Lila Blue

by Annie Katz

  "I hope you get to stay here," Shelly said. "This place is you."

  "Are you saying I'm a goofy beach town kind of girl?" I said, crossing my eyes at her.

  "Yea, I am. Wanna fight about it?" She pushed me over on the bed and started tickling my ribs until I squealed for her to stop.

  "Come on," I said as soon as I could catch my breath. "Upstairs." I led her up the steep stairway to the next beach town attraction.

  Shelly completely fell in love with the Crow's Nest. She loved the window seat and the shelves of books. The big table. And especially the bunks. She claimed the middle one and talked her mother into letting her stay the night with us. I'd sleep in Jamie's bunk, and she'd have the middle one.

  After that was all planned, Shelly and I decided to walk to Rainbow Village so I could show her all the shops I'd been writing to her about, starting with The Salty Dog. Lila had to work, and Radha wanted to walk on the beach and enjoy a quiet afternoon by herself. We planned to all go out for dinner, which meant Shelly and I had the whole afternoon to play.

  "Cassandra," Shelly said as we were walking to the village, "I want you to introduce me as Shakti, not Shelly."

  "Shakti?" I asked.

  "Yea. I was thinking about it because you changed your name, and then when I heard my mom and Lila talking about names, I decided right now today is the right time to take my real name."

  "Is it a god name, too?" I asked.

  "Of course. The name for divine feminine energy."

  "No wonder you've always had to fight off the boys," I said, pretending to slap my forehead. "Who can resist a goddess?"

  "Well I am pretty cute even without the name," she said.

  "Shakti," I said over and over, practicing it. "Hi, this is my friend Shakti."

  She nodded. "Sounds exotic. Grownup. That's me."

  "Wait a minute. All my friends here are expecting Shelly. How is this going to work?"

  "You'll think of something," she said.

  She was right. Kim and Les were quick. As soon as I walked in and said, "I'd like you to meet my good friend Shakti," they shook her hand and said, "Finally we get to meet our favorite customer face to face."

  We had a great time in The Dog. Les was just getting ready to start a new batch, so I explained the whole procedure to Shelly as we watched Les make the syrup. Then Shelly filled up two big boxes with taffy to send back to her grandma's house at the lake. One box was for her and the other was for everyone else. Hers focused on Raspberry Rapture and everything that had chocolate in it. Kim had fun suggesting varieties and watching Shakti try each one.

  Next we went to Sunshine Books. Marge said Molly was upstairs and would be down in a minute, so first I introduced Shakti to Marge, and we peeked in at Bradley in his work area, and then I took her to meet Curtis. He was lost in a book, of course, and I had to call his name twice to get him to look at us.

  "Curtis, I want you to meet my friend Shakti," I said, and he shook himself, closed his book, and stood up to shake her hand.

  "Very pleased to meet you," he said. "You are the friend from Wisconsin. With a name from India."

  "Yes," Shelly said, and I saw she was suddenly shy and determined to overcome it.

  "Shelly, I mean Shakti, wants to interview you," I said.

  Curtis sat down and picked up his book again, but he didn't open it. "Okay," he said, smiling his beautiful smile that showed off his dimples.

  We sat on the couch and Shelly pulled a spiral notebook and pencil out of her backpack. "How many books do you read a year?" she began, all business like.

  Curtis thought about it, and he guessed around three hundred.

  Marge, who was listening from her counter, called out, "More like four or five hundred, Honey. You underestimate yourself."

  "More than one a day?" he asked her.

  She nodded to us.

  "Tell us how you learned to read," Shelly said. "How old were you?"

  "My big sister taught me to read," he said. "She was in first grade and I was three years old. Every day after school she'd come home and teach me what she had learned."

  "Wow," Shelly said. "Your teachers must have been impressed when you got to school."

  "Not really," he said. "My first grade teacher told my mom there was something wrong with my hearing because I read all day instead of listening to her."

  "What did your mom do?"

  "She ignored her too."

  We all laughed. I could see how frustrated teachers might be with someone as addicted to reading as Curtis was.

