by Ruby Dixon
“And you,” Pashov says. “It has been a long journey. How is the new home?”
“Different,” Harrec chimes in. “But good. It is a strange place, but there is plenty of room and we are sheltered from the winds.” He moves around to my side. “Stay-see. How are you faring?”
“Hi, Harrec. I’m good.”
“And your little one?”
Pacy’s currently latched to my breast, and I don’t pull him out to show Harrec, even though I know he enjoys playing with the babies of the tribe. “He’s been very patient with all the travel.” I smile. “It’s good to see more people again. How is everyone?” It suddenly feels like we’ve been gone forever, not less than two weeks.
“Everyone is settling in,” Harrec says, even as Bek moves to the handles of the sled and begins to pull it, giving my mate a rest. Harrec steps in next to the sled, chatting with me. “The biggest problem was figuring out who would live where,” the hunter tells me with an amused look. “Everyone wants to be closest to the big bathing pool in the center of the vee-lage.”
“Vee-lage?” I ask. As I say the word aloud, I realize what it is. “Oh. Village.”
“Yes,” Harrec says. “The humans say we should call it Crow-ah-to-an. It was Leezh’s idea.”
I sound the word out in my head. Croatoan? Oh, Jesus. It takes me a moment to realize where I’ve heard that word before—the lost colony of Roanoke. When the ships had returned to bring supplies to the colony, they found it deserted, and the only clue to where they had gone was the word ‘Croatoan’ carved into a tree. “Liz sure is morbid.”
“Shorshie did not like it, either, but it is the name we are using.” He shrugs. “It is bad?”
“It’s fine,” I lie, though I’m a little creeped out by the name. I’m more concerned with my mate. He’s silent, just like Bek. And while that’s pretty normal for Bek, Pashov’s normally a more laughing, friendly sort. He doesn’t seem to be pleased right now, and I wonder if he’s worried about our new home, too. “Why does everyone want to be closest to the bathing pool?” I ask absently.
“The floors are warm there.” Harrec gives me a smug nod. “It feels good on the feet.”
“Oh, wow.” I’ve heard of such things back home, but having a thermal floor here seems like a ridiculous luxury. “I can see why everyone was fighting over it.”
“Do not worry,” Harrec says. “Shorshie has made sure you will have a good howse.” He says the word strangely, like it fits funny in his mouth. I guess it does, considering everyone has lived in caves up until now. Harrec looks over at Pashov and elbows him. “You can bunk with us hunters, eh?”
I wait for Pashov to protest. To say that he’s going to stay with me.
Pashov only nods. “Good.”
And just like that, I’m hurt. Beyond hurt. In front of his friends, he’s basically pushing me aside? What the heck happened? I thought we were reconnecting. And all he can say about not staying with me is good?
I’m silent for the rest of the journey. The talk turns to metlak and Pashov tells the others how the starving one invaded our cave. Bek and Harrec make concerned noises, as this is clearly unheard of. Harrec tells us that despite this being metlak territory, they have not been seen since we arrived. Bek speculates that they have left this area for another, but it is too early yet to tell. The hunting is good in this area, with many dvisti herds and lots of scythe-beaks. The next valley over is full of not-potato trees, and the chief is quite pleased with the new home.
And I only listen with a half an ear, because in my head, all I hear is Pashov’s voice.
Good.
You are staying with the hunters. Good.
Why is that good? I don’t understand.
“Here we are,” Harrec declares as Bek stops the sled. Harrec holds a hand out to me to help me down.
Pashov pushes him aside, growling. “Leave Stay-see alone.”
The hunter merely laughs and shrugs, ignoring the dark looks that both Bek and Pashov give him. I’m mystified by this reaction—Harrec has always been a close friend of Pashov’s. Why the sudden dislike for him now?
Is something else going on that I’m unaware of? Has he forgotten his friendship with Harrec? Cold sinks into my belly at the thought. Is this why Pashov is distant? He’s forgetting more and more?
