by Ruby Dixon
My insides are filled with warmth as I watch her by the fire, picking through the basket of bones and humming a little song to herself. Pacy bangs two leg bones together, and she smiles at him. Her smile fills my chest with such aching and longing. Did she smile like that for me? Did she look at me like she does our kit—full of love and gentleness? I want her to look at me like that.
I want her to look at me with heat in her eyes, like she did the night we mated.
I think of that night, over and over again. Not the part where she cried, because it wounds me. But the way our bodies moved together, the way my cock sank so deep inside her, the noises she made when she was gripped with pleasure; all of these things are burned into my mind. Most of all, I think of how it felt to hold her smaller body against mine and feel…complete inside her. There is no other way to describe it.
I want that completeness again. I want her smiles to be for me.
I want to remember. We were happy before my accident, this I know. She would not be so devastated if we had quarreled like Asha and Hemalo. She would not look at me with such hurt need in her eyes.
It is up to me to fix it. Somehow. This time together alone in the cave will help us mend. I will get to learn Stay-see, and she will see I am the same male I always have been. That nothing about me has changed.
As if she realizes she is in my thoughts, Stay-see looks over at me, a soft smile on her face. A warm flush moves through my body, and my cock stiffens in my breechcloth. “Are these supplies for our use?”
Her voice is so soft I do not realize she is asking a question at first. I am too entranced by her pink mouth and the smile there. “Eh? Oh. Yes. We must leave supplies for the next hunter to visit, but we can take what we need.”
“I need some utensils,” she tells me, running her fingers along the shaft of one long white bone.
The sight of that makes my sac tighten and my mouth go dry. I have to fight the urge to rush out of the cave and take myself in hand. I am going to see her stroking that bone in my dreams tonight. “I…see.”
“Do you think you could help me?”
“Show me what you want and I shall do it for you.”
“No. I mean…” She bites her lip and gives me a shy look. “I’d like to learn how to do some stuff myself. I figure I can work on making spoons and dishes while Pacy is playing or napping.”
Is that what yoo-ten-sills are? I was not paying attention. I am still thinking of her stroking that bone. “Sometimes bone can be heated and bent, and sometimes it can be carved into what is needed. What would you like first?”
She takes a pelvic bone from Pacy. Before he can cry, she waves the long leg bone at him, and he grabs at it with little blue hands. A smile curves her mouth, and I decide that her smiles are even more need-inducing than when she strokes the bone. “I would like to make a plate out of this,” she says. “It’s too big here, and here. I want this flat section.” Her fingers sweep over the surface. “Do you think we can do that?”
“Of course.” Just as soon as I stop imagining her fingers moving over me like that. I force myself to focus and get out my bag of tools. Every hunter keeps a set of tools to repair his weapons, and I was given a replacement one by my father to make up for the one I lost in the cave-in. I have a sharpening stone, a knife made from flaked rock, and a few other small tools. I give her the sharpening stone. It is rough to the touch and will be perfect for what she needs. “Use this to smooth the edges down.”
She takes the stone awkwardly and holds the pelvic bone, trying to juggle the two. After a moment of consideration, she rubs the stone against one side. “Like this?”
Pacy reaches forward, clearly fascinated by his mother’s new possession and tries to grab the stone.
I chuckle and take the stone back, along with the bone. “I will do this one for you and show you how to proceed. You can do the next.”
“Seems fair,” Stay-see says, and pulls Pacy into her lap. He immediately grabs her braid and begins to play with it. “I appreciate the help.”
“Of course. I am your mate. It is my duty to help you.”
She looks displeased at my words. “I don’t like the thought of being a duty.”
“It may be duty, but that does not mean it is not a pleasure.”
“Oh.” Her cheeks flush. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to pick a fight. I just…”
“You feel I am different,” I say slowly. I take the pelvic bone and the rock in hand and spread a skin over my lap to catch the fragments. I rub the rock vigorously along one side of the bone, shaving it down. Once I have made the plate the shape and size she wants, I can use a less gnarled rock to sand it down to smoothness.
