He smiled, and Jenny felt as if a dark cloud had lifted. “Then I’ll have something to remember you by after you leave.”
Jenny felt her hopes plummet. Her return to Iowa always seemed foremost on his mind. Yet, there were times when she’d held his gaze that she felt he wanted her for more than simply having a woman in his bed, more like having a wife to cherish. “I hope you’ll think of other things after I’m gone, not just how badly I sew,” she said, feeling the hint of tears prickling behind her eyes as she reaffirmed the inevitable.
Jason touched her face, and said in a cheerless voice, “When you and Lily leave, you’ll take a chunk of my heart with you, and I’ll have that to remember you by, along with my scar.”
Jenny closed her eyes. Don’t let me leave without you, she wanted to cry. She felt his breath on her face as she said in a wavering voice, “You’re a very strong man, Jason. Your heart will probably mend before my stagecoach even reaches—"
Jason's lips on hers cut her sentence short. She curved her arms around him and kissed him back, yielding to the longing that had been consuming her like a creeping flame. If he hadn't been so beat-up from the accident she’d be tempted to take liberties with him again, this time with his full awareness. He broke the kiss and held her head against his chest. “My heart will not have mended by then,” he said, his fingers stroking her hair. “But it will eventually, when I know you’re safe, and happy.”
Jenny looked at him. “Why is my happiness so important to you?” she asked.
“Because you’re a good mother,” he said, simply.
Not because he cared about her, or that he might even have started to love her just a little bit… But because she was a good mother. Nothing more.
She moved out of his arms and focused on the soiled dressing on his chest. While slowly removing it, she said, "What if I refused to dissolve our marriage before leaving?”
He eyed her with unease. “What would be the point?”
“Nothing really—” she discarded the soiled dressing “—but it would complicate your life, wouldn’t it?”
“Not much.”
“You could never marry because you’d already have a wife,” she said, dabbing a wet cloth at the raw-looking gash.
“I don’t plan to marry again so it wouldn’t matter,” he said, his gaze fixed on her.
“Would you still be legally obligated to take care of Lily and me?”
“After our marriage ends, I intend to take care of you and Lily until you remarry." His words underscored the fact that not only would they dissolve their marriage, but he had no qualms about another man taking his place and bedding her as a true husband.
“And if I chose not to remarry? Would you still take care of us?"
“Financially, yes.”
She stared at him. “Why?"
He shrugged. “Because I want to.”
Feeling the beat of his heart beneath her palm, Jenny realized her hand was resting on his chest, yet she let it remain. “As my husband, isn’t the Dusty in your name?"
“Yes. I also control all operations and proceeds.” He eyed her dubiously. “Are you having second thoughts about ending our marriage?”
Jenny guided her palm across the firm contours of his chest. “Maybe I’m having second thoughts about consummating it,” she said, her hand moving toward his belly. “Would that complicate things?”
Jason curved his fingers around her hand, stopping it at his waist. “For you it would. You’d be legally tied to me for as long as I decided to keep you as my wife. And I’d petition the court to let me adopt Lily and give her my name.”
Jenny felt a stab of resentment. “Why? Because there’s still something around here that doesn’t bear the name Colby?” She twisted from his grip.
“No, because Lily’s important to me. She’d be my legal heir.”
“If she means so much to you, would you consider moving to Iowa?”
“My place is here,” Jason said without hesitation.
Not with his wife. Not with the daughter of his heart.
What does this godforsaken town balanced on the edge of Hell-and-Gone have that ties you to it? she felt like screaming. But then, he’d never made any promises beyond protecting her. Still, she had to ask, “What is it that holds you here?”
“My enemies are out in the open,” he said, simply.
“You’d have no enemies in Iowa," Jenny argued. "You could start a new life there.”
“I have more enemies around those parts than I do here,” Jason said.
“What kind of enemies?”Jenny asked, though she knew she wouldn’t get answers.
