Mae looked at the three of them. Did they have any idea what was going on in her life? Did they even ask without being sidetracked by babies and dates? Any time Mae wanted to say something she always felt that their lives were too busy for her. That they wouldn’t understand.
‘Not as if being at home makes a difference anyway,’ she replied, feeling the anger bubble inside her. ‘I was here for weeks and it’s not as if anyone cared what I was up to.’
The sisters fell silent.
‘In case you haven’t noticed, raising a family and having a career isn’t exactly easy,’ replied Bubblee.
Mae looked at her incredulously. ‘Yeah, I really see you looking after Zoya, going off on dates every five minutes.’
‘Mae …’ said Fatti.
Mae looked at her, her tears now surfacing. ‘Not even you, Fatti. Even you’re too busy.’
She bit back the tears that had threatened to fall and gave a small laugh. ‘Anyway, whatever. You guys can do whatever you want, but don’t spoil the one thing that’s actually getting me through being home again.’
Not even Bubblee had time to respond as Mae marched upstairs and collapsed into her bed. For a moment she wondered what they must be saying, whether they were sorry or angry, but either way, Mae found she didn’t really care. She looked at her phone – no message from Ji Su. The whole thing still confused Mae. She questioned her feelings. Tried to understand what they had been. If she had that time back with Ji Su, in her room, would she have done things differently? Would she have carried on kissing her? She didn’t think she would have. But then what had it meant? Mae rummaged through her bag and took out the envelope that had her university results, staring at her failure. That was how she fell asleep.
Chapter Ten
It was nine forty-five when Mae woke up. For a moment, she forgot where she was, what had happened and why she felt so disorientated. Her eyes felt sore and her head was hurting. Then the memory of last night came back, her stomping up the stairs and crying herself into a dreamless sleep. Why had she argued with her sisters? Because of work.
Work.
‘Oh God!’ exclaimed Mae, tumbling out of bed confused as to what to do first. She ran to the bathroom, got ready as fast as she could and sped down to the amusement park, looking at the time on her phone every two seconds.
‘Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God.’
She was so late. And after Barry had told her to make sure he didn’t regret keeping her when Henrietta had complained.
‘Oh God.’
Mae parked up and ran towards the booths where Leanne and Bri both shook their head at her. Leanne tapped on her wrist.
‘Tut, tut,’ she said as Mae rushed past. ‘No pick ’n’ mix for you tonight.’
‘Is he really mad?’
Leanne shrugged. ‘He’s always mad. You’ve probably just pushed him over into a rage. Thanks.’
Mae walked tentatively into the hut as he looked up at her.
‘Oh, nice to see you,’ he said. ‘Kind of you to join us.’
‘I’m so sorry. I don’t know what happened. I swear I’d set the alarm but it didn’t go off.’
‘The alarm. So it’s the alarm’s fault and not the fact that you’re not responsible enough to put it on before going to bed?’
‘My fami—’
‘I don’t want your damn excuses. Just go and get into your horse.’
Mae nodded and went to get the costume when he said, ‘It’s already out there.’
‘What?’
‘The. Head. Is. Already. Out. There.’
‘You’ve got a replacement?’ asked Mae.
‘No, the costume’s come to life and doesn’t need you any more. Of course I’ve got a replacement. Now, do you want to waste more of my time in here and really make me want to fire you, or will you go out and do your job?’
Mae didn’t wait around and rushed out of the hut. She walked into the amusement park, past the dragon boat and teacups and looked around the merry-go-round. That’s where they tended to stay in the morning before swapping with the Perky Pig at the A-MAZE-MINT area. There was the horse’s head, having a picture taken with a child as Mae hurried up behind. Except this time, she could tell whoever was in there was about a foot taller than her.
‘I’m here,’ she exclaimed.
The horse turned to her. ‘You’re late.’
His voice came out deep and authoritative, which was pretty rich considering he was wearing a horse’s head.
‘Yeah, thanks, I know that,’ Mae replied, getting into her costume.
