happen quickly, but it did happen. A sense of peace settled around him and he was okay.
He sat on the rock for hours. When he arrived back at the house, the quiet of before was still there. Along with thoughts of Hannah. And he wasn’t sure what he was going to do about Hannah Sandoval.
* * * *
He’d told her time would make everything better. It hadn’t.
He’d told her she’d find her sign. She believed she had.
She wasn’t sure if he would feel the same way, but she had to try.
Her sister Beverly drove her to the airport. “Are you sure you want to do this? How do you even know how to find him? New Zealand’s an awfully big place, Hannah.”
She wasn’t sure, but she couldn’t tell Beverly this. Her sister would worry. “I’m sure. And I know where to find him.”
After all, Jase had told everything about his ranch.
Hannah smiled at her sister. She’d shared so much with Beverly. All the feelings she’d once associated with Kate’s that hadn’t disappeared in time. She realized the feelings weren’t Kate’s, but hers. As Kate’s memories began to fade, Hannah’s love for Jase had grown stronger.
“I’ll be okay. Don’t w
orry.”
“Will you? I’m not so sure. You need your family. You’ve been through so much.”
Beverly was right. She did need her family. But she had unfinished business. Things that needed settling. “You’re right, but I still have to do this.”
“What if he … doesn’t want what you want? I don’t think you can survive this if he doesn’t.”
Hannah swallowed back her doubt. “Then I’ll know. Once and for all, I’ll know. I have to do this, Beverly. Please try and understand.”
It took a moment, but Beverly finally nodded. “Yes. I know. I do understand.”
Hannah opened the door and got out, retrieving her bag from the backseat.
Beverly came round to her sister’s side. “Do you have everything you need?”
Hannah dropped the bag next to them and nodded. There were tears in Beverly’s eyes. Hers as well. It felt as if she were saying goodbye to Beverly forever.
“I do.”
She expected Beverly to collapse into tears the second they hugged.
“What about your meds?”
Always the mother hen, of course Beverly was worried about her baby chick. Hannah held up her carryon bag. “Right here. I’ll call you when I arrive.”
Beverly nodded then enveloped her in a hug so tight it made breathing difficult.
Hannah held on to her for a moment then untangled her sister’s arms. If she didn’t leave soon, she’d lose her nerve and go back home with Beverly. She couldn’t do that.
Even though her flight wasn’t scheduled to depart for another hour, she had to leave. “I should go. I’m okay. I’ll be okay,” she amended.
Beverly wiped her hand across her eyes. “Yes, I know. You’re right.”
Hannah grabbed her bag then needed to give her sister one last hug. “I love you. Thank you for everything. I couldn’t have made it through this without you.”
Beverly didn’t say a word. She couldn’t. She was crying too hard.
The flight was over eighteen hours long. Plenty of time to consider every possible rejection scenario.
When she landed in Auckland, the long flight, along with the last few months, had taken their toll. She managed to make it through customs and reach the restroom before being sick.
She could think of a dozen different reasons to hop the next flight back to D.C. and only one to stay.
Hannah stopped someone passing by and asked directions to the car rental place. The options of available vehicles were limited to a small economy sized car and one manual SUV. Hannah opted for the SUV. Before leaving the airport, she bought a map of the surrounding area. The small village of Overland was half a day’s drive from Auckland. Every one of the miles filled with sickness and doubts.
When she arrived in the village, she realized she didn’t know what direction to go from there. She’d seen pictures and he’d described the house enough times that she’d know it once she was there. Getting there might be a problem, though. She took her time, trying to rehearse what she’d say once she found him. Nothing she thought up sounded right. Hannah decided she’d cross that bridge when she got there.
Overland consisted of one street with a handful of businesses. She drove straight through. Outside of town, a small school dotted the countryside consisting of three whitewashed buildings. As she drove past, children of various ages played outside. It looked … idyllic.
Past the school, the countryside opened up to lush green pastures. Small ranch houses broke up the rolls acres.
The minute she spotted the rambling gray house with its white porch and shutters, she knew it was Jase’s.
Hannah stopped the SUV. It was exactly as she remembered it from the pictures. It was all up to her now.
She turned the vehicle onto the drive, her hands damp with perspiration. She parked the SUV, climbed out before she lost her nerve, and wiped her hands on her jeans.
Somewhere in a distance, a dog barked. There was no noise from inside the house. Was he home? What if he wasn’t alone? What if she was the last person he wanted to see?
She couldn’t let herself think like that or she wouldn’t do this.
She climbed the steps and quickly knocked on the door before she lost her nerve.
After what felt like forever, she heard footsteps coming toward her.
Father, let him be happy to see me.