  "Have you always been such an avid reader?" Shelly asked him next.

  "Well I had to work for a while after high school," he said, trying to remember. "And then I only had time for three or four books a week."

  "I see," said Shelly, writing it down. "What sort of work did you do?"

  "I was a security guard at a mall in Salem," he said. "But I wasn't very good at it. Marge and I found each other in the bookstore there, and she rescued me. I've been a kept man ever since."

  "Oh, I make you work once in a while," Marge said.

  He shook his head and smiled at her. "Every job I do for you is pure pleasure, Margie."

  There it was again, that grownup love vibration, and I looked at Shelly to see if she caught it. She did, and she grinned at me. I felt kind of annoyed with myself, wondering how I'd been so naive.

  "What genre is your favorite?" Shakti asked Curtis.

  "Right now I'm interested in astronomy and theoretical math and physics. And I always read fiction while I'm reading science. It's like having the main course and then dessert."

  "With fiction being the dessert," Shakti said, writing in her notebook.

  "Usually," Curtis said. "But sometimes you run across a science writer who makes the life cycle of a termite seem as entertaining as a bestselling mystery. Like this one," he showed her the book he was reading. "It's great."

  She wrote the title and author down for her report. "What advice do you have for those of us embarking on seventh grade?" she asked.

  "Read everything you can get your hands on," he said, grinning at us. "Live in a bookstore."

  Just then Molly came down to join us. "Perfect timing, Moll," he said to her, "Your friends are here to see you." He gave us one more gorgeous smile and fell back into reading.

  Shelly put away her notebook and then did a full scale photo shoot of the store, the Mills family, and me. She even had me take a picture of her standing behind Curtis's chair pointing down at him. Her eyes were all bugged out in fake astonishment. We were lucky Curtis was so kind. Some adults would get tired of children buzzing around using them as a giant prop for their photos.

  Molly and Shakti took to each other so easily I was reminded of my school bus dream, where they were blended into one person. Maybe my Dream Mother chose them for me, my best friends.

  Molly took us upstairs to her room. She was plotting to get a new dog for Kitty Lynn, and she wanted our opinion on the ones she'd found in the paper.

  Watching Molly and Shakti together, I felt so much love it made tears come, and they were rolling down my face before I could stop them. I wondered if all this emotion was another symptom of puberty. At school they told us we'd be having lots of feelings, but they didn't say we'd cry every time we turned around. I hoped it was a stage I would go through quickly, like sore breasts or growing pains in my legs. I didn't want to be crying every day all the rest of my life. How humiliating!

  We settled on a collie, because one of Shelly's nannies had a wonderful one, and a black poodle mix, because it looked sort of like Oleander but not too much. Both of them were up for adoption from the humane society. Molly called the shelter, and both dogs were still available.

  "Did you ask Kitty Lynn yet?" I asked Molly.

  "Not exactly," Molly said.

  Shakti and I both looked at her.

  Molly took a deep breath and said, "I think it should be a surprise."

  "I don't think so," I said. "
She's had enough surprises. I think we should tell her about the dogs and see if she's interested."

  "That's what my mom said," Molly said, acting as if I'd betrayed her.

  "Sometimes moms are right," Shakti said.

  "Okay," Molly said. "I was only trying to follow The Golden Rule."

  After Marge called Kitty Lynn to find out if we could stop by, we got Curtis to drive us. We took Kitty Lynn some pink carnations from Franny's Flowers & Gifts and spice cookies from The Bakery Boys. Franny wouldn't let us pay for the flowers when we said we were taking them to Kitty.

  "Tell her we all miss her," Franny said. "And poor Oleander. He never had to lift a paw his whole life. She spoiled him to death."

  "He had a stroke," Molly said.

  "Oh my goodness," Franny said. "I didn't mean she killed him!"

  After we left the flower shop, Molly said, "I hate it when people say loved him to death or spoiled him to death. What horrible things to say!"