He stopped to hi-five a group of teenagers who walked away, laughing.
‘Not going to make this into a habit, are you?’ he asked. ‘Because a horse needs its back half.’
‘Isn’t this your first day?’ said Mae. ‘Chill out.’
‘Jobs aren’t easy to come by, you know. I don’t want to get fired just because you can’t tell the time.’
Who was this guy?
‘I’m actually the most punctual one here so no need to give me a lecture. Jeez.’
‘It wasn’t a lecture, just a statement,’ he replied.
‘Sounded like a lecture to me,’ said Mae getting behind him to slip the material over her head. She got in and realised that because he was so tall she wouldn’t have a broken back at the end of the day. ‘Well, at least I don’t have to bend over completely.’
Ugh. Mae shook her head at herself, wanting to laugh because it was kind of funny too. He paused before she felt something shake. Then she realised it was his shoulders that were shaking when he let out a laugh.
‘Sorry,’ she said. ‘Slip of the tongue.’
‘You’re all right,’ he replied.
‘I’m Mae.’
‘Abdul-Raheem.’
‘Shut your face,’ she said. ‘You are not Muslim.’
‘I am.’
‘No way. I never meet Muslim people around here. That is mad.’
Perhaps it was the fact that she couldn’t see him, or that he couldn’t see her, or that she was so surprised he was Muslim that she rolled out a catalogue of questions: where do you live? Where are you from? Why are you doing this job?
‘You ask a lot of questions,’ he said. ‘Turning left.’
Mae trotted to the left. ‘Not much else to do in this costume, is there? Plus, I still can’t get over the fact that you’re Muslim.’
He paused as a family wanted to have a picture taken with Happy Horse.
‘You never said why you’re doing this job,’ said Mae. ‘It’s not exactly top choice.’
There was a moment’s quiet before he said: ‘No. But you’ve got to be grateful for what you get.’
Mae scoffed. ‘You’re talking out of your arse.’
‘You’re talking into mine.’
Mae laughed and began to get curious about what this Abdul-Raheem guy looked like. Was he Bengali? Maybe Pakistani or Indian. She liked the sound of his voice; it was soft and stern at the same time. It wasn’t easy to see in that costume but she could tell he was broad-shouldered. Mae shook these questions from her head. Who cared what his origins were, anyway?
‘So, you’re grateful to be a horse at an amusement park? Sets the bar low for your life’s expectations, my friend,’ she said.
‘I don’t have expectations.’
‘That’s silly. Everyone has them.’
He paused again. ‘The only things I expect are of myself and what I can control. Making sure I make the best of whatever God’s given me.’
‘Oh,’ replied Mae. ‘Well, that’s very mature of you. How old are you, anyway?’
‘How old do I sound?’
‘About eighty.’
He laughed. ‘Got the soul of around that age. What about you?’
‘Nineteen.’
‘Yeah, you sound it.’
She nudged his back with her hand as he laughed again. ‘Shut up.’
‘Don’t worry. It’s all right. Shows that there’s
still lightness in the world,’ he replied.
‘I’m light, am I?’
‘Well, right now you’re dark, but otherwise I can tell there’s a lightness to you. Nice when people don’t take themselves too seriously.’
‘All right, Mr-don’t-be-late-to-be-a-horse’s-arse.’
‘Don’t have to be tardy to be light,’ he replied.
Mae heard the screaming of excitable children. The music of carousels and roller coasters. The whirring of machinery and pinging of machines and for the first time since she was in this job, didn’t want to hurt someone.
‘You’re not too hot, are you? Hungry?’ he asked. ‘Here, I’ve got some almonds.’
He put his hand behind him with a packet Mae could hardly see. ‘Mmm, exciting.’
‘They’re good for you.’
She went to take the packet as their hands brushed together.
‘Thanks,’ she said, handing the packet back, trying to ignore the feeling that brush evoked.
She didn’t even know what he looked like. Had it felt the same when she had touched Ji Su?
‘So, you don’t like things that are good for you?’ he asked.