It is a good thing you are back, then, I tell myself, trying not to panic. The healer is here. She will know what to do.
I hope.
Pashov takes Pacy from me and helps me down off the sled. It feels good to stretch my legs, but I can’t help but stare at the gorge, the edge of which we are standing far too close to.
Did they say this thing was a valley? It looks more like the ice-age version of the Grand Canyon. I shiver at the sight of it and move closer to my mate. “And this appeared out of nowhere? After the earthquake?”
Bek grunts. “Someone says it may have been covered with thick ice and that the ice broke during the earthquake.”
That must have been some damn ice. “How…how deep is this?”
“Oh, many, many hands deep,” Harrec says cheerfully. “The metlak and snow-cats do not dare come down here because they will not be able to get back up!”
That…doesn’t make me feel much better. “How do we get down?”
“Rope,” Harrec declares, gesturing at a spot on the edge. There’s a rock jutting up near the lip of the canyon, and I can see a loop of rope around it, leading down. I take a step closer to the edge—
—And immediately get dizzy. It’s deep. Oh god. Really deep. I whimper and jerk backward, flinging myself into Pashov’s embrace.
“Shhh,” he murmurs, stroking my hair.
“What is it?” Harrec asks.
I can’t speak. I’m panting, terrified. My heart is hammering in my chest, and my entire body tingles with fear. I can’t do it. I can’t. It’s too far to fall.
“It is nothing,” Pashov says. “Can you unload the sled while I speak to my mate?”
They get to work, and Pashov steers me gently away from them—and the edge. “Be calm, my mate.”
I press my hand to my mouth, only to feel my fingers trembling wildly. “Did I mention I’m scared of heights?” I say with a nervous laugh. “Because I am. Really, really afraid. Can’t we walk down?”
“If there was a way to walk down, I do not think they would use the rope,” Pashov says, his voice hinting at amusement. “It will be all right, I promise. And you will only have to do this once.” He strokes my cheek. “After that, you will be safe, and you will be home.”
Oh sure, easy for him to say. I shiver, trying to erase the mental image of the yawning gorge out of my brain. I can’t stay up here. I have to go down. Have to. At the bottom is the village, and people, and safety. I just have to get there. “I don’t think I can climb and carry Pacy at the same time,” I tell him.
“I will carry him,” Pashov says easily. He continues to stroke my cheek, doing his best to soothe my panic. “Will that make you feel better?”
“An elevator would make me feel better,” I say with a watery, nervous laugh. I’m trying not to lose my cool, but it’s hard. All I want to do is turn around and run…which is stupid. We’ve traveled so far and there’s nothing to go back to. I try to look over at the canyon again, and the sick feeling clenches in my belly once more. “I think I need a minute to prepare.”
He nods and presses a kiss to my forehead. “I will help them unload. Can you hold Pacy until we are ready?”
I take my baby back and hug him close, ignoring his little cry of protest at my tight squeezing. The wind picks up and whips my leather tunic around my body, and I shiver, imagining the earth underneath my feet moving like it did in the earthquake. It feels very fragile and unstable here on the edge of the cliff…but that just might be my imagination. I feel like if I lean too far over to one side, I will tip over the edge and tumble into the ravine. Which is crazy, considering I’m standing about twenty feet away from the side, but I can’t h
elp the way I feel.
I watch as the three hunters unload the sled, casually tossing bundle after bundle of furs down to the bottom of the gorge. They fling things over with abandon, and then Bek grabs the rope and climbs down after. Harrec helps Pashov dismantle the sled, and they toss down the long bones, which will be re-used for other things, because the sa-khui waste nothing. Harrec then disappears over the ledge, and then it’s just me and Pashov and Pacy up here.
Pashov turns to me. “You go first. I do not like the thought of you up here alone while I am down below.” He holds his arms out for the baby. “Let us put my son in his carrier on my back, and I will climb down after you.”
