Colby's Child

by Patricia Watters

  But after he’d left Jenny’s cabin that afternoon, two truths had become evident. He’d never take Jenny as his mistress—she was a devoted mother who deserved the respect granted a married woman—and Colby was no place for Lily to grow up. But until the day he’d put them on an eastbound stage, he’d protect them with his life.

  “Well?” Jenny was still waiting for his response.

  “I don’t know what Bishop wants to tell you," he replied, "but whatever it is, it’s a lie. Like I said, we have a score to settle. He wants me run out of town—or better yet, hung—so he can take over Colby and all the mining claims in the area.”

  “If you have nothing to hide," Jenny said, "then let him tell me what he knows about my husband and I’ll decide for myself if there’s any truth to it.”

  Jason shook his head. “I can’t do that.”

  Jenny's eyes flashed with impatience. “Why not?”

  Jason held her gaze. “Because you are my woman now and I won’t have it.”

  Jenny stared at him, too stunned to speak. But as she mulled over his words, a curious blend of resentment and wistful longing settled over her, and she came to the realization that even if Jason did have something to hide, she was willing to take that chance, because the simple fact was, she wanted to be his woman. She wanted to go to bed at night with his arms around her, and see him looking at her the way he had when he’d stood in the doorway while she’d nursed Lily, and share with him the joys of watching Lily grow. At least for a little while. “What does being your women entail?” she asked, heat prickling her face as she waited for the words that would set the parameters for being Jason Colby’s woman.

  Several moments ticked by before he replied, “It means taking care of Lily and keeping yourself out of harm’s way."

  Jenny stared at him. “That’s all?”

  “Yes, Jenny, that’s all.” Jason looked at her so searchingly she feared she hid nothing from him, least of all her disappointment. But what had she expected? He’d told her he was not in want of female companionship, that she did not interest him in that way. Yet, his announcing to Jack Bishop and others that she was his woman precluded him having other women in his life—an odd constraint for a virile man like Jason to put on himself. The thought that he intended to impose on himself what amounted to a vow of chastity for as long as she remained in Colby, made her want him all the more.

  The tension was broken when Lily cut loose with a f high-pitched wail. “I have to feed her before we go to the Dusty,” Jenny said. She sat in the rocker, draped a privacy cloth across her chest and opened her blouse for Lily to nurse. “Coffee's on the stove.”

  Jason poured a cup of coffee, and when he turned and saw Jenny rocking back and forth, eyes closed, Lily contentedly suckling at her breast, that same feeling of tenderness settled over him. And he knew that until his dying day, the image of Jenny with Lily at her breast would be emblazoned in his memory. He also saw what he’d intended to avoid. A woman and child who were becoming increasingly important to him with each passing day.

  He took a slow sip of coffee and looked around the cabin. Jenny’s touch was everywhere: her apron hanging on a hook near the stove, newspapers with hand-scalloped edges lining the shelves, a custard pie cooling in the pie safe. And on the wash stand beside Jenny’s hip bath were esters and pomades and other female notions. He looked at Jenny again. Her eyes were still closed, but her brow held a frown. Then her lips flattened, and the rocker stopped. She opened her eyes, looked at him curiously, and asked, “How old are you?”

  He viewed her over the rim of his cup. “Thirty-four.”

  She shifted Lily to her shoulder to burp her. “You’ve never married. Why?”

  His gaze rested on the creamy-white bosom that emerged when the privacy cloth dropped away before she repositioned it. He turned away to look out the window. Her ease with suckling Lily in his presence touched his heart, but it also raised havoc with his libido. He wasn’t her husband, and he wouldn’t be bundling her off to bed where he’d have his turn at her. He also had no answer to her question about marriage because the subject was too complicated to broach, beyond the fact that marriage and family were as foreign to him as the Chinese workers building the railroads. “Marriage doesn’t fit my lifestyle,” he replied.

  “Then why do you need such a big house?” she asked.

  “I don’t. It kept a lot of miners busy who needed work after their claims failed.”