She watches me closely, my son nestled in her arms. “I don’t mean to,” she says after a moment. “I think I just resent the changes.”
“I do as well.”
“I know, and I keep forgetting that part.” She makes a small grimace. “It’s unfair of me. Forgive me?”
“There is nothing to forgive. It is a big change for both of us. We are both learning.”
“I have been so wrapped up in myself,” she confesses, her voice soft, “that I forget that you have woken up to find that you have a strange alien mate and a child. I imagine that is not easy, either.”
“That is no difficulty,” I say, turning the bone in my hand as I work. I keep my gaze on it, because I do not want to scare her with the intensity of my feelings. “I consider myself lucky. I wake up and all of my dreams have come true.”
She sucks in a breath.
I look up. Her eyes are shining with emotion, and as I watch, she blinks rapidly. “I do not mean to make you weep, Stay-see.”
“It’s all right,” she whispers. “I’m just a blubbery nightmare lately. I…did you mean that? About me and Pacy?”
I frown. “Why would I say something I do not mean?”
“To be nice?”
“Is this how you remember me? As a male that spits false words to be polite?” I am distressed by the thought.
“Not at all.” She hugs our son closer, ignoring the fact that he is yanking happily on her brown braid. “I just…I can’t imagine what it would be like to wake up and hear that you are tied to a stranger. One who doesn’t even look like you.” Her smile of acknowledgment is small, unsure.
“I did think your face was strange at first,” I admit, moving the stone carefully around the edges of the pelvic bone. “Very flat, and your features are small. But I do not think it is strange any longer. I enjoy the differences…though I am not quite used to the fact that you have no tail.” The horns I do not notice so much, but the lack of tail is noticeable and strange to me.
Stay-see goes still.
I worry I have offended her. “I am sure it does not affect your balance or your ability to sit,” I tell her. “I did not mean it to be—”
“It’s fine,” she says softly, interrupting me. “I just…you sounded like yourself for a minute there.” She waves a hand in the air. “Listen to me. Of course you sound like yourself. I only meant…that was one of the things we always joked about,” Stay-see says. “Me not having a tail. Do you remember that?”
I shake my head. “I wish I did.”
She looks sad, but manages a brave smile. Her eyes are shiny again, and I hate that I have disappointed her. I must think of some way to make her happy again. I work furiously on the plate, sending bone dust and chips into the air. Silence falls between us, and I want to hear her speak more. I want her smiles.
So I ask, “Will you tell me what it was like when we resonated?”
Stay-see looks surprised at my request. “You want me to tell you what it was like?”
I nod. “Perhaps it will help me remember to hear about it.” I press my hand to my chest, feeling the low thrum of my khui as it sings to her nearness. “This remembers you, even if I do not.”
“All right,” she murmurs. “I’m not much of a storyteller, though. I’m better at cooking.”
“You c
an cook for me,” I say eagerly. “I would love to eat what you make.”
Her smile broadens. “Maybe tomorrow. I need dishes first.” She gently retrieves her braid from Pacy’s grasping hands and tilts her head, thinking. “Our resonance. All right. What do you want to know?”
“Everything,” I tell her. “Spare no detail.” I want to experience it through her words since I cannot remember it.
“All right.” Stay-see presses her fingers to her mouth, thinking. “Well, I think it happened when I woke up out of the tube.”
“Tube?”
She absently pulls a tuft of fur from Pacy’s hand and hands him a bone. He immediately begins to gnaw on it. Her smile widens, and she looks over at me. “I should explain. When we first arrived, some of the girls were awake, and some of us were asleep in the wall of the ship. In stasis. It was like we were asleep, but unable to wake. The aliens were keeping us stored like…” She gestures at the bone Pacy is drooling on. “Like you keep the bones here. Waiting to be useful.”
People were being treated like this? I frown to myself. “Go on.”