I nod, trying to hold back my nervousness, even though the urge to throw up is growing stronger by the moment. I don’t like this. I don’t like the thought of Pacy going down the gorge, either, but I know that’s just my anxiety speaking. He’s going to be perfectly safe on Pashov’s back because Pashov won’t let anything happen to him. I tuck Pacy into the carrier and triple-check the straps. The baby’s in a good mood, waving his little fists in the air and babbling happily to himself. I wish I could be so carefree. I check the straps one more time, and realize I’m stalling.
There’s nothing I can do now, except go down the rope. I suck in a deep breath.
Pashov turns to me and cups my cheeks in his warm, warm hands. “You will be fine.” When I give a slow nod, he continues. “Take off your mittens so you can grip the rope tightly. Move as slowly as you need to. Brace your feet on the wall to help you move.”
“Got it,” I breathe.
I move forward to the edge of the cliff and grab the rope. There are knots tied every few feet, so it makes it easier to climb up and down, but my hands are shaking so badly and my palms are so sweaty that I nearly drop the rope.
“Stay-see—”
“I’m fine,” I tell him. “Really. I can do this.”
I grip the rope again, and then peer over the edge. There’s a scatter of bundles down on the snowy ground below, and Harrec and Bek are walking away, burdened with our things. I can’t stop staring at the ground, though. It’s at least twenty or thirty feet down, though my brain gets a little woozy at the sight. Twenty feet might as well be a hundred. It’s also a completely sheer drop. I wiggle one foot closer to the edge and try to figure out how to get my feet braced on the wall, like Pashov said.
My hands slip and my foot does, too. My body skids backward. Suddenly I’m flat on my stomach on the ledge, my legs dangling in midair over the lip of the canyon. A terrified whimper escapes me.
“No!” Pashov cries out. “No, Stay-see. Stop!” His hands grip my upper arms, and he hauls me back over the ledge. “Stop,” he tells me again. “There must be another way.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, trembling. I cling to his neck, burying my face against his chest as he holds me tight. “I’m trying.”
“I know.” He strokes my hair. “I know. Let me think.”
I cling to him. “I wish I wasn’t so afraid of heights.”
“You are who you are. Make no apologies for it.” He presses a kiss to my forehead. “I would change nothing about you.”
He always knows what to say to make me feel better. I burrow against him, clinging to his big strong body. He might not want to change anything, but I do wish I wasn’t such a coward.
“Hold still,” he tells me after a moment, and I feel his hands go around my waist. He pulls at the wide leather belt I wear and tugs it off. Surviving on the ice planet (for humans, anyhow) is all about layers, and I tend to wear several furs and then belt them tightly around my waist, going over it twice. That way the furs catch no wind and don’t let a cold breeze in.
He takes my belt and ties my waist to his, cinching the length of leather through the bone circle so we are roped together. Pashov takes my hand and puts it on his shoulder. “Arms around my neck and hold me tightly.”
“What are we doing—”
“You are holding on to me,” he says. “And I am going to get us both down.”
But he’s already got Pacy. I’m going to be a dead weight on his front, and that’s going to make it hard for him to climb. “Pashov, I don’t know—”
“I do. Hold on to me,” he says, and hitches me up a few feet off the ground, so now my feet are dangling.
I give a little whimper of fear and cling to his neck. He’s not leaving me with much choice.
“Keep your eyes closed.”
“Pashov!” I cry out when I feel his body shift. “I’m scared!”
“Do not open your eyes, then,” he tells me. “I have you.”
“Don’t let me fall!”
“Never. Trust in me, Stay-see.” I feel his big body flex as he moves. Oh god. Is he climbing down already? I fling my legs around his waist and cling to him with all my might. I try to focus on everything but the fact that I can feel his body sway, or that I can feel him grunt with exertion. That I can feel the muscles in his arms straining. Pacy babbles happily to himself, the burbling nonsense syllables sounding loud and uneven as they echo off the canyon walls.
Then…Pashov’s body thumps hard, and I feel the impact of it move through my body as well. I swallow a nervous little scream.
He pats my back. “We are down, my mate.”
“W-we are?” My eyes are still tightly squeezed shut.