  After a few moments, she asked, “Do you live alone?”

  “Yes,” he replied, wondering where this conversation was going.

  “Then... your housekeeper is no longer there?”

  His back still to her, he said, “Why do you ask?”

  “Why shouldn’t I?" she parried. "Doesn’t being your woman give me a right to ask?”

  It came to Jason that, in his effort to protect Jenny by claiming her as his woman, he’d also given her leave to dig into his past, unless he set limits. He turned and looked at her, intending to set things straight, and said, "You're my woman in name only. I mean to stay out of your bed, and I expect you to stay out of my personal life.”

  “I’m not in the least interested in your personal life,” Jenny said in a brusque, dry tone. “I only asked about your housekeeper because of the ordinance forbidding cohabitation. I wondered if you’d exempted yourself."

  “The woman's gone,” Jason said, simply.

  Jenny looked at him expectantly. “Then you asked her to leave?”

  Jason sighed. “She left on her own. I’m not the easiest man to get on with.”

  “I’m aware of that,” Jenny said, lips curving in a smile. Her expression softened, became tender, and he wondered why disclosing that he was a difficult man should have a positive effect on her. It was not a trait he admired in himself. Nor would it serve any purpose for Jenny to know the kind of man he really was, someone with too many scars in his past to mend.

  “You may not be the easiest man to get on with,” Jenny said, “but you’re giving me an afternoon to take me to my mine, so you can’t be all bad.” She started to move Lily to the other breast, but Lily had fallen asleep. Shifting Lily into the crook of her arm, she stood. “I’ll be ready to leave in a few minutes,” she announced, then pulled the chemise together to cover her bosom. But the brief sight of her breasts, with their pink puckered nipples still damp and glistening from Lily's nursing, were already blazoned in Jason's mind. And the urge to move her chemise aside and take what she'd all but offered was pushing his willpower to the limit.

  Jenny turned and passed through the privacy curtains into a small area in the cabin where there stood a low table with a pad for changing Lily's diaper, a wash stand with a basin and pitcher of water, a chair with a commode built into it's seat, and a tin tub for washing. While she changed Lily’s diaper, she pondered her exchange with Jason. His admittance to his shortcomings touched her in a way she hadn’t expected. She’d wanted to put her arms around him and kiss him on the forehead and tell him he was a pretty fine fellow. Why it affected her that way she couldn’t figure, other than she’d felt a tug at her heart in the doleful way he’d looked at her when he’d spoken.

  Lifting Lily in her arms, she walked through the privacy curtains to where Jason sat, and said, “Would you hold your godchild while I get ready to go?”

  Jason smiled. “Give her to me.”

  After lowering Lily into Jason's arms, Jenny returned to the privacy area to wash. As she stood at the wash stand, passing the wash cloth over her breasts, her thoughts were anything but maternal. Nor had they been while she’d nursed Lily. Although she'd tried to convince herself otherwise, she knew she’d allowed the privacy cloth to slip aside and her chemise to briefly remain parted under the guise of nursing. She also knew Jason had not been unaffected by what he saw. Unlike the day when he stood in the doorway, this time desire smoldered in his eyes. She could not conjure up a reason why she’d behaved as she had. She had no intention of bedding him. And
she still planned to leave as soon as the Dusty was producing gold.

  Holding that thought, she prepared for the ride to the mine. She would maintain a respectable distance from Jason as they rode, and she would clear her mind of the kinds of thoughts a widow and new mother should not be having, hedonistic thoughts of crawling into bed with a man who stirred her blood and caused her to behave in ways no man ever had.

  A man whose tender moments were few...