“When Georgie and the others were rescued, they freed us from our sleep. One by one, we were pulled free from the wall and woken up. We didn’t have much to wear, so each person was given a fur cloak to wrap around them. I don’t remember who I saw when I first woke up, but I know it wasn’t you.” Her smile is indulgent.
“Why not?”
“You told me you were guarding the entrance. You were so excited and worried that all of the girls were going to resonate and there wouldn’t be a mate for you. And then Vektal sent you away to dispose of the trackers we had in our arms.” She rubs her upper arm in memory. “You were to dump them into a metlak cave, and you told me you resented every step of the journey.”
I do not know what the trackers are that she speaks of, but the story she tells me is intriguing. “I did not wish to do my chief’s bidding?”
“I don’t think that was the part you had a problem with,” Stay-see tells me, a smile on her face. “You were afraid you’d come back and all of the females would already be mated and you’d miss out. Someone was resonating, and Vektal had resonated to Georgie, and that only left ten women for the rest of the hunters. You told me you raced as fast as you could to finish your task and returned back to the hunting party because you wanted to be there just in case any of the females resonated to you.”
“Any females…not you?” I frown at this thought. “I was not immediately drawn to you?”
“Oh, I doubt it.” She tucks a strand of her mane behind one small, round ear. “I believe I spent most of those early days hiding under as many furs as I could wear and weeping copiously.” Her brows go down, and she looks unhappy with herself. “Jeez, I guess I cry a lot.”
“You were scared,” I say, feeling the need to defend her. “I understand this.”
The look she sends my way is pleased. “We were all scared. Some of us just handled it better than others. I was one of the blubbery weepers instead of one of the strong ones. I’m fine with that. People have different strengths, you know? Mine isn’t bravery.” As I watch, she picks up our son and pulls him close to her, hugging him. “I think I’m a better mom than I am a warrior. I’m definitely more of a nurturer than a fighter.”
“I see no problem with that.”
“Good,” she says with a chuckle. “Because I don’t think I can change. Georgie, though, she’s strong. And brave. Liz, too. And Kira. They were our leaders when the rest of us didn’t know what was going on.” She shrugs her shoulders and presses a kiss to Pacy’s forehead, even as he wriggles out of her grasp, reaching for the bones he was playing with. She lets him crawl out of her lap and looks over at me, her expression full of warmth and affection. “At any rate, I was busy hiding from everyone. You were all very scary-looking to me. Between the horns and tails, the glowing eyes and the blue skin, you all looked very fierce. Anyone that tried to talk to me, I hid behind Kira and waited for them to go away.” She raises her brows at me. “Not very brave, I admit.”
I still see no fault in this. I try to imagine myself in her place, full of fear and surrounded by strangers. I think she is very brave, no matter her thoughts.
“You caught up with our group just as we made it back to the tribal cave. You walked up with this big dead animal slung over your shoulder like some sort of caveman and dropped it at Vektal’s feet, looking all proud of yourself. You looked over at the girls like we should be impressed by your skills.”
“And were you?”
“I don’t know if impressed is the right word. I do remember it made Ariana cry because she’d never seen a whole dead animal before then.”
I do not know which one is Air-ee-yawn-uh. “What did you think?”
Her eyes light up. “I remember thinking that you were clearly trying to impress the girls, and if that was your way to do it, you were failing.”
I grin at that. “What should I have done to impress you?”
“Bring me a fur coat.” She chuckles. “Or hot soup. In the world that I come from, the meat we eat is all pre-packaged and in nice, tidy little containers. You don’t have to kill the animal to have dinner. You just pull out a package of meat and cook it up.”
I try to imagine this and fail. “I…do not understand.”
“I know.” Stay-see sounds amused. “I have told you about it a dozen times and you have never understood it. It’s something you have to see to believe, I think. At any rate, that animal—it was a dvisti—brought us together.”
“It did?”