Jason shot her a dark look. “The kind you don’t want to know about. And that’s all I mean to say about it.”
I’ll stay out of your bed... you stay out of my personal life...
Jason's unspoken words were a vivid reminder of Myles and how he’d balked whenever Jenny had probed into his past. What dark secret did they guard, these two men she’d married? And was it the same secret? It was becoming patently clear that their paths had crossed before she’d known either. Yet, the day she and Myles rode into town, neither man indicated that they’d ever met. She remembered her first impression on meeting the man she’d only heard about, who owned the richest gold mine in the territory. He was everything she’d expected: arrogant, self-assured, confident. But what she hadn’t anticipated was seeing the finest-looking man she’d ever laid eyes on. He’d given her a lingering, appreciative look before dismissing himself. The next time she saw him was at Myles’ funeral. But before that time, Myles gave no indication that he’d known Jason Colby, ever, or if he did, she hadn't caught it..
And there was also the clipping with the note signed, JB. She hadn’t thought much of it at the time she found the note, but now she knew it must be Jack Bishop. And it was also becoming all but certain that the long-time score between Jason and Jack Bishop involved Myles as well.
“If you have enemies,” she said, “why would you want to adopt Lily and drag her into whatever it is you refuse to talk about?”
“I wouldn’t drag her into anything,” Jason replied.” I’d make her my heir so when my enemies finally get me, and they will, she’d inherit what’s rightfully hers.”
“What difference does it make if your enemies are here or in Iowa?" Jenny said. "At least I’d have a husband, and Lily would have a father.”
Jason shook his head. “When you leave here, married or not, we will sever ties.”
“Except that if I refuse to dissolve the marriage you’ll petition the court to adopt Lily, which means you could also take her from me if that’s what you wanted."
“I could," Jason said, the hard look on his face a clear challenge, "so you need to give it careful thought before you decide to crawl into my bed and consummate our marriage, Jenny, because you’d also be giving me more power than you.”
The tone of his voice alarmed Jenny. “You’re making the union between a man and a woman under the covenant of marriage sound like a threat.”
“That’s the kind of man I am,” Jason said. “Like I told you, men like me don’t make good husbands and fathers. Now you know why.”
“No, I don’t know why. Not really,” Jenny said. “You refuse to tell me anything about yourself, and I’m not allowed to ask.”
“Then maybe you should listen to what Jack Bishop has to say.” Jason saw the light go out of Jenny’s eyes. But he had to stop what was happening. Jenny was beginning to have foolish female notions about staying a family, and that couldn’t be. Eventually his past would catch up with him, and no wife or child was going to suffer for it. He knew only too well how the sins of the father fall on the child.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Everyone was so busy with preparations for the party that no one noticed that Jenny and Jason were barely speaking again. Jenny couldn’t shake Jason’s veiled threat to take custody of Lily should she consummate the marriage. But there would be no threat if she stayed o
ut of his bed, dissolved the marriage, and returned to Iowa.
But whenever she reflected on what he expected from their paper marriage—peace of mind knowing she and Lily were safe and happy—followed by his vow to take care for them financially after they returned to Iowa, and his acknowledgement that she’d take a chunk of his heart with her when she left, all she wanted was to climb into his bed and consummate their marriage and tie him to her forever, which took her back to his veiled threat...
She glanced through the doorway into Lily’s room and saw Jason holding Lily on his lap like a doting father. At nearly four months of age, Lily was a charmer. Wispy ringlets of honey-colored hair framed her cherub face, her eyes—green like Jenny’s but with flecks of gold—were fringed in russet lashes, and her tulip lips held an enchanting smile whenever she was with Jason. She’d truly captured his heart, as he had captured hers.