  I guess she was still upset about us having to ask Kitty Lynn first about the dog. I hoped she wouldn't be too upset if the answer was no.

  When we got to the house, Kitty Lynn's daughter led us to the sun porch off the kitchen. Kitty Lynn was lounging under an afghan that looked like the one I was making, only hers was pink.

  It was the first time I'd seen her since she'd fallen, and she looked okay. The bruises around her eyes were all green and yellow, and the wound on her forehead still had black stitches, like spider legs, but it did seem to be healing okay.

  After I introduced her to Shakti, and she'd offered us spice cookies from the box we'd brought her, Molly pulled out the pictures of the shelter dogs, showed them to her, and launched into her prepared speech about the plan to get a new dog.

  Before Molly got up to speed, Kitty Lynn started crying, and then we all cried, except for Curtis, who was desperately looking around for something to read. He found a needlework magazine on the floor and grabbed it. Holding it in his hands calmed him down enough so he didn't cry.

  "It hurts so much," Kitty Lynn said, hiding her face in the afghan for a second. "He slept with me every night for sixteen years. I got him right after my husband died, so it was just we two for all that time. I wake up now and can't believe he's gone."

  "I'm sorry," Molly said. "I didn't mean to make you sadder. I thought it could help."

  "Oh, Molly," Kitty Lynn said, "You are helping. I need to cry until all the tears are gone. I know you care about me. That helps. Sometimes the best you can do when someone you love dies is all cry together."

  Kitty's daughter passed a box of pink tissues around to everyone. Then she passed the box of cookies again, and we all took another one. Kitty Lynn took a big bite out of hers and chewed it while we munched on ours, afraid to say anything.

  Then Kitty sighed and smiled at each of us and said, "Eating spice cookies helps a lot too, so you've brought me wonderful gifts today. Flowers, tears, and cookies."

  On the way back to the bookstore, Curtis said, "Molly, you did your best. You made her feel better by caring so much. You're a fine person."

  "And maybe she will want another dog soon," I said. "You planted a seed."

  Shakti said, "You chose really good dogs, Molly. Either of them would have been perfect."

  Molly didn't respond. She just crumpled up the dog pictures and stuffed them in her pocket. Then she folded her arms and slumped down, looking forlorn.

  We were quiet the rest of the way back.

  When we came through the back door into the bookstore, Marge could tell from looking at us how it had gone. "Molly," she said. "If your friends can spare you, I need your help. A big shipment came in, so I need you to check off the packing list."

  Molly seemed relieved to have a job to do. We said goodbye and headed to Lila's shop.

  Lila and Herbert were both cutting hair, so after I showed Shelly around and she admired everything, we headed back to Lila's house.

  As soon as we got outside, Shelly said, "It's great being able to walk everywhere."

  "I love it here," I said. "I can barely remember my life before this summer."

  "Do you think your mom will let you stay?"

  "What do you think?" I asked. Shelly was smart, and she'd seen my mom in lots of different situations. I valued her opinion.

  "Your mom needs you," she said. "Not in a healthy way, though. She needs you like a thing, not like a daughter."

  "I tried to make her happy," I said. "I used to think I was causing her problems, but now that I'm gone, she has more problems."

  Shelly nodded. "You should stay here with Lila. She loves you. You're happy here. You can come visit me in Boston, and I can come back here."

  "But what about Janice?" I said. "What if she really messes up?" I hated to think that way about my own mother, but it was the truth.

  "She's supposed to be the grownup one, not you," she said. "Your mom is not your responsibility. Let her make it on her own."

  "Yea," I said, but I felt awful. "So you think she will make me go back to California?"

  She shrugged. "A miracle could happen."

  "Yes," I said. I believed with all my heart that I would stay in my new home in Oregon. I rejected all my doubts, fears, and guilt. I believed as if believing could make it so.

  We all decided to go to the Big Fish Bar and Grill for dinner. It sounded like a dive, but it was actually a nice restaurant on one side and a bar in a separate part. We got a table by the window overlooking the river, which was beautiful in the soft pink light of sunset. Beyond the river were pine trees and low brush, places where lots of little animals would enjoy living so close to clean water.