The door opened. He stood there frozen in the doorway, the screen door separating them. His surprise was easy to read. The rest of what was there in his eyes, well, she had no idea.
“Hello, Jase.”
He swallowed. Blinked then watched her through the screen. As an afterthought, he opened the door.
“Hannah Sandoval.” That’s all he said, but his eyes did a slow assessment of her. She couldn’t control the hot color creeping up her neck and into her cheeks.
“Yes, it’s me. May I come in?”
She couldn’t read him, but she had no doubt he’d read her embarrassment.
He stepped back and let her pass by.
Once she was inside, she still had no idea what to say to him.
“What brings you to New Zealand, Hannah Sandoval? Don’t tell me you’re vacationing?”
Why did he keep calling her by her full name? Was he trying to make sure she knew he didn’t think of her as Kate any longer?
“Um, yes, something like that, I guess.” She felt like slapping her forehead at the ridiculousness of that lie. She’d never talked about vacationing in New Zealand.
Tell him the truth.
“Actually, there’s something I needed to talk to you about.”
She looked around the room, gathering her thoughts. The place wasn’t new, he’d told her that. It needed lots of work, but she saw as much potential in it as Jase did.
She glanced at him. He’d lost weight. Aged a bit in the four months since she’d last seen him. There was a touch of gray in his sideburns and hair that hadn’t been there before. She decided it only made him look sexier.
“And what would that be?” Well at least he wasn’t mad at her. He actually appeared amused by her sudden appearance.
She had a feeling he was about to blow her excuse for being here into smithereens and she still needed time. She said the first thing that came to mind. “Will you show me around?”
He lowered his eyes, a grin playing on his face. “Of course. But there’s not much to see.”
He stepped away and she could breathe again. “Thank you.”
“The living room and the kitchen.” He waved his hand to encompass the two small rooms separated by a table and chairs. The living room consisted of a couch, coffee table, an easy chair, and TV. The kitchen had the basics, sink, stove, fridge, most of which were mismatched.
“Very nice.” He glanced at her, both brows raised. He thought she was making fun. To convince him, she nodded and smiled her enthusiasm.
He continued the tour by leading her down a narrow hallway lined with paneling. “The bathroom’s there and this is the bedroom.” He stepped inside, but Hannah waited in the doorway. She peeked in and saw a bed, nightstand, a door that probably led to a closet.
He chuckled at her refusal to enter.
“Just the one bedroom?” she asked to cover her embarrassment.
“Why, are you thinking of spending the night because…”
Hannah turned and started back down the hall. “Oh, no, I wasn’t asking to…”
He caught her when she reached the living room before she walked out the door.
“I’m only teasing. Come. Let’s go out back. There’s a pretty nice view from the back porch.”
She stepped out on the porch that ran the length of the back of the house. Beyond, green pastures stretched for what appeared to be miles and miles.
There was one porch swing that could barely he called a two-seater. He waited for her to sit before dropping down next to her. Immediately, she couldn’t catch her breath and her thoughts began to wander.
“Where are all the
sheep?”
She heard the rumbly sound of his laugh, but she focused on the pasture ahead of them and not on Jase.
“South pasture. Over that tree line.” He pointed to a clump of trees.
Hannah nodded.
“As interesting as this discussion is Hannah, when are you going to tell me the real reason you’re here.”
How did she begin? She stood. Paced the porch then found the courage she needed to face him.
“Do you remember what you said to me?”
She hadn’t realized he’d stood until she faced him again. He came slowly toward her. Her thoughts scattered again.
Suddenly, he grew serous. “I said a lot of things. What exactly are you talking about?”
“When you said I’d find my way, my sign. Do you remember?”
Slowly he nodded. “Yes, I remember.”
She drew a deep breath. “Have you found yours?” She wasn’t sure what she was hoping to hear. Had coming here been his sign? Letting go of the past? Leaving her in D.C.?
His gaze swept over her. “Maybe. Yes, I think so.” She had no idea what maybe meant.
“I love you, Jase. It’s been four months and Kate’s memories have gone and I still love you,” she blurted out.
She looked at him. He couldn’t seem to form words.
“Look, I don’t want anything from you. I just…wanted you to know.”
Nothing.
She threw up her hands. “That’s it. That’s all I have to say. I’m sorry I came. I shouldn’t have … bothered you.”
She managed to open the door through the waterworks of tears blurring her vision. Hannah walked through the house and was almost out the front door when he caught up with her.
“Wait.”
She still didn’t look at him. “No. You were right. I should have left things the way they were. You tried to tell me that in D.C. and I’m sorry. I should go,” she said to the door.
He gently pried her hand from the door, then turned her to face him.
“No, I was wrong. About everything.” He brushed calloused fingers over her tears.