Jason passed a silver rattle to Lily, who held it for a moment before passing it back to Jason, who passed it back to her, and so the game went. It amazed Jenny that he didn’t tire of playing with Lily, as if fascinated with the uniqueness of watching her grow and change. And however tired he was after a long day in the mine, he always came to tuck her in bed. It was their nightly ritual, and each time Jenny watched them, her heart near melted. Although she and Jason had not parted on friendly terms after she’d dressed his wounds the week before, they were cordial with each other, conversations centering on progress at the Dusty, or the courting statuses of the brides, or what new skill Lily had learned. And in an unspoken agreement, they continued their outward display of affection to show the would-be brides and grooms that marriage was an honorable estate, and a loving wife and devoted husband was the basis of it.
A light rapping on the door reminded Jenny that she had a foolish young woman to deal with. Their conversation had been cut short earlier, and she’d asked Sarah to come to her room before the dinner party. On Sarah’s arrival, Jenny picked up where they’d left off. “Like I was saying, you absolutely cannot marry this man after knowing him for one hour in a mine!”
Sarah’s voice fairly crackled with fervor as she replied, “If I don’t marry him, someone else will. And he’s everything I want.”
“You know nothing about him. He could have a dark past,” Jenny said, knowing all too well the danger that lurked there and the importance of learning a man’s past before the wedding. Why she’d thrown caution to the wind on two counts, she couldn’t say, other than two men had charmed her like a cat charms a mindless, unsuspecting bird.
“That’s where you’re wrong,” Sarah insisted. “I know everything about him. He’s the youngest of four brothers and two sisters, his father owns a bank in Black Hawk, his eldest brother's married and works in the bank with his father, his other two brothers have a tannery in Black Hawk, and his sisters are both happily married and raising families.”
Jenny looked at Sarah, flabbergasted. “You learned all that in an hour?”
“I learned much more,” Sarah said, her face flushed with excitement. “He told me he knew the moment he saw me that I was the woman he wanted to marry, and I told him I felt the same, that when I saw him I just knew. Then he held my hand and we talked about other things, things I never would have talked about if I could have seen his face or he could have seen mine.”
Jenny eyed her dubiously. “Like... what kind of things?”
Her flush deepened. “Like wanting to start a family right away.” She patted her chest. “Just thinking about what he said about making babies near takes my breath away.”
“Whatever made him talk about making babies?” Jenny asked, alarmed at just how much they may have gotten up to in that dark tunnel.
Sarah giggled. “Well, when I told him I didn’t know anything about making babies because I’d never even kissed a man, he kissed me to show me what it was like.” She closed her eyes and drew in a long breath. “I had no idea a kiss could make you feel all warm and tingly inside and forget everything around you.” She opened her eyes. “But you know all about kissing, Mr. Colby being so manly and loving and all.”
Jenny forced herself to say, “Well yes, husbands and wives do that a lot." If only her husband did, Jenny thought sadly. If only he would take her in his arms when they were behind closed doors and kiss her like he had in the mine, and love her...
“Then he told me not to worry about the other things a wife needs to know about making babies because he’d teach me when the time was right, that once I learned how fine it was I’d want to make lots of babies with him,” Sarah continued, the gleam of guileless love shining in her eyes. “Then he kissed me again, and this time I threw my arms around him and kissed him back until I thought my lungs had stopped working, and he had to remind me to breathe. We laughed so hard... Until he kissed me again and we weren’t laughing anymore. That’s when he asked me to marry him and I said I would.”
Jenny was at a loss for words. Who was she to be giving advice to this eager young woman who had traveled across the country in a hot, dusty stagecoach looking for a husband, and who seemed to have found a jewel of a man in only one hour? Still, Jenny’s failure to learn about the men in her life prompted her to ask, “What about his background? Where was he born? How much learning has he had?”
“He was born and raised in Denver until he was fifteen when his daddy bought the bank in Black Hawk,” Sarah said, eyes flashing with zeal. “He’s been through eighth grade and says that’s all the learning he needs to run a mine. He already has his own claim and says as soon as he makes enough money working for Mr. Colby he’ll start working it, then he’ll buy me lots of fine things. And I told him I didn’t need fine things to be happy, only a husband who loved me.”
