“You didn’t,” Jenny said, in a cheerless voice. “But I’m still your wife. We may not share a bed, but we’re wed in the eyes of the law and there are certain obligations we have to each other. I want to be a good wife to you, at least in that way."
Jason caressed her cheek. “You are a good wife, Jenny. And I’m sorry I said I’d take Lily from you. I did it because I don’t want you having false hopes about us being a family. But I’d never take her from you.”
Jenny placed her hand over his, pressing it against her cheek. “I didn’t think you would. You’re not that kind of man." She placed a kiss against his work-hardened palm.
“Ah Jenny, if you only knew...” He took her in his arms and held her. Life had never allowed him to care about another human being, so he hadn’t been prepared for Lily to find her way into his heart or Jenny to take custody of it.
Jenny looked up. “If I only knew what? That you want me to stay? That you want me to go? That you love me a little? That you don’t? Tell me Jason, if I only knew what?”
“What kind of man I really am.”
“I know what kind of man you are. You’re the kind of man who entered into a marriage of convenience to protect a woman and child, the kind of man who intends to take care of that woman and child after their gone, and who wants nothing in return, not even for the woman to come to your bed when you know she’d do it willingly. And you’re the man I love.”
“Then you’re in love with an aberration.”
“You said that before and I don’t believe it. If the man I imagine you to be is an aberration then give me one reason why you’re doing this for us and I’ll never ask again.”
Jason's eyes narrowed. “Maybe I’m doing it to save my own black soul from hell.”
With his words, Jenny knew that whatever it took, she would learn what Jack Bishop had to tell her, if only to prove to herself, and to Jason, that there was nothing so evil that he could have done to warrant his self-condemnation to hell…
“I’m sorry to interrupt but it’s about Cora." They turned to find Maddy Jenkins nervously wringing her hands, a distraught look on her face.
“Has something happened?” Jenny asked, moving out of Jason’s arms.
“She’s gone.”
Jason looked at her with alarm. “What do you mean, she's gone?”
“Gone. Last night she didn’t come back until well past midnight. And now she’s taken all her things and she’s... gone.”
“She’s obviously seeing someone,” Jason said. “A man.”
Maddy hung her head.
“Who is it?” Jason asked.
“I’d rather not say.”
“I brought the lot of you here and you’d damned well better tell me who she’s with,” Jason said in a no-nonsense voice. “If the man has compromised her she’ll have his wedding vows if she has to get them at the point of a gun. Now, who’s the man?”
Staring at the floor, Maddy said in a voice, barely audible, “Your brother, Seth.”
“Seth!” Jason bellowed. “I’ll hand her his balls on a platter!”
“Jason!” Jenny yelped. “Calm down. It might be very innocent.”
“Seth’s about as innocent as a tomcat on the prowl.”
“This time may be different,” Jenny said. “He’s probably never been around a decent woman before.”
“You’ve got that right! And Cora’s probably never been around a tomcat on the prowl. If it’s innocent I’ll soon find out. If it’s not, Seth will be a married man by the end of the week!” Shoving his hat on his head, he stormed out of the house.
Jenny looked at the anxious young woman standing in the hallway and said, “How long has this been going on?”
“Well, actually, since the day we arrived. Cora’s hat flew off when she was sticking her head out the coach window and Seth fetched it. When he handed it to her he said he’d never seen a prettier face in all the territory and he wanted to know her better.”
“And of course she believed him."
“Well, yes ma’am. He pretty much convinced her of that.”
Jenny reflected on Cora Nelson’s face. It was fair enough in a sweet sort of way, but definitely not the prettiest in the territory. “You young ladies mustn’t believe everything men tell you,” Jenny said. “Sarah may have found a fine young man in Will, but that doesn’t mean they’re all like him.”
A sudden ruckus outside caught their attention. Jenny rushed to the window to find Jason confronting Seth, who’d arrived in a wagon, Cora sitting on the box beside him. By the time Jenny ran out the front door Seth was down from the wagon and Jason had grabbed him by his shirt. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
Seth pushed away and swung a fist at Jason, who blocked it before hurling Seth to the ground, sending him sprawling onto his back. “It’s not like you think,” Seth cried.