Her smile grows broader, more delighted, and my body reacts to her pleasure. She looks so happy in this moment that it makes me ache with need. I want her this happy all the time. “Yes,” she says, continuing her story. “So there you were with this big kill you were proud of, and all of us humans had just arrived at the cave. Everyone was rushing out to meet us, and it was very overwhelming. I remember people trying to welcome us and steer us toward the fire, but we humans were scared, so we wanted to stick together. Someone parked us near the fire and told you to bring the kill so we could roast it. I remember you were very upset at the thought of all that good raw meat being burned.”
I grunt acknowledgment. Even now, I still have a hard time understanding why humans wish to burn their meat before they eat it. When I first realized it, I thought Harrec was teasing me. It turns out that while some of the humans eat their meat fresh, most prefer to scald it until the blood is burned away…along with all the flavor. I suppress a shudder.
“That look on your face,” Stay-see says with a giggle. “That was the exact expression you wore. You’re no good at hiding your feelings, Pashov. Never have been.”
I rub my jaw, feeling a bit foolish. “I do not understand why you wish to eat it burned. I am sure it is fine.”
Her smile grows broader, and my khui begins to sing low in my chest at the sight of her delight. When she is happy like this, her eyes shine and her round face grows wide with her smile. Did I think humans had odd faces? Stay-see’s is lovely in the firelight, for all its strangeness.
“You brought the dvisti over,” she continues, her voice low and smooth and almost hypnotic. “And you started to carve it up right in front of us. I think you told me later on that you meant to pick out the best parts for the humans to impress us, but we thought you were being mean by butchering it right in our faces. I was sitting nearest to you, and you opened the thing’s mouth and…” She makes a slashing gesture with her hand. “Wham, you cut the tongue out of it. Then you turned around and offered it to me.”
I nod slowly. “The tongue is most delicious.”
She makes a face. “At any rate, you were holding this big, drippy, bloody tongue out to me, and I thought it was some sort of weird come-on.”
“A come-on?” I am not familiar with the human term.
“Like you were flirting with me in a gross sort of guy way.”
With a dvisti tongue? When her cheek
s turn redder, I realize what she means. Tongue. Ah. I think of the other night, when I buried my tongue in her cunt. Nothing has tasted good since. My mouth waters even now, thinking of it. I want to taste her again, soon. I must be patient, though. “I would not do such a thing.”
“I know that now. You were just being polite. And I didn’t know what to do, so we just kind of stared at each other for several minutes. Then your expression changed. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with you until I felt it, too.” Her hands press to her breast, and my khui thrums even louder in my chest. “We were resonating. It was the weirdest and most beautiful moment in my life.”
I feel an ache in my throat. “What was it like?” I can feel the low, soft song of the khui in my chest, but it does not feel how I imagined resonance would. I have been told that it is all-consuming and maddening in its intensity. This is just pleasantness, like Stay-see’s smiles or when Pacy giggles. It makes me feel good, that is all. I like it, but I wonder what the other side of it is like…the hunger. I am sad I have no memories of this. I want them, as much as I want memories of Stay-see and Pacy.
Her eyes close, and her face is even more beautiful. “It is like nothing I’ve ever felt before. You feel this…thunder in your chest. It comes up out of nowhere and just builds and builds, and it’s so strong that you feel a bit like your entire body is quaking with the force of it. And as you look at your mate, the world seems to narrow in on just the two of you. It’s like nothing else exists but you and the person you are resonating to. And there’s this…” Her cheeks grow red. “Um, well, there’s an overwhelming feeling of desire. You instantly need that person, and you want to mate.”
She opens her eyes, but her gaze won’t meet mine. She is shy about this.
“Tell me more,” I ask her. I am full of yearning. I want to know what she experienced. What I experienced. I hate that I cannot remember this. It is the moment every hunter dreams of, and mine is gone from my mind completely.
Stay-see licks her lips, and I am fascinated by the flick of her pink tongue against her mouth. “Well…I don’t know if I can go into too much detail on that. Not comfortably.” She presses the back of one hand to her flushed cheek. “I hope that’s all right.”