  But when she pushed the curtain aside and took in the scene before her, she felt as if her heart might burst from the warmth curling around it. Lily lay snuggled in the crook of Jason’s arm, his big hand cradling her diapered bottom, his fingers curving around her plump little thigh. Lily kicked a leg out, retracted it, and kicked it out again like a frog and let out a little chortle. A smile flickered across Jason’s face, and tiny points of light danced in his eyes. Lily made a soft, gurgling sound and reached out with a dimpled hand. Jason’s smile grew wider. He raised his finger and Lily wrapped her tiny hand around it, and as he wiggled it, she tightened her grip and cooed with infant glee. Then as Jenny watched in shocked surprise, Jason lifted Lily in his arms, nuzzled her cheek and kissed it, then cradled her against him and held her with all the tenderness and loving care of a new father. Lily nestled her little head against his neck, and his big hand began idly rubbing her back...

  Jenny’s throat tightened. How different Jason was from the cocky man who’d whisked Lily out of her arms the day of the christening. It occurred to her then that perhaps Jason Colby, the man who’d founded a town and owned practically everything in it, and who had no qualms about facing Jack Bishop and his scurrilous men, would probably not want anyone beyond these walls to see him cuddling a baby. As she stepped into the room, she said, “Now that your soft little underbelly is fully exposed, am I to keep hushed that the legendary Jason Colby is a soft touch when it comes to babies?”

  Jason gave her his half smile. “I’ll challenge anyone who has a problem with it.”

  When Jenny took Lily from him, Lily began to fuss. “Oh fine. Now she’s rejecting her own mother for a—"

  Jason lifted himself out of the chair and stood. “For a what?” he asked in a sober voice. His face held resolve, and Jenny realized he expected to hear her thought through.

  She tried to collect her thoughts—her mind still on the tender scene she’d happened onto—then she completed her sentence, saying, “A man who seems to know more about handling a baby than her own mother. I find it hard to believe you’ve never had a child.”

  “Never have, and never will,” Jason said, is words decisive.

  “Why not?” Jenny asked, while wrapping a coverlet around Lily.

  “Because men like me don’t make good husbands and fathers,” Jason replied.

  “What I just saw tells me otherwise,” Jenny countered.

  “What you saw was an aberration.”

  Jenny studied him soberly. “What kind of a man do you think you are that wouldn’t make a good husband and father?”

  Jason positioned his hat on his head and reached for his shotgun. “The kind of man no woman should to be tied to. Now, we’d better be on our way. The winds pick up in the afternoon and it wouldn’t do to have Lily breathing all that dust."

  Jenny followed Jason out the cabin, her mind set on learning what kind of man Jason thought himself to be, that excluded him from being a good husband and father. He’d vowed to protect them much as a husband would protect his family, he’d clearly enjoyed his tender moment with Lily, and his concern about Lily breathing dust belied his poor opinion of himself. She was determined to get to the core of this man. The image of him cuddling Lily had taken root, and it refused to let go.

  Jason helped her onto the wagon, handed Lily up to her and hoisted himself up to sit beside them. They followed the well-worn road out of town, and before long, began winding their way along the switchbacks that trailed up the side of the mountain. Jenny had intended on keeping a respectable distance from Jason, but the narrow road and sharp drop-off on her side of the wagon impelled her to move closer to him, until their arms touched. “Are there any men at the Dusty?” she asked, to keep her mind off the precarious road.

  “A few, including my brother, Seth,” Jason replied. “He’s foreman.”

  “I didn’t know you had a brother,” Jenny said.

  “Half-brother,” Jason corrected. “I'm ten years older.”

  Jenny glanced over the cliff’s edge and saw the silvery thread of a mountain stream far below. She tightened her arms around Lily and inched closer to Jason until she was nestled snuggly against his side, while hoping they wouldn't meet another vehicle, which would mean moving yet closer to the edge of the mountain. “If Seth is your half-brother, then your mother was married twice,” she said, deciding that idle chatter would keep her mind off the precarious road. "Did your father die?" She glanced up at Jason and saw the muscles in his jaw tighten.

  “My mother hasn’t been a part of my life since I was sixteen,” he replied.

  “And your father?”

  Jason's silence clearly stated ‘you’re treading on private ground.’