“The hell it’s not!” When Seth started to sit up, Jason shoved him to the ground, straddled him and held him down. “You’d better tell me the truth, boy. Have you compromised that woman?” he yelled, shooting a stiff finger toward Cora, who sat wide-eyed on the box, hands clasped to her bosom.
Seth thrust a knee into Jason’s crotch, toppling him onto his side, and jumped to his feet, fists clenched. “I’m no boy, and what went on between Cora and me is none of your damn business, big brother! She’s the woman I plan to marry so whatever went on between us is just that. Between us!” He grabbed Jason’s hat, shoved it on Jason’s head and climbed onto the wagon. “Come on, honey,” he said. “Let’s get out of here. We’ll come back when we’re welcome.” He gave the command and the horse started forward.
Jason pulled himself up and stood. “I’ll be damned,” he said, staring after the wagon. “The boy just became a man.”
Jenny gazed at him. “Does that mean he’ll be welcome next time they come?”
Jason curved his arm around her. “You better believe it does. I never thought I’d see the day he’d find a woman who could clip his wings—" a broad smile creased his face "—and he found one with the face of an angel.”
Jenny snuggled against Jason and allowed herself the luxury of feeling loved by her husband. There was a lifetime for reality to kick in, but she could put it off a little longer.
***
After reading the mining report, Jenny realized Myles had lied, and it made her more determined than ever to go to Black Hawk and search the records further, and try to figure out why he bought a mine that was played out. She also wanted to learn what Jack Bishop had to tell her. She felt compelled to find out what Jason was hiding that was eating away at him. Only then could she hope to reach him. She might even get some information from Cora, who’d recently married Seth. They’d moved into another of the bungalows that Jason had provided.
Seth had settled comfortably into married life and was back at the Dusty overseeing things. Jason was also there, keeping long hours while they worked to uncover the new vein of silver ore. Each day he’d come home with new cuts and bruises, along with sore, aching muscles, until one evening, he was so exhausted, he staggered in, kissed Lily, who was asleep in her crib, caressed Jenny’s cheek as she sat at her dressing table brushing her hair, then shrugged off his shirt and sprawled on his bed, face down.
Jenny went into his room and sat on the bed. The scrapes and bruises from the mine cave-in had disappeared, but new ones had taken their place. She scooped some balm out of a tin and started massaging it into his back and shoulders. “You’re working too hard,” she said, marveling at the feel of his sleek smooth muscles beneath her palms. “You’re like a driven man. Why?”
“Because I want to....” his muffled voice trailed off and she wondered if he might have fallen asleep. She scooped out more balm and massaged it into the back of his neck.
“Umm...” he hummed. “Like I said before... you’re a good wife, Jenny Colby...”
“And you’re being cruel to your body,” she said, working her fingers along the thick musc
les above his shoulders while avoiding a dark bruise.
“You and Lily are worth it—” his voice drifted off momentarily “—it’s all for you and Lily because I... because I...” he seemed to be struggling to keep his train of thought “—I can’t remember... what I’m trying... to say...”
“Hush now, love, and go to sleep,” Jenny said, working her way down the taut muscles along his spine. When he said nothing more, she realized he was asleep. She blew out the lantern, stretched alongside him and curved her arm across his back. Resting her head against his shoulder, she lay listening to his steady breathing, more determined that ever to break through the wall of secrecy tormenting his troubled soul.
When she awakened the next morning, she was in her own bed and Jason was gone. She had no memory of walking to her bed, so she knew Jason had carried her there. She looked out the window and saw that the wagon was there, and knew that Seth had come by for Jason, as he'd done on several occasions. Since they obviously intended to spend another long day at the mine, she decided it was a good time to go to Black Hawk.