Mae sighed. ‘I used to be a health nut. I mean, a proper nut. I’d be the one with a bag of carrots and hummus while my family ate all this fried stuff. Can’t believe how boring I was. Then I went to uni and realised what I’d been missing out on.’
‘I don’t believe that you could ever be called boring,’ he replied.
‘Ha,’ exclaimed Mae. ‘Trust me. There’s nothing to me. Who goes to uni and makes no friends at all?’
He paused and Mae wished she hadn’t blurted that out.
‘You don’t have any friends?’
‘Well, I did. One. But we had a falling-out,’ replied Mae.
‘Oh. Sorry, it’s time to walk towards the fountain,’ said Abdul-Raheem. ‘Tell me if I’m walking too fast. But carry on.’
Mae followed him, having little choice about it, hurrying up to make sure she kept step with him.
‘Nothing really. Just that it’s hard, isn’t it? Doesn’t matter.’
‘Go on,’ he said.
Mae felt herself get hotter. She hated talking about this, especially to a stranger, but his voice was so kind and soft just then, and maybe it helped that they couldn’t actually see each other.
‘Sorry,’ she began. ‘Sounds like I’m whining.’ She took a deep breath. ‘It’s just that I never knew how hard it’d be to be who you are at home, just somewhere else. I thought you carried who you were wherever you went, but it wasn’t like that. I dunno, I just found it hard to speak to people.’
‘You?’ he asked.
‘Yeah, me.’
‘I find that hard to believe, but you’re right. Every situation brings out a new version of ourselves, one we didn’t even know existed.’
Mae thought about this and how true it rang for her. Just like the situation with her sisters last night – she never knew she could be angry at them in such a way. She thought about her uni results and ended up just blurting out, ‘Like the fact that I didn’t know it was possible to fail your first year at uni?’
Was failure just another version of her personality?
‘Is that what happened?’ he asked.
‘Yep. Bet I don’t sound so smart now, do I?’
‘I never said you sounded smart,’ he said. ‘I’m joking, I’m joking,’ he added before Mae could say anything.
‘Thanks a lot,’ she said.
‘Smart people fail all the time.’
Mae scoffed.
‘It’s the ones who give up who have really failed.’
He paused, as if allowing time for Mae to absorb his words.
‘So, you’re like, wise, are you?’ said Mae.
‘Just older,’ he replied.
‘How much older?’
‘Almost a decade.’
‘So you really are eighty,’ said Mae.
‘Don’t make me kick you with my hooves.’
‘I could whip you with my tail.’
‘You’ve got a lot of front for a girl who’s a horse’s arse,’ replied Abdul-Raheem.
Mae laughed as they went back and forth with equestrian-related jokes. After a good ten minutes of this Abdul-Raheem broke the flow.
‘You shouldn’t worry about uni, you know. Making friends and losing them is a part of life, but you’ll find your feet as and when you’re meant to. Trust me. I don’t even know you and I can tell you’ll be just fine.’
Mae’s eyes prickled with tears at the unexpectedness of his words and the sincerity and certainty with which he spoke. It reminded her of Ji Su.
‘Thanks,’ was all she managed to respond with.
After a few minutes she said: ‘How do you know, though? That it’s all going to be fine?’
‘Faith,’ he replied. ‘I’ve always known that God has His plans. All right, maybe not always, but once I learned it and embraced it, living became a lot easier.’
‘Was it hard?’ she asked.
He paused. ‘It wasn’t easy. But no need to go into that.’
‘I guess I don’t think about faith that much,’ replied Mae. ‘So, you’re religious?’
‘I don’t like that word. People use it as if it’s a bad thing or something to be wary of. But I believe in God, pray, fast, and try to be good to people. That’s the main thing, really. To be kind to whoever comes your way.’
‘Hmmm. Yeah, I guess so.’ They were both quiet for a while when Mae added: ‘Isn’t it weird the things you’re able to say to people when you can’t see them?’
‘There’s a comfort in not showing yourself. But everyone’s got to do it sooner or later.’