  “Sorry, I forgot the rules,” Jenny clipped. “You stay out of my bed, I stay out of your head.” Caught between the worry of having a muscular male body on one side of her, and a sheer drop-off on the other, she pressed on with her attempt to hold a dialog, saying to Jason, “Tell me about Seth, unless he’s off limits.”

  “He’s not,” Jason replied. “He’s one of my best men, and the first whose wings I want clipped. The sooner he marries and starts a family, the sooner he’ll learn responsibility.”

  “So marriage is right for one Colby, but not the other,” Jenny commented. When Jason didn’t reply, she knew she’d overstepped the bounds. “Then you’ve slotted a bride for Seth?”

  “He can make his own choice,” Jason said.

  “Kind of like a cattle auction,” Jenny mused. “Have the brides any say, or do the men simply claim a woman and she’s his, like some men around here do?"

  Jason's mouth twitched as if holding back a smile. “The men do the courting, the women do the choosing. Seth’ll pick the woman he wants, then it’s up to him to catch her and tame her.” He gave Jenny a wry smile. “Some women are easier to tame than others. Seth’ll have to learn how to do it fast or lose his woman to a more experienced man.”

  “Like you?”

  Jason's smile flattened. “I don’t intend to marry.”

  “So, which kind of woman do you think I am?”

  “Hard to tame. It’ll take some doing.”

  “But you intend to try.”

  “I intend to succeed.”

  “And once you’ve tamed me, what then?” Jenny visualized herself stretched out on the bed she imagined in his big house on the hill, his naked body hovering over her...

  ”You’ll sell me the Dusty and return to Iowa,” Jason said, shattering the image of entwined bodies. “You and Lily don’t belong here."

  “I see,” Jenny said, miffed. “And as our self-appointed guardian, you’ve taken it upon yourself to decide what’s best for us.”

  “I have.” Jason turned onto a road that left the sharp side of the mountain and snaked it's way between rocky outcrops. After the road began to level off, he jiggled the reins, encouraging the horse to move faster.

  Jenny looked in the distance at the complex of structures coming into view. “I’m not ready to leave yet,” she said. “I intend to see the Dusty make a profit before I go.”

  “The Dusty’s played out,” Jason replied. “And Colby’s no place for a widow and child. Out here a woman needs a man for protection.”

  “And you don't think I’m capable of catching a man?”

  Jason gave a short, derisive snort. “You could catch any hot-blooded male you want, Jenny. But a city-bred woman’s not suited for life here. Winters are harsh, summers are oppressive, and miners are a rough breed working a hazardous job. The women who m
arry them face hardship and danger as a matter of course. You’re not cut out for that kind of life.”

  “I should be the one to decide that,” Jenny said, irritated. She had no idea why she was arguing against her own best interest. Jason was right about miners being a rough breed. And she’d seen no man in Colby who could tempt her to marry... Except perhaps one. But he wasn’t the marrying kind, and he was determined to see her go. “Being city-bred, I suppose you think I’m not capable of planning my own life."

  “I think the choices you’ve made so far haven’t been very sound,” Jason said.

  Jenny bristled. “I didn’t choose to become a widow. You helped make me one.”

  “I also offered you tickets east and enough money for the Dusty to buy a house when you got there. You refused both.”

  “That’s because I have unfinished business here.”

  ”You mean hauling phantom gold out of a dead mine?”

  “That... and—” she stopped short of saying learning what Jack Bishop knows about you and my husband... “Regardless of what you say, I believe there is gold in the Dusty or you and Jack Bishop wouldn't be so anxious to take it off my hands.”

  Jason pulled to a halt in front of a tumbled down structure. “Well, here’s your Dusty."

  Jenny stared in bewilderment. Myles had described an operation with sturdy cabins and solid outbuildings and a well-constructed shaft house overseeing a mine on the verge of prosperity. What she saw was a cluster of dilapidated shacks and a sway-backed shaft house. “It doesn’t make sense,” she said, in a dismal voice. "Myles sold everything we owned to buy it. And he didn’t want just any mine. He had to have the Dusty.”