“Then you must wait until he tells you he loves you, and that takes time,” Jenny said, realizing this naive young woman had learned more about the man she wanted to marry in one hour than she’d learned... Actually, she’d never learned any of those things from either of her husbands, at all.
“He already told me he loved me, that he fell in love with me the moment he saw me, and there wasn’t anything more he wanted than to come home to me every day of his life and bed me every night. Just thinking about making babies with him and learning all the things he wants to teach me brings goose bumps all over me.”
Jenny’s mind filled with images of Jason sprawled naked on the bed the night of her touch and how she wanted him then. Catching the direction of her thoughts, she willed herself to focus on Sarah. “It seems Will did all the talking,” she said. “But what does he know about you?”
“Everything. About my Ma and Pa and sisters, and about growing up on a farm in Nebraska, and even about the silly notion when I wanted to be a singer—" Sarah stopped her ramblings when Jason emerged from Lily’s room, Lily in the crook of his arm, his fingers curved around her chubby leg.
Sarah blushed. “Mr. Colby, I didn’t know you were here. I guess you heard everything?”
“I did. I also heard what my wife said.”
Sarah hung her head. “Then I suppose you think I’m being foolish?”
“On the contrary, Will’s a fine young fellow. I’ve known him for some time and he’s never let me down. And you’re wise to learn his background before tying yourself to him.” His eyes rested on Jenny. “Some women fail to do that and suffer for it.”
“Then you think it’s... okay?” she asked, wide-eyed.
Lily hooked her fingers onto Jason’s lip and squealed. Jason kissed her hand, enfolded it in his, and said, “I talked with Will and he seems to know what he wants, and it appears he wants you for his wife. Will’s never been one to hang around the Golden Fleece with the young women there. He also set his mind on having a wife and family some time ago and made no bones about letting me know. So you could do a lot worse.”
“Jason!” Jenny injected. “She spent one hour with him in a mine!”
Jason gave Jenny a wry smile. “Give Sarah her due, sweetheart. It appears she used her
time wisely, didn’t let Will distract her from getting the answers she wanted.”
Jenny gave him a dark look. “Will probably has nothing to hide. But to marry him after knowing him for only one hour would be foolhardy.”
Sarah eyed Jenny with curiosity. “How long did you know Mr. Colby when you agreed to marry him?”
Jenny pondered that. She’d known of Jason Colby for the better part of eight months. But she’d known the man she married for barely two months when she accepted his proposal. And she still knew almost nothing about him. “Well, actually, I’d known him all winter." She could feel Jason’s gaze on her and sensed he was amused.
“How soon after you met did you know you loved each other?” Sarah asked.
Jenny stared at Sarah, at a loss how to respond. Looking at Jason, she said in a voice touched with irony, “When was that, my love? I don’t quite remember.”
Jason’s face sobered. Brushing a finger along Jenny’s cheek, he said in a soulful voice, “I can’t answer for you, sweetheart, but for me it was the moment I saw you.”
“Yes... I suppose it was the same for me,” Jenny agreed, continuing the charade while blinking back bittersweet tears that came without warning. It was fine to carry on their pretense of loving wife and adoring husband, but he didn’t have to act so convincing, sound so sincere, make her heart tumble and her hopes soar.
Sarah smiled. “Well then, it’s settled. I love Will and he loves me and we want to get hitched. And right now I have to get myself fixed up because he’ll be here before you can say scat.” She waltzed out of the room leaving Jenny and Jason staring at each other in grave silence that begged to be filled.
Jenny was the first to speak. “Do you really think it was wise to encourage this? Will may be a fine young man, and Sarah a hopeful young woman, but don’t you think they should at least get to know each other? Physical attraction is simply not enough.”
Colby's Child Page 12