Lily could go several hours between feedings now, so Jenny left her in Wilma’s care, informing Wilma that because Jason worried needlessly about her venturing out alone, she hadn’t mentioned the trip to Black Hawk to him, and would just as soon he not know. Shortly after lunch, she took the wagon and set out for Black Hawk under a canopy of clouds with the sun peeking through, and arrived in Black Hawk an hour later.
At the Department of Mining Affairs, she was stunned to learn that Myles had not bought the Dusty from a man named John Newcomb, as he’d claimed, but from the widow of a man named Sam Filius, who fell off a cliff near the Dusty that same week. There was an inquiry into the incident, as someone in the vicinity had seen a man with Sam Filius shortly before the accident. It was also clear from the report that Myles had to have known that the Dusty was played out at the time he purchased it from the man's widow. Again, she had to wonder why.
Had Myles wanted an excuse to move to Colby in order to settle a score with Jason, as Jack Bishop did? It seemed improbable that Myles and Jack Bishop could have been linked though. Myles had been a lawman. Jack Bishop was a corrupt, unscrupulous ruffian. And Jason? Which side of the law would he have been on? From the way he guarded his past, she suspected he had at some point strayed to the wrong side.
She also learned that the sample of silver ore from the Dusty, that Jason brought in the week before, was poor grade. Jason said nothing about this, and she wondered if he’d even received the report yet. Since she had no intention of telling him about her trip to Black Hawk, she couldn’t deliver the news to him about the poor grade ore. But if the ore wasn’t worth mining, Jason would shut down operations and she’d have no excuse to stay in Colby, and she wasn’t yet ready to leave. There were still too many unanswered questions about Myles and his reason for selling all their worldly belongings and moving to Colby.
Who was she fooling? She wasn’t staying in Colby to search for answers about a dead husband who’d meant little to her when he was alive. The fact was, she didn’t want to leave her current husband. If she had a grain of self-respect or common sense she’d let Jason go. But the tie that bound her to him had already tightened and she didn’t want to let him go, though she knew the knot at his end was slipping with each passing day.
Noting that the clouds that had hung over the gulch on her trip to Black Hawk were now dark and menacing, she cut her visit short and headed back. But before she was half way home, the temperature dropped sharply and the clouds opened up, dumping a torrential downpour that soaked Jenny to the skin. By the time she arrived home it was dusk, and she was bone cold. Wilma brought Lily to her for her final feeding and tucked Lily into her crib for the night. By then the coldness penetrating Jenny’s body had turned to icy shivers, so she changed into her night dress, climbed into bed and hunkered down under the quilt. Still, she couldn't shake off the chills. And when Jason arrived home from the mine, she was so cold her teeth were chattering and she couldn’t stop shaking. He sat on the bed and looked at her in alarm. Pushing her hair from her face, he said, “Does anything hurt?”
“No... I just ca... can’t... st... stop... sha... shaking...”
Jason looked at Wilma, and said, “How long has she been like this?”
“Since she got back late this afternoon, soaked to the bone,” Wilma replied.
“Got back from where?” Jason asked, puzzled.
Wilma’s looked at him, nervously. “Black Hawk.”
“What!”
“She didn’t tell you because she didn’t want you to worry.”
Jason looked down at Jenny. “You’ve been determined to go there ever since the day we married,” he said. “Why did you go alone? I would have taken you if you’d asked.”
She looked up at him but her teeth were chattering so hard she couldn’t talk.
Jason gathered the quilt around her, cradled her close and started briskly rubbing her back. “What did you expect to find in Black Hawk?"
“Myles lied.”
“You knew that from the assay documents. You had to have another reason.”
“The first si... silver... samples from the Du... Dusty show low grade ore.”
“I know.”
“Why di... didn’t you tell me?”
“We’ve only just started taking ore out and there’s a lot more work to be done before we give up. If there’s high grade silver there, I’ll find it for you.”
“You’re so br... bruised and ba... battered. I saw the br... bruises last night.”