  After the waiter took our orders, Shakti told Radha and Lila about our adventures in town. They shook their heads over Molly's efforts to help Kitty Lynn.

  "Grief takes its own time," Lila said. "When Kitty Lynn is ready for a new pet, one will come." Then she told us the story of how she got Chloe and Zoe.

  "I'd been praying for some kitty companions, and I had in mind twin girls, Siamese, because that seemed right for my little beach house. I looked everywhere, and none were available."

  "That's strange," Radha said. "There are always too many kittens."

  "That's what I figured," Lila said. "I took it as a sign, and I stopped looking. I knew the kittens would come to me."

  I tried to imagine two lost little kittens wandering into the barbershop, but I couldn't picture it. "How did they find you?" I asked.

  "After I'd completely given up, I woke up one morning with a vision. I saw two darling little white faces peering over the edge of a cardboard box, and they were crying for me to come get them."

  "The twins," I said.

  "Yes! When I got to work the weekly paper had just come out with an ad for Siamese cats. I called the number and the lady said, ‘All we have left are two females. We call them the twins.’"

  “‘Those are my kittens,’ I told her, and I closed the shop and went for them. The lady took me to her laundry room, and there they were, the two little white faces peeking over the box crying for me to take them home."

  "Wow," Shakti said, laughing and shaking her head.

  "They still send me pictures sometimes to keep in practice," Lila said. "Last week I was giving someone a scalp massage after a haircut, and I had a vision of the twins up in the top of my closet knocking off shoe boxes to make space for a nap. When I got home, they were still sleeping there and my shoes were scattered on the closet floor."

  "Careful, Cassandra," Radha said. "Your grandmother has the gift of far seeing." She grinned at me.

  "It runs in the family," Lila said. "Cassandra has gifts of her own."

  "All women do," Radha said.

  We laughed at that, but it felt deliciously true to be included in the mysteries and magic of all women.

  The restaurant was crowded, and the service leisurely. Our waiter brought salad and bread first, and we finished nearly every crumb of that. Then it was still awhile bef
ore our dinners came, so we had plenty of time to enjoy the fading light over the river.

  Shelly told her mother she'd decided to be called Shakti from now on. "We tried it out today, and it was fun," she said.

  "Fun for you, maybe," I said, "but I kept getting twisted up in my brain and calling you one thing one minute and another the next."

  "Well, you did that to us," Shakti said. "I still call you Sandy in my brain."

  "It will take us all some practice," Radha said. "It will be easier at your new school, because no one will know you were once called Shelly."

  "I think it's glorious to grow up into our true names," Lila said. "I'm proud of both of you. Cassandra, Prophetess, and Shakti, Divine Creator. Let's hope they have ambrosia for dessert."

  Radha laughed and said, "Food of the goddesses!"

  That night was the first I'd ever spent in the Crow's Nest, and so it was another adventure, this time with Shakti. We'd spent lots of overnights together in California the two years we'd been best friends, but everything seemed changed now. We had our grownup names, our grownup hairstyles, and our growing up bodies. We were too excited to go to sleep right away, even though it was late. Plus we'd both had chocolate ice cream cake for dessert, and we were giddy from all the sugar.

  I got us quilts and we sat facing each other on the window seat overlooking the ocean. Spotlights lit up the waves down below, and we could see stars and the bright white quarter moon shining over the sea.

  "I wish Ian could be here," Shakti said.

  "There's no room for him," I said, only half joking. I'd shared Shakti with other people all day and I wanted her all to myself this last night. She and her mom had to leave early the next morning to drive back to Portland to catch a plane.

  "Not here here," she said. "I mean I wish he could see the moonlight on the ocean and meet you and Lila. I know you'll love him too."

  "I'm not so sure," I said. "I've never been crazy about any boy."

  "How about Timothy Gonzalez in fifth grade?" she asked. "You sat next to him every chance you got."

  "I liked him because he was really smart," I said.