Mae became aware of lunchtime drawing nearer, of having to come out of the costume and finally seeing the face of the man she’d just poured her heart out to. Each passing minute made her increasingly nervous and she wasn’t sure why. What was she thinking, talking to him as if they’d known each other for ages? Chill out, she told herself. It’s no biggie. He’s just another guy I work with. It just so happens that he’s also Muslim and also knows more about my life in the past year than any of my sisters.
‘Thank God,’ he said. ‘Lunchtime. I’m starving. You?’
‘Hmm? Oh, yeah.’
‘You want to get lunch? This time we can talk face to face rather than arse to face.’
‘Sure,’ Mae replied, sounding calm while her hands trembled.
She lifted the costume from her face, disentangling herself from the horse’s legs, her shoes getting caught in the hooves. Mae tried to pat down her hair, pinched her cheeks, brushed down her clothes just in time for her to see a rather large forearm slip from underneath the horse’s head only to go back in again. What? Her heart beat faster as he took off the horse’s head as if in slow motion, only for Mae to see a man with a bright smile, which she’d have appreciated if she hadn’t been surprised by the colour of his very dark skin.
‘Hi,’ he said, tucking the head under his arm.
‘Hi,’ she replied, swallowing hard.
‘Not what you imagined I’d be?’ he asked.
Mae felt a flush of embarrassment. ‘No. I mean, yes. No.’ She shook her head. ‘I didn’t think anything.’
‘We know that’s not true. Everyone always thinks something when they meet someone they click with.’
Mae was taken aback by the honesty of his statement.
‘Is that what we did?’ she asked.
‘Am I a disappointment?’ he said with a smile on his lips, as if he were enjoying this.
Why couldn’t the ground open up and swallow her whole?
‘Well …’ she began.
‘Oh, really?’ he replied, only looking as if he was half amused.
‘No,’ she exclaimed. ‘I was joking. What about me?’ she added, looking down at herself. ‘Do you think I look like an actual horse’s arse?’
Abdul-Raheem took a minute and considered her.
‘Oi,’ Mae exclaimed, pushing him.
‘Come on,’ he eventually replied, laughing. ‘You and I both know you look very, very well.’
She felt a flush of embarrassment at the compliment, but she knew she liked it. Was she one of those girls who needed compliments? Mae had never considered it before, but she couldn’t deny the warm feeling it gave her.
‘Whatever,’ she said. ‘Are we having lunch or what?’
‘Up to you,’ he said.
His face was so kind and open Mae thought it matched exactly the person she’d opened up to.
‘Obvs,’ she replied. ‘My treat. For all your good listening.’
Abdul-Raheem refused the deal all the way through their burger and chips and drinks, Flake ice cream and Slush Puppie. He’d already paid when Mae went to the bathroom and she thought, was that just two random people getting to know each other as friends, or is that what a date felt like?
Chapter Eleven
Mae didn’t get a lot of sleep that night. The idea of seeing Abdul-Raheem the next day filled her with both anxiety and a new feeling altogether. What was it? She couldn’t quite put her finger on it. When she got home that evening everyone was over for dinner. God, this lot got together a lot. Had it always been like this before she went to university or had it got worse? Either way, no wonder she never had time to make close friends, her family was always just there. Mae went into the kitchen under the guise of getting a drink, but really just needed a break from the constant chattering.
‘Hey,’ said Ilyaas.
‘Oh, hey. How’s it going?’
She’d been looking out of the window into the garden, where the summer sun was dimming but cast a pale light over the lawn and flowers.
‘All right,’ he replied.
Mae leaned against the kitchen sink as a peal of laughter came from the living room. Adam had burped.
‘Escaping from the baby circus?’ said Mae.
Ilyaas managed a small smile as he shrugged. ‘I don’t get them.’
‘What? Babies?’
‘No. Adults. Like, all babies do is eat, poo and sleep but they’re all over them as if they’re, like, you know … interesting.’
The Hopes and Triumphs of the Amir Sisters Page 12