“Yes. You can stand on your own now.” To his credit, he sounds very patient and not annoyed with me at all. I dare to open one eye and glance around. I see nothing but ice and shadow, and I look down. Sure enough, Pashov’s big furry boots are planted firmly on the snow. I slide one leg down off of him and feel solid ground beneath my feet.
I burst into tears.
“Come now,” my mate soothes, cupping my face. “It is not so bad as that, is it?”
“I’m just relieved,” I tell him between tears. All the frantic, nervous energy being sapped right out of me through my tear ducts. I feel drained. I rest my face against his chest, sniffling. “I’m sorry I’m such a mess.”
“You are not a mess. We all have fears.”
I want to ask what he’s afraid of, but I know the answer. I think of his nightmares, always about cave-ins. Well, that particular fear is justified. I can’t blame him for that.
His hands slide to my butt, and he cups it. “Besides,” he teases. “I got to enjoy your legs around my waist, and now I get to put my hands on this round bottom of yours.” He pats it, teasing. “No tail. So strange.”
I hold my breath. That…that’s our old joke. He always grabs my butt and makes cracks about my lack of a tail. I wait, hoping he’s going to say something else. That he’ll remember more.
But he just gives my butt one final pat. “Come. Let us get to the new home-place and see what your howse will look like.”
My house. Not his. Not ours. Mine.
I don’t know what to think. Man, talk about mixed signals.
PASHOV
This place is nothing like I had imagined. I have lived my entire life in the sheltering walls of the tribal cave, and even though I have been told what this vee-lage should look like, my mind pictured it differently. I could not envision a place where so much stone is so neatly set together. The stone under our feet locks together like fat fingers, dusted by snow. It feels hard on the boots, and I wonder why anyone would set stone in the ground like this with such regularity.
“Cobblestones,” Stay-see murmurs as she comes to my side. “Nice.”
Is it? It feels strange under my feet. “What are they for?”
“Um?” Stay-see gives me a strange look. “To make roads. Floors. To keep the ground even. So it doesn’t get slushy or muddy. And it’s good for wheels.” She nudges me. “I don’t think you guys are up to wheels yet.”
“But you have seen this before?”
“Oh yeah. Mostly in older cities. But I’ve seen it.” She seems relaxed and comfortable at the sight. “I wonder what the houses will look like.”
I am curiou
s about this as well. I gaze around us. The crevasse walls grow higher as we walk forward, and they block out a lot of the sunlight. The shadows make it colder down here, and I worry my mate will suffer. I hold my worries back, though, because Stay-see seems excited. After the trouble getting down here, I do not want to take her back out of the valley. Not if there are metlak up there. She will be safest with the tribe.
The crevasse winds around and splits. We turn a corner, and there ahead, I see the vee-lage. It is so…strange. Squat piles of rocks form regular, small caves neatly lined up in a way that looks unnatural and makes my mind hurt to see. Some are topped by leather suspended by poles until it forms a high triangle of sorts that points up at the sky. Smoke rises from a few different leather triangles, and I see people walking between the little stand-alone caves.
“Oh wow,” Stay-see breathes at my side, clutching my arm. “Check it out. They look like teepees on top of walls. I wonder who thought to do that.”
“I will ask,” I tell her. If it is important, I will find out for her.
“I’m sure we’ll find out.” She continues to hold on to me as we walk forward. Her eyes are wide, and she can’t stop staring. “It looks like everyone’s setting up in the small houses. I wonder what the big one is for.” She gestures, and at the far end of the rows of howses, there is a larger stone building, still with no top to it. “Maddie said there was a pool there, right?”
“I believe so—”
“Stacy!” An excited squeal erupts from one of the tee-pee howses as we pass it. It is Jo-see, the chattery one. She springs out, practically dancing with excitement. “You guys are here! That’s wonderful! I’m so excited to see you!”
“Josie,” Stacy calls out, extending her arms. The smaller one flings herself at my mate, and the two women hug. “How was the trip here? Did everyone make it all right?”