Jason's hands stilled and he rested his chin against the top of her head. The memory of her fingers massaging his aching muscles when he’d returned from the mine was still fresh, and the desire to come home to that each night—to her each night—too dangerous. How simple it would have been last night to join his body with hers. It seemed almost unfathomable that he’d been so bone-tired that he’d fallen asleep instead. Later, when he’d carried her from his bed and lowered her into hers, she’d looked so angelic, her face reflecting a pure, untarnished soul, that he let her be. “Bruises are good for my soul.”
“Is tha... that... why you do it? Because... you thi... think you deserve to beat yourself up be... because of something you did a long time ago?”
“No, I do it because I’m a miner and mining’s tough work." Even now, as she lay in his arms fighting off chills, she couldn’t let his past rest. Somewhere deep inside him, a little sinister entity goaded him to let her believe he was the man she thought him to be—what harm to sit on that pedestal and be adored. Until that immortal part of him, dubbed conscience, called him down from the pedestal.
Jason realized she’d fallen asleep. He tucked the covers around her and she gave a little soft sigh and said nothing more. But he could see her shivering beneath the covers. Stripping down to his drawers, he blew out the lantern and crawled into bed. Curving his body around hers, he gathered her against him so the warmth of his body could help her fight the chills. Strangely, as he held her soft womanly body against him, the white-hot fire that had been smoldering in his loins for so many months had now moved to his heart, where it burned with a slow consuming flame. He’d been with many beautiful women over the years, but never had the desire to join his soul with a woman been stronger than the desire to join his body. And never had he been more certain that for tonight he wanted nothing more than to hold Jenny in his arms until her cold, shaking body was warm. He didn’t dare think beyond that.
***
Jenny awakened the next morning with Jason in his drawers, sprawled on his stomach on top of the bed, his face on the mattress, sound asleep. Jenny wore a different night dress, though she had no memory of changing into it. She eased herself up in bed and looked at Jason’s broad back and thick shoulders. A memory of his warm body curved around her bone-chilled one sharpened. Gradually, other hazy recollections began to emerge, elusive, disjointed fragments of uncontrollable chills… awakening
covered in sweat... big hands stripping off her gown and sponging her off... being cradled in one strong arm while the other pulled on her gown…
Although she felt listless from the ordeal, the thought of Jason tending her as a true husband might tend his ailing wife warmed her heart. She reached out and stroked Jason’s hair, and her fingertips moved across the stubble of his day-old beard to caress his cheek.
He stirred and opened his eyes. At first his head remained on the mattress and he stared vacantly. Then slowly he lifted his head as a gradual awareness dawned. “Oh God, Jenny,” he said, dragging himself up. Taking her in his arms he held her so tight she had to push him away to catch her breath. He looked at her as if to reassure himself that she was still there, then he took her face between his hands and kissed her, not hungrily as he had when they were down in the mine, but slowly and tenderly and reverently.
The kiss deepened and she savored the feel of his lips on hers, his arms around her, holding her, his heart beating in cadence with hers. He kissed the hollow of her throat, and she tipped her head back, allowing him to make his way down the length of her neck. “Make love to me, Jason,” she said, in a raspy voice.
His lips on her throat stilled, and for a moment he didn’t respond. Then he rested his head on her bosom and said in a wistful voice, “No, I gave you my word.”
“I don’t want your word. I want you to be a husband to me.”
Jason turned away from her, dropped his legs over the side of the bed and sat holding his head in his hands. “No, you can do better.”
Jenny placed her palm on his shoulder. “Maybe I don’t want to do better,” she said, her hand moving slowly down his back. “Maybe I’m satisfied with what I have.” When he said nothing, she added, “Why won’t you talk to me, Jason? If what you’re hiding is so bad, just tell me what it is so I’ll go away and you’ll be free of me.”
“Rest in bed today,” he said, ignoring her appeal for answers. “Wilma will be here to tend Lily. And don’t plan on me for dinner. I’ll be at the Dusty till late." He shrugged into his shirt and pants and started for the door.
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